A/N: Hello! I know, I know, it's been too long- life caught up with me and I'm struggling to keep everything together, and get things done! Ugh. Happens with growing up, I suppose! :) Anywho, here is the next chapter; PLEASE read, enjoy, and review! 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter One
Green eyes opened groggily to the hum of a quiet hospital room. White walls, blindingly bright in the sunlight streaming through the sole window in the small room, made these eyes quickly close, but not before she caught a glimpse of where she was. Recognition flooded her foggy mind; she was in a hospital. Suddenly she could smell antiseptic, and that clean, cold smell that hospitals seemed to always have.
Why was she in a hospital, and why did she feel like she was trampled by a herd of Hippogriffs?
A groan slipped out between two chapped lips, startling the only other person in the room. A chair squeaked and steps sounded on the polished tile floor.
"Lily?" She knew the voice, but couldn't seem to place the slightly rough quality of the man's tone. Why couldn't she place it?
She felt a hand on her cheek, a soft caress, and her eyes opened.
"Remus." Her voice cracked, sounding very hoarse, as if she hadn't used it in a while.
"Moony, what happened? Where am I?" She licked her lips. "Where are my boys? Where are James and Harry?"
Remus gazed at her with sad blue eyes, his brown hair mussed, his skin pale. Was it a full moon? Lily couldn't remember ever seeing him that pale, except the day before he transformed…
He cleared his throat, bringing her out of her own thoughts. Gripping her hand firmly in his larger clammy one, Remus met Lily's eyes.
"Lils, there was an accident. You are at St. Mungo's. Do you remember anything?"
She felt the goose bumps rise on her flesh- how in Merlin's name could she not remember an accident? She felt her eyes fill with tears, and watched as Remus's baby blues clouded over in response. The last thing she could remember was putting the dishes in the sink, but she didn't remember why Sirius hadn't come over, or why they hadn't allowed Harry to trick or treat…
Her head pounded. She could feel something looming just out of reach, but for the life of her she couldn't recall what it was. Closing her eyes, she struggled to grasp whatever it was, but the shadow slipped farther away.
Was it just her, or was her headache getting worse?
"I can't remember anything, Remus. Nothing." She shook her head slowly, feeling the world begin to spin, opening her eyes. "Just tell me. Where are my boys? Where is my James?"
His head bowed as he tried to fight the sadness welling up in his eyes. How could he tell one of his closest friends that her first love was gone forever?
"I'm so sorry." The words slipped out, more of a plea than a confession. They reverberated around the room, filling the silence; suddenly the room was buzzing in Lily's ears. Her mind refused to accept what her heart was suddenly screaming. She refused to acknowledge what the pain in Remus's eyes was telling her. Her vision swam black for a moment but she forced herself to push through.
They must be playing a prank…
"Remus John Lupin, what the bloody hell are you talking about?" Lily glared at him, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "There's nothing to apologize about- yet. Now, tell me where my husband and son are."
Remus knew that tone, and that look. Lily had fire in her eyes. He sat on the edge of her bed, took her hands in his, and told her the truth.
"Lily, Harry is fine. He is with Sirius." He paused, skimming his thumb across the back of her hand absently.
"You and James had gone into hiding, remember? Voldemort was after you, and you two decided to make Sirius your Secret Keeper, then switched to Peter, right?"
Lily nodded as these words brought reality back to the forefront of her mind. She remembered Sirius telling them to use Peter, that no one would expect him to be in charge of something so important. But…
"Remus, how do you know this? We never told you who was the Secret Keeper."
Her heart was racing as she fought the memories from coming back. She suddenly didn't want to remember; whatever it was that happened, her mind was blocking it.
Remus sighed, saying the words before she could stop him. "Peter betrayed you and James, Lily. He told Voldemort where you were, and the came to kill you."
His voice was loud in the silence; Lily could hear herself breathing as she closed her eyes, tightening her grip on Remus's hands convulsively. No, no no no, please God, no, don't say it, please don't say it! Her mind was shutting down, she could feel it. Darkness was creeping in to shield her vision, and the world was spinning. Remus's voice sounded far away, like he was speaking through a telephone with a lot of static.
"James is gone. He-" his voice broke, and vaguely Lily wondered if he was crying- "James, he died to save you and Harry." His hands gripped hers.
"I am so sorry, Lily."
And with that startling revelation, Lily Potter's world went black.
Remus shut the hospital room door quietly behind him, slumping tiredly against the frame, a shaking hand covering his mouth as he tried to push down the burning pain he felt. Standing in the hallway, it was easier to forget the tragedy that occurred two days before, what with the hustle and bustle of the Healers breezing by, each needing to be somewhere else.
His heart and mind still couldn't understand fully what had happened. Peter- their friend, their very own Maurader- had become a turncoat? He had sentenced James and his family to death? It seemed so surreal; Remus kept wondering when this nightmare would end and he would awake, sweating profusely in his soft bed, to reality. Pinching hadn't awaken him, neither had the pain in his chest that hadn't abated since he found out about the attack on the Potters.
