Summary: What happens when a simple message passes through Tsuna, through all of Vongola, through all of Varia, plus Dino, and then, at last, to Xanxus. Chaos ensues. Buon Compleanno, prince Roriette.

Take a deep breath. It's not as bad as it seems:

Hax code for Machine Crackmance: R-27-59-L-D-18-96-69-33-80-S-F-64-Lev-B-X

But there will be yaoi.
And if you squint (some are more obvious): D18, X27?, 6927, XB, 6918?, 69F (major squintage, there)

Broken Telephone
Really, Baka-Tsuna, you need a better communication system.

Weather couldn't even foretell what would happen today. If it could, the skies would be grey and masked with shadows and dark clouds of warning; a foreshadow of Tsuna's very near death from a certain Varia boss. It all started with a simple message, a message Tsuna had entrusted to his right-hand man to pass along to others.

It probably wasn't a good idea.

Cheek pressed against the stack of paper piling up on his desk, arms limp by his sides, and his slender frame barely moving from breathing, light snores could be heard from the noticeably asleep brunet; he couldn't even hear his phone ringing persistently. Even so, the Vongola boss was instantly jolted out of his sweet dreams when his obnoxiously loud best friend barged through the door in all his green-eyed glory.

"Jyuudaime!"

The crick in his neck ached dreadfully as Tsuna jerked his head up, startled. Gokudera, upon seeing Tsuna clutching the sides of his neck, immediately leapt forward in panic. "Ah, Jyuudaime! Are you okay? I-I woke you up, didn't I?"

"It's okay, Gokudera-kun. Ow…"

"Did I hurt you? Th-that's horrible!" Gokudera grasped silver strands, frenetic with worry. "I don't deserve to be your right-hand man!"

"Eh, Gokudera-kun, it's okay…" Tsuna repeated for the second time. Straightening up, but keeping his head slightly tilted as to not disturb the pain in his neck, Tsuna stammered his inquiry, "Y-you needed something?"

"Oh, yes," Gokudera muttered, attempting to sound and look business-like in front of his boss. "Reborn has been trying to reach you for the past few hours, but since you haven't picked up, he sent me over to see if…" Gokudera's cheeks tinted with a light pink.

"Yes?" asked Tsuna tentatively, faintly unnerved by the faltering voice of his best friend; he wasn't sure if he actually wanted to hear what Reborn had said, and he was completely convinced once Gokudera shook his head.

"No! It's too vulgar for Jyuudaime's innocent ears. I mean, there's no way that the pineapple headed freak would be rapi—" he stopped himself on time, but not quickly enough. Tsuna understood the main point of the sentence, and he dismissed the thought hastily. He would never allow Mukuro to get his hands anywhere near him, in any case. Almost as if on cue, the phone rang, and, grateful for Reborn's interruption for once, Tsuna promptly picked it up.

"Hel-lo?"

"Dame-Tsuna, who said you could fall asleep during work?"

"Reborn! It's too much work, I can't possibly—"

"Baka, it was a rhetorical question."

Gokudera was shocked when he saw Tsuna's forehead connecting violently with the edge of the burgundy desk.

"What do you want, Reborn?"

"Is that any way to speak to your home tutor?" Reborn's voice had a hint of derisive pride, and the Vongola boss couldn't help but think that it was just to spite him. Reborn continued, "You did get that memo I sent you, right?"

"Eh? What memo?" In a flurry, papers scattered off the table as Tsuna frantically swept and searched for this 'supposedly present memo'. It wasn't until he heard Reborn's voice on the phone that he stopped to listen.

"Oh, I must have forgotten."

"Reborn!" Tsuna stared, annoyed and appalled, at the mess of unorganized files and papers on the floor. He could almost see the conniving smirk on the Arcobaleno's face. Gokudera immediately scrambled around to retrieve the papers, despite Tsuna's protests.

"You must call a meeting, Tsuna, with all the members of the Vongola and Varia. And if you ask why, I will personally come there and remind you not to ask so many questions."

Tsuna shut his mouth right away.

"Just inform them that it is an important meeting, and that all will be revealed later. Have the meeting at Vongola headquarter, six o' clock tonight. I will not even display the information to you. I will leave a memo at headquarters." Silencing himself before he could tell Reborn not to forget again, Tsuna did not hang up until he heard the broken telephone line. At this point, Tsuna glanced back at his desk.

