Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate. This is a fan based story only.

Warning: Language.

Episode Tags: "The First Commandment," "Singularity," "Divide and Conquer," "The Fifth Man."

Summary: All the times Sam disobeys Jack's orders and pays the price. Some chapters are based on official episodes, some are not. Each chapter is independent of each other, but they are best read together.

A/N: This is an ongoing collection of one-shots. I classify the story as complete, but I could add a chapter anytime if a new muse strikes.

Insubordination

Chapter 1

O'Neill anticipated trouble the moment he heard General Hammond mention Captain Hansen's team during SG-1's mission briefing. He saw Carter's eyes widen nominally at the news that they would be responsible for finding and retrieving SG-9, and then she clamped back down her military exterior. No one but Jack noticed. Captain Carter continued to ask questions about the situation, confident that she had kept herself in check.

When they were dismissed, he watched Carter nod tersely at the General. She didn't make eye contact with anyone in the room, which O'Neill had quickly discovered, was a definite sign she was uncomfortable. He barely stopped himself from calling her back as she left the briefing room, so that he could prevent a fallout. He had served enough years to recognize clearly when an officer was liable to put a mission in jeopardy.

Hammond had informed him that he'd already spoken privately with Captain Carter prior, and that she'd insisted she was prepared for the mission. Perhaps Jack was misplacing the look of dread she carried. She was likely just afraid to find the man she still cared for dead. Yet his gut insisted that her fear stemmed from a much more powerful, deeper source. The way her eyes glossed over, and how she lowered her chin every time someone mentioned her ex-fiancé's name was indicative of a person responding to a trauma.

Jack sauntered into the changing rooms a few minutes later than everyone else. Daniel was instructing Teal'c on the use of sun block, as the planet SG-9 had been assigned received harmful radiation from the sun in that solar system. Carter was across the room, her back to everyone and oblivious to the conversation as she struggled to clip her P-90 to her vest.

The Colonel could hear his mind wailing at him to reassign her for this mission. If he insisted, Hammond would follow his lead and Carter wouldn't have a choice. But it had only been a few months since SG-1 had been declared an official team, and he was still figuring everyone out. So far she had amazed him, surprised him, and occasionally made him tingle. He wanted to give her a chance to prove him wrong, despite the fact that situations of this sort never ended well.

"Ready to go, Carter?" he asked calmly, finishing up his own gear.

Sam started and dropped a full clip. She simply nodded and clumsily stuffed it into one of her pockets.

Oyh…Just let it go O'Neill. She's a seasoned officer, let her handle it.

Jack got his first hint that he should send Carter home when Lieutenant Connor held a gun to Daniel. When the Lieutenant retrieved Franks' dog tags from a pile of ash and burnt clothing, he knew for sure that this would become a hostile situation.

"Connor, I need to know what happened," he commanded softly.

The man looked up at him, shock and disgust and betrayal distorting his features. "Permission to speak freely about a superior officer, Sir."

O'Neill considered, then eyed Carter through his sunglasses without moving his head. This was already far too along for his taste, but he needed to know. "Yeah, go ahead."

"He's lost it, he's outta control."

"Captain Hansen?" asked Carter.

"Maybe it was the sun, the radiation," Connor explained vaguely, unconvinced of his own words.

"What…are you saying that the Sun did this to Franks?" Daniel blurted.

"No, Sir. Captain Hansen did that to Franks."

Jack's stomach dropped and before he could pull the plug on this mission where Carter's involvement was concerned, he heard her fearful "what?"

"For trying to get through the 'Gate," the Lieutenant finished.

O'Neill said the first thing he thought would bring his team back into a secure state of mind. "I don't buy that." He forced the lie out like dough through a small sieve. He had seen Hansen for himself, and without a doubt the man was capable of what Connor claimed.

"Sir," Connor persisted. "We tried to warn Command about what's really goin' on. The people here, they believe he's their God."

"Because you came through the Stargate," Teal'c pointed out.

"No, no, you don't get it. Hansen believes it too."

