NOT FOR CHILDREN. UNDER 18, STAY AWAY.

I have posted this last time, and well, I took it back because it was too much. But some people I treasured asked me to finish this, so I will posted this whole story in a one shot. Please make sure you are OK with this theme.

PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME FROM THIS STORY. THIS IS , TRUE, MY DEEPEST IMAGINATION. BUT MOST OF THE TIME I AM VERY HAPPY PERSON.

WARNINGS: RAPE. VIOLENT. DISTURBING IMAGES. PSYCHOLOGICAL SITUATION.

Pairing: RoChu.

Please be careful when reading this one shot. Thank you.

"Become one with me, da?"

The question was laid bare in front of China. China hissed.

"Who want to be one with you, aru!"

Russia was virtually slapped on the face by the rejection. The Russian smiled widely.

"Everybody wants to be one with Mother Russia, da?"

"In your dream, aru!"

"Yes. In my dream, you were one with me, da. And in reality, I would make you be one with me."

China was shocked when suddenly the Russian slapped him hard. He was shoved to the wall. The meeting hall have great wall, courtesy to American architecture. They are hard and firm; nice to shove people's head to and made them unconscious.

China still had a bit of his own consciousness left when Russia kicked him on his stomach.

"I would make you one with me, Yao. You will be very, very happy, being one with me."

"A…You crazy…"

"Soon it would be 'I want more' da?"

"No…way…"

"You forget the 'aru' in your sentence. Good night, Yao. Sweet dream."

The last thing he knew was a hard blow on his head by an iron water pipe.

When he woke up, his arms and legs were tied together by iron wire. China tried to wiggle yet by the next hour he understood he had reached nothing but hurting himself. The iron wires were so tight that if he rubbed his hand to wiggle free, it cut through his skin, induced heat which burned his neurons; making his whitish skin became red—and soon bluish.

China then realized that he was lying on bare, cold concrete floor. He looked around and the room was as bare as the floor—all concrete, with a small window high up him. China calculated that even if he stood and jumped, the window would be still too high for him to reach.

He moved his head. Pain. He instinctively tried to touch his head with his bound hands; his fingers touched something sticky. When he saw what colour the sticky thing was, he remembered that he was being blown by a water pipe.

Bastard Russia! He did this to me!

Why? His mind desperately searched for an answer just to forget his current condition. He thought Russia was a gentle man. He thought Russia wouldn't hurt him, despite his sadistic tendencies that seldom appeared. He thought Russia thinks of him as special—Russia called him a lot of time intimately—and China thought they were at least friend. Or even more than friend.

"Wake up, da."

Russia's voice cut through everything. His mind, his thought, his chest. The bigger man came into the room, having a tray with a glass of water and a bowl of soup.

"Meal time."

"Let me go, you bastard aru!"

"Ah…" Russia chuckled. China suddenly felt chilling sensation down his spine. Russia's chuckle wasn't like the usual childish nice laugh; it was nerve-jangling and horrifying. "As much as I love your 'aru' pouting; I think it's time to make you stop using them, da?"

"Bastard! Aru is me and I will say aru!" China wasn't even in control of his mind. Everything was strange and all he could do was trying to be strong and stayed sane.

"Soon; you will use 'da', da?" Russia smiled widely. He put down the tray on the floor and took the glass. "You should be dehydrated by now. Drink, da?"

"Hmph! Like I could drink with my hands tied like this, aru!"

"Oh… I didn't tell you to drink it by yourself, did I?" Russia whispered softly. "Open your mouth, Jao…"

China looked away, trying to refuse any order from the insane beast. Russia smiled and laughed. "Oh, I love you and your snobbish pride, da? I do."

China kept looking away, determined to refuse anything from Russia.

"I need to make you, then?" Russia smirked and drunk the water, keeping it in his throat and mouth. With bulging cheek, he grabbed China's face roughly with his hand. He pinched the pink pale cheek hard; hard enough to make bruises in the shade of purple the next day. China was forced to open his orifice; and the next second he could feel water mixed with saliva in his mouth.

"Drink."

China poured them out, but the next second he could feel Russia's tongue against his and massaging his mouth to swallow the liquids. He ended up swallowing the liquids, and until he finished, Russia never letting his tongue out.

"Good."

Russia pressed the cheek harder. China flinched from the pain. It felt like his jaw was torn open. His mouth was gaping unnaturally. His teeth were hurting, jabbing at his own cheek. He tried to bite but Russia's strength was weirdly too strong for him to fight.

