A/N: New story! Another oneshot, no pairings (although a tiny bit of ZeLink is hinted). This is a strange mix of humor and seriousness… But don't be shy! Read it anyways! 8D

Oh, and to clear up a few things; italics are a thought (unless they're being used for emphasis). This story specifically has two sides to his thoughts, and each voice starts a new paragraph. ;) And for those of you who don't know what a hero complex is—it's like a strong feeling that's a part of you to always help those in need.

DISCLAIMER: "The Legend of Zelda" and all rights, including the copyrights of the games, scenario, music and program, reserved by Nintendo. TM and (r) are trademarks of Nintendo. All rights reserved.

-The Hero Complex-

It was late at night when he had arrived in Castle Town. He was hoping that he would've gotten here sooner, but even though the land was rid of Ganondorf, many of his minions remained and thus the kingdom was still filled with danger. Hyrule Field in particular was still overflowing with said minions—those monsters who hadn't realized that their master had been defeated or who just wanted to mess around with unwary travelers.

But this certain traveler—the one who just arrived in Castle Town—wasn't an ordinary traveler. With a quick swipe of his blade, he dispelled the monsters in his way without a second thought and had continued his journey. He was the Hero of Twilight, the Sacred Beast, the Blue-Eyed Wolf, the legendary reincarnation of the great Hero of Time, the One Chosen by the Goddesses, the favored son of Farore, the Bearer of the Triforce of Courage, the Wielder of the Blade of Evil's Bane, and any other important-sounding title that could ever come to mind.

He was so important and potent, in fact, that the first step he set in Castle Town that night was on the back of a stray cucco, who hadn't missed a beat in calling all of its welcoming cucco friends for backup in order to peck the living mess out of him.

And now Link walked through the walkways of the Town looking like a bloody, smelly mess of jiggly cucco feathers.

But he'd come back here for a reason, and his stubborn self wouldn't let a rabid flock of cuccos get in his way. Within a few minutes, he had already removed all of the feathers (leaving a trail of fluffy white stuff as he went), made all of the little beak wounds unnoticeable, and made his way down to Telma's Bar so that he could finish his journey.

Link opened the door casually, and it made a soft creak as he stepped inside the warm, nostalgic atmosphere. He expected Telma to greet him with a tender "Hi, hun!" like she always did when he came for a visit, but this time, he heard no such familiar greeting. Telma wasn't even here at her own bar for some reason, and that unnerved Link a bit. There was no one standing behind the counter tonight, and the lights were dimmer than usual.

Had she closed down the bar for the night but forgot to lock the door? No, that couldn't have been it. If that was the case, all the lights would've been out. Plus, he heard some soft weeping in the corner, and—

Wait… Weeping?

Link looked over to his left and saw a small man hunched over the table, his face covered underneath his sloppy black hair. He was barely visible under the large stack of drinks he had in front of him.

The Hero stood there, passively watching him cry and mumble about something that even his sensitive Hylian ears couldn't pick up. The man seemed really upset, and as a natural hero, Link felt the need to come over there and make him feel better. But he wasn't so sure about it this time, though—there was a great chance that the man was just plain drunk.

Five full minutes passed and Link continued standing there, an internal battle raging within him. Should he come over there and help the poor guy, or should he take a seat himself and just wait for Telma to come back from wherever she was?

Link pulled indecisively on his left gauntlet, and his hero complex nudged at him from the inside. You want to know where Telma is, don't you? a voice said in his head. Just go ask the guy over there. The only way you'll get an answer out of him is if you help him calm down. So everyone wins.

Now he had a lame excuse to go talk to him. Link straightened his tunic and casually walked over to the man's table.

"Excuse me, Sir…" he said in his most polite tone, "…I was wondering where the barkeep went, but… You seem to be really upset about something… Is there anything I can do to help?"

"She… She went with another man!" the pitiful guy wept in return, banging his tiny fist onto the table. "I… I… I… wasn't with her… for too long… and… and…" He lifted his strained face above the table, and that was when Link realized who this certain man was.

Jovani… The man whose soul was stolen by Poes. The man whose soul was brought back together by a certain Sacred Wolf on his journey to rid Hyrule of the Twilight. The man who so desperately wanted to see his girlfriend during the time he had been a living gold statue and had now apparently lost her to another guy.