Gokudera had managed to place the papers back, but in the wrong order. The brunet decided not to mention it, feeling that it was best not to send his best friend into another passionate guilt trip. So he decided on the second choice.

"Could you do me a favour?"

The silver-haired male was nearly crying with joy from these words, and his eyes widened in anticipation. A favour? He couldn't even get words to form out of his mouth to show how pleased he was with this privilege. Finally, he managed to utter in a breathlessly excited voice, "A…A favour…Jyuudaime?" Tsuna's face broke into a soft smile.

"Could you pass on the message that there is a meeting here at six o' clock? You must tell everyone in the Vongola and Varia." Tsuna sweated a little; he wasn't really positive about having Xanxus in the same room as him. The scarred man terrified him to no end. He swallowed hard before looking up… only to see Gokudera frantically taking notes on a small blue notepad. "Um, Gokudera-kun, that's all." More scribbles. "You didn't have to write that down."

"Don't worry, Jyuudaime!" Gokudera flipped the notebook closed and beamed at the Tenth. "Your message will be safe with me!"

Little did he know exactly how wrong he was.

One lollipop would not usually make a person so high that he would be bouncing off the walls. For Lambo, things went along a little differently. So, no, it was probably not a good idea for Haru to give the infant a cherry-flavoured lollipop to start off the day. This was before he activated the ten-year-bazooka ten years ago, and now, he was, unfortunately, ten years into the future. With no idea what had happened, he was skipping along the side of the street when he stopped at the perfect spot. He struck a super-hero pose.

"Gyahahah! Lambo-san has arrived!"

He was super pleased when he saw Gokudera speed-walking down the sidewalk; he didn't notice how much older the man looked. The male was muttering something under his breath, seemingly in denial, "There's no way that pineapple freak would be in the same room – no, in the same bed with Jyuudaime. Ever." Too excited and curious to contain himself, Lambo jumped out from behind the bush he was hiding behind.

"The cute Lambo-san is here!"

The male skidded to a stop, and right away, those emerald orbs glared dangerously at the infant who had an absolutely triumphant smirk on his face. Gokudera realized what must have happened with the bazooka, and so he didn't question it. He simply took it as a natural fact (since it was something that occurred almost everyday). "Oi, stupid cow, leave me alone. I have a very important mission to carry out given to me by Jyuudaime." Realizing that Lambo was indeed the Lightning Guardian, and that he was probably supposed to attend the meeting as well, he was about to relay the message that Tsuna had entrusted him with when the baby opened his mouth and hollered,

"Stupidera is stupid!" He jumped again, silently urging Gokudera to have a hasty reaction so he could have a good laugh. At this, the older man instantly changed his mind.

"Get out of my way," he snarled impatiently. "I have to pass on the message, and it has to get to Xanxus before six o' clock. Where's that baseball idiot?"

Lambo waved a finger at Gokudera. "Lambo-san wants to hear the message!"

"I'm not telling you," the latter replied, exasperated. "You can figure it out yourself." He flipped open his notebook, and all in two seconds, he was momentarily distracted by who knows what. Lambo took the opportunity to leap up and yank the notebook out of Gokudera's grasp with a wild, taunting laugh.

"Lambo-san has stolen the secret message!"

"Y-you stupid cow! Give it back!"

In even less than two seconds, Bianchi, who had coincidentally rounded the corner, was seen by the man, and, at once, the latter fell onto his knees, clutching his stomach. It was safe that he would be missing in action for the rest of the day, unfortunately enough. He could have been the only one to save everyone from this madness. Therefore, taking advantage of the fallen man, Lambo took this opportunity to dash away and around the corner, out of sight. Gokudera struggled to stand up, closing his eyes and waving his hands blindly so that he would not have to see his dreaded sister.

"Gokudera, is that you?"

Recognizing the Bucking Bronco's voice, Gokudera groaned as his stomach gave another violent lurch. "D-Dino! That idiot cow stole the message that I was supposed to pass on – you have to get him back! It's important! Jyuudaime gave it to me!"

"Eh? Which way?"

