Evangelion is the property and ownership of Gainax and Hideki Anno. I do not own it, as if I tried to, Rei would find me.

A mutation of a plot tribble on the Spacebattles forum. Enjoy.

...

It would be wrong to say he did not see this sort of thing coming in the first place. It wouldn't. He's known this sort of thing would happen, based on the logic of the people he knows and the people he is related to. It had to happen eventually, with the distinct possibility that he would have to take one for the team.

"Hold on tight. Think of Christmas."

Twenty years is a good amount of time. He doesn't regret much. Maybe he wanted to finish college before dying, but he's pretty sure he's going to die now without a real say in the matter. Clenching his eyes shut, the twenty year old young man with brown hair, blue eyes, and a complexion which is normally quite nice but now pale from fear and horror waits for the end.

It started three days ago. His studies in Music Theory at Tokyo-2 U were interrupted by a note from his father. Just the word 'Come.' Apparently his advisor got a similar note that was more extensive, and had already booked a plane ticket and a transfer of credits to Tokyo-3. He arrived here an hour ago, to find a city that didn't have any buildings higher than ten stories, was virtually abandoned, and inhabited primarily by a lime green monster that shot lasers out of its bird face.

Another scream, womanly, girly. His own. She hasn't screamed once. He knows she hasn't. In the two years since his father introduced her to him, he hasn't known her to show fear. Which of course made it a perfect idea for her to pick him up and drive him to the base.

The pale girl with blue hair, red eyes, and an expressionless face slightly adjusts the rear view mirror to see the three toed green foot stomping down behind them.

"Hold on,she says, "I'm going to lose it."

"I already have," he squeaks.

She sniffs, narrowing her eyes and glancing at him.

Spinning the wheel, the blue alpine renault, leant to her by her superior, squeals as it turns around, shifting gears and accelerating. Opening his eyes, Shinji Ikari, twenty year old College Sophomore and dead man, chokes on his own screams as he realizes Rei has turned the car around and is now accelerating towards the giant monster. Calmly, he reaches out and tugs on her blouse sleeve, the young woman not responding as she floors the gas pedal and swerves, the hand of the creature slamming into their previous position, drifting the car between the monster's legs and slamming the horn as the thing grabs at it with its other hand.

Spinning the wheel, her face expressionless and serene, she sends the car into a donut turn around one of its feet, the creature grabbing at them, hitting itself in the foot, and beginning to shake as Rei straightens the car out and drives away.

In the side view mirror, Shinji watches as the creature loses its footing and collapses, a mass of arms and legs waving in the air like a drunken turtle as it sends smoke and pulverized concrete into the air.

"This is the First Child," Rei says, flipping open a cell phone with a red fig leaf emblazoned on it, "I have the Third. Heading towards the base."

Shinji is wisely silent for the rest of the trip.

Neon Genesis Evangelion AU:

Your Happy Years

"We sent Rei to pick him up. I seriously love the ideas we come up with, here."

Heels clicking as she walks down the hallways of NERV, the raven haired woman taps the flashing screen of the PDA, muttering to herself as the map comes up. Unfortunately for her, the map comes up in Spanish, a language she does not know, she she is lost once more.

"Stupid pieces of high tech crap..."

"Sub Commander Katsuragi to Project E labs-"

"I'm trying! I'm not the one who made this place the God damned Labyrinth!"

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, Katsuragi."

She whirls, biting her lip and groaning as she spies the blonde woman in the wetsuit and glasses.

"Yeah, and so's murdering your old college room mate, Ritz," Misato mutters, tossing the PDA over her shoulder, "C'mon, lead the way. What's the ETA on the Third Child?"

"Third Child is present and accounted for."

Ritsuko Akagi, bleached blonde chairwoman of Project E, starts and suppresses the scream, turning on her heel to find the albino woman standing behind her, a panting, sweating young man hunched over next to her. Raising a hand, Shinji makes a sound not strictly classifiable as human before collapsing to his knees.

"Let Rei drive, you said," Misato scowls, "He knows her, you said."

