As always, I do not own The Outsiders :)

Major Trigger warning for this chapter. *Self-harm, sexual assault*

Please, if you do not feel comfortable/safe with this subject, please skip this chapter. As someone who has been there in my own life, I don't want anyone else to feel that this chapter adds more stress on them – mentally and emotionally. So read only if you are able and in the right state of mind and place in your life. Thank you xxx

Chapter 7:

"Hey, Ponyboy. What's this?"

I looked up real quick and could feel myself pale as I saw a scrap of red tissue paper dangling from his hand.

"I dunno. Why are you asking me?" I said pulling it together, hoping it wasn't noticeable by my facial expression.

"I don't know... thought you might've tried to start shaving or something," he said with a smirk before tossing it in the trash can.

"It was probably Soda trying to shave this morning. You know how clumsy he is."

"Yeah now that I think about it, he was bitching to Darry about something in the bathroom earlier before they went to work."

"See exactly," I said shaking my head as I reached over the end of the couch and grabbed Gone With the Wind off the end table. "You know how he gets when he's running late in the morning and Darry's yelling at him to hurry up." I leaned back into the couch, acting like I was giving a damn about what I was reading.

"Yeah I guess you're right there, Pone," he said sitting down in Darry's chair.

I smirked as I scanned the page I was on, it just becoming a blur of black and white. Two-Bit started talking to Johnny about some girls he saw, and I figured it was best to just block him out. But it was hard as Two-Bit decided to throw pieces of paper at my head to get my attention.

"Don't you think so, Ponyboy?"

"What now, Two-Bit?" I asked closing the book and throwing it on the coffee table.

Johnny looked a little taken aback at my sudden outburst, but Two-Bit didn't even blink and kept carrying on with his wild ideas, "Don't you think I could set Johnnycakes up with someone?"

I swear I gave him the weirdest look, "I guess… Why are you so set on it? Did what's her name want a double date again?"

"As a matter fact no. I just am looking out for my buddy here... Unless you would like to get some action," he said wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Ugh no thank you," I said as I got up and made my way into the kitchen. No way I would go for one of those girls he's talking about. And besides… not like anyone would want me anyways. "Not like anyone would want you for any other reason, Grease."

I shook my head trying to clear their voices out of my head. No matter what I did they always came crawling back in. I went over to the sink and took a cup and filled it with water, taking a drink before heading back out into the living room.

"Wanna go to the drive-in's tonight, Pone?" Johnny asked as I sat back down on the couch.

"Um, I guess so. Who all's going?"

"Don't know yet, probably everyone like usual."

"Okay," I simply replied grabbing my book and putting up the usual mask, trying to just get away for a bit and not overthink it. I couldn't let anyone in.

- xxx -

When we got to the drive-in's, the guys took to our usual area off to the side, downhill from the concession stand. I felt on edge, but tried to brush it off as I wanted to feel somewhat normal for once. I watched as Dally and Two Bit were eying up some blondes down the row, while the others were just joking around as usual, despite Darry "standing guard" and just sitting back and observing. Johnny and I watched as the entertainment unfolded per usual with them as Soda and Steve tried to instigate a fight with him. I got up about halfway through the first movie with Johnny to walk around and maybe get my mind off of things. We walked up and down the rows, and even grabbed some popcorn on the way back. I felt okay as we joked about the guys and Two-Bit walked right into a great one joke as we got back. It made it even better when Two-Bit tripped over a bench when he tried to catch us because of it. Everyone was laughing and it felt like old times. As the next movie started, the guys were still half paying attention and half talking about random stuff I wasn't too concerned about. I started feeling tired so I decided to get up and move around a bit.

"Be right back"

" Where ya goin'?" asked Soda.

"Restroom – won't be long," I replied.

"Okay, don't fall in!" He laughed and I rolled my eyes.

As I was washing my hands I heard a loud noise against the wall. I looked around and I was the only one there and I simply shook it off. "You're fine." I looked up in the mirror, fixed my hair, and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes, taking in a second breath, but that breath was gone as quickly as I took it as the door opened. I looked up in the mirror and found myself staring into piercing green eyes; the ones that were forever etched into my mind.

"Well… this is a nice surprise," he smirked, his eyes tracing up and down over my body. He moved forward after locking the door behind him.

"What do you want?" I managed to get out as I found myself backing up against the wall.