Russia smiled softly, tilting the glass over China's mouth. The water gushing down and choked China. He wasn't ready with the water rushing in through his throat. The water uncomfortably found their way out of China's nostril. For a moment China couldn't breath.

"Now eat, da? I know Yao Yao would be hungry… I can see you struggle hard, da? I advised you don't, though. Because the wire will cut through you; I don't want to leave your bones visible, yet."

The tone made China believed Russia would do it someday. For sure. Fear crept through his back. He was shaking. But he was a man. He was the wise man, the oldest of nation, 4000 years old and counting. He was brave and wise. He knew he was strong. He knew he could fight. So China swallowed hard and with everything he got, he spitted on the man.

Russia wiped the saliva from his face with his hand. He smirked wider.

"Do you want me to cut your nerves now, Yao?"

He was fed by the insane man. The soup dripped back out from his ass.

"Ah, naughty naughty." Russia playfully commented when he saw China's ass contracted. "Don't move your muscle, Yao. Otherwise you'll waste the soup, da?"

"…Feed me… properly, stupid…" and China added, just to annoy the Russian, "…aru."

"But I see your ass like the spoon better than your mouth, da." Russia shoved the spoon deeper into his ass. China almost screamed as the spoon was iron and cold and weird in shape. The thing shoved deeper into his flesh; elicited pain and blood. It came roughly and tore him; he could feel his skin break apart from each other; much to his disadvantage because he was now so sensitive over the particular area.

"You like the spoon, da?"

"…no… it's hurting me… no more… aru…. please!"

"No more 'aru' then?" Russia pulled and pushed the spoon like he was shaking a bottle. "Promise, da?"

"Yes… yes!" China shouted from pain, and he cried out. It was burning and uncomfortable and painful. Felt like his insides were turned inside out.

"Ah… I am sorry, Yao. I think I excavated some of your flesh; da…" Russia took the spoon and gazed at a small clump of pinkish solid covered by blood. He chucked it away and opened his pants. "I think it's time for injection, da?"

China screamed; the loudest in his life so far; although it would be louder when Russia started to thrust in him. Russia purposely aimed the torn part of his inside and with every thrust, China felt like he would die. China wished he wasn't alive. The pain, oh the pain… nothing could bring his brain from giving more attention to the torn part… it was pain, pain, argh! pain… no more, no more, no more… kill him please…

Russia released inside China. The sperm was swimming inside him; it made the wound stung like hell. China felt raw and exposed and super-sensitive and the sperm made everything more unbearable. His body trembled—not from satisfaction, but from pure pain.

"Ah… thank you for the meal, da." Russia coldly shove the body he just fucked, making China felt like he was nothing but a fuck doll. Russia used to cuddle him whenever they finished making love—despite how rough their sessions were—and China still believed that Russia cared about him after their breakups. But now… he was treated like a whore; an inflatable fuck doll. The session just now wasn't ven called making love.

It was called rape.

China sobbed. The pain turned into something else called emotional pain. Russia stared at the Asian, before coldly spoke;

"Stop crying. I don't like weak doll."

Russia left the room and locked the door from outside. China was still bound by the wires.

Ah, it hurts. China didn't knew which one was more painful—his wrist; his ankle; his ass or his chest. His whole body hurts.

What happened with Russia? What happened with their relationship? What happened with their affection to each other? What happened to respect and humanity? Why him? Why Russia? Why did Russia confined him like that when China would gladly compel to pleasure him only if Russia asked nicely? What happened?

Day turned into night. The light that shone through the small window dimmed and so did China's hope. He knew his family would have been searching for him. He knew America would be frantically trying to get him because he needs more donations. He knew everybody would miss him since China was their dinner chef. Somebody should have noticed. They would have been searching right now.

They should have. But it seemed like nobody did remember him.

No, China shook his head gently since he couldn't move much. He should believe that they are searching for him.

But if they found him, how was he going to explain? Russia kidnapped him? Raped him? It's impossible. China still has his lingering affection for the Russian; they used to be very close lovers. China remembered (sadly, all the act just now reminded him about every lovely thing the Russian did) how Russia spoon fed him when he was sick; how Russia tied him gently to the bed post for their bondage sessions; how Russia gently cooed him whenever China felt like not eating—due to economy fall. And the more reasons to lie about Russia's today act.

