Prologue : Waiting

Seth

I think I was technically about twenty four when I stopped looking for my imprint. Or was it twenty five? I could never be too sure really. As it was I had trouble remembering how old I really was after lying about it for so many years. I'm not sure how we wolves thought we'd get away with that whole 'No really, we age, we just have good genes' fib. It worked on the rez, but that was about the only place. The people in La Push knew that something wasn't quite right with a few of us, but they had all heard the legends. They pretty much kept their mouths shut and didn't ask many questions.

I couldn't remember how old I was most of the time, much less how old I was when I gave up and stopped looking for her. Waiting for her… Pining for her…

After over a decade as a wolf, I just figured that it wasn't gonna happen to me.

I would get over it…eventually. Most of the guys thought of 'The Big I', or imprinting, as an added perk to the otherwise sucky lifestyle of being a member of the pack. However, I really didn't mind being a member of the pack. In fact, I had always liked it. I could see into the minds of my brothers, and those who hadn't imprinted and who weren't like me – a general optimist – were more likely to grumble about patrols or wish to retire quickly. But not me. Just because I was a wolf I didn't let it run my whole life. I had done the college thing, albeit community college since I couldn't really go far with my pack responsibilities, but had graduated just the same. Honestly, I hadn't really wanted to go far or do much other than be a wolf.

Like I said, most of us looked forward to imprinting because we had seen into the minds of those who had done it and well…it looked really cool. How could it not be? Those happy bastards rarely knew what hit them. Why wouldn't we want to have something like that in our lives? It was something to look forward to; something to make a sometimes bleak existence as a furry animal that patrolled for monsters worthwhile. Take one of my best friends, Quil Ateara for example. Looking into his mind for the first seven years of his imprint Claire's life had been like watching Sesame Street while stoned. Everything was funny, light, and nothing ever really bothered him.

This was Quil's mindset:

Lost his job because he overslept again after a night after patrolling? It'll be fine I get to babysit Claire this Saturday night.

Break your wrist (paw) while wrestling with Brady? Its okay, Claire got an A on her science project.

World is ending, the sun is crashing into the earth, and we're all going to combust? Will Claire be there?

See? The way I figure, how could life be that bad if that's how you thought of everything? I had looked forward to imprinting for years, and I hadn't really made that a secret. I already loved my life as a wolf, and as I waited, I loved my life as a police officer. I was on the force in Forks with my stepdad, Charlie Swan, who I honestly liked and enjoyed working with. Things were going great for me, and I looked forward to finally having a life of my own with whoever the lucky girl was going to be.

So I waited.

Okay, I didn't really 'wait'. I graduated high school through home schooling and a mother who understood my uh, inherited career. I enrolled in community college right after finishing high school, and was on the straight track to getting an education. When Charlie suggested that I become a police officer for Forks, I had balked at the idea. Then, the more I thought about it, I couldn't think of a reason why not. I was in great physical shape, I certainly couldn't be harmed by much of anything, and I liked helping people. And, as a bonus, I would have a pretty flexible schedule. As it turns out, police training was a breeze when you're a wolf, and I passed all my tests with flying colors. My teachers at the police academy in Seattle had actually been sad to see me return to the small town of Forks to work instead of staying in a larger city to work. But I had my reasons.

Before I knew it, it was time for the Cullens to leave for awhile and a house pretty much fell into my lap. They had been so attached to the house in Forks that none of them had wanted to sell it, so I moved into the mansion to house sit for a few years. They would be back in a century or so when everyone they knew here was dead, and they were relieved, I think, to know that I would be guarding their house in the meantime. In a way, it was kind of funny to me; The house wasn't changing, I wasn't changing…everything around me was frozen in time as the years passed and I waited for her.

And I waited.

And waited.

Okay…I didn't 'wait' in the bedroom department. I wasn't like Quil in that way. I hadn't imprinted, and therefore I could still pay attention to women, where he and all my other imprinted brothers practically couldn't. I wasn't about to go eighteen years without sex. No way.

I was careful though. Extremely careful. I was so careful not to get attached to a female that it was almost stressful at times. Looking back, I probably broke a lot of hearts along the way. I wasn't a jerk about it; I always explained that I wasn't looking for anything serious, and I didn't exactly send them packing in a cab the next morning. I had a few one night stands here and there, but never anything more than one or two casual dates. I never went out looking for sex like some of my mangier pack mates (Brady), but I wasn't about to turn it down if it came knocking at my door.