Gokudera opened his eyes for a split second to see the blurry figure of the blond Italian, and he hastily pointed in the vague direction where Lambo had gone. Instantaneously, his emerald eyes met with his sister's and he collapsed into another unconscious heap on the ground. This time, he didn't bother standing back up, but he heard the hurried footsteps of Dino as the man hastened to chase after the Lightning Guardian of Vongola.

Waving the notebook excitedly in his small hands, Lambo peered at the paper only to be disappointed. It was only pictures, and Lambo had no idea what any of them meant. Losing interest in it, he threw it aside, and it landed perfectly in the garbage bin near the lamp-post. It was then that he heard footsteps behind him, and he sneakily smirked, reaching into his hair and grabbing for the nearest grenade. He whirled around and threw it.

"Ha! You can't sneak up on Lambo-sa—eh?" It had not been a grenade at all, but a rubber ball; it bounced off Dino's head as the blond neared him. Patting his forehead from the light hit, Dino halted in front of Lambo, managing to not topple forwards in a clumsy manner. Lambo held his hand out. "Candy?" he demanded.

Dino chuckled, amused by the infant's antics. "Maybe I'll give you one after you answer my question." His chocolate brown eyes twinkled in the sunlight, and Lambo was about to open his mouth to say otherwise when he abruptly changed his mind and took the Italian's offer. Dino shoved his left hand into his olive jacket pocket as his other ran through his unruly golden hair. "Gokudera said you took a message from him. It's very important that I get it back, apparently."

Lambo rolled his eyes up thoughtfully, thinking about where he had left the notebook. All thoughts of him throwing it away escaped his mind, and after thirty seconds of mind-wandering and thinking about playing with I-pin, he uttered, "I don't remember!"

"Ah, that's problematic."

Dino thought hard. "Did Gokudera say anything about the message, Lambo? I'm on my way to see Kyouya; I could pass the message onto him."

"Um…" Lambo shifted his weight onto his other tiny foot, tapping his finger to his chin as he thought hard. "Um…dame-Tsuna wanted to…meet with that scary Varia boss – the one that Lambo-san doesn't like. Um, it's important…six o' clock, Stupidera said, and that's it."

"Only Xanxus?" Dino seemed puzzled. Why would Tsuna want to speak to Xanxus only?

"Mhm! Oh, and it had something to do with a bed!"

Dino blanched.

"Can Lambo-san have candy now?"

It took a while for those words to process into the blond's head, and after a moment, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the last gumball he had bought the day before. Lambo happily popped that into his mouth before skipping away. Throughout the whole way to Namimori high school, Dino couldn't stop thinking about the 'message'. A meeting? With Xanxus? About a bed? Or was it in bed? Uh oh. Dino couldn't remember. His mind was so deeply set into the scenario that he didn't even notice himself traipsing up the stairs and bumping into a certain Skylark.

"Watch it, herbivore."

"Ah, Kyouya! I've missed y—"

"I do not appreciate you exhibiting public displays of affection. Leave now or I will be forced to demonstrate violence." Even though he had graduated long, long ago, Hibari was still at the school. The Cloud Guardian turned around to walk away, but he only got so far when Dino caught up to him. He struggled slightly when the blond Italian wrapped his arms around Hibari's lithe waist. Resting his chin against the crook of his neck, Dino whispered in a light, teasing tone,

"You should really get rid of that violent temper of yours, Kyouy—oof!" Dino stumbled back and hit the wall, gaping at the tonfas in his student's hands. He rubbed his stomach, inwardly knowing that he was going to get a bruise there later on. Hibari lowered his right arm, then his left, glaring daggers at the taller blond through stoic cobalt orbs. Dino grinned sheepishly, taking a careful step towards the ink-haired male. "I left you a message on the phone today."

"Cell phones are not prohibited during school hours," Hibari recited flatly. "And I do not appreciate you raping my phone at night, either."

"You like it, Kyouya~. In any case, it's after school now."

"Dates are for herbivores, Chiavorone. Get these ridiculous thoughts out of your head or I will remove them by force."

"So you did get my message."

Dino managed to dodge the incoming tonfa flying at his face, but in retaliation, Hibari yanked onto the front of the blond's graphic t-shirt and a cold smirk passed by his pale lips. "You must really want me to bite you to death." He let go, and returned to his desk, sorting out the papers that were splayed over the surface. Dino, carefree as ever, propped himself onto the edge of the desk, disturbing the pencils that were neatly placed in the can by the side. Hibari kept his comments in by biting down on the inside of his cheek. Dino noticed the detention slips on the Skylark's desk, and with a soft chuckle, he asked,

"What did they do?"