Link sat down on the opposite end of the table with him and shoved all of the empty beer bottles to the sides of the wood.

"Erm… What did you say your name was…?" he questioned. No one except a few select people knew that he was the Sacred Wolf, after all, and he wanted to keep that the way it was. Jovani might've known him as a wolf, but as a Hylian the two had never met.

"Jo… Jo… Jo… Jo… Jo…"

"Is that your full name…?"

"…Jo… Jo… Jo… Jo… Jo… Jo…"

"…Jovani. Got it."

Link shifted in his chair and looked around the room. No one else was there, so everything he would say to this man would be kept between the two of them and nobody else.

"Jovani, look," he said, "you need to calm down. What exactly happened?"

"THEY MADE OUT IN THE HORSESHOE BARN WITH THE CORN! THE CORN!"

Jovani flailed around like a madman and kicked Link under the table. Somehow this made his left hand reach for the hilt of his sword and other palm-down on the table. He quickly regained himself and put on his best smile for the evidently-drunk man.

"That… hurt… a lot…" he muttered. "…But it's nothing compared to the pain you're feeling right now, right? Come on, I'm here to help!"

If Midna was here right now, she would label this as one of his "overly-caring moments" where he sounded like a complete idiot because of how happy and compassionate he sounded. But it really didn't matter to him, as long as whoever he was assisting got the aid that they needed.

"You're not here to help, you good-for-nothing blonde!" Jovani wailed underneath his arms. "You're evil and you're here to take all of my cookies!"

"…What?" Link said, staring at him.

"YOU'RE BLONDE! JUST LIKE THAT LOSER WHO TOOK HER FROM ME!" Jovani yelled, flailing around again and kicking Link in the same place… again. This time, though, Link refrained from drawing his sword and simply dropped his head to the table in pain.

"Ow! So you're mad at me because I'm blonde, is that it?"

"YOU STUPID GOLDEN-HAIRED FREAK WITH YOUR SHINY BLUE EYES AND ELEVATORS AND GOATS AND GREEN CLOTHES AND PENCILS! YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS! NEVER!"

Jovani attempted to kick him again, but the Hero scooted out of the way just in time and the man's foot was met with the underbelly of the table instead. Jovani wailed even more as a few empty bottles rolled onto the floor and shattered. Link looked at the newly-made mess underneath him and sighed, crouching down to clean up the broken glass pieces.

"Jovani, you have to get a hold of yourself," the Hero said calmly after he disposed of the glass. "Stuff like this happens all the time. The faster you accept it, the faster you'll—"

"Your sparkly blue eyes are no match for my FLAB!"

"Uhh…"

"I'll get her back, just you wait!" Jovani proclaimed, lifting himself out of his seat with a lot of effort and boldly wiping the tears away from his eyes. "I'll take her away from that stupid blonde!"

"Wait, Jovani, you're not gonna—"

"UP, UP, AND AWAY!"

The man took off in an epic sprint towards the door but ended up tripping on his shoe halfway there. He landed face-first onto the cold wood. Link got out of his seat again and walked over towards him, offering him a hand to get up. Jovani stuck out his tongue and dragged it all over his gauntlet, leaving a large trail of slobber on his hand. Link pulled it back quite awkwardly.

"…Did you… Did you just lick my hand…?"

Jovani pulled himself up and poked a chubby finger at Link's chest.

"What's with that cute little blue earring you wear, huh? HUH? Is it a fashion statement you kids wear these days? Is it supposed to tell me that you're 'cool?' HUH? Well, lemme tell you somethin', kid!" Jovani put on his best menacing look at stared at Link straight in the eyes. He grabbed a handful of his green tunic and attempted to pull him forward, but it failed. "Lemme tell you somethin'! You're NOT cool, and I know that you think you're just a perfect little cookie, but you're NOT a perfect little cookie! In fact, you're not even a duck! A duck! So don't go think that you are, 'cause you're not! And about that cute little sword and cute little shield you wear back there—" Jovani reached back and pulled Link's sword out of its scabbard, much to the Hero's dismay.

"Wait! Give that back—"

"—This isn't supposed to make you strong! This makes you look like a pussy! A PUSSY, I SAY!"