But there was always that fear there, looming in the back of my head…

I had never forgotten what my original Alpha, Sam, had done to my sister. True, I had seen both sides of the story, both before I phased and after. After Leah and I phased and I had to deal with patrolling with them both, I had gotten firsthand account via both of their memories. However, neither side looked appealing. I avoided anything serious with any girl so that when the time came, I was ready and willing to give my imprint everything she needed from me, heart, mind, and soul. Leah never said it, but I knew she appreciated that aspect of my history.

I'm a positive person by nature; always have been, probably always will be. And yet, it got harder and harder every year that she didn't appear in front of me. My best friends and pack mates met their imprints and started to retire and age, and then there I was; still frozen in my 'early twenties', phasing every day and waiting to meet the future Mrs. Seth Clearwater. Esme had given me her blessing to live in the Cullen house in Forks for as long as I wanted to once I met her; hell, Esme had even stocked the entire house full of girl-friendly shit like expensive bed sheets, fancy bath salts, and hair conditioner. What guy uses hair conditioner and bath salt? Why does a bath even need salt? Trying to explain why these things were in my houses to guests got quite difficult, but…I did it. For her.

Days, weeks, years, and eventually a decade passed. And then another year passed. And another. I was twenty seven at the time, and I wasn't quite the same person anymore. Waiting will do that to someone.

I tried to stay positive, but that was hard sometimes. I could see what I was missing in the minds of my brothers who had imprinted, and I wanted it. How do you even miss something you've never had? Easy – you see it up close and personal in the minds of your best friends, every night on patrol. It was hard for them not to think about their imprints really. Not that I could blame them.

The ones who had imprinted on younger kids (Quil) had extremely happy and fun memories. The ones who had imprinted on older girls (Paul, Jared, Sam, etc) had memories of the best sex ever imaginable that they flipped through every night. Now, as gross as it was to watch stuff like that, sometimes you couldn't help it. Just to catch a glimpse of what they were remembering from the night before was exhilarating if you could ignore the fact that it was them and just concentrate on their feelings for their imprints. It was indescribable the level of love and utter devotion they felt to those girls. I'm confident that there wouldn't be anything like it on the planet.

I pined for that feeling.

And each year that it didn't come, it was like a blow to my ego. Had I really waited, frozen in time for all these years, for a girl that would never appear? Had I pushed away some other girl who would have been just fine for me in my desperate hunt to find my imprint? These were the thoughts that haunted me for almost a decade.

I was about a month and a half away from my twenty eighth birthday when it happened.

Now, when guys describe imprinting, both with words and shown in their minds, it's never a subtle thing. Some imprintees are naturally drawn to the wolves that imprint on them, with others, it takes more time. Over the years, I had seen both happen. Kim was so drawn to Jared that she practically couldn't stand it. Paul had had to fight tooth and nail to get Rachel to even give him a second glance.

However, for the wolf it's always sudden and unexpected, and undeniable. I had worried for years as a young wolf that I would imprint someday and not even realize it. How silly that fear had been. Jared once told me it was like 'getting bitch slapped by cupid, but you really fuckin' like it.' So I had that to look forward to.

And Jared was right, in many, many ways.

I remember when I saw her for the first time. It wasn't exactly a great situation, but as soon as I laid eyes on her that didn't really matter anymore. She reeked like…well, not me, but that didn't matter quite as much either. All that mattered was that I had found her. Finally.

She was a pessimist, she had her demons from the past, and she hated cops. She was the polar opposite of me, we had almost nothing in common, and she thought I was weird and a bit creepy with all the weird shit I said and did around her. She was short, I was tall, she hated Forks, I loved it. She ate organic food, I ate fast food; she wanted to say inside, I wanted to go outside. She would give me looks that clearly made me feel like a loser, and she once even labeled me as 'un-cool'. But I soon learned that none of that mattered, nor would it ever matter again.

She was the most perfect thing I had ever seen.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Alright guys, here we go! There aren't that many 'mature' seth fics out there at the moment, so I thought I would give him a try. I'm in the middle of a bunch of other projects right now, but this one was begging to be read. How many of you saw him in Eclipse yesterday? How awesomely cute was he? This will be a fic for us uh…older girls who can feel better about pining after an 'older seth' as opposed to the sixteen year old in the movie.

That said, this is an 'M' rated fic. Please keep this in mind. It will be rated 'M' for a reason. This fic is a bit dark in places. If that bothers you, then now would be the time to cease reading. Also, if the idea of imprinting bugs you, or wolves imprinting on younger girls bugs you, then this is definitely not for you. I keep all relationships 'appropriate' (absolutely no mature relationships with minors) but you get the picture. You have been warned!

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And as always, reviews = new chapters.