Squat And Shelter

By Rob Morris

Many thought that life after the defeat of the Fire Lord was turning boring, and it was, but for Sokka, boring was good. Boring meant meals at the same time most days. Boring meant helping his sister with their chores, not rushing off to obtain a rare item to stave off a mortal wound or deadly poison. The problems Aang came to him with involved things like what gifts to get Katara, or what rebuilding projects he should use his powers to help out with. Even his big mouth was a help, as Zuko asked him to hang around sometimes just to have someone about who didn't watch their tongue around the new Lord. Even when he looked like a fool, life was good—a bet lost to Ty Lee meant that he had to once again dress up like a Kyoshi Warrior (and technically, he already was one, so no big).

The only things Sokka took care of were the things needed to keep Katara and Suki happy, and a vague but honest promise to Zuko to come up with ideas about what problems lay ahead of them—ideas vetted by Mai, who said she appreciated someone with a good head for potential disasters. Since that sounded like a compliment, he chose to take it as such. Still, he was just smart enough to know that he could not live his life without someone telling him something he wasn't doing that he absolutely should be doing, so he was braced for this as well.

"But she seems perfectly happy. Exhibitions, metal-bending, including teaching it to Aang and reconstruction, and she's developed an array of jokes about passing gas that I frankly find very impressive."

Suki didn't even visibly roll her eyes at his 'end-comments' any more. They were getting that close. So close, in fact, Katara had started staging accidental 'interruptions'. His sister was pretty; smart as a water-whip and a powerful bender to beat the best—or worst-but her ability to stage things successfully was decidedly intermittent. She could do it-but when she failed, the stench was as bad as from any of her brother's puns.

"Be that as it may, she's been keeping something from us—something that has her badly distracted."

"Define badly distracted."

Suki bit her lip.

"Ty Lee was on a hugging rampage the other day. She assaulted Mai, who finally went for her sleeve-blades—and she went after Toph-who just sat there and did nothing."

Sokka's eyes went wide.

"No stone-cuffs? No column of earth to make a quick getaway?"

"Not so much a stone-muzzle."

Sokka had never really seen Toph like that.

"Am I really the one to help her?"

She snuggled close, a sure sign of intimate extortion.

"You are the man who trained all the warriors in your village, right?"

He looked at her.

"Katara never told you? I thought you pumped her for every last juicy detail."

"Hey! I don't pump her-much. What are you talking about?"

He sighed.

"Suki, those were kids. Little-kids. All the boys in the village-mostly because the girls thought it was dumb-partly because of the frequent potty breaks. I stood around and yelled like a moron, and put them through motions that would have gotten them killed, if they'd ever have to stand on their own—or with me. You guys were the first real warrior training I even glimpsed."

"I kind of guessed the last part before. But Sokka, don't you see? This makes you the ideal person to shake Toph out of her funk."

"I'm not seeing it."

She shook her head.

"You say you strutted and preened and told a bunch of little kids what to do in case of an attack. Sokka, Squat And Shelter!"

He looked around them in a panic.

"What? Why? Where?"

She laughed.

"No, stupid! Squat And Shelter was a classroom ritual back in Kyoshi and surrounding towns and villages, where we came from. It trained us what to do in case of a Fire Nation bombardment. We would squat down, and seek shelter under our blankets and tables."

"Uh, Suki? Tha—at really wouldn't do much. In fact, any building you were in was likely to be no shelter at all, in that case. I mean, sometimes, when those long-range fireballs explode, the shockwave alone can take down a structure. I even heard that, with the really big yields, benders too near to the point of impact can't use their abilities for a while, even if they avoid getting hit directly."

She nodded.

"All that is true. But Squat And Shelter did serve a purpose. It gave us something to do, something to act on so we could go on with the rest of our day. The ritual wasn't meant to prevent the attacks from killing us—it was meant to keep the fear of attacks from beating us before we even sighted a single Fire Navy vessel. You gave those little kids something to do. A way of acting when the fear threatened to take over."

"So-all this helps me with Toph—how?"

Suki looked suddenly sheepish.

"Well, it really isn't relevant to her situation. But-you could say that, since you dealt with all those kids and their loose bladders, you can handle an emotionally constipated Toph."

Sokka looked at her askance.

"That-is such an incredible stretch-"

He seized and kissed her.

"Baby-you're the greatest!"

Suki smiled.

"Send me to the moon, warrior!"

Sokka raised a finger in the air.

"Yeah. At some point, we gotta have a talk about the moon."

She felt something in her gut, and turned serious.

"Talk now. What about the Moon?"

"I—I have to go help Toph."

"Sokka, the moon?"

