Author's Note

Hey, I know I'm supposed to be working on something else, buuuuut, I just got the idea and had to get it down on paper. You can't just bottle these things up now?

I'll just have to finish this one promptly; don't wanna drown in a sea of unfinished stories.

Pippy In Wonderland:
A vicious tale of ridiculous premise

A bright and sunny day(Is it any other way) in Happy Tree Town. The Friends are soaking up the summer sun in the park, the ice cream truck has just begun its daily rounds, and it seems to be a perfect day in paradise. In fact, a group of pals had just gotten together for a pick-up game of baseball, the perfect summer pastime.

But, of course, our story shifts over to a less bright and sunny area. A back alley in the slums of HTT, where few tread. One Chunky the Koala had forgotten to bring his mitt to the baseball game, and had to race all the way home to pick it up, not wanting to keep anyone waiting. So on his return trip, he took the back alleys to save some time, too exhausted and drained from the heat to run any more.

As he went along through the alleys, he hummed that all familiar tune and even began to whistle. He sauntered by a trash can and it shook in response, spooking the easily frightened marsupial. Taking the chance, he prodded it again with his mitt,

"Hello, anyone there?" He stuttered, hoping there wasn't.

The trash can lid exploded off, and a familiar pair of white ears poked out from underneath. It was Pippy, the local Irish ragamuffin(Every town has to have one!).

Chunky sighed with relief , "Dumpster diving again Pips?"

She shrugged ,"Girl's gotta eat." She said, pulling a fish skeleton from the trash. She gnawed on it half-heartedly, still digging around for another morsel.

Chunky's conscience got the better of him, "Pippy, if you're really hungry a few of us are going to play baseball out in the park. You could play too, and we're gonna have a little barbeque afterwards. I mean, only if"

But Pippy heard Barbeque and already had pounced on Chunky, hugging him tightly, "Can I really Guv? I ain't had a decent Barbeque since I visited my cousin Tessi down south!"

Chunky winced, her dumpster diving escapades left her sleek with grime, and he only hoped a priest could remove the smell from his T-shirt. But, something else smelled fishy, "Wait, you have a cousin Tessi, down south?"

"Second twice removed, she's a nice dormouse she is." Chunky gave her a sideways look, "Hey! Don't look at me like that, yer mother's a squirrel, yer dad's a grizzly and yer a koala! At least me and Tessi are both Rodentia!"

"Well, I suppose, but…" He sighed, and began out the alleyway, Pippy close behind.

….

"And it's another splendid day at Happy Tree Park, where the reigning champs Flippy's Fighters are up against the underdogs Cuddles' All Stars. It's bound to be a spectacular sight, what do you say Sniffs?" Toothy recited his broadcast into his cremesicle as if it were a Mic from the sidelines.

Sniffles, seated next to him only shook his head in frustration.

"Exactly what I was thinking," Toothy continued, " Bottom of the ninth two outs, Mime on third and the All Stars are down by one. All Lumpy, the clean-up, has to do is get Mime to home and we're going into overtime, or even better, if he can secure a home run now we're seeing a new team of champions today!"

"Toothy, this is a game of friends, there's only five people on each team, and we don't have a regulation baseball team to start with." Sniffles' finally snapped. A hush, before Toothy just decided to ignore him.

" And here's Lumpy, one strike!" He shouted, as the game went on, "Not a good start, can he get past Nutty's erratic throwing style? AH! A swing and another miss! It's "Casey at Bat" all over again!" Lumpy needs to clutch it right here and right now, here's the pitch, it's hot! It's really hot! Can Tree Town's lumbering Slugger keep up? It's… It's…"

A spectacular miss. Lumpy threw everything he had into that last swing, but to no avail. Cuddles and his team groaned in defeat, and everyone on Flippy's team began to celebrate until Flaky called to the sky. Something was indeed flying through the air. It wasn't the ball, it was Lumpy's bat! He lost his grip in the swing and now it was whirling through the field. Everyone immediately threw themselves to the ground to avoid it.

