Chapter 20-Things To Tell You

Things were almost back to normal after Klink and Schultz had returned from their trip to Paris. Hogan knew it was only a matter of time before Klink would want to see him about the ravaged garden. And he didn't have long to wait before the big moment arrived. It was right after breakfast that Schultz barged into the barracks telling Hogan that the Kommandant insisted that he bring him to his office immediately. With a roll of his eyes, Hogan got up from the table where he was sitting with his team drinking coffee.

"Probably can't wait to tell me all about his trip to Paris," Hogan announced in a low voice. "Klink loves to brag after-all."

"Right, sir," Newkirk replied with a disinterested reply.

Hogan followed the obese guard out the barracks door and in the direction of the Kommandantur. Now walking beside him, Hogan looked at the guard. "So why does the great man want to see me, Schultz?" he asked. "I mean, he only returned during roll call today. How much trouble could I possibly get into between then and now?" Hogan did his best to keep a concerned look on his face.

"I do not know, Colonel Hogan," Schultz replied not looking back at the American. "But it must be something important. The Kommandant is furious with you."

"Whatever he's angry about I didn't do it," Hogan pleaded. "What happened, Schultz? Didn't the Kommandant have a good time in Paris?"

Schultz paused and looked around making sure nobody was within hearing range. Satisfied, he glanced at the American. "To tell you the truth, Colonel Hogan, the big shot had a terrible time in Paris."

"Oh? What happened?"

Schultz leaned closer. "Nothing! I know noth-ing!"

Hogan's eyebrows shot upward. "No girls, right, Schultz?" A smirk appeared.

"Donnerwetter! How did you know that? That is not a nice thing to say about the Kommandant."

Guess the women didn't receive enough combat pay to go out with Klink. Hogan chuckled. I got to speak to Newkirk about increasing the combat pay we offer women to go out with Klink when we need them do. It's a dirty job but somebody has to do it.

"Maybe not, Schultz," Hogan agreed. "But there are some things even a lady won't do."

Chuckling, Schultz continued to the Kommandantur with the American prisoner beside him.


Colonel Klink was seated behind his desk pretending to go over some paperwork as he impatiently waited for Colonel Hogan and Schultz to arrive. He couldn't believe his eyes when Major Zellner showed him the ravaged garden outside his quarters. In fact, Klink's monocle fell into his open palm as he stared at the now decimated patch of earth. Then, to make matters worse, when Klink entered his quarters with Schultz who carried his luggage into his private quarters, Klink was greeted with a second shock which the guard had found in the bedroom when he accidentally stepped on it causing it to attach itself to one of his boots. He handed the item to Klink.

Klink's thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock on his door. "Come in," he shouted looking up. The door opened and Schultz walked in, came to attention, and saluted.

"Herr Kommandant, Sergeant Schultz reporting with Colonel Hogan as ordered."

Klink returned the salute. "Very good, Schultz. Have him come in and then you're dismissed."

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." Schultz stood aside. "Come in Colonel Hogan, bitte." After Hogan entered, the obese guard walked out and closed the door leaving the two men alone. Giving the Kommandant a sloppy salute and not waiting for permission, Hogan sat down in the chair facing Klink's desk, tossing his cap onto the humidor.

"Have a good time in Paris, Kommandant?"

"Never mind Paris, Hogan. I ordered you here because I want to talk to you."

Hogan raised his eyebrows. "You mean Paris isn't all it's cracked up to be, sir?" he asked innocently. "I would've thought you'd be fighting off the women flocking to a handsome, single German officer like yourself."

Klink puffed out his chest with pride at the remark. A smile appeared momentarily causing Klink to forget why he had ordered Hogan to his office. "Well, I must admit I had to fight off the women who….Hogaaaaaaaaaaan! Stop changing the subject!"

Hogan pretended to appear cowed. "Sorry, sir. Now, what did you want to see me about?"

"Before he left Stalag 13, Major Zellner showed me the garden outside my quarters. Hogan, there is not one flower there. When I left there was an abundance of different flowers there, and now there's nothing. Not one single flower. Perhaps you can explain that to me? What happened to my garden?"

Hogan casually crossed his legs and didn't blink an eye. He simply maintained eye contact with Klink. "Gophers, sir."

Klink anger quickly dissipated and was just as quickly replaced with a puzzled look.

"Gophers? What gophers?"

"Gestapo gophers, sir."

Klink slowly got to his feet and walked around his desk. "How do you know they were Gestapo gophers, Hogan?"

"Well, for one thing, they were wearing little black trench coats with swastikas on the armbands. And second, one of them looked like Major Hochstetter."

For a long moment Klink, now seated on the edge of his desk with folded arms, could only stare in disbelief at his American counterpart. He slowly shook his head. "Hogan, I think you've been a prisoner for too long."

A smile appeared on Hogan's face. "Really sir? Does that mean I can go home then?"

"No! You'll stay right here! That is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard! There is no such thing as a Gestapo gopher."

Hogan appeared hurt. "Then perhaps you have another explanation as to why he called Major Zellner and knew you were in Paris without coming here?"

"He did?" Klink muttered nervously. "I never told the Gestapo anything." He started to panic. "How did they know?"

Hogan shrugged. "Blame the gophers, sir. They reported to Hochstetter after-all. I mean, they were his gophers."