As he began to dash, he started their next cycle of arguments.

"She's my Ex."

As he ran off, Suki looked up at the sky, where his 'Ex' was rising. She now realized that what she had thought another mistake during the horrid Ember Island play was in fact quite real.

"Oh, great. Just how am I supposed to compete?"

Toph was usually found at this time of day in Iroh's tea shop, sipping at a brew her parents had always declared too strong for her delicate tastes. Once he was inside, the owner waylaid the seeker.

"Sokka, I'm glad you're here! I need to select a new pastry to serve at lunchtime. My nephew promised to help me pick one, but he's been no help at all."

After some small debate, Sokka and the others agreed to call this once-sworn enemy Uncle.

"Unc? He's kind of busy running one-third to one-half of the known world."

"So? I should let that be an excuse for ducking his promise?"

"O—kay. So what are the selections?"

The old man lit up, knowing that a fellow lover of food was in the house.

"First up are these cocoa cream puffs made to look like a blooming lotus."

"Nice—really nice. But will they hold up to the rigors of display, and people sometimes putting them back?"

"Good point. They are actually more delicate than the flower itself. Next, we have something called a coffee ring. Yet in all my travels, I have never heard of this coffee. Does it make you cough? Is there a co-fee for buying it?"

"Order a sample—of the cake and this-cough fee? Weird people in this world. Next?"

"Last, we have a pastry from a town in the Earth Kingdom. Aang should like it. It is a pastry they make when they celebrate Avatar Day."

Sokka's face twitched, and he whispered to Iroh. Iroh bit down.

"That-is simply gross. I hope this coffee ring is all it's cracked up to be."

At last finding Toph, Sokka wisely braced himself.

"I don't want to talk, Sokka!"

He hid behind a figurative skirt.

"Suki's making me. So what don't you want to talk about?"

She shrugged.

"I got a scroll from my parents."

"Did you find out what's in it yet?"

She seemed to take notice that he had avoided the word 'read'.

"No. I mean, it took them this long after the war ended to send even this. I'm not sure I even want to find out."

Sokka touched a finger to her forehead.

"You are probably the first one ever to bend metal, and you are one of three living masters to teach the Avatar. Except for falling, which none of us likes, I've never known you to be afraid of anything. You need to do this. It's like squat and shelter."

"What does that have to do with a scroll from my parents?"

"Ummm…actually, it has even less relevance now then when someone quoted it to me. But, you do eventually have to find out what they said."

Glumly and without a word, she handed it over to him, and Sokka unfurled it. He had picked up enough Earth Kingdom writing characters to navigate the relatively short message.

"Here goes : Our Dearest Heart : How could we not hear about how you joined with the heroes who stormed the grim borders of the Fire Nation and brought down the Phoenix King? We have-"

Sokka choked up.

"—we have never been so proud of you. Now that this terrible and horrible awful war is at last over, we want our daughter to return home."

He stopped, and Toph smiled broadly.

"Sokka, that's wonderful! That's unbelievable! That's-why did you suddenly stop reading?"

Her smile faded, and she lightly waved with the back of her hand.

"Just read it."

He did.

"Now that the world is saved, there is no longer any good reason for you to endanger your life. Obviously, we failed to see how the threat to all we knew and loved deranged you, so we have teams of dream-diviners waiting to bring your mind back to balance. Many talented and powerful Earth-benders have been left unemployed by this war-"

Toph made a stretch.

"-so they'll train me?"

"More like they – 'will prevent this wildness in you from ever endangering our little flower again. We would like to arrange a meeting where we can talk this out and reunite our family the way it used to be.'"

Toph actually liked this less than she thought she would.

"No thanks. The last time we talked-we didn't."

"Yeah, they bring that up-in their own way. 'As regards the businessmen we contracted to facilitate your peaceful return home…"

"Businessmen? They were bounty hunters-not even very good ones! You'd think I'd rate someone on Combustion Man's level."

Sokka continued.

"…we believe an apology is in order…"

Toph almost said something from the heart, but said what her mind told her logically was next.

"What do they want me to apologize for?"

"…you have exceeded even the narrow limits of your freakish arena career and begun bending metal! Do you have any idea how it is to explain to our friends that our child can do something no one else in the entire world can do? Do you EVER think of us when you do these things? Try and be more sensitive, and stop saving a world that never asked you for your help. Love and Kisses, Mama and Papa, as always with only your best interests at heart."

There was a full minute's silence. Sokka folded up the scroll, too flabbergasted by the surreal message to crack so much as an attempt at a pun. Finally, Toph spoke.

"So, can I like, adopt *your* Dad?"