...hi?

so, first and foremost I AM SO SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I'm back and I'm working right now really hard, I've had some recent inspiration (nothin' scarier than a woman scorned. and heaven help us if she's got a pen and a laptop. she'll write out her feelings in her fanfiction. ;) haha) this chapter is short, but I really felt like the stopping place I had, though evil, was really necessary for this story. I'm going to post a big part of chapter 16 for those of you who need a lil rememberin' and then I'll meet you down. below.

ENJOY!

"Woah! What the bloody hell did I do?"

"Nothing. I was just on the phone."

"With whom, might I ask were you on the phone with that you launched it across the room in a suicide mission?"

"Grandma Aro."

"Aro? Your grandmother's name is Aro?"

"Yeah, like 'She's an Aro right in my ass.'"

"Seriously? That's really her name?"

"No. Though her Native American name is Pisses on Small Children While Throwing Fire at Innocents. Aro is short for Arothena. It's some weird name her insane, alcoholic mother gave her. I'm lucky my mother was in an Italian phase when I was born or I would have been named something like… Graheida or something insane like that."

"Graheida?"

"It's a mix of Grace and Heidi and Ida. All of my grandmother's dead female relatives whom she thought I should be named after. My mother waited until the very last minute to scream out Isabella, and then slipped a nurse twenty bucks to make sure my grandmother didn't change the name no matter what."

"Jesus Christ."

"I know."

"Well, what did she want?"

Edward sat down on the bed and placed a large plastic bag in between us and began to pull out medical supplies to fix my hands.

"Get ready, you're all going to be meeting Arothena Swan tomorrow evening. She'll rip you all apart before you've even walked through the door and by the time dinner's over she'll have you begging for mercy."

Edward had laughed me off, thinking that I was over exaggerating. He said that he just couldn't believe that anyone's grandmother could really be that bad.

But she was.

Arothena Ailbhe Swan took no prisoners. She had no mercy, and found her greatest joy in belittling as many people as she possibly could. When I was born, she took one look at me, the fact that I didn't have a penis, looked at my mother and said that she was disappointed in her. That was it. The Swan name would not be carried on, so why should Arothena Swan waste her time on something that was nothing? Even if it is was her own flesh and blood. Even if that something was supposed to be an exciting addition to the family.

No.

Not for Aro Swan.

She refused to go grocery shopping on the sole principle that it was what unimportant people did. She hired people for that. She never left the house in jeans. In fact, I don't think she even owned a pair of jeans. Jeans were for people without status, and working people. Arothena Swan did not work. Charity work was fine as long as people knew you were doing it, and as long as that charity work meant hiring other people to organize charity benefits and writing a check. Children were to be seen when they were meant to be seen and never, ever were they to be heard. The list went on and on. And on.

In short, she was going to hell, with a one-way ticket.

Edward snorted when I told him this.

"Bella, you can't be serious. I'm certain she's not as bad as you say."

He had wrapped my hands and was now icing them, trying, probably in vain, to keep them from puffing up and swelling. My hands sat in his lap, and I was back to ardently ignoring the electrical current that ran between us.

"Edward? She really, honestly is. And I'm scared that… I don't know. She's a real bitch. Ok? Don't think of her as something separate from my father. I'm sure you wouldn't be saying that you're certain he wasn't as bad as I say. Or… would you?"

"No! God! No, Bella! Of course not! But don't worry, duck. We can all take care of ourselves and we'll be on our best behavior. We don't even have to go with you if it will make it easier for y-"

"No! You have to come! You can't let me go alone, Edward! I can't… I don't know that I can do that."

"Alright, we'll go, at the very least I'll go with you."

"You all might as well just come. If it were just you and me, my grandmother will say how uncouth it is to bring a date to a funeral for the entire dinner."

"Ok, we'll all go with you to the family dinner of death. Satisfied?"

"Oh, immensely so. Now I just have to figure out what I'll wear, since it can't be anything untoward or frumpy. And there's no way in hell in a hatbox that I'm wearing anything Arothena sends over."

Just then Alice and Rose all but fell through the door adjoining our rooms.

"We can-"

Their bursting into the room caused me to have some sort of kneejerk reaction that made my one arm slam into Edward's nose causing his head to snap back, also dropping the ice roughly onto his… man regions, causing him to groan and hunch forward. My other arm hauled back the second bag of ice and launched it at the intruders, clipping Rose on the shoulder and knocking Alice right on top of the head.