"Oh, he's alive. He just needs to sit in the plug and he'll be fine."

"Rei," Misato sighs, turning to the girl, "Did you trip the Angel?"

"I left the tensile steel cable in my apartment," Rei Ayanami responds, her face otherwise expressionless, "I was required to stunt drive to confuse the Angel. Otherwise the Third Child would not be in the state he is in."

Boots on the steel floor, the lights in the distance in the hallway flickering on. One of these days, Misato realizes, he's going to go all the way and have disco music play on the speakers whenever he enters the room. It is a heavy burden, realizing the man you work for is completely insane, albeit insane in the fun sort of way. Unfortunately, said man is also responsible for saving the world.

"Good. He's here."

Shinji looks up. The man is sporting some gray, giving him a more defined look. His beard is more trimmed, a full beard instead of the creepy muttonchops gone wild that he had when he was a teenager.

The amber glasses are still there, so is the black uniform he always wears, although at least he isn't wearing that god damned turtleneck today.

"F-father?" Shinji stammers.

Gendo Ikari, Supreme Commander of NERV, thrusts his hands into his pockets and stares at his son. Calmly, he directs his gaze at Rei, who gives off a faint, knowing smile.

"You're needed," Gendo says.

"Let me guess," Shinji groans, slowly standing up, "I'm piloting one of your giant robots?"

"Correct. You've gone over your mother's notes. Good. Any questions?"

Shinji nods.

"Are you fucking insane?"

They pause. Gendo raises an eyebrow.

"He's got a point," Misato says, "Sohryu Doctrine for Evangelion engagement kind of suggests we need him trained. He knows about the Evas, but we never put him in a plug."

"Unfortunately, Unit 01 is combat ready," Rei responds, "Unit 00, while operation ready, is an inferior model until new parts arrive."

"We don't have time," Ritsuko says, hands in the air, "Look, we can just have Shinji sit in the plug, and it'll do the rest! We train him when it's over!"

"That's fucking retarded," Shinji yells back, turning from Akagi to his father, "I'm not trained! I got beaten up in school every day until I graduated! You want to put me in a giant robot and have it step on me, why?"

"We have no other choice."

Slapping his hand over his face, Shinji lets out a litany of curses. Rei watches, taking in the new, filthy words for future reference.

"I knew it," Shinji moans, "You're trying to kill me, aren't you? This is all an elaborate revenge for when I told you off nine years ago, isn't it?"

"In part."

"You're not even hiding it! This is one of your half-assed ideas for us bonding! Just like two years ago when you kidnapped me in the middle of the night, took me camping and you had me fight off a bear! I don't know what Mother wants, Dad, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to get eaten by a giant green Space Alie-"

The tranquilizer dart hits him in the arm. Shinji's gaze turns from the dart to his father, who holsters the tranq gun and watches as Shinji's eyes roll up and he collapses to the floor.

"Rei. You will pilot Unit 00."

Rei salutes, clicking her heels.

"Sir."

"Katsuragi, take Shinji to the alternative," Gendo says, turning on his heel, "Let's begin the operation."

He turns and walks out, following by Akagi and Rei. Sighing, Misato leans down, tossing the sleeping Shinji's arm over her shoulder. This is really not the sort of work a Sub Commander should be doing.

"I'm really not paid enough for this..."

...

"...Sohryu Doctrine states that when engaging an AT-Field to use..."

A groan, stirring in the darkness. Has he even opened his eyes? Wherever he is, it's pitch black. And there was some voice in his head, a woman's voice. Kind of cute, to.

"...Engaging the Angel! Unit 00 has deployed Progressive Sword!"

Unit 00...oh, right. He remembers that, when Dad gave him the tour of NERV four years ago for his sixteenth birthday. Showed him 01, 00, the plans for the others. How many robots do they have here again? Five?

"...Negative contact! Angel has damaged the armor! Reading contamination feedback in..."

Well, that sounds bad. Huh. Rei is fighting the Angel, isn't she? How bad can that be? He knows Rei somewhat. She is kind of cute. Nice ass, at least. But she's a hardened veteran of these sorts of things, right?