"I think you know the answer to that question, Grease," he growled, only inches away from my face. His arms stretched out and caged me in on either side of my head. I dug my nails into the palms of my hand as he moved a hand to my face and began trailing it down my body.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I growled back, as I felt my body start to tremble; partially from anger and partially from fear.

"And what are you gonna do if I don't, baby?" He continued trailing down till he got to my waist. Instinctively, I tried to kick him and remove his hand, but I found myself gasping for air instead as he had his hand around my neck, forcing me against the wall even further. "And to think, I was gonna be easy with you… Guess you just ruined that for yourself, now didn't you?"

He threw me down to the floor, my jaw hitting the hard concrete. I tried to get up and crawl over to the door but immediately couldn't move as I felt the weight of him step onto my ankle. I felt it crack as it broke under his foot. I yelped in pain before he grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. He looked at me with a smirk before dropping me again. He went to move down on top of me but stopped as he looked at me for a minute. I followed his gaze.

"What kind of sick freak are you?" he asked grabbing my wrist and eyeing it up. The red scars and cuts were exposed without me realizing it. He paused for a second, as if second guessing. But that was only my hope as he looked back into my eyes and they became dark once again. "So that's what you're into? …Guess I can accommodate that," he said pulling out his switchblade. I froze as he held it against my neck quickly and found his way undoing my jeans. Tears brimmed my eyes as the blade moved closer as I was shaking and I could feel the sting of the cut while he grabbed ahold of me.

"Please no," I whimpered as I tried to move away from his touch. He quickly moved the blade to my side where he left several cuts. I hissed as I felt him cut even more along my hips and waist as he continued to feel every inch of my body. I felt myself slipping away as he flipped me over and quickly pulled down his own pants down and pressed himself against me. Tears fell as I tried to block it out and get away, but I couldn't. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. I felt the pressure and fire consume me as he had full control of me. I tried fighting back, which only ended up in things being worse and my face being shoved into the concrete.

When he was finished I was frozen. I was completely numb. It was as if all life had left me. The only thing that brought me back to the present was a new searing pain at my waist as he got up and put himself together in the mirror. He kicked my jeans over towards me and looked down at me as he turned around to head out. "Hope you enjoyed yourself, slut." He looked me up and down once more. "Clean yourself up… I look forward to next time" He quickly left after locking the door on the way out, leaving me alone on the cold floor. I curled up on myself, shaking with the thought of there being a next time.

After what felt like ages, I got up and put my clothes on and moved over to the mirror. There was a small cut on my neck and bruises from his hand as well. I looked down at the bottom of my hoodie, and while the hoodie was darker in color, I could still see something darker and wet on it. I lifted it up and the river of tears burst once more. Lines were everywhere in every direction across my chest, stomach, and waist but in the center it stood out. 'SLUT' I looked up at the mirror and felt every emotion course through me. The anger, pain, and shame consumed me as my body trembled. Without even thinking, I punched the mirror, shattering it around me. I ignored the pain as I stepped back and looked at the shards of glass around me. I felt scattered. I felt broken. I felt worthless. I felt destroyed.

I stood there shaking until I heard a noise that brought me back to the present. There was a banging on the door that was getting louder and I could hear people talking. I quickly pulled down the sleeves of my hoodie, covering my now bloody and scraped up hand and wiping off my face before heading over to the door and unlocking it. Two guys on the other side gave me a look as they came in but just pushed past me. Luckily the lights weren't that bright and they probably didn't notice anything despite how disheveled I was. I could hear them comment about the mirror but tried to just keep moving forward.

I felt as though I was in a daze as I made my way back to the guys. Somehow I made it back, even though I felt as though my legs were going to give out. I remembered then in that moment that he probably had broken my ankle as my steps were becoming less and less steady. I saw the guys up ahead and made my way over to the bench that Johnny and I had been sitting at. I was hoping it wouldn't be a big deal with me being gone, but of course someone had to notice.

"Where the hell did you go? Timbuktu?" Soda asked, looking over at me. If anything I was more surprised I wasn't being questioned by Darry in that moment.

"Sorry. Stomach was bothering me," I said as I looked up at the screen, avoiding eye contact. Soda seemed to believe it but I could feel Johnny staring at me, though, almost as if he was questioning me, but he didn't argue. I wasn't entirely lying with my stomach at least. As I sat there, I was growing sicker to my stomach with every passing second. The events of that night hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was hoping no one would notice anything was off, despite the growing pain throughout my body. Luckily it was dark out and we were away from the lights up by the concession stand, so it would be easier to stay hidden.