The drunken man waved the sword around, nearly decapitating Link a few times.

"Jovani!" he called, dodging the wobbly blows of the man. "Don't wave that around like you know what you're doing! You could hurt someone!"

"The only one in here is you, blondie…!" the man slurred, swinging Link's sword around. He started giggling. "Lookit me, I'm a warrior! Ha ha ha! Weee!"

Jovani accidentally let the sword slip out of his hands while he was attempting a Spin Attack, and the weapon flew across the room, crashing into Telma's storage shelves and knocking a few bottles onto the floor. They broke, and their contents dripped out all over the wood.

Link immediately rushed over to the fallen drinks and trailed his gloved fingers over his hair, looking at the damage.

"Telma is going to kill me for this…" he muttered, cleaning up the broken bottles again. He looked back at Jovani, who had found himself another chair and was currently sobbing about his girlfriend once more. Link shook his head at him, threw the shattered glass pieces away, and picked up his fallen sword. He wiped it clean of the alcohol and sheathed it.

I told you it was a bad idea to go talk to him, the voice in his head said again.

Shut up.

You just don't want to listen to me—

"Maybe you should go home and get some rest," Link suggested, attempting to help out the guy some more. He was apparently too nice to have it any other way. "I could… uh… take you home if you'd like."

"She… She dumped me! Whyyyyyy?"

Link tugged on Jovani's right arm.

"Come on, you've spent enough time here. You need to go home and get over her. She probably wasn't good enough for you, anyway."

"T-That's easy for you to say," sniffed the man, raising his head just a little bit. "You have the lovely princess all to yourself, and what do I have? NOTHING!"

Link's heart skipped a beat as he watched Jovani's head meet the table again.

"The… the princess?" Link stuttered. "You think… I'm in love… with her?"

Jovani wiped a tear from his face and looked at him.

"I saw that little twinkle in your eyes, lil' butter cookie," he said, pointing a finger at him. "You're madly in love with her, and chances are she feels the same way about you. You two are in LOOOOOOVE!"

Link turned away and fiddled with his glove.

"I… Erm…"

"This isn't fair…" Jovani sobbed, "…That beautiful princess has been waiting for you to come back all this time… and her loyalty for you hasn't left yet. Where have you been for the past month, anyway, peanut butter? She's been… she's been turning down all of her suitors… Mmmffth…"

"…This isn't about me!" Link insisted, changing the subject. He turned back around and gave him his most serious look. "It's about you! And right now, you really need to get home! It's past midnight! You have a cat, don't you? He's probably been worried sick!"

"MY CAT DUMPED ME!"

"What? Gengle?" he questioned. "He didn't dump you; he's still in your house, waiting for you to come back." Jovani looked at him.

"How do you know that his name is Gengle and that he's still at home?" the man questioned suspiciously. "Have you been stalking me?"

Link's ear twitched.

"Uh, no! I— I've just been… around, that's all. Gossip on the streets, you know? Like… Like that trio of girls right outside your house… And all of those cats in your yard. I mean, not that I can talk to them or anything, no— I just, uh… have a thing… for animals…"

He looked away awkwardly before tugging at the guy's arm again.

"Let's just go… It's getting late. Really late, actually."

"But I don't wanna go!" Jovani wailed, pulling back. "I haven't licked the chocolate boot yet…! Heh… heh heh…"

"Jovani, I'm serious," Link sighed. "Staying here will only get you more drunk. Just go back home; I'll pay for everything here."

"My… My girlfriend…! I need to get her back…! I need to…!"

Jovani released himself from Link's grasp and rushed towards the door.

"Hey! Wait!" the Hero called after him, running out the doorway as the man did. The older guy was wobbling his way up the courtyard steps, and Link caught up to him with ease. "Jovani, where are you going?"

Jovani panted and stopped in his tracks. He grasped the handrail with both of his small hands and looked at Link with squinted eyes.

"Your sword… Gimme your sword… I need… I need it… Girlfriend… Heh heh…"

"You were swinging my sword around like a crazy maniac five minutes ago. I don't think I want that to happen again," Link reasoned with him. "…You weren't thinking about killing anyone with it, were you…?"

