I do not own any Twilight characters or any other recognizable object, person, or place!

Emmett and the Obsessive Fan Girl by overdramatic comedian

Emmett's POV

I was running for my life. Alice wanted to take me shopping! She said I dressed like an imbecile. I wonder what that is...

Anyways, on the move to Forks, I 'lost' my clothes. (Actually, I set them on fire and dance around them, but what's the difference?) So I bought some and apparently their ugly. I think that Alice wants to corrupt my manly hood so Edward won't be the only 'confused' one. It will never work! Ha! Take that Princess Edward!

Back to escaping Alice.

I was running in the woods close to Port Angeles. I saw this really big building with lots of people going in it. Ha Alice will never find me here!

I entered the door right after two ladies holding shopping bags left. I guess they were showing each other the stuff they bought. That's what Rose and the evil little pixie do when they get home.

There where lots of stores and people in there. I wonder what this place is...

I walked in this place called 'Books a Million'. There were a lot of books in it.

This is the perfect place to hide! Alice will never look in this store! There are too many books. If I was still human, I would wonder about having nightmares tonight.

Anyways, I walked to the Teen Fiction section.

There was a girl standing there in a shirt that said Team Emmett. She looked up and her eyes got really wide.

"Are you Emmett Cullen."

"Yes! No. I don't know! Stop asking me these hard questions!"

She started having a spastic meltdown. "Emmett! I love and worship you! Let me marry you and have your mutant babies! I have people who can off Rosalie! Please?"

I didn't know what to say. "Um... I don't know you."

"Hi, I'm Blaire! Your future wife!"

"See you later, Blaire." I turned and walked away.

"No come back! I love you Emmy!"

I knew how to get rid of her. I turned around and started yelling "Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"

The lady at the register looked up. She was about sixteen and she had black hair and a hot pink mini dress on. She glared at me for a few seconds and looked back down to her magazine.

I ran to the Religious section and picked up a bible. "The power of Christ repels you!" I yelled at her. She still chased after me. I was cornered. I did what any grown man would do. I screamed in a high-pitched, girly voice. Then I knocked over the shelf. I ran out the store and right into my savior. Alice.

"Alice, save me! This crazy lady is trying to force me into marrying her!" I yelled.

She pondered this. "Only if I can take you shopping without any complaints."

"Done deal!" I said.

"Excellent." She said.

Maybe being married to Blaire wouldn't be to bad...

The End!