Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note

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My name is Aaron Ayres, I'm fourteen years old and that will not change. I'll never get a chance to see fifteen and I couldn't be more relieved than I am now.

The world is a dark, manipulative, consuming place. I'm aware. I'm aware of the truth about my identity. A and Aaron are, in some ways two people, but we're the same person. I know that I have a mental disorder. I have the ability to see past all of my glitches. I get it. A few of my wires are crossed.

But… I am unable control it. The world has never been kind to me. But I didn't want to give up like this. I'd wanted to keep fighting. I thought, perhaps, just maybe, if my smile could make another person feel good, it was all worth it. There needed to be a light in this bleak world. I couldn't find a reason for it not to be me. I saw no good in sitting around and moping, so I didn't.

But forcing that smile, forcing that laugh, and nobody, not a god damn person seeing the real, lost little me behind it… to be brash, it really fucked me up. I couldn't handle all of my suppressed hate, all of my suppressed tears, and everything that I'd kept hidden inside me. Thus, my brain created A. A form of myself that would be just as dark, evil, and manipulative as the rest of the world. I didn't want to be sweet anymore, but I couldn't let go of myself and become A, I didn't want to abandon the world like that… so a split was forced.

I can only see all of this now.

Back when A had made his first appearance, I didn't understand it. I really thought that I was two different people. Or rather, there was another soul inside of me. Or I was another soul inside of him. The whole situation was just a fuzzy blur. But I was eleven. Genius or not, I couldn't understand it.

I'm an inventor, not a psychologist, or even a detective. I know all of this now because L forced us, B and me, to study criminal psychology and regular psychology, to get a better understanding of people and why they act the way they do, so we can predict their next move. Even after all my studying, there is still something I can't quite grasp, and now I don't think I'll ever get the chance, but his cold and heartless nature… What would make a man who claims to stand for justice, and claims to protect the weak, destroy kids' lives so easily?

I've given up on life because I'm finding that the one and only thing that kept me going, is long since gone. I can't make people smile anymore. What's the point of existing in a world where I do no good and I am unwanted? A place where my dreams are ignored and out ruled just because of my intelligence level and the fact that my parents had an early death. Is the meaning of my life so minuscule when looking at the possibility of a second L?

Does the end really justify the means, L?

Can you really give reason to that? You're arrogant and manipulative. Just like the world, just like A. I really don't like you. Thank you for housing me, but I really hope you have an early death for being part of the cause of mine.

B… I've long since known your real name. The real you. Beyond Birthday. Wammy hasn't gotten quite perfect at removing all background information just yet. I'm sure he will though, I'm sure this institution will last for a long time… Despite what it does to all of it's residents.

For the greater good they will sacrifice our childhoods and minds.

Don't you agree? That's what A was always saying anyway... I know you didn't really know me. I know you only knew A. I also know that you didn't really like him, you weren't trying to hide it or anything. Your distain of him really upset me. If you'd liked him, of course he was a dick to you, but if he was nice and you were nice to him, I probably would've been happy. I just wanted to see you happy. He wouldn't let me talk to you, but I've always longed to. When I thought that I was only me, I adored you so much. You were the best friend anybody could hope for. Like a brother, but different… Closer. I don't really know what that means, but I know that I just desperately wanted you to know me because I knew you. Not B. You didn't know me though. You hurt me. You are cruel and manipulative, making me think you cared about me.

You, the world, L, and A… You're all the same.

I'm ready to disappear. I'm ready to vanish. I'm ready to forget everything. I'm ready to just go away. I'm ready to stop hurting. I'm ready to let the world suffer and wallow in it's own misery. I can't do anything to help it. I tried and was destroyed in the process. The cruelty and, please disregard the irony of this word, the inhumanity of this darkening, hate-filled world is too much for such a small child to take. I loved to smile. Smiling was my favorite thing and you took that away from me. Nobody reached out.

When crying myself to sleep, nobody held me.

When wandering the halls of this place, tears streaming down my face, nobody offered a tissue.

When curling up in the old, hard mattress at the first orphanage I was put into, nobody cared to ask if I needed a shoulder to lean on.

When becoming A, nobody noticed.

A boy of only eight loses everything and not a single person cares or helps. My world has ended. I wish that I could've lived, but in a world like this, it wouldn't have been worth it anyway.

B, don't let the shadows from this translucent oblivion keep you from seeing something for what it really is.

L, I'm begging you, step down from your pedestal and join the rest of us down here. Quit watching us run around like headless chickens with weapons in our hands. When the termites eat through your stand and you fall, you're going to fall hard L. You're going to deserve it. You claim to stand for justice but your words are nothing but frothy bullshit! You're life is just as transient as anybody else's. My last words to the world were difficult to choose, but really, even after all of this rambling, there is only one thing that I want any person who may be reading this to know about me. One thing that I would want them to walk away with. One thing that I want them to remember about me.

I, Aaron Ayres, love Beyond Birthday with everything I am.

So... I went back and read the rest of this story... Holy crap lots of typos... I really should do something about that. I need to start proofreading... Sorry for that guys!

Anyway, been forever, but I finally have the suicide note done... I'm not sure if I'm happy with it... But I think I like it better that way. It's not perfect and it seems almost rushed... Which seems rather perfect for a suicide note. Hope you enjoyed this sort of... Epilogue... thing

Review!

-Lunar