"Swords… Swords are like butter knives, kid," Jovani panted, taking a step down the stairs towards Link. "They're buttery… and… and they're buttery… and… if you swallow 'em… You die!"

"That's great to know, Jovani," Link answered, cautiously watching the man step closer towards him. "I'll be sure not to swallow any butter knives anytime in the future…"

Jovani clumsily reached for Link's sword but ended up tripping down the stairs. The Hero grabbed his arm right before he could fall down the bottom step.

"We have to get you home. Come on, make an effort and pull yourself together."

"No…! NO! THE PINEAPPLES ARE WITH ME! THEY'LL ENTER YOUR HEAD AND EAT YOUR BRAINS OUT!"

Link tugged at his arm and pulled the man up the steps with his strength.

"Jovani…" he sighed, "…promise me that you won't do anything bad with your cat when you get home."

"…Gengle… Gengle has tons of tiny little kittens… Mmm… Good steak… Ha ha ha… Ha…"

Link felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Innocent little kittens getting eaten by a man was the last thing he wanted to see or hear about. But since when has Gengle fathered kittens? Then again, it's been a month since he last visited Castle Town after Ganondorf had been slain, so he ruled that anything could've happened during that time. Either way, it didn't matter now. He had to get him home. Jovani refused to walk, however, and Link was forced to pull the chubby man across South Road like a rag doll.

Telma better get back soon, Link thought, because I honestly don't want to deal with this guy for another second…

In reality, though, everything was going fine for the next five minutes. Jovani was helplessly weeping as he was hauled across the road by Link, and the Hero himself was utterly annoyed at how Jovani wasn't complying with him and how much the guy weighed. (Last time he checked, Jovani wasn't fat and he couldn't have possibly weighed this much…) He was a bit skeptical, too—what would people think if they saw him dragging around a drunken man like this?

Link looked around. All the market stalls on the road were closed and there was nobody to be seen. For the first time since arriving in Castle Town, the Hero was utterly relieved that he had come late in the night and not sometime in the busy afternoon, which was his original plan. Suddenly, though, right as he was about to turn into the road where Jovani resided, he heard a quiet voice emanating from the said path.

"Oh, you're so lovely… Are you always this great of a kisser, hmm…?"

Link's ears twitched. It was a female's voice. Reactively, he pulled Jovani over to the cornerstone of where the two roads met and began to eavesdrop.

"Am I better than that old, good-for-nothing Jovani of yours, sweetheart…?"

"Mmm… Much better."

As if on cue, Jovani manically thrashed around and freed himself from Link's hold. The Hero made a swift move to drag him back, but his reach missed by just an inch, and the drunken man was already clumsily wobbling towards the source of the voices. Link rushed after him, and as he turned the corner, he saw the pitiful man standing right in front of a couple's kissing scene.

What have I gotten myself into now…?

"DARLENE!" Jovani yelled pathetically, catching the couple's attention. The lady gasped and the man just stared. Link brought his hand to his face and looked away.

"Jo… Jovani?" Darlene choked, unwrapping her arms from the man and coming a few steps closer to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to save you from that blondie over there!" Jovani proudly proclaimed, sticking his finger up into the starry sky. "And this… and this blondie behind me is gonna help me do it!"

"What? Me?" Link asked, surprised. "I had nothing to do with this!"

"Wait… Is that… the Hero?" Darlene exclaimed joyfully, rushing over to Link. "Oh, I knew that we were going to meet someday! I'm Darlene! You're Link, right?" She grabbed both of his gloved hands and shook them vigorously. "Sweet Nayru, this is like a dream! You're even more handsome in person!"

Link could literally feel both men's rage directed towards him as she continued to compliment him. All he could do at that moment was look straight into the lady's face—he couldn't look over to his side, since Jovani was standing there, giving him the death stare, and he couldn't look over Darlene's shoulder either, since the other guy was also standing there, giving him the same glare.

The lady kept on talking and talking about something that Link wasn't listening to—he caught the words "pineapple" and "chainmail" in there somewhere, but she was talking so fast that he couldn't understand any of it—and his hands were beginning to become numb after her continued forceful shaking. His ears drooped and he slowly walked away from the lady, becoming free of her handshakes and compliments. She looked utterly devastated at that moment.

