Summary: Ten extremely short ficlets.

Cast: Jack, Gwen, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Rhys, John, the Doctor and three cowboys.

Crack. Assortment of pairings. Complete.

Disclaimer: "waving psychic paper around* see?

A/n: I'm exercising my humor muscles. As for the long wait with other stories, I'm realy so-oory, but I kinda broke three screens in a row, makes typing really hard. All fixed now.

10 very short Torchwood stories told in alphabetical order

Angst

His team was dead, the very people he cherished more than life itself were gone and Jack… Miserable and lonely and beaten by fate Jack. What about him? He was alive, no changes there.

"I hate you, Rose Tyler," he said tonelessly and pulled the trigger.

Brain and blood splashed all over the room.

AU

"Excalibur, really?" Captain John Hart asked disbelief clear in his voice.

Jack grinned.

"Yup. We are hiring by the way."

Crack

"I'm your father!" confessed the Doctor.

Ryth critically eyed disheveled boy in awkward suit topped with bow-tie.

"Listen, mate… Jack put you up to this, didn't he?"

Fluff

"Jack?"

"Yes, Ianto-bear."

"Don't call me that, Jack," he said with sly grin.

History

Tosh critically eyed walls of the Holy City.

"I thought it would be more impressive."

"Oh, don't!" Gwen snorted. "Or I will start again on how I though it would be cleaner. Bloody Middle Ages!"

"Fucking Torchwood," Owen corrected stoically, urging his horse.

Horror

Ianto sat heavily in the antic armchair and surveyed shadows creeping up from under the threshold.

"Jack?"

"Yes?" he answered, voice barely above the whisper.

"I'm scared."

Romance

"You are drunk," Ianto informed Owen with a hint of disapproval.

"Maybe. Doesn't change the fact that I want to do this," he answered with a cheeky smile and kissed Ianto in the lips.

Smut

Gwen turned toward Ianto, pouting. "You should have warned me that his bed manners are non-existent!"

Owen snorted leaning over to Jack.

"I did, honey."

Western

"1878. I gotta love it!" Jack said surviving barren Texas landscape and three very attractive cowboys in leather pants.

X-over

"Force?" Gwen asked weakly and blinked.

Luke Skywalker smiled wildly and levitated an orange from a nearby vase.

A/N: if asked nicely I could be persuaded to explore some of these scenarios. So review and all the jazz…