That was the coup, and Jack suddenly felt very irresponsible for putting his team in jeopardy by letting Carter tag along. Whatever had pushed Hansen over his fine line of sanity had obviously clouded his judgment, and subsequently, emotionally crippled his best officer.

He looked up at her, and she at him, right before he called her over. She looked like a child who knew she was about to be punished for something that was out of her control. A royal beating of the most brutal kind. O'Neill couldn't agree more, but he had to do this, as much as it pained him to see her beautiful blue eyes set in rebellion and hurt against him.

"Carter."

Right before Jack turned to gain a little more distance from the group, he saw Carter's resolve melt a little. Anger and disappointment. However, this conversation was way overdue and Sam wondered why the Colonel had waited until they were on the planet to do this.

He slipped off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes, cursing himself for his lacking preparation. Sam obediently made her way to her Commanding Officer, head down. She was so submissive, so small that it made Jack hate his position even more, the beginning of his next words already bitter in his throat. She looked up at him with controlled determination, daring him to continue. Admit she was weak.

Now it was his turn to struggle with eye contact. "I want you to take Connor back to the Stargate, report to General Hammond what's happened here." Jack swallowed. You could endanger the mission, Carter. I cant risk that.

He resigned to talk with her about it later when she uttered, "No, Sir." He looked sharply at her, satisfied to see that she didn't have the nerve to look him in the eye as she said it. Just another proof that she knew herself she didn't belong here.

Jack would normally have a severe reprimand in the wings for any officer who pulled that on him. But Carter was special, Jack refused to explain why to himself. "No, Sir?" he parroted as gently as possible.

"If you're going after Captain Hansen I should go with you. I can get to him." There were those accusing eyes again.

Jack raised his voice a little, just enough to still keep the others out of their dispute. "Look. Captain." The use of her rank had the desired effect and she lowered her gaze, setting her lips in a line so she wouldn't say something regrettable. "Either we're bringing him back to face a Court Marshall or not. And I think we both know what the not means."

Colonel O'Neill expected his Captain to further withdraw at the prospect of killing Hansen, but it hardly fazed her. He knew now that his earlier assumptions had been correct. Jack's only reprieve was that they hadn't run into the man before he could confirm it.

Carter persisted, soft enough to not be blatantly out of line. Smart woman, O'Neill thought.

"I know him, Colonel."

"Yeah, that would be the problem, wouldn't it?" That was a low blow, and completely unfair to her, but Jack needed to take her down a notch. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. But damn, it usually worked.

"I gave back the ring because I know him. I know how he thinks, how he operates."

"How he likes to play God?" Easy, O'Neill, don't get swept up her in emotions.

"I don't understand how that could happen anymore than you do," Sam acquiesced diplomatically, and Jack quietly thanked her for it. "But if SG-1 is going after him then I am going with you."

Jack's anger brimmed, and his impatience reared its ugly head. His Captain hadn't yet seen his bad side, but it would be quite a shock to Carter if the first time was directed at her. The worst part was that he could tell she feared Hansen and was compelled by her duty as the man's familiar to put herself on the line to secure her team a better position against him. But her feelings were already making her question his orders and that was something the Colonel just wouldn't tolerate.

"Wait a minute!" Connor intervened. "No…y-you can't do that. There are hundreds, probably thousands of them. He's their God. They'll die for him, kill for him in a heartbeat."

Jack turned to the Lieutenant. "That's not your problem. Now I need someone to report back to the General and that is you."

"No, Sir."

Unbelievable. "No, Sir! Does it say Colonel anywhere on my uniform?"

Connor was unbothered. "I know the planet, the situation. I think it's suicide. But if you're goin', I'm goin', Sir."

"But you are not physically able," said Teal'c.

"Franks was my friend."

"This isn't about revenge," Carter responded timidly, though she clearly didn't believe that.

"Maybe not for you." Connor moved away and assumed the lead. "We gotta move now, in daylight.

Just peachy. Jack clearly had limited control over how this mission was going. Oh, he could pull rank and drag their asses back to the SGC, but their innevitable refusal would earn them both a black spot on their records. Still, that was preferable to dying horribly. He hated to admit it, but if Hansen was as far gone as Connor said, they would need every asset available, and Captain Carter was their biggest one.