What happened?

China shivered from the cold. His clothes were scattered around him, but it was too hard to get them because he couldn't even move freely now. His ass still stung, although it was numb-er than just now; his wrists and ankles were already deadpanned, couldn't be moved. He was almost naked, safe for wet unbuttoned shirt around his body. He knew his blood would be around him, already dried and made him looked dirty and unattractive.

He was cold and lonely.

"Ivan!" he shouted. He didn't know why, but being with the rapist was better than being alone. "Ivan! Come here…aru."

The word slipped through his tongue after serious calculation. Maybe Russia would heard and get angry like just now; at least he would be storming into the room and China would have companion faster. China thought he could withstand another session of torture, just for sake of pushing loneliness away.

After 5 minutes waiting, he shouted again.

"Aru! Ivan!"

Silent greeted him. China started to cough.

"IVAN! ARU!"

The aru sound echoed in the air. It came back to him with coldness and silent answer.

No matter how long he waited, Russia never came.

He had woken up by a sudden rush of cold water. China woke up in panic, forgotten his situation and ended up making the wire cut deeper into his flesh. He flinched.

"Bath time, da."

Russia smirked, while Lithuania followed him from behind. Russia was carrying a kind of brown package; it was big but seemed light. Russia sat down on the package, relaxing his feet while Lithuania came with a basket of water. The small brunette whispering apologetic words when he gently wiped China's face with warm towel. The little nation tried to wipe out the blood on China's face, yet it remained there. He stared at the imprisoned messed up beau on the floor with pity and concern.

"Ivan-sama, I think… we should bring Yao-sama to hospital. The concussion on his head is worsening…"

"He wouldn't die yet, right, Yao?" Russia smiled gently. "You will die faster than him, Toris, if you keep talking like that, da?"

Lithuania trembled hard and China could feel the shivering hand created some kinds of weak massages through the towel onto his skin. China relaxed and pretending he didn't care. Poor Lithuania. Poor him.

Russia waved his hand. "You may go."

Lithuania bowed before left the room in silent. China was actually a bit devastated since the only hope he had just left the room. He swallowed hard. His stomach was hungry. His head hurt like hell. His hands and feet are cold and foreign since it was cut of from normal blood circulation for such a long time. Although his body was clean, the method to clean his body had made China's skin wet; it made everything felt colder than ever.

"Yao, I bring some present for you. Just to keep you happy, da?" Russia smiled, opening a big brown thing which he was seated on. China waited lifelessly.

A human-sized Shinatty-chan blow doll appeared.

Despite his current condition, China squealed. It's something like a conditioned response that he needed to scream every time the horrid thing appeared. Somehow it did take his mind from his pain and numbness; just for a moment.

"You like it? I am glad, da." Russia smirked and placed the doll beside China. He then patted China's cheek gently. He made circular motion; mixing his warmth all over China's skin. It made China shuddered and surrendered to the man. So long… the warmth was so relaxing…So nostalgic…

"I can see you always love Shinatty more than me." Rusia said bitterly; pulling China back to reality. "So how if you show your love to him, da? Can Shinatty be that cute after tainted by you?"

"I…Ivan?" China was aware the change in Russia's tone.

"I have made the hole just for you, Yao. Look." Russia showed his small captive a hole, right between balloon-Shinatty's legs. "I bet you want it so much, na, Yao?"

"No… No… No! No, Ivan… Please, no…"

"Come on… taste your first Shinatty's taste…"

It was more than torture. It was shame. It was guilt. It was uneasy. It was fear. It was despair. Everything mixed up between his sobs.

China moved his hip to pull and push himself through Shinatty's body. His eyes were shut and tears streamed down. He couldn't cry out loud, but if he could, he would. His mouth was once again bounded by the duct-tape. His skin stung. His wrists and ankles were in pain since he moved a lot. But his body; especially his manhood; enjoyed the action. That made him felt like he was the lowest.

Shinatty-chan was supposed to be his saviour. He could endure anything as long as he have him because Shinatty-chan is there, smiling to him, pure. Now he was tainting the doll; the symbol. Balloon-Shinatty under him kept smiling although China's rough moves. It made China felt dirty. Shame on him, tainting something that supposed to be pure and cute. He knew he could never view the doll in the same way again. It broke his heart and his belief. He broke himself. He broke his system.