Alice was holding her head and jumping up and down, while Edward was clutching his nose with one hand and protecting his junk from any other confrontation that might happen. Rose just rubbed her shoulder and tried to dance out the ice cubes that had fallen down her top.

And I, once again, busted out in hysterical laughter.

"Oh, my… gosh! I'm… soooooo…."

The look on Edward's face, a mixture of pain, annoyance, and at the same time, amusement, made me laugh even harder before I could finish.

"Sorry!"

I rolled on the bed laughing before I felt a foot in my back and I was launched off the bed and onto the floor, where I landed face first with a loud "Ompf!"

"Bloody hell! Bella? Are you alright?"

I groaned and rolled over to see Edward's head popped over the side of the bed, looking at me worriedly.

"I didn't mean to push you that hard! I just… and you were… and I mean. My god, I'm so sorry, duck!"

"Edward. It's fine."

I sat up from the floor and sat cross-legged, taking a deep breath to compose myself, before I caught sight of Alice trying to stifle her giggle. And then it all started again. We were both rolling on the floor laughing as Rose and Edward looked on.

"Ok you freakin' giggle twins. Can you shut the fuck up? We've got shit to do and bitches to cool."

"Bitches to cool?"

Rose shrugged her shoulders.

"The way you were talking about her it sounds like she's the spawn of Satan. So, we'll cool the bitch. Like throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West?"

"Please don't tell me you're planning on throwing a bucket of water on my grandmother."

"No. We're just going to fuck with her so she won't fuck with you anymore."

An evil grin spread across Rose's face and I knew she meant serious shit. Alice laughed and turned to me.

"I have the perfect pair of shoes."

I stood on my grandmother's doorstep; in a modified version of the clothes she sent me plus bright yellow heels. A plain black pencil skirt, a cream top, which originally had been dated and filled with ruffles that Alice had taken a pair of scissors to, was now tastefully detailed, and sleeveless. With a v-neck. A pretty significant v-neck. The girls were pushed up and together, but tastefully done, so that my cleavage was only hinted at. I had a gorgeous necklace and cocktail ring on.

I was so not ready for this shit.

The door was opened before we could even ring the bell; another rule: the help always anticipated everyone's every move. Or they were tastefully let go.

"Name, please."

The butler had a stoic look on his face, and I had the greatest urge to just hug him. I'm sure that Aro had drained the life out of him. I smiled at him sympathetically and told him my name. He didn't react when he heard it, just nodded his head. That was kind of a disappointment. I would have liked him to widen his eyes or gasp. Or even just slam the door in my face. That would have been fun. Then I could just go back to the hotel and eat room service and watch pay-per-view.

The butler interrupted my thoughts as he gestured to take my coat. I walked into the foyer, followed by Edward and my entourage. Now, the butler sniffed slightly at how many people had showed up with me, obviously messing up my "plus one" on the guest list that was no doubt floating around in his mind.

"Are all these young people with you, Miss?"

"Yes. They are. Didn't my grandmother tell you? I told her on the phone last night when she called and invited me. I'm sorry if she didn't let you know. There's not going to be a problem, will there?"

The butler just shook his head. I felt like a bitch just calling him that. The butler. I wanted to call him Steve or Chip or something. Anything but "the butler." I could feel myself slowly slipping into the hard armor. I felt my shoulders, now free of my coat, go back, my head lift and I took a deep breath.

Chives began to lead us into the sitting room. Edward put his hand on my lower back reassuringly and gave me a small wink. I smiled back at him and braced myself for what was to come.

"Isabella, so lovely of you to join us."

AN: so...how do you like it? what do you think? next chapter is the big confrontation with Gramma Aro. but let me know how you feel about this, it's not much but i feel like we're getting somewhere. i don't know how much more we have left, but we've got a big surprise up ahead. and oh, i'm just oh so excited for all that's to come. ;)

so review review review review please and thank you.

once again: a huge super incredible fantastic thank you to my beta and friend musegirl who's story Quarterback Rush is amazing and you need to go and check it out (it's on my list of favorite stories.) but she's also PREGGERS! so go on over, check out her story, drop her a review, and give her your congratulations. She's not only beta-ing my story, but she's being a fantastic friend and letting me rant about my sad, sad, pathetic life. :P haha!

read and review chickadees!

so leave me some looooooooooooooovvvveee and maybe... i'll write a lil love for you ;)

~*~Mo~*~