"Linkie?" she called, giving him her best puppy-dog stare. "Is something wrong? Did I do anything bad?"

"Uhh… No," Link replied, lightly shaking his head. "I… I didn't come here to start a new relationship with you… Darlene."

Darlene squealed in delight all of a sudden at the sound of her name coming through his vocal chords. Everyone winced.

"Then what did you come here for, sweetie?" she responded, taking a step closer to him. He took a step back in return.

"I was helping Jovani out," Link replied, gesturing to the man standing limply on the sidelines. "You left him in a lot of pain and he's been feeling really bad."

"Oh, I know," Darlene answered with a smug grin, causing Link to stare at her with wide eyes, "and I could care less. He's such a loser anyways. I'd much rather be with you!"

Darlene rushed forward and glomped him. Link gasped as she moved her arms around his waist. Jovani started crying.

So much for trying to help the poor guy. Now look at what you've done!

…It's not my fault Farore blessed me with these looks!

Are you just gonna stand there and let her hug you? Do something!

"Darlene!" Link called, lightly pushing her away. "Look, I can't be with you! You need to be with Jovani! He's been a big crying mess lately!"

"Which is why I don't want anything to do with him anymore, Linkie!" Darlene reasoned, flashing him a wicked grin. She motioned to the man, who was sobbing pitifully on the floor. "Just look at him! He's pathetic!" Then she moved her hand behind her, gesturing towards the man that she was just kidding moments before. "And him too! He sleeps with an ugly, smelly, stuffed pineapple every night, and—"

"Hey!" the other guy interrupted. "It's a childhood memory! And you said that you thought that it was cute!"

"Well, I don't, so get lost!" Darlene ruthlessly snapped back at him. "I'm with the Hero now, don't you see? Ta-ta!"

She waved him away, and he took off in the other direction in heartbreak. Darlene turned around to meet Link again, but this time his gaze was like ice.

"I've never met anyone like you, Darlene," he said softly, staring at her.

"Aww, thanks, sweetheart!" the lady squealed in return, opening both of her arms and coming in to hug him. Link caught her, though, and prodded her away.

"That's not what I meant. Look at what you've done," Link corrected, motioning to Jovani, who was still crying and muttering something about cuccos.

"I gave the other guy the same treatment, and he's not crying one bit," Darlene retorted. "Jovani's just a wimp. But you're not! You're brave, and strong, and—"

"For the last time—you can't have me!" the Hero interrupted her with a defiant tone. Darlene simply stared at him in response. "I'd be crazy to ever go out with you! Sorry if I sound mean, but…" He trailed off, not wanting to say anymore, although the words were just dying to get out of his throat.

"I… I don't understand. You don't like me, Linkie?" she replied, her voice fading a bit.

"Don't call me that," Link insisted. "And no… I don't like you, quite frankly. I've only known you for five minutes and already I wouldn't understand who would. You go out with a guy and it's all fun and games—and then you suddenly meet a guy that you like more than the other and dump him just like that. And like I said, I didn't come here to start a relationship with you; I came here to help Jovani get home." He knelt down and tugged the man's arm. "Do whatever you want; I just need to finish what I started." Link dragged the crying Jovani down the road to his house again. "Bye."

The Hero entered the courtyard to the man's house and then wondered if he'd been a little too harsh. But he knew more than anything that he couldn't take the words back. He said what was needed to be said, after all—how many broken hearts had this woman left behind without a second thought? Link realized that what he had said about Jovani's girlfriend earlier was true after all—"You need to go home and get over her. She probably wasn't good enough for you, anyway."

Link stopped right in front of the house door and watched as five lithe cats gathered around his feet, nuzzling his boots with their soft noses. He actually managed to smile then. He remembered how simple it was to be an animal. No relationships, no heartbreaks…

He knelt down and turned the other way to meet eyes with Jovani, who was still crying. Link looked at him with an earnest face and said his name once, getting his attention.

"B-Blondie…" the man pitifully sobbed, sitting up straight. "I-I knew it… S-She hates me… S-She doesn't w-want me…" Jovani suddenly grabbed Link by his neck and pulled him forward. "And she wants YOU!"