As the movie was starting to end, the guys and I decided to head back to the house. I was so tired and almost falling asleep by that time that I even bugged Soda halfway back to carry me on his back like he used to when we were younger.

"Ponyboy, why can't you just walk like everyone else?" he asked, playfully shoving me aside. I winced, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"I'm tired… and think I twisted my ankle earlier walking back to where we were sitting. Stepped in a ditch."

He stopped in front of me and sighed, "Come on, get up."

"Seriously, Soda? You're gonna baby him?" Steve said. I could feel the eye roll in just the tone of his voice.

Soda ignored him and I was grateful for that. I didn't want to get into anything else this late at night with anyone else, even if it was a minor argument. I felt myself drifting off due to how tired I was but woke up when I realized we were back on our street. When we got back to the house, I hopped down from Soda's back as we walked over to the gate. I paused for a moment felt the blood on the bottom of my hoodie. It suddenly hit me that they could possibly see this as all of the lights were on in the house. I hurried into the house ahead of everyone, trying to keep my composure and ran into my room. I grabbed my clothes that were laying on the end of the bed before going into the bathroom as the guys began coming into the house. I heard the screen door slam back against the doorframe and heard the guys gathering in the living room. I wasn't sure how long they'd be there but I knew I had to take care of things. I locked the door and turned on the shower as hot as I could get it. I reached into the cabinet above the sink before stepping into the hot scorching water. I paused before placing my silver companion to my arm. Not even caring, I sliced across, up, and down my left arm in every direction. Large gashes appeared and crimson rivers erupted. I felt weak and dizzy as set my blade down on the side of the tub and could feel myself beginning to sway a bit. I braced myself against the tile wall and took a deep breath, trying to steady myself as the tears followed. After a few moments and regaining some strength, I reached over and grabbed the soap and began to scour my body. Every inch was red as I tried to get rid of his touch. I didn't care how much it took out of me. I would get rid of it. I would get rid of him on me. I wasn't sure how long I was in there for, but it had to be a while as I was brought back to reality by a banging on the door.

"Pony hurry up in there… don't be wasting all the water!" Darry was probably going to be giving me a lecture about that and me wasting things later. I sighed and turned off the water as it felt ice cold.

"Okay, I'm finishing up. Sorry Dar," I managed to get out as I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. I lightly patted the towel on my new cuts and realized it would take a bit more to cover them than previous ones. I pulled the first aid kit out from under the sink and wrapped up my arm in gauze and taped it up. I made a mental note to run to the drug store to get more supplies soon as I didn't want anyone getting suspicious if they pulled it out and it was empty. I took the bandage wrap and wrapped my ankle as well before pulling the rest of my clothes back on. I looked at his mark once more… well the newest one before quickly pulling on one of Darry's old sweatshirts. I grabbed my blade and hid it back in its place in the very back of the cabinet before balling up my clothes. I looked at them for a moment, noticing the stains and thought of where to put them. I decided to wrap them up in my towel and throw them in the back of my closet once more. So that way they'd be away and no one would know or see what happened.

I made my way into my room and found that Soda was already laying down in bed, starting to doze off. I smiled, just knowing he was there was comforting, even if he didn't know what I was going through. "Everyone head home for the night?" I asked tossing the pile of clothes to the back of the closet.

"Yeah, pretty much. But Johnny is staying out on the couch though. We could hear his parents fighting from down the street, so Darry told him to stay over."

"Ah okay. Just wondering," I said pulling back the covers and climbing into bed as well.

"Pony…" he said softly, half awake.

"Yeah?"

"You know I'm always gonna be here for you right?"

"Yeah Sodapop. I know. Why do you ask that?" I pulled the covers up more as I looked over at him, a little nervous that he may know something.

"I'm just worried about you. Sometimes I feel like you get so stuck in your own head and I just want to make sure you're okay. No matter what happens, we'll get through it together. You're my baby brother and I'll always be there for you," he trailed off as sleep was starting to take ahold of him.

"I know Soda… I'm okay." I said softly as he pulled me into a hug. He didn't seem to notice as I flinched away from his touch. I took a deep and somewhat shaky breath as I felt the exhaustion take a hold of me as well. I leaned into Soda, for once allowing myself to just let go of everything and let myself slip into the darkness.