A Marvel/DC Christmas Special

In a universe where Marvel and DC characters coexist, the Manhattan mall was busy with children of all ages rushing towards Santa Claus. Peter Parker was busy buying presents for his loved ones. (and maybe a couple others.)

Peter Parker: "Let me see, a new oven for Aunt May, some new shoes and purses for Mary Jane, a fruit cake for J.J. – please let him give me that raise – what am I missing?"

He sat down in the mall café where the television was playing the latest news.

Reporter: "– and police still aren't sure how escape was possible, but the Batman was seen leaving the scene of the crime. Pamela Isely, aka Poison Ivy, is still on the loose. In other news – "

Snack bar Tending Guy: "Wouldn't you know it, I'm tellin' ya, them there vigilantes are nothin' but trouble."

Peter couldn't stand listening to that in his "present" frustration. He paid for the gifts he could remember to get and balanced them in his arms as he changed his clothes and Spider-Man was swinging his way home. As Spidey saw shadows move, he webbed his gifts to a wall as a voice came out of the darkness.

Batman: "Who are you?"

Spider-Man: "Batman?"

Batman: "I'm pretty sure that's me. Don't make me repeat myself."

Spider-Man: "Spider-Man. Um, you didn't really release one of your rogues from the asylum did you?"

A streak of red light came through the streets onto the rooftop.

Batman: "You're late."

Flash: "Stopped by Mexico for a burrito. Want one?"

Batman: "No."

Spider-Man: "I'm confused. No to releasing Poison Ivy, or no to the burrito, cuz you know the Mexicans make it best."

Flash: "Hahaha…"

Batman gives a menacing stare to the Flash.

Flash: "Hey, the guy's good in my book, how about it Spidey? Wanna join up?"

Spider-Man: "For what?"

Flash: "Poison Ivy."

Spider-Man: "This soon before Christmas?"

Flash: "Why not?"

Spider-Man: "Yes."

Batman: "No."

Flash and Spider-Man: "What?"

Batman: "I am never one to believe everything I read, but your reputation leaves much to be desired,"

Spider-Man: "Coming from the guy suspected to free a plant girl!"

Batman: "And your quick tongue and transparent accusations are not needed amongst partners. I already have the Flash to deal with…."

Flash: "Is that a somewhat dry humor from the Batman? C'mon dude, may I remind you of your team-up with that Reyes kid? No way Spidey is more annoying than a guy who talks to his suit."

Spider-Man: "Wow, such a big complement, hope my head doesn't get big." He says rolling his eyes underneath his mask.

Soon enough the two super-comedians wore down Batman and he instructed them to meet up the next night as he tried to hunt down Ivy's location. Back in Peter's apartment, he was struggling to wrap the presents, tape everywhere, like a plastic web surrounding his fingers!

Peter looked up at the clock to see it was 5:00p.m. He left the mess on his bed, changed his clothes, and swung out heading to the Avengers mansion. As it turns out, Hawkeye was expecting Spider-Man to help set up decorations for the Avengers Christmas Bash! The rest of the Avengers were away on a mission, and honestly Hawkeye was staying behind because of personal issues, but together he and Spidey were able to get decorations half-way hung when the meet time was near. Spider-Man left the area, forgetting to tell Hawkeye where he went. On the way out, yet another news report was heard on a street radio.

Reporter: "So now the Christmas horror continues as it seems the Shocker has escaped from prison. And traces of plant roots were found at the cell, so police suspect Poison Ivy of breaking out Shocker."

Spider-Man: "You gotta be kidding me! How many times do I have to put that guy away?"

Hawkeye: "Here's a better question, why were you leaving almost a whole mansion ballroom for me to decorate?"

Spider-Man: "Man, you don't understand,"

Hawkeye: "What? Expecting company on the rooftops?"

Once again, they both notice shadows moving and a red flash move across.

Flash: "Actually, he is. Looks like this is gonna be a four-way team-up."

Batman: "What? No. A team-up? Fine. Three-ways? I can deal with that, but this is going too far."

Hawkeye: "What's the difference Bats? You can consider me your replacement Green Arrow. Whatever is ahead, you can count on me!"

Batman: "…fine."

Hawkeye: "So…fill me in."

Spider-Man: "Poison Ivy. Now Shocker."

Hawkeye: "Four against two? I like those odds, but this time of the year? Whatever happened to Christmas spirit?"

Flash: "I know, right?"

Batman: "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Batman was able to trace Poison Ivy to the mall again, and where there is Poison Ivy, there is the Shocker. Despite the cold and the snow, they split into search teams. Hawkeye teamed-up with the Flash to search the mall at ground level. At the same time, Batman was left with Spider-Man, and they are on the roof ready to burst in at any time should Shocker or Poison Ivy show their faces.

Hawkeye: "Hey, fastest man alive! How long do we have to wait outside this mall?"

Flash: "I don't know, let me check."

He zoomed in and out and all around the mall, making people everywhere drop their gifts because of the wind.

Flash: "Sorry Hawkeye, no sign of them. Looks like we'll be here for a while."

Hawkeye: "Figures. Wait a minute… since when is Santa a hot red-head?"

Flash: "Whoa, that must be Pam!"

Hawkeye into his walkie talkie: "Hawkeye to Batman. We have a visual on Poison Ivy and loving it."

Batman: "Stop staring and brace yourselves for Shocker."

Spider-Man: "No, they should brace themselves for Ivy, I mean, we're all guys, she hits us with that hormone dust we're in trouble. Heck, even without the hormone dust we're in trouble."

Batman: "Are you ever serious?"

Spider-Man: "Why so serious?"

Batman: "That's not funny."

Spider-Man: "To you. For people with a sense of humor – yeah it is. "

KABOOM! The entire mall was shaking, the Shocker making his entrance. Hawkeye made the first move and fired off an arrow that had a rope attached. It latched onto a part of wall, so when he yanked on it surprised and covered Ivy and Shocker in rubble while they were distracted by the Flash running and surrounding them. Batman fired a batline just as Spider-Man shot some webs to contain them. The Shocker was able to break freeing his usual way, but they didn't expect what happened next.

Poison Ivy: "What are you guys doing?"

Flash: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we're taking you down."

Poison Ivy: "Arresting us on a date! Before Christmas!"

Spider-Man: "Um… plant girl say what now?"

Shocker: "Hate ta break it to ya, bug, but we ain't skidaddlin' for havin' some personal fun. Kinda puts a rat dump in your cat food, huh varmint?"

Hawkeye: "Number one, ew! Number two, public safety. Number three, you guys broke out. Number four, ew!"

Shocker: "Heh, good 'nuff for me."

Poison Ivy then lifted up Shocker's mask to give him a good, long kiss under the mall's mistletoe.

Spider-Man: "Um… should we try to break this up?"

Batman: "No. Soon we can take Isely to jail and Montana to a hospital."

Hawkeye: "Hospital? Why? He's just being kissed."

Flash: "You'll see."

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!