Meanwhile, Pippy, who had opted not to even participate in the game was all the way across the park, enjoying her fifth hamburger, when the sound of something rushing through the air caused her to look up from her plate.

"Woss all tha-"

SMAAAAAAASH!

…..

Pippy slipped out of consciousness, dreaming for a little while. Some people would find a little girl, let alone a little rabbit girl, napping in the grass to be a adorable sight. But, this little rabbit girl had just been clocked with a baseball bat at mach speed, so most anyone who saw her would be initially worried about her well being, and the enormous weld that traveled down the length of her face, right between her eyes.

But, she wasn't where anyone could see her, at least not now. Slowly, she regained consciousness, as if only seconds had passed. Sitting up, blinking her eyes until they could adjust to her dim surroundings. An enormous forest surrounded her from all but her backside, and it was as if the trees themselves were bending above her to block out the twilight that was setting in. But she appeared to be on the edge of the forest, and looking out to the sea.

Not entirely sure where she was, the young rabbit decided to look out to the sea to get her bearings. But, upon reaching the cliff, she was more confused than she was when she found herself in this bizarre place. Across the ocean she saw a storm brewing, something out of a pirate story, with several serpents coiling out of the ocean and back in again. And even beyond that she could see several enormous, multicolored mushrooms dotting the skyline, and giant tropical birds swooping above them and picking glow worms from the giant fungi.

"Oh my god…" She mumbled, "Maybe what they say about little girls havin' too much whiskey before dinner is true.."

She reached behind her tiny plaid skirt and tossed a bottle of whiskey over the ledge, and watched as it plummeted several dozen feet to the swirling sea below her.

"Well, that's one monkey off my back, but I'm gonna need to get home somehow…" She muttered, and fell on her posterior in despair. Staring out into the sea, she began to wonder, "How in the hell did I even get out here? I'm doomed, I'll never get home!"

Pippy didn't even realize she was shouting, and threw herself to the ground pounding the rocky cliff with her tiny rabbit paws. And she also didn't know she wasn't alone in the forest.

"Oh me, oh my!" A voice, seemingly panicked, called from the forest. Accompanied with heavy, yet oddly quick footsteps.

"Hey! Who's out there?" Pippy shouted into the thick woods, and almost instantly ran out a familiar, chubby Koala. But, he seemed different. His clothing especially, he was dressed like something out of a renaissance fair, in a black and red court herald's uniform. He was eying a gold pocket watch, and had a bug catching net underneath his arm.

"Oh deary me, I'm running late!" He groaned, and ran towards the cliff, still watching his time. He leaned out over the cliff with the net, and on cue a fish leapt from the depths and landed in the net. He almost sprinted away, but Pippy caught him by the coattails and halted him in place.

"What are you doing? If I don't get this fish to the Red Queen soon she'll have my head!" He shouted, still trying to run away.

"Red Queen, what are you talking about Chunky?"

The koala stopped altogether, and adjusted his glasses, "Chunky? I'm afraid you have me confused for someone else." He did a quick bow, "I'm the White Koala, messenger and herald of the Red Queen's court."

Pippy eyed him suspiciously, "But, you're not white at all!"

He fell to his knees and put a finger to his lips, "Shh! I look white in the right light! At least that's what the Queen thinks. If she finds out I'm not really white she'll,"

A single, shrill voice boomed over the entire forest, and shook the birds from the trees.

"Where is my dinner!"

The Koala broke into a cold sweat, and his knees began shaking.

"Oh me! Oh my! The Queen!" He began wailing, and suddenly sprinted off, leaving Pippy all alone at the forest's edge. As he ran, Pippy swore she could see tears in his eyes.

"Wot in the hell was that?" She asked herself. And of course, she could produce no answer herself. So, after as much thought a tipsy ten-year-old Irish rabbit could put into something, Pippy had decided her best bet would be to wander through the forest aimlessly, hoping to return home.