Link stayed silent then. Jovani's grasp wasn't even anywhere close to being a chokehold, so for the longest while, he just stared at his heartbroken, teary, bloody-red eyes with guilt wrapping quickly around his heart. He shouldn't have gotten involved in this; he shouldn't have attempted to take him home. Link should've known better than to listen to that stupid hero complex of his, and even when he had the chance to get away from it, he refused to let Jovani go free… The man was heartbroken enough, and now he had just made it worse.

"Jovani… I'm sorr—"

"'S-Sorry' doesn't fix everything!" Jovani snapped at him, slapping his face and causing Link to wince. "I won't ever get h-her back n-now!"

The Hero pulled back and looked down to the earth, where two little kittens were nuzzling by his side. He sighed. Reasoning with the man was pointless and was sure to fail, but what other option did he have?

"Then don't try," Link whispered, turning away. "She's worthless. You deserve better than her."

"DON'T SAY THAT, BUTTERSCOTCH!" Jovani retorted. "I… I love her! She… s-she…"

"But look at how badly she treated you!" Link responded sincerely. "And not just you, but the other guy, too! If you two got back together, you'll just end up heartbroken again. She's not worth it… Really."

Jovani sniffed.

"That's what you think…" he muttered. "If she's not worth it, t-then there's only one person in the world that is! And you know who that is, cookie crumb?"

"…No…"

Jovani stood up and dove his plump finger right into Link's chest.

"It's P-Princess Zelda! And we all know who she likes!"

"Don't bring that up again, Jovani!" Link argued, getting up himself. "We don't know that for sure!"

Jovani ended the argument by bursting out in a large stream of tears.

"NOBODY LOVES ME!"

He buried his face deep into Link's tunic and smothered it in tears and snot, much to his dismay. Link placed a hand on the man's shoulder and gave him a strange look.

"Uh… There, there…"

Jovani used his tunic—his legendary, magical, sacred tunic—as a tissue. He blew his nose on it, making Link shiver. If only Jovani was a few feet taller, then maybe it would've been a little less disgusting. But no; Jovani only came up to Link's waist, and since he was hunched over like a scared little girl, he made the entire bottom half of the Hero's Tunic soiled with wet, slobby snot.

Link felt as if he was going to throw up, but he refrained from doing so and instead nudged the guy towards the house door.

"Please… Just open it and get in…"

"WAAAAAA!"

He wrapped both of his arms around the Hero's leg. Link kept a whimper from leaving his throat.

"Jovani… You're… really starting to scare me now…"

"A monkey… I need a m-monkey! But where can I get one? AAAAHHHHHH!"

Link sighed, kneeling over and reaching his hand into Jovani's pocket. He fished around for his house keys, and after locating them, he unlocked the door and stepped inside his gold-filled house. He closed the door behind him. Gengle recognized his owner and the Hero and immediately rushed over. The cat placed a small paw on his boot and mewed.

"Hi, Gengle…" Link shakily greeted. He watched as Gengle cocked his head towards Jovani. "Your master is, um, having some problems right now…"

Gengle looked at him with an understanding look. As understanding as a cat's look could get, that is. Link knelt down again, pried Jovani off of his leg, and returned the house keys to him.

"You're home now, Jovani," Link stated, making sure that he wouldn't take hold of his leg again or break out in an epic tantrum and kick him in the wrong place. "And look, your cat is still here, like I told you. See?" Link brought his hand over Gengle and gently pushed him forward. "Look at those eyes—he's been worried about you."

"He's hasn't been worrying about m-me," Jovani choked, looking down. "He just wants food. I haven't fed him all day."

"You what?" Link asked in shock. He turned to Gengle, who looked at him back and softly mewed. Without hesitation, he reached into his tunic's Hammerspace and pulled out a bottle of Superb Soup. He took out a handful of Reekfish from it and placed it down for Gengle. The cat graciously started nibbling on the pieces.

"Oh, Gengle…" Jovani wailed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"This is getting out of hand, Jovani," Link sighed. "Getting dumped by your girlfriend is one thing, but you shouldn't abuse poor Gengle because of it. You don't want him to die, do you?"

Jovani started laughing like a maniac all of a sudden. Link looked awkwardly at him, and then at Gengle, who looked at him back again before continuing to eat his Reekfish. Jovani fell over in a crazy laughing fit.