Jack sighed. "We're off to see the Wizard…"

Jack threw his jacket back over his shoulders, appreciating the warmth against the chill of the infirmary. The nurse attending him smiled and cleared him, mentioning that they'd have the results of his blood work in a few hours. They wouldn't find anything.

Jack had hung back and let Daniel and Teal'c go first, and Connor, who had been first to the infirmary, lay sedated in a bed. He had pulled Janet aside and discretely given her a quick brief about what happened, and the doctor then focused all her attention on Sam, performing her post-mission evaluation personally.

As Jack's hands lingered on every detail of his uniform, fixing and perfecting the flaws that weren't there, he watched Carter. He could hear Janet speaking but he wasn't able to make out the words. Carter's usual face was set firmly in position, but her eyes spoke volumes, drawing comfort from whatever her friend was saying. He watched her curiously when she flinched as Janet tried to extract a blood sample. Then the doctor tilted Sam's head to the side, exposing her bruising lip and cheek. Janet pursed her lips at her patient's difficulty. All that wriggling, avoiding and exasperated sighing Carter did. O'Neill thought it was clear to anyone with eyes that his Captain was stressed.

Unfortunately things would have to get worse before they got better. Jack glared through slatted eyes at Hansen's work. Pissed didn't even describe it. He had given Carter a reprieve back on the planet, even comforted her. But now that they were safely back home, he had to make his position clear.

Carter felt the smoldering gaze of her CO burn her cheeks. Made her sweat. The man's lack of privacy was infuriating, but she dampened her emotions, for he had a very good reason. She looked everywhere but him, until her anxiety provided her the courage and she reluctantly dragged her eyes up to meet his. The fire, the darkness there was staggering and Sam quickly lost her nerve.

He's done with his physical, why can't he just go. She closed her eyes and swallowed, and prayed for him to spare her a little mercy.

"Ok, Sam, we're done here." Janet pulled off her gloves with a snap. "The trauma to your jaw might induce a headache, in which case I want you to stop by."

Sam nodded and stole another fleeting glance at Colonel O'Neill, then quickly gathered her belongings and almost jogged out without acknowledging him.

"She fine, Doc?" Jack asked Janet.

"Physically, yes. But whatever happened out there, go easy on her, she's had a rough time."

Jack sighed. He wouldn't waver.

Sam made it to the long corridor right before the showers, growing more hopeful with every step that she would make it there before the Colonel caught up with her. If she delayed this, maybe he wouldn't come down on her so hard, maybe his anger would simmer out and all she'd get was a slap on the wrist.

"Carter!"

She stopped dead and dropped her head like she'd just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Her fingers curled at her side as she fought the urge to keep moving forward, away from the threat. O'Neill said nothing after that, and Sam was compelled to eventually turn to him. He had all the power.

O'Neill stood at the other end of the hall, his hands deceptively relaxed at his sides, his head tilted back somewhat.

"S-Sir?"

"My office, Carter."

Sam opened her mouth to say something, she wasn't sure exactly what, but O'Neill walked swiftly towards her and she clamped her lips together.

"If that's another 'No, Sir' so help me God…"

Sam imploded under him. For a moment she couldn't breathe and she almost didn't prevent her arms from raising in front of her. Thank God this part of the base was usually deserted.

Jack forced himself to loom over her when she shrunk away, considering that there might be an underlying problem with his Captain that he was aggravating. He'd never seen her get shit from a Superior Officer before, so for all he knew this was how she normally acted. Thank God no one was around to witness this.

"Yes, Sir," Sam finally acquiesced.

About time. Jack followed his Second in Command back towards the control room. You gotta handle this right, O'Neill, something's off with her. Regrettably, he feared his anger would get the better of him.

It seemed an eternity to Sam as they plummeted to the bowels of the base, closer to her Hell. And damnit, he wouldn't stop staring, and as scared as she was, she couldn't look at him to gauge his expression. When the elevator doors parted he waited soundlessly for her to exit first, and so it was when they arrived at his office.

