Sirius came in without knocking, shaking the rain from his cloak. Lily looked up from the kitchen table a bottle of untouched butterbeer in her hand. Sirius hung his cloak by the door, and took the bottle from her and gulped it down. He fell into the chair next to her. He flicked his wand and several more lights illuminated the kitchen. Lily blinked in the brightness.

"Well?"

"Nothing."

Lily stood up with some difficulty her bulging stomach getting her way. Sirius chuckled.

"You look like—"

"One word you mangy animal, one word, and I'll curse you into the beyond."

Sirius eyed Lily's wand carefully, and took another long swig of the butterbeer. "Just gonna say how lovely you're looking these days, bloody glowing you are."

Lily stretched her arms over her head and heaved a sigh. She began to move towards the coat rack. Sirius was in front of her in moment. She looked up her green eyes flaring in anger. Sirius held up his hands in placation.

"You're going to let me pass, Sirius."

"Can't do that Lils."

"Sirius you're going to let me out this door, so that I can track down my husband on my own, because you and the Order seem to be unable to do it for me."

"Lily you know that James is our number one priority, and that everyone who can be spared is combing the country for him."

"I can find him."

Sirius smiled, "I've no doubt Lils, but for your sake you've got to stay here."

"I can't Sirius don't you see! It's been six days!" She turned toward her empty kitchen, a hitch in her voice. "Six days since he was supposed to come back, I'm losing my mind."

"I know luv, and you aren't the only one." Sirius put a comforting arm on her shoulder, "But you've got to believe that ole Prongs is fine,"

"If he were fine, Sirius, he'd be here."

"You don't know that Lily…maybe he's hiding out because some Death Eaters got on his trail. Maybe he's not even in England but had to do more recon in Romania…Maybe he's recruiting our Allies…"

"He's dead."

Sirius dropped his hand, and fell against the door. All the blood drained from his face.

"He's dead." Lily said again, turning to face Sirius, her eyes too bright, the dark circles beneath them making her look a little maniacal. "If he wasn't he'd have been back before now…he's probably been dead—"

Sirius took Lily by the arms and shook her, hard.

"Don't say that Lily. Don't you ever say that to me again." His voice was completely quiet but the hard edge had the hair's on the back of Lily's neck standing straight up; his grip on her arms so tight that she could feel the blood vessels breaking. She tried to shake him off, but he clung to her, shaking her more vigorously. "He isn't dead. I won't accept that. Do you hear Lily? I won't accept that."

"Then where is he Black?" Lily screamed. "I'm due in a bloody week, I could drop this baby at any time!" She stripped his hands off her arms, and slapped him hard across the face. Sirius blinked, and carefully raised his hand to his stinging cheek. Lily's hands covered her mouth in shock.

"Sirius, I…"

"No, I'm sorry Lily it's just—"

Her bottom lip began to quiver, and Sirius wrapped his strong arms around her. She collapsed into him, as much as her belly would allow, sobbing into his shoulder.

"He promised he'd be back!"

"I know."

"He wouldn't leave me alone if he could help it."

"Course not."

"So…"

"Don't think it."

She cried all the harder, her auburn hair falling over her face like a curtain. Sirius clung to her, rubbing her back, trying to push his own fears to the bottom of his spine, trying to keep the thoughts from scuttling back up and overwhelming him.

James couldn't be dead, he just couldn't. Not with a kid on the way, not with Lily alone in Godric's Hollow. What had Dumbledore been thinking sending James away right before the baby was born? It was stupid; if Sirius hadn't been in Scotland at the time he would have volunteered. Fucking James wanting to play hero with Lily here, totally unable to follow.

Something tapped Sirius's stomach lightly, he looked down, and Lily looked up. Her eyes red rimmed, cheeks wet with tears, she had never been more beautiful.

"It's the baby," She whispered. "He gets antsy this time of night." She backed away from Sirius wiping hands across her face, their closeness was suddenly charged with something that made Lily uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm kind of a mess."

"We all are Lily. You aren't alone."

She nodded and carefully slid back into her chair at the table, looking out the window. Sirius went to the cupboard and took down a bottle of fire whiskey for himself, and grabbed the pumpkin juice for Lily. He grabbed one glass, and moved over to the table again. He poured her glass before seating himself, uncorked his bottle and drank. Lily watched.

"It's good."

"We were saving that." She said. "For when the baby is born."

Sirius didn't blink. "I'll get you a better vintage."

Lily shook her head. "It's my fault," she whispered watching the wind buffet the trees in the yard. "We had a row, right before the meeting."

"I know Lils, Peter said—"

"It was vicious. Neither of us like being cooped up here, only going to meetings. James especially hates to be sidelined. But with the baby I thought a little time off would be good for us, you know? We could paint the baby's room."

"Paint?"

"It's a muggle thing…it builds a relationship, I wanted to go the store and everything, you know look at swatches, and buy the brushes."

"Paint brushes?"

"But James wanted to use magic. And why not, it would have been loads faster, but I was so mad. We were supposed to do it the muggle way—"

"Why?"

Lily sighed, "Because Sirius, that's what muggle mums and dads do for their babies, they paint their nurseries, and fawn over ruffles and bassinets and stuffed toys…and…"

"Oy, bet James loved all the ruffles." Sirius took another drink.

"So we were mad at each other."

"And screaming so that all the Death Eaters could hear—"

"And we get to the meeting and we hear that Gideon's been hurt, and with me and Alice out of the rounds because of—" she looked down at her stomach, "James leapt at the chance to get out."

She drank all of her pumpkin juice. "I didn't even tell him I loved him."

"He knew it Lily. Every breath he takes he knows it, gets him through some tough scrapes, that knowledge, tough stuff that."

Lily looked at Sirius her eyes full again. "You believe that?"

"With all my heart Lily." Sirius smiled a wolfish grin, "He's a lucky devil that James Potter, sometimes it's like the spells bounce right off him. He can get out of the worst shit, with a smile on his face thinking of you."

"I don't think it was enough this time." She whispered.

"Sure it was Lily, it's gotten him through worse, all of us through worse. When you married him you got all us Marauders…and we're not about to let Prong's son go around without a dad. You'll see, Lils, we'll find him. And before that kids pops out."

"Thank you Sirius, for sitting with me. For staying with me."

"Hey I'm the Godfather right? Need to make sure you're eating and not running around like a crazed fat cow."

"Oh shut it, you git."

"You're like the size of my flat, Lily. Seriously how many Potters are in there? A Quidditch team?"

"You sure know how to make a woman feel beautiful."

"Oh come on Lils you know I think you're drop dead gorgeous fat as you are."

"I'm not fat, you ass, I'm pregnant."

Sirius shrugged, "I like big butts and I cannot lie?"