"AH HAH HA HAH HA HA HA!" he bellowed. His arms and legs thrashed everywhere, almost hitting poor Gengle if it wasn't for Link's quick reflexes. He had pulled him away with his dinner before the kitty was met face-first with Jovani's soiled shoe.

"Jovani, what now? You're—"

"THE COW! THE COW; IT'S LAYING AN EGG! AH HA HA HA HA! I'M WATCHING IT GIVE BIRTH TO A PLATYPUS! HA HA HA HA HA!"

"…What?"

Jovani abruptly got to his feet again and knelt down in front of Link, who was still trying to figure out what was wrong with him—drunk or not. Then, in his most sincere voice, Jovani took both of Link's hands and stared at the Hero right in the eyes.

"Blondie… Will you marry me?"

Link broke away from him and rushed out the door.

~x~X~x~

"Oh, hi, hun!" Telma warmly greeted as she watched the Hero walk inside her bar. "Haven't seen you in a while! Where've you been, honey?" He took a seat right in front of her counter, and that was when the bartender noticed that something was… off… about him.

"I've been around," Link muttered after a while. He leaned against the counter, and she could see that his ears were a bit droopy. Hylians sometime display their emotions through their ears—and droopy ears were never a good sign.

"Something wrong, Link?" Telma asked, giving him her full attention. "Is everything okay?"

"Sure, everything's fine," responded the Hero. "I'm just a little… annoyed, that's all."

"You look a bit flustered to me," the woman laughed, placing her hand on her hip. "What's gotten you so disturbed? You've seen much more than anyone else has in this world, and I'm sure it's hard to unnerve you."

"…There was a guy here earlier," Link said, looking at the table where he had met Jovani, "wasn't there?"

"Sure was," Telma responded. "He demanded a special type of drink, and I had to run around back to get it. Did you come here earlier? Sorry if I wasn't around. The box was lodged right in the corner of the backroom, and it just wouldn't come out!" She chuckled a bit. "It's unfortunate, really, because by the time I came back with his drink, he'd already left. He didn't even pay for anything!"

"Sorry," Link apologized, sitting up straight and reaching into his wallet. "I was the one who made him leave. I shouldn't have, though—but what's done is done. How much?"

"You were the one who made him leave?" Telma repeated, flashing Link a smug grin and placing her elbow on the counter. "I'm guessing there's some sort of backstory to this, hmm? Oh, and you don't need to pay, hun. He comes here everyday and gets himself as drunk as a dog, so I'll make him pay tomorrow."

"It's alright," Link insisted. "Will a hundred Rupees do it?" He held up a small Orange Rupee. Telma shook her head and nudged Link's hand away.

"The man gets himself drunk on all of the most expensive drinks—Goddesses know where he got all that money! I'm afraid you'll go bankrupt if you trying paying for him, hun."

"I have money," the Hero persisted. "And you know how stubborn I can be."

"True," Telma laughed. "His total comes up to eight hundred sixty-nine Rupees. Think you can pay?"

Link shrugged and gave her four Silver Rupees and one Orange Rupee.

"Keep the change."

"There's no use arguing with you about this, is there…?" she joked, placing the Rupees into her till. "Now tell me. What'd old Jovani do to you while I was gone?"

Link sighed and stared at the bottom of his tunic.

"Well, he stole my sword, almost decapitated me a few times, kicked me in all the wrong places, used my tunic as a tissue, licked my hand, insulted my hair color, cried his face out on my chest, slapped me, and then asked to marry me."

Link brought his head down on the table and took in a deep, agonizing breath.

"Oh, and I was attacked by a flock of cuccos on my way here. Greatest day ever, huh?"

He couldn't exactly see it, but Link was sure that Telma was giving him the strangest look right now.

"And why, may I ask, did the old man do all of these things to you?"

"His girlfriend dumped him."

"Ah."

There were a few moments of silence then before Telma said again,

"You know, being the owner of a bar, I see a lot of heartbroken people everyday, Link."

"I know."

"And I've learned that it's best to leave personal problems personal. There's no need to get involved."

"…My stupid hero complex—"

Telma laughed heartily and patted Link's head, rubbing her fingers through his silky hair.