Sam stepped through the proverbial gates and she felt hot enough to combust. She stood to attention, her freezing hands in fists by her side, her eyes forward and unseeing.

Jack closed to door softly and stepped behind his desk, every footfall a hammer in Sam's heart. The room was clean, rarely used but for occasions such as these and that intensified her dread, just as O'Neill wanted. He didn't sit, and every Airforce officer knew that those were the sorts of reprimands that a subordinate would never forget.

She couldn't see his eyes, didn't dare look to confirm what she thought was the most angry expression she'd ever seen the Colonel wear. He was going for the silent reproof, Sam knew. Ranking military officers rarely used it, but it was way more effective than yelling one's lungs out in her opinion. Forcing the officer to stop breathing if they want to hear what is being said, right before the world explodes.

"When I give you an order, I expect you to follow it," the Colonel whispered harshly.

"Yes, Sir," agreed Sam automatically, hating that her voice trembled already.

He was frightening her. Doesn't matter. She should be scared. "Oh, so it's 'Yes, Sir' now? Doth my ears defy me back on that planet?"

Sam shook her head, hesitant to say the appropriate acknowledgement. Jack was just waiting for her to stumble, for any crack to appear in her defenses so he could wedge in his fingers and tear her open.

"You let your emotions compromise you, and that is something I will not tolerate!" His voice was a furious strangled scream, the dam ready to burst and destroy all in its path.

"…Yes, Sir." She shouldn't contradict him now. "But Sir, I—"

"I didn't say you could explain yourself, Captain!"

There was the bang. She was his spark.

"Nor did I give you permission to let yourself get captured! Well?" Jack didn't think he could feel angrier, but reminding himself of that juicy detail did the trick. He reach desperately for his control, but it was soaring miles above his head in a place much too calm for him to reach.

"N-no, Sir!"

"Yet you disobeyed my direct orders and did whatever the hell you pleased!' Time for the coup de grace. "I have to ask myself what would happen next time, if there should even be one!"

On queue, Carter's eyes met his, round and frightened. "Please, Colonel…"

He raised a hand and she stopped herself. God, he hated doing this to her. But he was beyond stopping himself. He could just sit down and discuss it with her patiently, like he'd originally planned. But he needed to regain the control he'd lost on the planet. For himself. For his team. All about discipline. Carter needed to be disciplined. Bottom line.

"You're not above everyone else, Carter!"

"I never…"

"Can you not follow orders, Captain?"

Without a doubt this was the worst she'd ever gotten, and coming from her most respected CO, it hurt that much worse. She struggled to keep her breathing quiet, on the precipice of failing.

"Your recent actions have sorely dimmed my faith in you, Carter! Maybe I should have you reassigned."

Sam's hand shot out pleadingly. "Wait, no…" She winced even as she stopped herself, fatally aware that she was failing over and over to comply with her Commanding Officer's orders. She swore she wouldn't do it again, she'd be quiet and nod and say "Yes, Sir" as many times as she needed. But Colonel O'Neill was already rounding his desk, slowly prowling in her direction.

Now she'd done it.

O'Neill took each step like he had every intention to throttle her. He had no idea just how intimidating he was, that more of Sam's life left her the closer he got. She had to say something. Really, and what would that be? You're invading my personal space, Colonel. You're too close, Colonel. You're scaring me shitless, Colonel. That black glint in his eyes was so familiar, and out of character. It took everything she had to stay still when he towered formidably over her.

Jack's voice was a suffocating inflection, tongue laced with acid. "I hope you're listening, Captain, because I'm only going to say this once—"

He rose a finger and Sam flinched. Hard. She recoiled her head to the side, squinting her eyes as if she expected a blow. When nothing came she blinked rapidly, still anticipating, until she realized with a mixture of dismay and relief that it was just her CO in front of her, not Hansen. Sam slumped, looking like she'd just divulged a precious secret. Grateful she was still standing.

Jack gaped, mouthing like a fish struggling for air. What the hell was this? Carter strained to stay where she was, her body rocking ominously on her heels. His hand relaxed and opened, ensuring her that he was retreating, that he wasn't a threat, and he took a step back.