Klink got to his feet. "All right, all right, all right. Let's forget the garden for now."

Hogan sighed and started to get to his feet. "Then am I dismissed, sir?"

"Just one moment, Hogan. I'm not finished with you yet." Klink noticed the American wearily sit back down.

"Perhaps you can explain this to me then." Walking back around his desk, Klink opened one of the desk drawers. "Schultz found these in my sleeping quarters. Perhaps you can tell me how they got there?" he said watching Hogan's face for a reaction, but the American's face remained unreadable. He held up a pair of woman's nylons. "Look familiar, Hogan?"

Getting to his feet, Hogan gave Klink a smirk as he reached for the nylons in his hand. "Where did you find them in your quarters?"

"Strangely enough, they were found under my bed."

"So that's where they disappeared to. I thought I had lost them." Hogan took the nylons from Klink and looked at them.

"They're yours?" asked a flabbergasted Kommandant.

"Yeah. Who did you think they belonged to, Kommandant?"

"Hogan, I know its been a while, but in case you've forgotten, these nylons belong to a woman. So you expect me to believe they belong to you?"

"Well, when I said they're mine, sir, I didn't really mean they were mine. They're actually my mom's. She sent them to me."

Klink felt like he was suffering from the effects of some kind of Gestapo trick. "And why would your mother send you a pair of nylons, hmmm?"

"Well, I wrote her and told her I was running out of socks so she sent me a pair of her nylons to tide me over. Nice of her wasn't it, Kommandant?" Hogan stuffed the nylons in his jacket pocket.

"And how did they get under my bed, Hogan?"

I had the men clean your quarters for your return, Kommandant. You hadn't been in your quarters in a week. It needed cleaning and airing out. That must have been when I dropped them. Am I dismissed, Kommandant?"

Klink could only stare at Hogan with a stunned expression. "Hogan, you are getting stranger and stranger every time I speak with you. Dissss-missssed!" he said with a salute.

Hogan grabbed his cap and put it back on his head before giving Klink a lazy salute and leaving the office. He glanced at Hilda sitting at her desk staring at him oddly and suspected she had overheard the conversation.

"Colonel Hogan, is there anything you want to tell me?" she asked.

Hogan smirked. "We all have our secrets," he said with a chuckle before leaving the building.


After evening roll call Hogan walked back into the barracks from the tunnel looking somewhat dejected. Seeing Tiger's nylons in Klink's hands earlier depressed him. He missed her terribly and having something of hers with her scent wasn't helping except to depress him even more. Even his men had seen it when he returned to the barracks after leaving Klink's office. So, while the Colonel was below in the tunnel, Kinch, Carter, LeBeau and Newkirk went to work in his quarters. They were back in the common room long before their commander climbed back up into the barracks from the tunnel. Seeing them sitting at the table watching him he immediately suspected they had been up to something.

"Gov'nor, we need you to come with us, sir," said Newkirk.

"What's up?" Hogan asked wondering if there was a problem. "Something wrong?"

The men slowly got to their feet. "Colonel, we know you miss Tiger more than you're letting on, and Klink showing you her nylons didn't help any. So, we have something we think might help. At least we hope it will," Kinch explained quietly.

"Please, sir?" asked Carter.

Hogan let out a deep breath. "Fine." He followed his men into his quarters and paused in the doorway when he saw a bucket of ice with a bottle of white wine sitting in it chilling. There were also five cups on the table along with a wrapped package nearby. "What's all this?" he asked as he entered the small room, closing the door behind him.

Nobody spoke. So LeBeau nudged Carter in the ribs with his elbow.

"Well sir…" the young Sergeant began nervously. "…we wanted to congratulate you privately, Colonel. Just us and you. And we have something that might have you miss Tiger a little less." Carter picked up the package and handed it to his commanding officer while Newkirk opened the wine bottle and poured some in each cup. Each man picked up a cup except Hogan who, after unwrapping the package, stared at the framed photo of himself and Tiger holding each other just after their wedding. Hogan looked at Carter, his emotions evident on his face.

"Carter, this is a lovely gift. Thank you."

Carter shrugged innocently. "We just thought this way Tiger could be with you even when she isn't and you wouldn't miss her so much."

Hogan sat the framed photo on his desk so it faced him and picked up his drink. He let out a deep breath. "I'd like to make a toast first," he said. "I want to thank you fellas for what you did for Tiger and I. We were both overwhelmed by everything. I can never nor will I ever be able to thank you enough for everything. You four are, without a doubt, the best friends I could ever have. Thank you for everything."

Kinch raised his cup. "Now its our turn. Colonel, we want to wish you and Tiger nothing but the best and hope you both have a long and happy marriage. We also want you to know there is nothing we wouldn't have done for the two of you to make sure you had the kind of wedding you both wanted and deserved. Congratulations to you both, sir." The men clinked their cups together and then took a drink of the wine.

Hogan stared at each of his men wondering what he had done in his life to deserve four of the best men and best friends ever. They had gone above and beyond what they had promised when they said they had wanted to make the arrangements for his wedding. Someday, he thought to himself. Someday I must repay whoever sent me four of the best friends I could ever have or ask for. Not only have I been blessed with these men, but with a beautiful and loving wife as well.

Hogan picked up the photo and took another drink of wine as he stared at it. Without a doubt, he could not have asked for anything more than what he had been given. And right now, it was enough.

THE END