He was tainting himself. He was degrading himself. He didn't want this.

Especially when he saw how slutty his body was, kept thrusting non-stop into the hole.

No!

Please… China tried to signal the Russian, who was enjoying the show with a bottle of vodka in hand. Please… let me go! Don't make me do this anymore!

Russia looked bitter rather than enjoying the show.

"Cry, Yao. Cry. Cry and broke down. As soon as possible." Russia whispered coldly, in pain. "Like I did."

Ah… Ah… AH! China screamed between the duct-tape around his mouth. He hated this. He wanted everything to stop. He hated everything. He hated himself the most. No more, please! No more!

When he came, China sunk into a new kind of despair he never knew exist.

"I was there before you, da?" Russia whispered slowly into China's earlobe China could feel the warm breath on his ear and cursed himself for his over-sensitized body after orgasm.

"I was there before you long time ago… and now Yao would be with me too, da? I'll show you… and I'll make you become one with me, da."

In despair.

China let his last tear dropped down from his eyelashes before surrendered into unconsciousness.

He dreamt of many things. First, he was in his old palace, with hair up and Tang dynasty's outfit covering his body. Beauty and nature surrounded him; the whole palace was silent except from the bird's voices. He was playing with the birds, blue birds of happiness, once many but had perished under modernization. They were extinct before China could notice it, so why did the birds surround him now?

And then he saw a little boy. He was trembling, walking alone, lost and scared. Pity overcomes the oldest, gentlest nation and he walked towards the small boy, gracefully.

"Why are you alone, my dear child?"

The boy looked at him, and without warning, cried. Hard. China smiled and gently hugged the boy, hushing him to stop sobbing.

"Nothing to be afraid for aru. I see that you are lost and sad. But be confident, I am neither bad nor scary, aru."

It took quite a while until the boy stopped crying, and smiled back to him. A wonderful smile came from a frozen face with hair the colour of silver snow. The boy snuggled closer to him. China smiled.

"I'll always be with you, aru."

And suddenly the boy vanished. In his place, stood Japan, Korea twins, Hong Kong and Taiwan. His siblings were shouting, something like "food! Hyung, daze~" "Embarrassing!" "Yao gege?" "Firecracker." They were playing with him, China smiled. He suddenly got so many siblings, everybody asking for his attention, he was so happy! And the boy was forgotten.

His surroundings suddenly changed into a sea of flame. Every city he had was burnt. China's arms were taken both on the left and right by England and Mongolia respectively. They were playing tug of war with him as the rope, he was pulled apart as hard as they could.

Somebody please help him. He looked around, finding no one was actually there. Where was everyone? Where were the blue birds of paradise? Where was his boss? China felt he lost his own standing and fell deeper into a hole. His hair spread nicely around him, like wings. And he saw a boy, the amethyst eyes, staring at him from the back of a tree.

The intensity of the look, the feeling, was clear.

Jealousy, anger and disbelieve.

You betray me.

China's eyes snapped open. He gasped for air, but he found out that he was on the bed, hand fastened to the pole with thick cloth. It wasn't tight enough to hurt him, but it was good enough to restrict his movement. China scanned the room.

"Did I wake you up? I am sorry, Mr. Yao."

Lithuania's voice was like cold water in the middle of the desert. So Russia wasn't there. China sighed, but shocked himself as tears fell from his eyes, trailing onto his pillow, wetting the fluffy white thing. Lithuania saw the tears and dabbed China's cheek with warm towel.

"I am sorry, Mr. Yao. I will let you go once he says OK. He promised me he would set you free today…"

And the only door was forced open.

"Yao gege!" "Yao hyung!" "Yao nii!" "Ba ba!"

The shoutings were clear. Five of them rushed in, to find Lithuania tending bruised, bleeding, tied China. They stared at the picture for a second before South Korea rushed to punch Lithuania. Japan tried to stop his younger brother while the rest of them were helping each other to free China.

"Yao gege! Are you OK? Can you hear me?"

"…Yes, aru… Why are you.. here?" China asked, with his pitiful, hoarse voice from screaming (pleading) too much. Taiwan started to cry. Her tears wet China's face.

"We were searching for you, Yao gege! You were gone, and we couldn't find you anywhere! And people said that you were last seen with Ivan! That monster had taken you away! We… Are we too late?"

China couldn't answer when Russia came into the room. His face was faint and he wasn't smiling. All the Orientals and Lithuania were alarmed, and all the siblings of China barricaded their most important big brother from the big man.