"Repulsive spelling errors are not tolerated. Not in front of me."

Dino picked up the slip of paper. "Ah, when has 'course' been spelled 'c-r-o-u-s-e'?" He started to laugh. "I never knew text talk could be spelt wrong as well. L-A-O-L? Haha! Look, Kyouya, this person put exclamation marks all across the page so it looks like a bridge."

Hibari's patience was running a little thin while Dino's entertainment level continued rising. "I know the mistakes, moron. I caught them myself. You came here for a reason, Chiavorone?"

"I did have a reason, but you seem to be too busy. I'll pick you up tonight, anyway. I'm leaving now, Kyouya." When he got no immediate answer, he suddenly remembered what he was supposed to do. Jerking his head up, he said, "Ah, before I go, there's something that Tsuna needs you to pass on to Xanxus."

"I don't have time relaying information all the way to Italy."

"Then pass it on to someone else. It's bound to get to the other boss, one way or another."

He had no idea how true that was.

No one spoke for a while, then Hibari snapped, "Are you going to tell me the message or are you going to continue wasting my time?"

Dino knew that Hibari would cave in…in his own little way. "There's something that Tsuna needs to tell Xanxus in a meeting at six o' clock. Er, all I remember is that it's in a bed— I mean—!" he shut up, biting down on his tongue a little too late.

He cursed his klutzy mouth.

"Wao," Hibari muttered; for once, he had no idea what to say. "Herbivore's got taste."

"We don't know that, Kyouya." Dino waved it away anxiously. "I could have been mistaken; it could have been about a bed. Pass it along, anyway. I've got to get back to work now. See you!" And without a warning, he leaned down and captured a swift kiss on Hibari's lips. The latter didn't even get time to recollect his thoughts before Dino hurried away. His grip on his tonfas tightened ever so slightly as he brushed a finger over his tingling mouth.

"…Chiavorone…" he growled under his breath. His temper was cooled down after he heard a faint, melodious chirp on his right. Taking strong strides towards the window, his dark eyes wandered to the fluffy yellow bird approaching the window sill. He slid it up, allowing Hibird to rest on the knuckle of his right hand. His stern gaze passed over the streets below, and almost as if by coincidence, he saw a slender, timid figure gracing the alleyways with its presence. It was that girl – the mist guardian of Vongola. Hibari huffed through his nose impatiently. Well, at least it wasn't that pineapple head.

First things first; better pass along the message.

It didn't take Hibari too long to get downstairs and set a trail after Chrome. The female, however, slightly paranoid by the lack of people occupying the streets, started to fasten her pace; she could hear the footsteps that weren't her own, but she didn't know that they were Hibari's. It wasn't until she rounded a corner, trapping herself in a dead-end alley, that she heard Hibari's authoritative tone.

"Herbivore."

Recognizing the Cloud Guardian's deep voice, Chrome blushed a flattering shade of pink and whirled around on the heels of her feet. She had been shopping for groceries, so her plastic bags hung over her skinny arms. She adjusted her eyes in the darkness of the alleyway. Hibari had his arms crossed, looking frowningly at her for running away from him. He did not approve of that.

"Hibari-san, w-what are you doing here?"

"There is something that I need you to pass on. I will only recite it once, so you better listen carefully."

Chrome didn't answer back. She waited patiently, her body swaying side to side as she did so. Hibari took a shallow breath, recalling what Dino had told him. He didn't quite believe that Sawada Tsunayoshi would go out of his way for work just to…bed Xanxus. It was just a little awkward to think about, but he wasn't about to change the message. "Sawada Tsunayoshi says there is a meeting for Xanxus at 1800 hours tonight."

Chrome blinked her one eye in curiousity. "Boss?"

Hibari turned around at that exact moment, sliding his hands into the pockets of his ink-black pants. He couldn't believe he was about to convey this certain message, especially to an innocent girl. "Herbivore wants to meet with him in bed."