….

Of course, this proved to be one of her worst ideas yet, as the forest proved to be thick and expansive as one could imagine, not to mention the various sounds the unspeakable creatures made as she tip-toed her way through the darkened woods.

The sun had just gone down, and she was running out of time to get out of here before something caught and ate her, or even worse. One could only imagine, after seeing giant sea snakes and birds the size of jet airliners, what horrors lurked in the forest at night. With this state of mind, the normally strong-willed Pippy had lost her reserve, and everything seemed a threat.

To her, that rock looked like a lizard, the branch looked like a snake, and it even seemed one of the trees was smiling at her.

"Wait a minute…" She grew cold with fear, "That tree IS smiling!" She hopped backwards, and the smile peeled itself off the tree, and an entire body formed around it. He was a purplish creature, that seemed a bear, but had a long, flowing, striped tail. And above all was his humungous smile, that was almost frightening in its size.

Whoever it was, it seemed almost like the Disco Bear she knew from Town, but after her encounter with the "White Koala" she didn't want to risk another mistake.

"Who are you?" He asked, swaying his tail playfully.

"Better question is who are you?" She snapped back, but he wagged his finger,

"Uh-uh. I asked first, now be polite and introduce yourself," He giggled, his tone was slicker than oil, but bounced like a rubber ball.

"Fine, I'm Pippy O'Hare, and you are?"

"Oooh! Pippy, what a delightful name. I'm the Disco Kat."

"Cat? But you're a bear!"

He smiled and shook his head, "No darling, a Kat. With a 'K'. As in 'Kool Kat'"

"Well that's a dumb name."

He smiled again, and turned his back on her, "Well, if you don't like my name, then I'll guess I'll be off.." He sashayed a few steps away before Pippy pulled his tail.

"Wait! Don't go. Look, I'm lost, can you help a girl out? Like, where am I anyway?" Pippy glanced around the forest, still bewildered by it's sight.

"Why darling, you're in Wonderland!"

"Wonderland? How in the hell did I get to Wonderland?"

"I don't know. It's a wonder how anyone gets here. Hence the name?" He gave her another mad grin.

She huffed, "Well, if you don't know how I got here, how about telling me how to get home!"

"Well, I suppose I can," He pondered the thought. "You'd have to find a door if you want to go home."

"A door?"

"Well, it's much more than that, you'd need to find the right door to go home."

"Well, where can I find the right door?" She asked, and the Kat shrugged his shoulders, "Well fine! If you can't help I'll find the door myself! I bet that Red Queen could help me…"

The Kat suddenly broke into laughter, "Oh, I think helping someone is the last thing the Queen would do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, well, have you ever heard about someone having, 'A sharp tongue'?" Pippy nodded, "Well, with the Queen, she's got a lot of sharp things. Particularly,"

He was interrupted by that same voice, still as horrifyingly loud as before,

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

Pippy was taken by surprise, and leapt back, holding her neck in shock. The Kat only nodded slowly.

"See what I mean?"

"Well, maybe I'll just find someone else to ask…" She started off into the woods again, when The Kat stopped her again.

"Honey," he pointed, "The nearest exit's that way."

Pippy nodded and continued in a new direction, not stopping to thank the Disco Kat.

"Oh, an Pippy!" He called again, and she turned to him, "Try not to start a fight with the caterpillar, she's quite the eccentric type."

Pippy shot him a quizzical look and shook her head, trying not to think about what would happen when she met this "Caterpillar"

So, I got this idea randomly, just thinking about how rude Pippy is, and how polite Alice is from "Alice in Wonderland". So I decided it would be fun to swap them around, and put Pippy in Wonderland, just for fun.
And this is technically her first independent story. Yay!

P.S. I snuck in an Earthbound reference, for those who have played that classic SNES game.