"What…" His voice was cut by Japan.

"You beast! What did you do to Yao-nii!"

A moment of silent fell upon the room. Nobody dared to talk. Russia suddenly smiled, creepily enough to make the other nations' hair stood up. But then he stopped smiling and lowered his pipe, grabbing his own right hand.

"Take him." Russia's voice was harsh, and his breath was filled with vodka odour. It was strong enough to make all the nations inside the room to feel the alcohol stung their nose. "Take him now, DA!"

Without missing a beat, South Korea pulled China into his arms and together all the Orientals went away. Lithuania was froze in his place, oblivious to Taiwan's plead to run with them.

China saw Russia's silhouette from Korea's shoulder. Russia looked so… alone.

You betray me. Again.

And China closed his eyes.

A month passed, and China regained his health back. His beauty returned, and the bluish, scarred marks were gone, leaving no mark at all. His whitish perfect skin returned to its original state, much to his siblings' relief. But it was the only thing that returned. His mind was still someplace else, and he only sat beside the wall everyday, staring at the whitish barrier until the doctor shot him some anaesthetic.

His eyes were dull, and although he could talk, he refused to speak more than two words a day.

"Where's Ivan?" was the only thing he asked every time he woke up. It was haunting how he said it, because it was clear that China was still afraid that when he opened his eyes, Russia would be there to torture him until he lost his consciousness. But behind the fear, there was also fascination, waiting, hoping that the purple eyed Russian would be beside him when he woke up.

Taiwan wept, remembering how the Russian nation was condemned with exclusion. The UN had agreed on the subject, and since annihilation was impossible for nation, the worst thing that could be sentenced for the Russian was exiling him into seclusion where loneliness resides. It was the place on earth with coldest winter, never ending winter, a land of nothingness. Siberia.

And the nations of the world (except for Russia and the Baltic brothers and sisters) came to see China, devastated at the lost of one of the major nation. The oldest nation didn't even see them, all he saw was white, white and white. Taiwan wept on daily basis, Japan cried (though he pretended he didn't) every other week and the twins stared sadly at Hong Kong, who guarded his mother almost every hour possible in a day.

Flesh turned to bone, and China grew weaker. His siblings all pleaded, begged, forced him to eat, but he poured it all back out like sand. China stared at the ceiling until one day, almost three months after he left the Russian's place, he suddenly walked out of the room.

Hong Kong followed him, torn between letting him walk away and making him stay. Because it was the first time China initiated a movement in months, but also he was walking slowly, but surely to the exile place.

Siberia.

Russia was used to them. Cold night, cold day. Alone in the dark, nobody in the light. He played by himself, the game of 'how-long-you-can-stay-breathless-until-you-can-hear-a-sound-other-than-your-own-breath". He held his breath like he was dead. He could stay breathless for days, four maximum. But he always loses. Even after he replayed and replayed the game, he always loses. Nothing could be heard.

He was a nation, a big one, and he was afraid of nothing. He was born from cold and General Winter, and he was raised by loneliness. He was alone since he could remember, and playing with other nations brought nothing but hatred. Other nations hated him for being strong, for being a country bumpkin, for being cruel—when he couldn't even recall a single moment being cruel.

He twiddled his thumb, trying to invent some new games when suddenly a voice other than his breathing could be heard.

"… van."

Russia's head perked up, with hope and preparation for another disappointment. Somebody was calling his name, da?

"… van."

"Da?" Russia shouted, voice full of hope. "Da? Da? DA? DA?"

"… Why are you alone, my dear child?"

Russia stopped listening. His mind returned back to when he was small and the beauty, the pretty, the majestic adult nation found him peeking and embraced him with warm hands. The beauty he saw in the palace, singing with voice unbeatable by those of nightingales, playing with the pretty blue birds. The pretty adult he saw in the middle of his siblings, playing happily, forgotten about Russia. The distressed beauty that was torn between power wars between nations.

I'll always be with you…

"..aru." China closed his sentence and opened his arms, just like the past.

Russia started to sob. Loud, and louder. The oldest nation smiled gently, wooing him to stop, hugging him like a child. Despite the size of the grown boy had become.

"I am here now, aru. I won't betray you no more. Forgive me for forgetting you all this time. Let's go back, aru. I miss you."

Behind them, the Orientals watched in silent.

END

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