There was a clatter of plastic and canned goods from behind, but before Hibari could even think of turning around to see what had happened, a smooth voice brought him back to his senses and he stiffened. The aura around him had changed as well; it darkened the mood and caused him to be even more alert than he was before. He heard an insufferably familiar voice, and he bristled in warning as he felt a cool hand on his shoulder:

"Kufufu, are you so embarrassed about the two of them that you had to turn around, my dear Skylark?"

Thwack!

Rokudo Mukuro stumbled back a few steps as soon as the metal tonfa made contact with the side of his jaw. Rubbing it with an amused smirk plastered on his lips, he drawled, "Oya, violent as ever, I see."

"Shut up." Hibari narrowed his eyes threateningly at the other. "Why are you here?"

"Things looked interesting; also, I was bored."

"Go back, before I bite you to death."

"Kufufu, you know I never mind." Mukuro stealthily dodged the next blow even as he said that. Smirking, he leaned one shoulder against the wall, his mismatched ruby and sapphire eyes fixed on Hibari. Tracing his chin with his forefinger, he recalled what he had heard last. "Who wants to have said meeting in, ah, what was it? Bed? It couldn't be my Tsunayoshi-kun, could it?" When Hibari said nothing, Mukuro took the answer as a 'yes'. "What is the reason?"

There was a vein of annoyance throbbing at the Cloud Guardian's temple; just listening to Mukuro speaking was making him edgy. "…There was none."

"Oya, how suspicious. This can't do; Tsunayoshi-kun belongs to me. May I ask what time this meeting is?"

"You may."

Silence. Mukuro smiled, though a little strained. "What is the time for this meeting?"

"I've already said it once. I told the female I would not repeat it again."

"How unfortunate," Mukuro chuckled, letting it go. He knew if he questioned the latter any further, he would get another tonfa in the face. "No reason and no time. Whatever shall I do with this message?"

"Pass it on. It's none of my business what you do with it now." As Hibari turned around to leave, he paused, wondering whether or not he should repeat the time, just in case it really was important. He was just about to assert something when he felt Mukuro's hand on his shoulder again, and the other's breath fanning over his ear in a seductive manner.

"Stop that," Hibari growled adamantly.

"Oya? But that's not what you said last night."

"Last—?"

"When we were in bed together, kufufu~. I recall your words to be 'harder' and 'n-not there, Mukuro-sama...'— "

Moments later, Mukuro was leaning against the wall, blood trickling down his nose. He flicked his tongue out to catch the droplets of blood that passed his lips. He closed one of his eyes, and the single crimson gaze followed Hibari as said male indignantly sauntered away. Before Hibari disappeared around the corner, however, Mukuro heard a disgusted snarl, "Don't say such nauseating lies."

"I thought I made a pretty good impression." A sadistic smile crossed his lips. He never got tired of teasing the Discipline Leader. Yes, it hadn't been true at all, but toying around with the skylark's feelings was just too fun.

Mukuro frowned; no time, no reason. A mischievous glint sparkled in his eyes as he stepped out of the alleyway. Well, he would just have to make up a reason, then. As for the time, he would leave that blank. Luckily enough for him, he did not have to walk far off; he spotted Ryohei and Yamamoto leaning against the school fence. The platinum blond was enthusiastically talking about boxing, while Yamamoto was eagerly explaining the rules of baseball. The navy-haired man was immediately bored; he had no interest in sports.

"Mukuro-san!" Yamamoto caught his eye and grinned, waving his hand in a polite welcome gesture.

"What an EXTREME surprise."

"Indeed." Mukuro approached them, his smirk widening. He wasted no time in telling them what he had heard, about Tsunayoshi wanting to meet Xanxus in bed. Ryohei's eyes bulged in shock, and even Yamamoto's usual grin wavered slightly. The two exchanged glances. Ryohei was the first to say something. He dragged his bandaged hand through light blond hair, and announced,

"That's extremely, uh…dangerous."

"I never knew Tsuna would think Xanxus was fun," Yamamoto confessed.

"I believe," Mukuro continued on with his scheme, "that Tsunayoshi-kun wants to tell Xanxus-chan personally that he is quite a good partner between the sheets."

"Mahh, are you sure?"

Mukuro gave the hesitant baseball player a reassuring smirk, crossing his fingers behind his back. "I never lie." Stowing his hands into his jacket, he leaned against the fence as well, and tried to keep a straight face. "Better inform Xanxus-chan, kufufu. Tsunayoshi wants him to come right away." Innuendo intended.

