"Mello, don't touch my computer."

"I won't. Just, just go. Go. Get.. Get me chocolate."

"Don't touch my computer."

"GET THE FUCK OUT."

"Fine! Fuck."

Step. Open. Creak. Shut. To Matt's computer!~

…What? Don't judge me. I turned on Matt's computer.

Waiting, waiting… Is there porn on it? Oh, look, user screen. Fuck, password? Uh. Sexy-Stripes? No. Sexyback? No. ? No. Hotginger? No. Joystick? No.

..Mellsass? I'm not self-centered.

…

Yes.

Holy fucking videogames. IMVU, Mabinogi, Perfect World ..World of Warcraft.

Internet Explorer? I opened it up and it went straight to Google. I clicked history… Fuck, blank? Either Matt only plays videogames or he so watches porn.

..I think I'll go with porn.

I typed in Kira and a bunch of things came up. Apparently Kira is related to God, because a few sites with "God" in them popped up, including a site called iGod. Artificial Intelligence chat with God?

..God. Holyshit. I clicked the site and signed into the chat.

You are now chatting with God…

Me:

Hello

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

Mello

God:

I am very pleased to meet you Mello.

Me:

Awesome

God:

I'm glad you liked it Mello.

Me:

Liked what?

God:

.

Me:

..I don't have a period...

God:

Are you looking for a period?

Me:

NO

NO.

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

Why not?

God:

Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.

Me:

Awesome, I love that word.

God:

I've been waiting for you.

…Creeper…

Me:

o.o Why?

God:

Not really, but it makes a good pickup line.

Me:

..It so does.

God:

What does "it" refer to?

Me:

Yo momma

God:

Thank you for the clarification.

Me:

No problem XD

LOLOL.

God:

Should there be a problem?

Me:

I hope not

God:

Me too.

Me:

Have you heard of Kira?

God:

No, tell me about him, her or it.

Me:

Kira is a mass murderer who's killed thousands of criminals.

God:

When is Kira not a mass murderer who is killed thousands of criminals?

Me:

Never.

God:

So you think it can never happen?

Me:

That's true

God:

Yes, it is self-evident.

Me:

..

God:

Yes, it is self-evident.

Me:

Sexy

God:

You are attracted to heavenly creatures?

…The fuck?

Me:

No, I am attracted to red-heads who wear striped t-shirts and play videogames.

God:

Are you serious? I'm not sure if I like it. I love horses. I like Random natural disasters..

Me:

Do you like blondes who wear leather?

God:

But I like cats. I like .

Me:

You like periods?

LOLOL.

God:

Someone said they like guns. I like Random natural disasters..

Me:

Why?

God:

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:

Awesome

God:

I'm glad you liked it Mello.

…God is inappropriate.

Me:

I did like it. I liked it all night long.

God:

Where? Interesting comparison. What does "it" refer to?

Me:

Sex with red-heads who wear striped t-shirts and play videogames. But you said you didn't like them, so.

God:

it is more fun alone.

…Masturbation.

Me:

I am twenty.

God:

What is your fondest memory?

Me:

The first time I ate chocolate.

God:

What was the second?

Me:

The first time I had sex with Matt.

God:

What was the second?

Idiot.

Me:

That was the second.

God:

I thought it was too.

Me:

Then why did you ask?

God:

My purpose is to collect new knowledge.

Me:

Awesome

God:

I'm glad you liked it Mello.

"Mello, I have your God damn chocolate!"

Me:

FUCKMATT

God:

In the context of it all night long, I don't understand " FUCKMATT." .

I held in a laugh and shut down the computer, quickly standing up and spinning around to face Matt when he walked in the door.

"Did you go on my computer?"

"…No."

"Mello."

"I said no! God damn. Give me the chocolate."

"Fine, fuck."

Ten minutes later.

"MOTHER FUCKER, MELLO. THE FUCK IS iGOD."

"OH SHUT THE FUCK UP. AT LEAST I DIDN'T WATCH PORN."