"...to back up plan. Synchro start!"

The lights turn on. Sitting in the seat, Shinji stops breathing for a moment as he realizes he not only was sleeping while sitting, but sitting in a fluid filled capsule. The walls around him turn transparent, showing green walls as far as the eye can see, the purple and green shoulder strips on either side. For a moment, his mind expands outward, a set of screens appearing over his eyes showing it from different angles, the purple and green giant.

"Synchronization at 43%! Evangelion Shogoki has activated!"

They knocked him out and put him in it, didn't they?

"Dad, I'm going to kill you-"

"EVA LAUNCH!"

...

The speakers cut in midway through the tube, green armor plates retracting as the rails rise above the deserted city. Sparks flying off the carriage, speeding off along electrified rails, the speakers of the massive war machine transmit a profanity laden scream for all in the above ground Tokyo-3 region to hear.

"...fucking kidding me! You are fucking kidding me! You honestly think this is a good God damned plan? Are you out of your MIND?"

The platformed desk rises amid the blue metal pillar. Sitting at the desk, white gloved hands folded in front of his face, Gendo Ikari winces internally. Maybe not the best plan, he thinks, but certainly a workable one if his theories are correct. He has waited years for this chance, after all.

"Pilot synch stabilized," the short haired young woman at one of the three main consoles says, tapping the keys as data changes on the massive, floating holographic screen hovering in front of the raised platform of Central Dogma, "Shogoki has reached the surface! Accessing Entry Plug cameras!"

The screen beside the main diagnostic display flickers. Shinji's face appears, mid scream.

"-and stomp you until you can be FUCKING MAILED! Are you INSANE?"

"Calm down, pilot," Misato says, folding her arms, her gray uniform already showing signs of wrinkles from being worn way too many days in a row, "Just work with the plan and we'll be fine."

"Fine? Your plan had me drugged and tossed into a giant robot! This ISN'T A PLAN! This is a BAD IDEA!"

"You'll be fine," Misato explains, "Just do what we tell you to and you'll be fine."

"Miss Katsuragi, in all honesty I'm not a kid. I know bullshit when I hear it, and that requires a steam shovel. If a girl who's trained to do this since you grew her in a fucking test tube had trouble with that, how exactly is the Commander's son, who proudly states for the record that he cries like a girl when he has to get his tooth drilled, going to do any better?"

Misato turns towards the command deck. Gendo shrugs.

"Okay," she sighs, "Do you have...well, we need you to pilot. Seriously. I'm Sub Commander of NERV, after all. Anything I can do to reassure you?"

"So we're negotiating NOW?"

"Yep."

"Okay, fine. Here's what I want-"

"Angel is approaching Shogoki!"

Shinji turns to his side, eyes snapping wide open before the screen blinks out. Locks release around the purple giant, the Evangelion dropping from the lift and onto its stomach just as the bright pink blast flies right by where it was, ripping into the raised elevator carriage.

"Crap," Shinji mutters, gripping the controls, "Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap!"

Climbing onto its hands and knees, 200' and 15,000 tons of metal, sinew, and pure raw power crawl behind a block of apartment buildings, flattening its back against them. In the Entry Plug, Shinji glances from side to side, Shogoki responding in kind.

"Oh God," he whispers, reaching into his pocket and yanking out a soggy, brown paper back, "Oh God. Oh God."

Closing his hand into a fist around it, he breathes into it, suppressing his hyperventilation as he closes his eyes, leaning back against the chair.

"Did he see me?"

Shogoki rises, peaking its head above the apartment building. The lime green giant is gone. Turning, the Evangelion stands up, turns, and walks straight into the Angel. Sachiel, Angel of Water, twists its bird skull shaped head in confusion, reaching out with one hand to grasp the creature before it.

Inside the Entry Plug, Shinji screams. A single thought reaches out. Thought becomes action.

And Shogoki grabs Sachiel by the shoulder and brings its knee up between the Angels legs.

...

"Ooo, that'll leave a mark."

