I Promise
What is a promise? It is just something that people say to you and then later turn around and break. So why waste time making a promise? Wouldn't it be easier to just say maybe or no? That way no one would be disappointed when things didn't work out. That way you knew what to expect. At least that is the way I see it.
So why do I keep believing Kakuzu when he says he promises to do something? I know how it will end and I still believe the bastard. I am setting myself up for more disappointment and yet I still fucking fall for it. How pathetic is that? I am pretty damn sure I used to be tougher than that. How did I let Kakuzu fuck me up like this?
I sat on my bed pondering this question as my bastard partner walks into the room. He gives me this look like I am annoying him by being here. Fucking bastard, he thinks I will just leave because he is being a dick? Well I have news for him. He sits down at the desk in our room and starts going over the Akatsuki's budget. His favorite pass time.
I leaned back on my bed and went back to pondering my earlier question. Why DO I let Kakuzu fuck me up? I was fine before we got together. He was a dick like now and I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted. Okay so maybe nothing has really changed. I still get yelled at by him no matter what I do or how I do it.
But back to the problem at hand. Kakuzu had promised me. He had promised that we would spend some quality time together. I know how fucking corny it sounds but we are S-ranked criminals with limited freedom. It isn't any wonder that we all fell for our Jashin damned partners. The only difference is that no one else has to put up with Kakuzu as a lover or a partner.
Sasori acts indifferent to Deidara but later you can hear the two in their room all over the fucking base. Kisame treats Itachi like he is a god. Itachi acts like he has something broke off and shoved up his ass most of the time so I can see why. Zetsu and Tobi are a completely different story. I have often wondered how Zetsu can carry on a relationship with someone as mentally challenged as Tobi.
Were getting off track here. So Kakuzu made me the promise. I of course expected him to keep it. I should have had my damn head examined. He has never kept a promise of his yet. So why did I think this time would be any different? I shake my head in disgust and get a glare out of Kakuzu. It makes me feel a bit mischievous. I think about pissing him off further and then decide it isn't worth it.
I can't help but think to myself, that maybe I would be better off if we weren't a couple. He doesn't act as if we are anyway so what would be the point of keeping this thing going? A thought occurs to me then. I think I should carry out my thought and see what it gets me. I stand up and head to the bathroom. I take a nice long hot shower and dress to impress. Kakuzu catches me out the corner of his eye.
"Hidan where do you think you are going?" He asks me tight lipped. I laugh and put on my civilian jacket. "I am going out to have some fun and maybe find me someone who doesn't act like the biggest dumbass fucker on earth." I say quite cockily I might add. Kakuzu jumps out of his chair and comes over to me, malice radiating off of him.
"If you walk out that door I will rip you apart and make you wish you could die." He said with a smile so sickly sweet it turned my insides. I simply scoffed in his face. "Is that a promise? Oh no it can't be because you don't keep those so what the hell have I got to worry about fucker?" I turn and brush past him and head for the door.
I get to the living room before I realize that he hasn't followed me. I wave to Deidara and Itachi as I walk out the door. I feel like I am walking on the clouds my moral is so high. I head to the nearest village and think to myself about all the sake I can drink and maybe if I am lucky someone will appeal to my ways. I can use them and sacrifice them if I find they aren't my type. Hell I don't even know what my type is.
I barely even get to the gates before Kakuzu has tracked me down. "Hidan, I am so sorry. Please don't do this. I love you and I want you to come back with me." He is begging and it makes me feel superior for all of ten seconds. Now I am angry. "Why the hell should I? You never keep a promise, you treat me like shit and I have had enough of you ignoring me. I am not waiting around for you to decide you still want me or not." I hiss my temper flaring.
He bows his head and watches the wind blow the blades of grass. "I know I don't deserve you. I just don't know how to do this. It isn't easy for me like it is for Sasori and Kisame. I am so afraid of fucking things up by disappointing you and then I do it anyway. You should go and find someone else. You had the right idea." He turns around to go back to the base and I am blown away.
"Seriously? You are going to let me go just like that?" I asked incredulously. He turns to look at me again. "I don't think I can give you what you deserve." He says and now I can see the tears on his face. My anger deflates like a balloon being popped. I walk to him and grab his face in my hands. "You know what I need from you? I need an hour or two of your undivided attention every day. I need to know I matter once in a while.
I need you to give all of yourself to me, not just the parts of you I get by default. Don't ignore me like I am not there. Show me a little compassion. I in turn will give it all back to you." I love you too dumbass." I say not being able to refrain from cursing anymore. He laughs a little at the last part. I smile a little too.
He takes my hand and pulls me to him. I lay my head on his chest and he kisses my hair. I feel so happy to be here in his arms that I have forgotten all of my earlier anger and tension. This is the effect he has on me. This is why I am so fucked up over him. It is the moments like this that make it all worth while.
We head back to the base and instead of going in we go over to the waterfall. It had a secluded rock wall and the best water for swimming. We strip and dive in and in seconds we are floating side by side enjoying the stars. Kakuzu pulls me over to the rock wall and holds me against him. I smile at him and kiss his lips. He smiles back and deepens the kiss.
The kiss breaks and we stare into each others eyes for a while. I am content to stay here all night just like this. The moon is as bright as a spotlight tonight so I don't miss a single smile or look he gives me. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. "I will love you forever Hidan and that is a promise. A promise I can keep." He says with a smile. "I will love you forever too asshole and that is also a promise that I can keep." I say and we kiss right before he dunks me.