This is the first part of a series of short drabbles that explores the post-apocalyptic universe of Left 4 Dead, and more specifically the relationship between Nick and Ellis, both romantic and not. Updates will be sporadic and will probably only occur for a month or so before I declare this complete. Most of the "chapters" will be about this length, and some will most likely be a bit longer. I hope you enjoy, and don't forget to let me know exactly what you think in a review~

He had never known hopelessness. Of course, he had suffered defeats, in his gambles and his marraige. He had given up on things before, had folded in games of poker and neglected to return phonecalls. He had been torn down to nothing in shrieked accusations and running mascara and been left to bleed in filthy alleys. But through all of that, Nick had always held onto the belief that he would never, could never, lose everything.

That belief had died along with most of humanity.

After sprinting through a burning building and an abandoned amusement park and suffocating in a swamp, all the while dodging human monsters borne of disease who wanted nothing quite so much as to tear him down, tear him apart, it was difficult to retain an optimistic attitude. Try as he might, Nick just couldn't find the part of himself that had always said, Hey, hey, hey, calm down, take a breath, everything's gonna work out... it always has, always does. It's fine. Nothing in the world ever seemed like it could be fine again bound by a Smoker's tongue.

And now here he was, on a boat to what could not be salvation (but, damnit, you have to tell yourself that's what it is or how else are you gonna keep going, just keep going) and searching for the damn voice that made all this shit bearable.

It just wasn't in him anymore.

The voice wasn't in him, but... it was there. Spoken in a lazy Georgian drawl, spilling from the cracked, grinning lips of someone much younger than Nick himself, there was the voice that said It's okay. There was the voice that said You have people watching out for you. The voice that said... Goddammit, Ellis's was the voice that said We have to keep going because there's something after this. There's always something after this.

And hell if Nick didn't believe every damn word of it.