"A two day hike to Italy! EXTREME!"

"…Technology calls it a telephone, my awfully loud Sun Guardian."

"…I extremely knew that."

Yamamoto flipped open his black cell phone, beaming; he was back to his normal self, now that he was sure that Mukuro was 'telling the truth'. "Well, I'll call Squalo. I haven't spoken to him in a while." He dialed quickly, raising the phone to his ear; it was just before Squalo screamed into the phone that the baseball star realized just how loud the silver-haired man could be:

"VOOOOI, who is this?"

Squalo had not been doing anything out of the ordinary when Yamamoto had called him. He had been avoiding Xanxus the whole day, knowing that the Varia boss was in another foul mood. This mood would often urge Xanxus to yank on his hair in a not-so-fond manner, and Squalo was sick and tired of it. Fran was sitting on the couch just a few feet away from him, and his excuse was that he 'did not want to be anywhere near fake-prince senpai'. It was right after Squalo had finished complaining about Bel and Xanxus that the phone rang, and too lazy to pick it up, he put it on speaker.

"VOOOOI, who is this?"

"Maa, hey, Squalo!"

The silver-haired swordsman could have recognized that voice anywhere. And no, he would never admit that he had missed his last battle encounter with the baseball player. Sniffing disapprovingly, he snapped, "Voi, brat, what do you want?"

"I called to pass on a message, but what's up?"

"VOOOI, nitwit, don't waste my time with petty questions. What's the message?" He heard a soft 'kufufu' on the other line, and Fran immediately piped up,

"Master, is that you?"

"Oya, little one, it is I."

A shadow of a smile crossed Fran's lips, and he eased back into his couch. Squalo rolled his eyes, now impatient as ever. "Message, baseball brat, or I hang up."

And they all started to speak at once.

"Tsuna wants to meet with Xanxus and—"

"Kufufu, in bed~."

"—wants to see him as soon as possible—"

"—to the extreme!"

"To tell him that he's—"

"Sleeping with my Tsunayoshi-kun? Xanxus—"

"—is extremely—!"

"—a drunken idiot to cross paths with me, kufufu~."

"—and is very good in bed. Squalo, did you get all that?"

"VOOOOOI, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!"

There was temporary silence, then Mukuro spoke up in his mellow, languid voice, "Useless disciple, did you hear all that? Squalo-kun seems to be having hearing problems."

Fran nodded as Squalo scowled. "Yes, I did. Somehow, I knew you had disgustingly perverted intentions when you called, Master." The Varia Mist guardian didn't bother mentioning that just because he heard everything, it didn't mean that he understood everything.

"You mistaken me, little brat. I didn't call."

"Tch, you Vongola brats were speaking too fast to begin with. VOOOI, fine! Fran, go tell the boss that freakin' complicated message!"

"...Xanxus-sama will kill me."

"Agreed. Kufufu."

"Go already," Squalo snapped, swinging his sword in Fran's direction. The melancholy, green-haired Mist Guardian of Varia immediately leapt off the couch and started to head for the doorway. He jutted his bottom lip out at Squalo, who slammed his phone shut in great aggravation after a shout of: "Don't call back!"

"Shark-senpai?"

"Hrn?"

Fran patted his frog hat, tilting his head to the side. "Do I tell them exactly what I heard?"

"VOOOI, that's what I said!"

"…Okay."

The second Fran stepped out of the room, he was ambushed by someone with a colourful Mohawk; Lussuria pinched Fran's cheeks, all the while cooing, "Fran-chan~, you look absolutely scrumptious today. Not to mention adorable~"

Fran gazed blankly at the extrovertly gay man, pulling away from him as discreetly as possible. To make matters worse, Levi. A Than suddenly strode in, barking, "I heard from my room that there is a message to the boss! Tell me, Fran! I must tell the boss."

"You don't really want to know," Fran informed, though he should have known that neither would listen.

"TELL ME!"

"Ooh, yes, do tell us."

The green-haired subordinate moved his gaze back and forth from Lussuria to Levi. In a monotone voice, he repeated the message without any means of reason or an introduction: "Tsuna wants to meet with Xanxus in the bedroom, and he wants to see him as soon as possible to the extreme, to tell him that he's been sleeping with revoltingly perverted Pineapple Head's Tsunayoshi-kun. Xanxus is extremely a drunken idiot –"

"OI, FRAN! What did you just call boss?"