Did she really think he'd hit her? Had he gone far enough to make her actually think it was possible? God, she was shaking. She looked terrified. Of him.

"Carter…"

She vigorously shook her head, her blond waves flopping helplessly across her cheeks. And Jack noticed, as if for the first time, the blue skin on his Captain's face. Her strained face made it that much more poignant, made him feel much more foolish. His rage, fear of losing control, duty, dissolved in one anti-climactic second. Replaced by a chest-bursting fire, eating him alive.

"At ease, Carter," he whispered.

That beautiful woman turned her wet eyes on him and speared him with their pain. You're an ass, O'Neill. He couldn't blame her skepticism when she remained at attention, after the way he'd treated her. He extended his hands, intent on comforting her. A calming hand on her shoulders and force her to relax under him. But he couldn't touch her anywhere, instead fumbling towards several areas and always retreating.

"Please, just…uhm, have a seat." Jack pulled around his desk chair and she looked at him like that was the worst thing imaginable. Doh.

"Sir…?"

Jack nodded when she gauged his reaction, wary of another reprimand for speaking out of turn. "It's ok."

Silence.

"Well, I feel like an ass." Sam nodded awkwardly and wrapped a hand around her arm. "I didn't mean what I said, Carter." She eyed him expectantly. Which part exactly? "I respect you above and beyond…and I would never kick you off the team. I was out of line."

If Jack were a lesser man his heart might have broken seeing the hurt, and the utter relief swell of tears in Sam's eyes. They spilled at last.

"Then why…" she couldn't finish. God, don't cry in front of him.

"I lost control of the situation. I allowed you to accompany SG-1 on a mission when you were clearly compromised." Sam had nothing to argue. He was right. "And when I saw you down there getting taken…that you'd done it without my permission…"

Jack sat against his desk, rubbed his forehead and Sam relaxed with him.

"I'm sorry, Carter."

'So am I, Sir. I put everyone's lives in jeopardy."

Jack nodded. "Maybe. Fact is you probably saved our lives."

"But not before putting them in danger in the first place."

"We freed those people from slavery. I'd say that counts for something." Jack cast her a warm smile, revitalizing her shocked system. She look down, her lips pulling humbly at the corners.

'Tell me what happened with Hansen."

Sam looked up sharply, her bipolar change in emotion palpable. "Is that an order. Sir?" Jack raised his hands soothingly. Easy, Sam. She slowly blew out a tense breath and nibbled her lip. "You saw what happened."

"He hit you, and I distinctly remember wanting to kick his ass when it happened."

This time Sam returned his affection with a full smile, wet and stuffy though it was. Jack strolled back to her, nothing but warmth on his face. One hand extended to the wounded side of her face, almost touching but not quite there. "You know what I mean, Sam."

Carter nodded, blinking rapidly. "That wasn't the first time." Shit. When she had strived to make an impression on her new CO, this wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind. Nobody knew any details of her latest failed relationship. The last person to which she'd ever planned to divulge it was Colonel O'Neill. Here they were. And it felt right.

Jack huffed and clucked his tongue. His instincts never lied, and he felt so guilty for putting Carter through all that, honorable though his intentions were. "Guess I was right."

"Am I that predictable?"

"In the best of ways, Carter." He hesitated. "You know I hold you in the highest regard. The only reason I wanted you out of that situation…"

"I know, Sir. Thank you."

"Now, about that…" Jack cleared his throat and Sam looked sharp, catching on at once that her Superior Officer was still going to finish this. "You questioned my orders, acted without my authorization." Jack's voice was level, controlled, strong.

"Yes, Sir."

"But I put you in that situation. Still, I need to know my team will follow my orders, especially my Second in Command. We need to be on the same page, Carter, even if you don't agree with my orders."

"Yes, Sir."

"I will not tolerate insubordination, Captain. Is that understood?"

Sam nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Now c'mere." Jack invited her into his arms, wrapped her in his powerful frame and she clung to him like a lifeline.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, Sam. That's an order."

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