What had he done to deserve this? Hell, what had Lily done to deserve losing her husband?
Somehow he had dragged himself over to some plastic chairs and sat heavily, head in his hands. So consumed by his thoughts he didn't notice Sirius's presence until his friend put his hand on Remus's shoulder. Blue eyes met gray, and then they embraced. Remus could feel Sirius' broken heart- losing his best friend had left a void, which he had filled with rage and had thrown himself into work.
Remus worried that he would lose Sirius too, and the Mauraders would be down to one. Was he destined to be alone?
A giggle broke the two brothers from their hug, and both turned to look at Harry, green eyes shining brightly in the fluorescent hospital lights. He was strapped into his stroller, his black hair sticking up every which way. The ragged scar on his forehead was slowly healing, scabbing over and turning lighter in color. He was grinning like a fool, his hands pulling his feet towards his mouth as another giggle escaped.
Remus couldn't hide the watery smile that blossomed onto his face- it was a startling revelation that Harry could look so much like his father, a father he would never know. Remus felt his heart tug again, the pieces crumbling in his chest. He felt such a love for this boy, his best friend's son, and vowed to never let anything happen to him.
Sirius grinned at Harry. "Nice to see you up, kid." Glancing at Remus, he shook his head in mock exasperation. "He slept for three hours straight. How can kids sleep that long in the bustle of a hospital?" Remus chuckled, shaking his head.
Sirius poked Harry in the side, making the toddler squeal and smile wider. He held out his arms to Remus, indicating he wanted to be held. "Moo'y" he said firmly, wiggling his fingers.
Remus chuckled and bent to pick the child up, holding him tightly against his chest. Harry smelled fresh, as only a young child can, and his laughter was infectious.
Sirius smiled at his friend, his eyes holding a faraway look. "Think of all the things James will miss…" he trailed off, blinking violently.
Remus nodded solemnly. "I know. We will just have to make sure we are there- Lily and Harry both need us, Padfoot. I know you'll be there, as Harry's godfather, but I want to be there, too."
Sirius nodded absently, running a hand through his untidy hair. "Yeah, Moony, I feel that we should be involved with raising Harry, like we are supposed to. I mean, if J-James" he shivered, his voice breaking, "was still around, we would have been involved even then. Lily loves us, and so does- did- James." He shrugged.
A mediwitch arrived at that moment, effectively cutting off their conversation.
"She's still passed out. Mrs. Potter is fine, just needs a lot of rest and regular meals to get her strength back up." She shook her head, eyes on the little boy with untidy black hair. "Such a tragedy…" she murmured, placing a gentle hand on the boy's forehead.
Remus cleared his throat. "When will she be able to leave?"
The mediwitch raised her eyes to his and smile gently. "Whenever she wakes up. I will get the paperwork started for her release."
As she walked away, Sirius hugged Harry to him. "See, Harry, Mummy gets to come home with us!"
Harry, oblivious to the sadness, giggled and hugged Sirius back.
The day dawned dark and rainy, fitting for James Potter's funeral. The sky was streaked with dark clouds, thunder rumbling ominously in the distance, as if threatening the mourners to leave the cemetery before it was too late. Trees swayed in the strong wind, their calls echoing in the nearly silent graveyard.
Lily sat, a serious Harry on her lap. Dressed from head to toe in black, her hair had been pulled back severely, her pale hands gripping her child like a lifeline. Harry's large green eyes watched the other people arrive, snuggled into his mother's chest. His little black robes were a touch too big, his little black boots clicking together, seemingly loud in the silence.
Remus Lupin and Sirius Black flanked Lily's sides; Peter had not shown up. "Probably the smartest thing he's ever done," Sirius had murmured when the service started. Remus merely moved his eyes to Lily's face, worry clear in his blue eyes.
The eulogy passed in a blur- Lily remembered nothing except for the crushing pain in her chest as she watched James's casket be lowered into the ground, tears spilling down her cheeks and onto Harry's dark hair.
How could this be? Lily still felt in shock, expecting at any minute for James to sit up, grinning wickedly, and laugh, telling her it was just a big joke.
How could he be gone? Their lives together had just started; how was she supposed to keep going without him?
Small fingers touched her cheek, smearing her tears, and Lily's green eyes met identical ones. Harry was standing on her lap, meeting her gaze head on, his little hand wiping away her tears.
"Mummy, no c'y!" He said it softly, his serious eyes boring into hers.
She gave a watery smile; of course. She had her son, a piece of James, to love and protect. She ran a hand through Harry's dark hair, chuckling.
"Leave it to you to snap me back to reality, love." She nuzzled her baby, hugging him tightly. "Love you, Harry."
The little boy giggled. "Lo' 'oo Mummy!"
Remus and Sirius exchanged a sad glance as they watched the exchange. There was still hope; they would all just have to start over.