Fran backed away slightly, shaking his head. "I am only repeating what I heard."

"Oho~, this is interesting. Continue!"

The monotonic mumble continued, "…Xanxus is a drunken idiot to cross paths with Master, who is extremely good in bed—"

"Oooh! How would you know?"

"…and then the Rain Guardian of Vongola wanted to know if Squalo got all that, which he didn't because he's got hearing problems. So the loud shark ordered me to pass on the message to Xanxus-sama, which I won't do."

"Mmm~, I wouldn't either." Lussuria giggled girlishly. "But, Fran, you were talking to Ryo-chan, were you not? Oho~"

Ignoring the creepy necrophiliac, Fran refocused his attention to Levi, who suddenly did not look as comfortable as he did before. "Didn't you want to tell the boss?"

"…Er…n-not anymore…"

Unbeknownst to them all, a certain blond Prince had been lurking around the corner, straining his ears to hear what Fran was mumbling. He only caught bits and pieces of it, but since he was a genius, Bel believed that he had gotten the main idea of the message. Knowing Levi, the stupid Lightning Guardian would probably not want to risk his head for this message. Bel didn't mind, however. This was rather fun. Snickering to himself victoriously, the Prince graced his presence along the hallways, striding in the vague direction of the boss's chamber. He knocked once before letting himself in, much to Xanxus's vexation.

"Ushishishi, the Prince has arrived~! Bow down to Your Royal Highness."

Hot-tempered and brooding as usual, Xanxus was sitting languidly on the couch. One of his elbows was propped on the armrest, while his other was hanging idly over the backrest of the crimson furniture. In his right hand was a light-coloured drink, and the ice cubes clinked together as Xanxus lifted the glass to his lips. He ignored Bel, but a smirk remained flickered past his handsome face. Slightly peeved by the lack of attention he was receiving, Bel skipped to the couch and allowed himself to lie on his stomach, his elbows resting on Xanxus's left leg. Grinning away, he watched the lax and attractive stature of his boss. Xanxus narrowed his carmine eyes.

"What do you want, trash?"

"The Prince has a secret to tell."

"Not interested."

Bel frowned, his pearly-white Cheshire grin disappearing. Knowing he was going to have to use a little more incentive, he straightened up, furtively straddling the boss around the waist. Xanxus remained unfazed, but his eyes could not hide a faintly approving gleam. Raising an eyebrow, he lowered his drink and kept his fierce stare on Bel's face. "You didn't come to my room last night."

"The Prince was busy. And besides, peasants don't have control over me, ushishishi~"

"'Peasant', Bel? It seems you are lacking discipline. Don't forget, scum: I'm your boss…" Xanxus tugged on the front of Bel's red and ebony striped shirt, a possessive smirk spreading on his face, "and you listen to me."

Bel tilted his head lower just enough for their lips to be centimeters apart; his breath fanned over Xanxus's lips in a teasing manner as he spoke, "This is a new shirt, boss," Bel snickered contemptuously, voice dripping with sarcasm. However, he didn't mention anything else about the matter. Once the dark mood lessened, Bel deemed it safe to continue the earlier topic. "Don't you want to know what the Prince has found out?"

Xanxus's lips curled ever so slightly into a dark smirk. "Not particularly."

"Ushishishi, boss, you are boring."

Instantly, the Varia boss's temper flared once more, and Bel rolled off to the side. He sat on the very edge of the couch, eyeing Xanxus warily. Even though sleeping with an angry Xanxus was quite satisfying, Bel didn't want to be suddenly thrown on the bed and stripped of his clothes just because he told him 'he was boring'. Last time that had happened, it was because Bel had told Xanxus of what Fran had done, which was taking a picture of the boss while he had been sleeping.

Contented with Bel's reaction, even though he hadn't even lifted a finger, the Varia boss lulled his head back and rested it against the couch. "Come here."

With slight hesitance, the blond inched closer towards Xanxus with a confident grin still on his face. Straddling the boss once more, he snaked his arms around the dark-haired man's neck. Feeling bold, however, Bel decided to lean in and nip Xanxus's bottom lip; doing so did not cause the man to stir. "Ye~es, boss?"

