...Don't you just ,love thinking up fanfics on a whim? XD
I do not own Twilight. It belongs to Stephanie Meyer and...whoever made the movies.
Bella: (voice over) This is Charlie. Single overprotective dad with a nice job. Hmmmm...this sounds like a Disney movie...
Bella: (laughs) Oh my God, it does! (laughs harder)
Director: CUT!
XX
)Charlie gives Bella a truck. Bella is excited)
Bella: Oh my God, this is perfect! Wow! (opens door and accidentally hits Jake in the family jewels)
Jake: AAAH! HOLY SHIT! YOUI HIT ME IN THE-
Director: Cut!
(Take two)
Bella: (opens door and knocks Jake unconscious) OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY! (shakes Jake) ARE YOU OKAAY?
Director: Oh my God. Can we PLEASE get something right?
XX
Jessica: (pointing to Jasper as he walks into the cafeteria) That's Jasper. The one who looks like he's always in pain.
Jasper: (snorts and cracks up) Sorry! Sorry! Can we do that again?
(Take 2)
Jasper: (walks in and cracks up) Sorry!
(Take 3)
Jasper: (walks in trying to hold back laughter, and fails)
XX
Bella: You're super-fast, you never eat, you're super strong,. And your skin is ice-cold...
Edward: Say it...say it...
Bella: You're...THE SMOIKE MONSTER! AAAAH! (runs)
Edward: ...What the hell?
XX
(Bella and Edward lay next to each other in the meadow. Edward snores, and Bella swats him awake. Edward laughs)
XX
(Bella and Edward are in the meadow. Bella leans over Edward and strokes his hair)
Bella: (singing) What would I give to live where you are/ What would I do to see you smiling at me/ Where would we walk/ Where would we run/ If we could stay all day in the sun?/ Just you and me/ And I could be/ Part of your world...
Edward: Not bad.
Bella: Thanks!
XX
Bella: Oh, thanks! I'm starving!
Edward: She already ate.
Rosalie: (upset, tries to break the bowl but can't) What the hell? (squeezes bowl, but it still doesn't break. She squeezes harder) BREAK, DAMN YOU! (Smashes bowl on counter. Shards of glass shoot in her eyes. Rosalie screams) MY EYES! AAAH! SOMEBODY GFET ME TO DAMN HOSPITAL!
Director: (laughing) Cut!
XX
Bella: Diplomas?
Edward: (stares) Uh...what's my line again? (He and Bella laugh)
Director: "Inside joke. We matriculate a lot"!
XX
(Edward is showing Bella that he's "dangerous" by pulling her around the forest. He yanks on her arm and accidentally dislocates her shoulder)
Bella:" (screaming and crying) MY SHOULER! OW! GOD! YOU DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER!
Edward: (frantic) Sorry! I'm sorry. I'll set it back! (Sets shoulder back in)
Bella: (screams again and hits Edward) I HATE YOU! (Runs off crying)
Edward: (Rejected) What'd I do?
XX
Bella: (singing)
In a perfect world
One we've never known
We would never need
To face the world alone
They can have the world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart
I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere I go
I'm home
If you are there beside me
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
Edward: (singing)
I was so afraid
Now I realize
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies
There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes
Both:
And if only they could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you
They'd know
Love will find a way
Anywhere we go
We're home
If we are there together
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I know love will find a way
Alice: ...That was random. (pumps fists) AND AWESOME!
XX
(Edward turns on CD player, but instead of Debussy...)
CD Player: EVERYBBODY DANCE NOW! (music)
Edward: ...
(take two)
CD Player: Caaaaan you feel the loove tonight?
Edward: (growls slightly)
(take 3)
CD Player: The phaaaaaaaaaantom of the opera is theeeeeeere inside your miiiiiiiind...
(Take 4)
CD Player: And it's aall right/ It's coming on/ we gotta get it right back to where we started from
(take 5)
CD Player: Is this thing an open door/ walk right through to something more/ you and me/ My life would change in a second
(Take 6)
CD Player: SOMEBODY SAAAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEE/ LET YOU WARM HANDS BREAK RIGHT THROUGH
(Take 7)
CD Player: I got chills/ they're multiplying/ and I'm losing control/ From the power/ you're supplying
(Take 8)
CD Player: Simple and clean is the way that you make me feel tonight/ It's hard to let it go
Edward: Ok, this is getting ridiculous!
(Take 9)
CD Player: My sanctuary, my sanctuary yeah...
Edward: OH COME ON! We're not even Japanese!
Eric: (Storms in angrily and karate-chops Edward in half) Bitch. (Walks off)
Edward: Ugh...somebody play the "I'm going crazy" song...
Bella: (singing) You've got me going crazy-
Edward: I WAS BEING IRONIC!
XX
(Bella's hair is caught in the wind, and James smells is)
James: You brought a snack.
Emmett: Yep! Sure did! (pulls out cookies, graham crackers, protein bars, and chex mix)
Bella: Um, Emmett, I think I'M the snack!
Emmett: ...Oh.
XX
Bella: (Kisses Edward, and he flies against the wall and crashes through it) Oooh! Um...Edward? Are you okay?
Edward: FINLAND!
Bella: ...I'll take that as a no.
XX
Bella: He's coming after me?
Edward: (Sarcastic) No, Bella, he's going to bring you flowers.
Bella: Oh...really?
Edward: NO, YOU BLONDE!
Bella: (winces) God...
XX
Bella: (answers cell phone) Hello?
James: (Creepily) You die in seven days...
Bella: ...OMG!
(Take 2)
Bella: Hello?
James: I drink yo' milkshake, I drink it up!
Bella: PERVERT! (throws phone out window) ...DAMMIT!
(Take 3)
Bella: Hello?
James: Find Buffy...he'll know...what to do... (hangs up)
Bella: Um...okay?
XX
(Bella runs through the ballet studio, trips, and cracks up)
XX
Bella: (pulls out pepper spray and sprays it in James' eyes)
James: AAAAH! (grabs eyes and starts walking off) MOTHJER! FATHER! BROTHER! SISTER!
Bella: (cringes) Nice lungs...
XX
James: (Slams Edward against the mirror) You're here first, because you're the fastest...not the strongest...(Edward is silent) Uh...you have a line. (lets go and laughs)
XX
Bella: (Standing at her open window) Oh, Edward, Edward! Wherefore art thou Edward? Deny my father and beseech thy name...
Edward: I thought this movie is based on a Jane Austen book.
Bella: ...It is.
XX
Bella: (Is writhing and shrieking in pain from James' bite)
Carlisle: Edward...there is a way. You can suck the venom out of her-
Edward: No! I can't...
Carlisle: Yes, you can. I believe in you, son.
Edward: That's not it. He bit her left boob.
Alice: So? Isn't it every boyfriends' dream to touch their girlfriend's boobs?
Edward: IT'S INNAPPROPRIATE!
Alice: Just do it, Edward! I'm sure she won't mind!
Edward: Um...I...I...don't want-
Bella: EDWARD! SUCK ON MY BOOBS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Alice: (winces) Jeez!
XX
Edward: Bella, this is Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett.
Carlisle: Uhhh...what's my line? (laugh)
Esme: I forgot my line, too!
Rosalie: Ditto!
(They all laugh)
XX
(Edward dips Bella low, and she slips, tripping Edward. They fall to the ground.)
Bella: ...You have beautiful eyes.
Edward: (laughs)
XX
Emmett: (in front of camera) I loved working on Twilight! It was fun!
Let me know what you think! New Moon bloopers coming soon!