A/n- I don't own anything except my pants, shirt and socks and thong...uh...pretend you didn't hear that. Enjoy.
Tatl and Link then went inside and got a ride to the deku palace.
"Look! A FROGGIE!" Said Link as he jumped into the water to go look at it. Tatl screamed. "NO! Don't go into the water! It's poisonous!"
"Huh? OW! HURTS! IT BURRRRRRRNNS! Link scurried to the log that the frog was on. "Ooooooooo froggie! ooh!"
Link tackled the frog and made it fall off the log and into the poisonous water. "Riiibbeeeeetttt!" Link started crying. "I KILLED IT! WAAAAAH! COME BACK FROGGIE! NOOO!"
Tatl shook her head in agony. "You just haaaad to go see a stupid frog dind't you craka?"
"FROG NO STUPID! ME NO CRAKA! GRRRRRR!"
Link ran into the Deku Palace.
"Sweet. Lily pad stepping stones!" Link hopped across to the entrance.
"Can we help you?" Asked one of the Deku guards. Link stood with his hands on his hips. "Yeah, I need to like enter here because those monkeys kept saying that I need to save their brother."
"Only deku scrubs can pass through. Not lowly short green tunic wearing boys like you!" The deku scrub guards snorted with laughter making Link even more angry.
"LISTEN! I said either let me in or I will kick you nuts in to where you pee inside yourself. Do you want urine in you? HMM? Nope! Didn't think so!"
One of the deku guards stepped forward in front of Link. "Do you dare challenge me to a duel?"
"Bring it bambusch!" Link then threw his arm duel disk card holder on his right arm and expanded his deck of cards. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" Link screamed. Then the deku scrub put his arm duel disk holder on and expanded his cards. "BRING IT ON!"
Link started first. "PIKACHU! I CHOOSE YOU!"
"Uhh...craka, that's Pokemon, not Yugioh." Tatl mumbled.
"Oh...yeah I forgot."
The deku guard and Link battled for 80 days straight.
"Waaaiiitt a minute. Pause the game!" Link interrupted. "If we've been dueling for 80 days straight, then why hasn't the moon fell yet? How's that even possible?"
The deku guard stared at him. "I have no clue. But, YOU JUST RAN INTO MY TRAP CARD!"
Link yelled. "CRAP!"
~8 hours later...~
"I WON!" Link screamed. "Now you have no choice but to let me in."
"Nope. I already made myself clear. No deku scrubs allowed."
Link raised his eyebrow at the guard's error. "Oh really? Well, since I'm not a deku scrub, guess I can go inside."
"NO! I MEANT NO HUMANS!"
Link walked away pouting and whining. "Stupid deku scrubs. I bet they...scrub themselves." Tatl rolled her eyes. "Craka, why don't you just turn into a deku scrub with your mask so you can enter instead? Gosh I mean, how hard is it?"
Link did so. "HA! I'm a tree again!"
He walked up to the deku guards. "Yo! Can I like, come inside and stuff?"
Yeah, since you're a deku scrub, you're allowed. Just go straight ahead and don't go anywhere else. Especially in the garden area."
Link gave them a puzzled look. "Why not? It's not like you guys are growing marijuana or something."
*No response*
"Oh...my...god."
The two went straight ahead and saw the monkey tied up and locked in a cage. Link walked over to the monkey.
"Hi monkey!"
The monkey thought Link was another ordinary deku scrub. "You deku scrubs can suck my #$&*%!"
Link's eyes went wide.
"WHHHAAAT? Look here you asshat! I came alllllll the way here and out of my way to save you and you tell me to suck your #$&$!" I don't even know what that is, but let me tell you something brother, PASS THE PEAS"
Link stormed outside with Tatl trailing behind him and got barricaded by the monkeys again. Link growled irritably.
"We need you you to save our brother!"
"LOOK! I just freaking tried but he told me to suck his #$%#^ which I happily declined and I went out of my way to try and make him pass the peas but he wouldn't! I AM FREAKING STARVING HERE! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"
One of the monkeys stared blankly and confusingly at Link. "Uhh...make him pass the carrots?"
"WRONG!" Link threw his hands in the air. "I need him to tell me how to save him!"
Tatl intervened. "Craka, if he knew how to save himself, HE WOULD HAVE DONE SO ALREADY!"
"I like chicken nuggets." Link murmured.
The monkeys then explained to Link that he needed to go into the garden area and get a magic bean seed underground from the merchant and plant it outside the garden walls to get to their brother to get a song from him. That sounded simple enough to Link.
He entered the right garden area.
"HOLY CRAP! What the freak? Why do those deku guards have white dots as a flashlight? Wtf is this shit, light bright?"
He manoeuvred through the guards and found the underground hole and proceeded down it, landing in a puddle of water.
"Dung beetles, what bug eats poop?" He said randomly to Tatl. She rolled her eyes. "Leave it to craka here to start rambling on about random things. Stupid fool."
"What?"
"What?"
They approached the bean merchant. "DANNNNNNNG! This guy is Biggie Smalls combined with Big Daddy V!"
"Oooooh! SERVE CRAKA!"
The merchant looked at him and spoke with his mouth full of beans. "Here, you can have this bean for free."
"SWEET!"
Link went back to the ground and planted the seed and sprinkled water on it. Then it grew instantly.
"HOW THE CRAP DID THIS PIECE OF HECK GROW THAT FAST!" Link yelled.
"Craka, it's 'How the heck did this piece of crap'. Get your English straight. And this is a game, not real life. There are gonna be stuff that is impossible to happen."
"Oh, I forgot." He replied.
Link got across the garden, outside, past the flowers and flew from the deku flower until he got to the grave stone on the cliff where the waterfall was.
"OH MY GOD! NOT YOU AGAIN!"
It was the owl again.
"Oh my god! I am not gangsta anymore! Instead, I am preppy! Oh my god!" He spoke like a stereotypical gay guy. "Like, seriously!"
Link threw a rock at him. "Go away! I am sick of you and your stupid antics! Didn't you annoy me enough in Ocarina of Time?"
"No." Then the owl poured hair dye on Link's head, turning his hair pink.
"AHHH! IT BURNS! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"
Tatl poured water on his head and washed it off. "Ah, now that's better. Stupid owl! GO AWAY!"
The owl pouted. "Tsk, but I need to like, give you the song of soaring and stuff!"
"Why?"
"Because you can teleport places faster with it."
"...Teach me the song."
Reviews are appreciated. :3