Naruto took a large gulp of the wine Itachi had poured for him before remembering how much he hated the taste of any alcohol that wasn't beer. He barely refrained from spraying the dinner table as it overwhelmed his taste buds. Sai and Itachi were currently engaged in World War Three, only with far less shooting and a lot more verbal abuse. Never the less Naruto was still fairly sure there were going to be casualties before the end of dinner.

"An arts course. I see. And what may I ask, are you hoping to achieve with this? I'm inquiring out of concern naturally, these days you hear of so many people graduating with a diploma of arts and no viable work skills. I would hate to see you end up unemployable. "

Sai kicked up the creepy grin and laid a hand on his 'boyfriends' thigh. "Yeah, well that's probably one of the super duper things about being in a relationship with Naruto. I just know that no matter what happens he will always be there to support me. Won't you sweetums?"

Knowing that this was a situation of his own creation didn't make listening to Sai create a new pet name every thirty seconds any easier. He nodded feebly, trying to send the raven death through his gaze. "Ah, excuse me, I need to use the bathroom."

"Do you require assistance finding it?" Itachi inquired smoothly.

"NO! Hahaha, no, it's fine, everything's fine, I'll be right back. Ah, Sai, babe, why don't you come with me?"

"No, I'm good."

The blond's teeth ground together as left the table and started down the hall. As soon as he was out of earshot he grabbed his phone and frantically called Sakura.

"This has better be good Naruto."

"The bastard's demonic but possibly also very attractive older brother molested me and then wouldn't stop trying to get into my pants so I pretended Sai was my boyfriend and then Sai agreed to come around for dinner because he's an absolute dickwad and now I have to pretend like I like him and it's really hard and I fucking hate the taste of wine and Sasuke is a stupid ice princess and Neji's a filthy traitor who's never getting first shower again and if I don't take a breath pretty soon I think I'm going to faint."

There was a heartfelt sigh from the other end. "So basically your immature and asinine belief that all Uchiha's should be opposed in every aspect of life is preventing you from having sex with one of the most desirable men in the country.

Sakura knew him so well. "Right. So clearly the only option left is for me to climb out the bathroom window and wait for you to come pick me up."

"Naruto do you remember when you got your hand stuck in the cookie jar and then got pulled over by the police for driving to the hospital with a jar on your hand? Remember how I had to come pay your bail and then take you to the emergency room?"

He winced. "I try not to."

"Me too. My point is I told you that would be the last time I helped you out of a mess you'd created until you started to take some responsibility for your actions. You're on your own Naruto."

The beep that signalled he'd been hung up on had never sounded more ominous. Still fairly confident that the bathroom window was the best course of action the blond continued down the hallway. He'd taken little more than five steps when the lights went out and the windowless corridor was plunged into darkness. He froze for a moment before realising the only thing he could feasibly do was head back to the dining room and hope and wait for the power to return.

He was halfway back when he ran into something very solid and decidedly human. His hands came out automatically to grasp unseen shoulders even as his own waist was steadied with an arm.

Naruto let out a decidedly unmanly squeak. "Sai?"

"Considering you cannot possibly see I will forgive you that insult." The rumbling murmur was like a silky caress across his ear.

Definitely not Sai. "I'll scream rape." He threatened.

"Is that so? Perhaps people would be more inclined to believe you if your weren't clinging to me like a lifeline. I'll be honest Naruto I'm getting a little tired of your playing hard to get. You don't need to make me any more interested, I'm already very intrigued with the idea of making you mine."

There was a perfectly legitimate reason why he wasn't pulling away, there was, really, he just wasn't entirely sure what it was. Probably though it had a lot to do with how right it felt letting Itachi simply hold him. "I have a boyfriend."

"Who is obviously little more than a friend who debatably has access to privileges that undeniably belong to me."

"Doesn't make you any less jealous." He sulked.

"No, you're right, it doesn't."

Okay so there were definitely a warm pair of lips massaging his own that did not belong to his fake boyfriend. And that tongue snaking into his mouth, the hands sliding down to cup his arse, neither of those belonged to his pseudo boyfriend either.

Naruto pulled away, indignant. "How dare you make me cheat on my fake boyfriend."

"Some of the things which come out of your mouth are truly unfathomable. Gagging you, however, may cause me to miss those sinful little moans you produce."

"Oh Itachi, all this talk of gagging and rape, I always knew you were a romantic at heart. Don't let the icy glare and broody emo boy attitude scare you off ladies, when you come right down to it the Uchiha brothers are nothing but a bundle of sadistic bondage fun."

His answer was in the form of a searing kiss that left him dizzy, gasping for air. "Very well then, I'll make you a deal Naruto, if I can get you to come undone before the power is fixed you have to let me take you out on a date. If I can't, however, I am willing stop my pursuit and leave you be."

Naruto thought ruefully that it would have been a lot easier to resist if a part of him wasn't so enamoured with the idea of the something more than a quick fuck which the word date eluded to. Besides which he had never been able to walk away from a challenge.

"Heh, well thanks for making this easy Mr Uchiha. Do your worst."

I know, I know, I suck. Kudos to you if you're still reading this and many thanks. This story has one hundred and fifty three alerts which has kind of blown me away. You guys are awesome.