"Come on, honey! If it wasn't for that 'stupid' hero complex of yours, Hyrule would still be in a big heap of trouble! None of us would even be here today if it wasn't for that!" Telma lifted his head up and pushed him back against the cross rail of his chair. "Be glad you're a natural born hero, hun."

She winked at him. He gave her a light smile.

"Thanks, Telma."

~x~X~x~

He'd slept at Telma's again that night—as he always did whenever he visited Castle Town—and when morning came, he picked up what he needed from the barkeeper (which was why he made the journey in the first place), thanked and paid her, and then set off back home.

Even in the bustling atmosphere of Castle Town, Link couldn't help but wonder what became of Jovani and Darlene after last night. Every time a civilian watched him walk by and squeal out his name or title in delight, his mind would trail off and remember the events of the day before.

Had he been too stern with the woman? Should he have left Jovani hanging in the dust like he had? And what about Darlene's former boyfriend? Had he gone home safely and slept with his stuffed pineapple in peace? And Gengle! Was the cat okay too, or did he choke on a tiny stray bone stuck in a piece of Reekfish?

Link knew that he shouldn't waste his time in trying to track down Darlene and her former boyfriend now—there were too many people and Castle Town was quite a big city. But chances were that Jovani was still in his house with Gengle.

He walked leisurely through the streets of South Road, giving all of the civilians warm smiles as he passed them by. People would say his name in awe as they watched him—a legendary hero—slip right through their lines of vision. He thought nothing of it, though. He'd settled back down among friends, and trips to the city would be seldom. Link's popularity was beginning to annoy him, but it wasn't like it was going to happen every day.

He was supposed to be leaving right now, after all.

But instead, his hero complex had gotten the better of him again. He found himself walking northward towards Jovani's house, and as he lifted his hand to knock on the man's door, the Hero paused and took a moment to think about what Telma had said the night earlier.

"It's best to leave personal problems personal. There's no need to get involved."

Link heard that persuading voice in his head again.

Go ahead, just knock on it. You're not getting "involved" in anything—you're just checking in on him, that's all.

He was right about to knock when the other voice of reason barged in.

Don't do it! He might still be drunk from last night! You don't want his slobber all over your clothes again, do you? You might be bothering him, too.

But you're a hero, aren't you? Heroes are supposed to care about people. Leaving him behind like this isn't caring.

You shattered him last night, though! Darlene was obviously head-over-heels for you. If you show your face in front of him again, he might murder you. Or worse.

Don't think about it like that! Why would he try to murder you if he even asked if you wanted to marry him last night—

Link knocked on the door. His sensitive Hylian ears picked up sounds of sobbing from behind the walls, which immediately made him regret even coming back here.

Why don't you ever listen to me?

Because you're just a nonexistent, annoying little voice inside my head that makes me feel like I'm crazy whenever I'm trying to make a decision! Somehow you remind me of a little blue fairy that I didn't meet one time and WON'T SHUT UP!

Jovani opened the door, his eyes red and his cheeks flushed, and Link put on his best smile.

"Hi…!"

"Blondie," the man sniffed, "you're back."

"…Is that a bad thing?" Link queried, his ears drooping a little bit. He laced his hands behind him.

"…Not exactly," Jovani replied. "But looking at you reminds me of…"

Link expected him to burst out in a tragic fit of tears just then, but instead, Jovani simply continued to stare at the Hero with wet eyes.

"…Looking at me reminds you of…?"

"It reminds me of…"

"…?"

"…WATERMELONS!"

Jovani picked up a watermelon and threw it at him.

Link promised to never listen to that creepy voice inside of his head ever again.

A/N: …So… That was a bit awkward, wasn't it? In all honestly, I had no idea how to end this. But overall I liked it.

The story was actually supposed to end with Telma coming back during their conversation… You can see where it went haywire after Link offered to take him home. XD Darlene's a jerk, isn't she?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Review if you have ANYTHING to say at all! Even if this story becomes super-old, trust me, I'll always be around to read your review. (Well, I mean, unless I got caught in a terrible accident and left the mortal plane… O_O)

-Eternal Nocturne-

The Hero Complex – Completed July 7, 2010