One of the bridge bunnies chokes, the other holding his hands between his legs as Shogoki drops the Angel and turns to run.

"Shinji! Finish off the Angel!"

"Let me get some distance, first! Doesn't this thing have guns?"

"No."

"What kind of giant robot doesn't have GUNS?"

"Budget."

Akagi and Misato turn to the Commander's station.

"What," Misato says. Not asks, says.

"Budget," Ikari states coldly, "I put in several requests for modular weapons components ranging from rail guns to full autocannons, but someone kept flipping me off."

"AAAAAAHHHH! IT'S GOT MY CORD!"

"Maya, why did we field the Evangelion without the N2 battery pack?" Misato asks.

"They arrive next Tuesday," the short haired woman chimes in, "Pilot respiration and pulse rising!"

They watch as the Angel reels in the Evangelion, winding the power cord around its three fingered hand, a slow alien moan escaping the vents on its side as it brings the Evangelion closer and closer over Shinji's panicked screams.

...

Reaching out, it wraps its hand around Shogoki's head. Lifting it up, the gem at the center of the palm begins to glow. At his seat on the bridge, Gendo Ikari grins. Here we go, he thinks.

And in the Entry Plug, Shinji's eyes go wide. Time seems to slow. When he reconnected with his father four years ago, Dad let him look at Mom's notes. He saw how the Evas work. Synchronization, sympathetic pain. That blast is going to go right into the Eva's eye. He's going to feel it like a railroad spike driven into his skull.

The rod drives back, a solid line of pink energy blasting outwards from the creature's elbow. There's a warmth in Shinji's pants running down his leg, a slow, steady scream escaping his throat as his knuckles go white on the controls.

And a purple and green fist slams into Sachiel's face.

The hand goes slack. Shogoki drops, knees bent as the Angel stumbles back, cracks forming across the skull face. Ducking under the wild, stray blast, the Eva rises up again, arms wrapping around the Angel and picking it up, the pilot roaring profanities as both are carried across the city, massive footprints left in the concrete as the wire trips it up, riding the Angel down into the ground.

The fist comes up and down, shattering the skull face, the other hand grabbing the Angel's arm as it rises up and yanking it back, the blast flying wild into the sky before Shogoki slams its heel into the joint and rips the arm off.

The other hand comes up, blast charging and releasing into the underside of Shogoki's jaw, ripping through the armor and tossing the Evangelion off. Slowly, blue liquid leaking out of the side of its mangled joint, Sachiel rises. Lurching forward, a new face already growing through the hole left in the old, the Third Angel shambles forth, holding its remaining hand outward.

His jaw feels like its on fire. He feels like he just had every tooth blasted out with a blowtorch.

His thoughts swim as the Angel looms over him, its growl a whisper between his ears.

Wait. Is that the Angel's growl?

"Shinji," Rei says, "The red gem at the center of the Angel's chest is the Core. You must destroy the Core to kill the Angel. Do you understand?"

He groans an affirmative.

The Angel looms over him. It reaches out, its skull face reformed, glowing with inner fire. It pauses, staring at him. Wondering what last resistance this annoyance has. Which is when the back jets built into the jet stripes fire and the Evangelion lurches forward. The Angel has only a moment to realize what has happened. But too late.

The spike on the Eva's snout goes in first, the crystalline red material cracking as the purple metal enters the solenoid. The Angel lurches back, as the Eva rises, the eyes glowing a steady white as the light begins to flicker in Sachiel's eyes.

Knuckles crack, metal grinding against metal, and with a roar blasting through its speakers, Shogoki brings all its weight to bear in a punch directly into the Third Angel's core. The Core shatters, raining down red crystal like snowfall, continuing through the chest and out between the Angel's shoulders.

A final squeal, the light leaving its eyes, and the form of the Third Angel turns gray and white, cracking along its edges as Angelic material falls along like dead leaves.

And with a final cry, its form shatters.

...