"…What is it?"

The Prince would always end up being the winner. He snickered before replying, a devious gleam in his hidden eyes, "The peasant Vongola boss wants to meet up with you right away in bed to tell you that you are very good at being a perverted, drunken idiot to the extreme, and that he would like you to be his Pineapple Head Master for the rest of the day. Ushishishi~"

The silence in the room was the loudest anyone had ever heard. Xanxus was definitely not amused.

"…What the hell did you say, trash?"

Tsuna stepped out of the shower, droplets of water trickling down his neck from his wet, brown hair. He groped around the table for his watch; it was 3:27. He still had time to kill before the meeting. He hoped Gokudera had managed to tell everyone by now. Tsuna was finally done all his paperwork, and he was glad that he still had a few hours before meeting with the scariest boss since ever. Sliding on a sweater and dark trousers, he stepped out of the room, rubbing a towel into his hair. Sighing contentedly, he tossed the towel onto his bed and crossed over to his drawers to pick out a pair of white socks.

"…Scum, how dare you throw this shit at me?"

E-e-eh? WHAT?

The brunet whirled around in horror, and he nearly fainted when he saw who was sitting on his bed. Lividly glaring at Tsuna with utmost contempt, Xanxus had his arms crossed over his chest. The towel had been thrown back onto the ground, and a leather boot was condescendingly tainting it with its footprint. Tsuna gulped, fear locking every muscle and joint in his body; he couldn't move, not once he set sight on those tantalizing crimson orbs that were positively glowering daggers and ill wishes at him.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"You're asking me, trash?"

Panicking, Tsuna's eyes darted to the window, then to the door, then to the bathroom door, though he had no idea why his eyes would stray there; there was no exit there. Quickly choosing the option of the door, he ran for it, all the while having his mind scream at him:

WHY IS HE ON MY BED?

Tsuna managed to grab onto the doorknob, but before he could fling the door open, he felt a sharp tug at the back of his shirt and he staggered backwards a few steps, swinging the door aside. Tsuna, with droplets of water clinging onto his brown hair and pale neck, had his back against Xanxus's chest, and all the not-so-inconspicuously hiding, curious guardians gawking through the doorframes were utterly shocked and took the completely wrong idea.

"I EXTREMELY CAME, TSUNA!"

"Oho~, what did you say, Ryo-chan?"

"I extremely meant to the meeting…"

"Ushishishi, boss, what are you doing? The Prince will not accept this."

"See? I told you they were going to be together in the bedroom…"

"VOOOOI, that's not what the baseball nitwit said!"

"BOSSU! WHYYYY?"

"Tsunayoshi-kun, I am shocked. Who knew you would do such things? Kufufu~"

"Hahaha, Tsuna. Mukuro told me that you would be with Xanxus. I had no idea. Hayato should hear about this."

Tsuna gave the baseball star an imploring look, begging them with his eyes to explain what the heck was going on. Even so, he realized that a few of his guardians were missing. Lambo was probably distracted by who knows what, and Gokudera was obviously not among them or else he would have leapt forward and pulled Tsuna out of Xanxus's desultory grasp. Where was Hibari? The male didn't like crowds, after all.

THUMP.

A groan followed the loud noise, and Tsuna whirled around to find Hibari perched upon a tree branch, staring blankly at the ground below him. He heard a light call from the clumsy blond, "Ahh~, I'm okay, I'm okay!"

"W-wait!" Tsuna cried out, holding his hands out and shaking his head frantically. "I don't understand! Why are you all here?"

No one spoke for a long, long moment; they were all staring at Tsuna as if he were crazy. Then:

"You're the one who called a meeting in bed, scum."

Tsuna paled. "HIIIEE!"

In the end, Reborn wondered why he was the only one at the meeting.

AN: Hah. I sung for you. That was my morning voice. I started singing after I hung up with you, and I sounded better. Pffft.

Added more XB than necessary just for you. –heart-

Now, everyone, say Happy Birthday to Roriette ! :D

And Happy belated Birthday to Mukuu~
Notice how I gave you lots of lines, you perverted pineapple head. ;D –trident'd-

I love you both. –heart-
-gives Roriette a tuna bandaid and a princely tiara – I mean, crown-
I promised, didn`t I?