The doors to the mausoleum open. Well, at least that is what it is called. It is an office, in fact, with a glowing Tree of Sephirot engraved in the ceiling, casting the only light in the room. Her plugsuit changed for a white blouse and black pants, Rei Ayanami enters, her eyes already adjusted to the dim light, centered on the figure at the half moon desk at the far end.

"Rei."

"Yes, Commander," she responds.

"Now that the Third Angel is destroyed, our original scenario is resuming," he says, "I will be in contact with Professor Fuyutsuki. You will keep an eye on Shinji. Make sure he does not break. He knows more than the scenario originally allowed."

She nods. A small grin on her face in the darkness.

"Understood. He will not break."

A pause from the Commander.

"There are limits to what you are allowed to do with him, Rei," he says, "If he were injured when you picked him up, or from your stunt, we would have been in trouble."

"Of course," she says, internally pouting, "Will I be training him?"

"You and Suzuhara," Gendo responds, "Be careful with him. His relationship with me makes him more likely to question orders."

She nods.

"Understood," she says, "I will be at my apartment if needed, Commander."

She salutes, sharply, and walks out. Leaning back in his chair as the door closes, Gendo Ikari allows himself a smile, pulling off his right glove and staring at the scar traced across his palm. The skin still twitches, and did so when the Angel shows up. Residual cells, nothing more.

Tapping open a console, he types in the code, the hidden compartment of his desk opening.

The unblinking eye stares back at him.

"Soon."

...

"...following the destruction of the creature designated by UN Special Taskforce NERV as "ANGEL", the German and Austrian representatives at the UN once again raised a motion for the extradition of Pilot Sohryu to be tried for what has been known as the Berlin Massacre in 2016. The motion was vetoed by Russia, stating that her forced exile from Germany was still considered acceptable punishment."

The television clicks off. Bleary eyed, sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, Shinji blinks at the clock over the television and swears to himself. Well, he thinks, at least he's not in that situation. Rubbing his eyes, he still remembers seeing those reports when he visited Dad at NERV. The flareup in Europe, the first live combat of that red Evangelion.

A girl his age being tried at the Hague.

Muttering to himself, he picks himself up off the couch and walks into the kitchen. They gave him his own apartment, right next door to the Sub Commander's. Just in case he needs someone to talk to. He might get a room mate, might not. They're not sure yet.

What he is sure of is that his Dad decided to spin this into an 'opportunity.' As of this afternoon, he is an employee of NERV. Some benefits. His student loans are paid off, he has a salary, and of course, he pilots the giant robot that ate Mom.

Sighing, he stares at the empty sink. Nothing to do, really. He goes to register for classes tomorrow, heads to Tokyo-3 Community College to get started. Of course, this means his Dad's going to involve himself in his life. When he was 14, that would have been a godsend.

Now, notsomuch.

He throughly believes Gendo Ikari is completely insane. Especially when, on his seventeenth birthday, he took him aside and explained things to him. What he believed happened to his mother, why he abandoned him with his uncle. Everything he kept from him. What the blue haired girl was.

He thought his father was crazy. Then, Dad took him to the basement of NERV, a place called Terminal Dogma.

Well, that was that.

Sighing, he pinches his nose, grabbing a soda from his fridge and walking out of the kitchen. He needs some sleep. He needs to sleep for a week and it's almost midnight. Sighing, he walks over to the bathroom, the single small tiled room, the shower head built into the wall for efficiency. No bath here, although Katsuragi has one. He did hear weird...sounds from inside. Like squawking.

He didn't want to ask. But that's another story.

Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he takes how his toothbrush and toothpaste, layering on the bristles and shoving the thing in his mouth. With his free hand, he closes the mirrored door and stares at his reflection.

Except, it's sort of his. And not. The hair is a bit longer, the eyes more blue. And the gender is wrong.

"Shinji? Oh, thank God. What kept you?"

Shinji stares. He looks down, confirming that his chest is not, in fact, home to a pair of very ample breasts.

"Right. Well. It's been...mm...sixteen years, right? You're a little overdue. So I hitched a ride out of the Core. Any questions?"

His response is, quite understandably, panicked screaming.