AN: This is a story I've been thinking about doing for a long time now, and only with some help finaly got around to doing. This story is a joint effort between me and the wonderfull Lady of DarkFire. It's dedicated to all fans of reborns, we hope you like it as much as we did.

I: On Parrodies and Reborns

Suicide has absolutely nothing to do with this story. Nor personal loss, nor self-discovery, nor anything deep and meaningful. Rather, our story is about-

Hey! Are you doing the opening narration?

Shut up, I got a good one going.

No! We both agreed I'd be the one to give the vaguely deep bullshit!

Damn it Rye, you're ruining this! You ruin everything, you somehow managed to ruin taking a shit with your nonstop blathering.

Fine, let's just start the story.

I agree. Our story begins-

Our story began in a classroom!

Damn it Rye. Alright, since I didn't get to do the narration, I'm narrating the chapter!

Shit.

Ebony

Myself and the numbskull I would eventually be stuck with were ourselves stuck in school.

"Say Ebony?" Rye asked.

"Not now, I'm planning my team!" I replied, "I'm thinking of a team made up entirely of under-evolved Pokemon, whose types don't complement each other. Since I'm the main character though, I'll only loose if I need to learn a lesson."

"Uh, no. What I meant was, doesn't anyone find it odd that every aspect of school revolves around Pokemon, and no one has ever graduated?"

"That's just because instead of graduating from school, they go on long Pokemon journeys that teach them all they need to know."

"Yes, and when they finish, they rarely go back to school."

"I think companies just hire them off the street, so who needs school?"

"These are the people who are running the world. No wonder things are the way they are."

"Oh shut up."

"Something wrong Ebony?"

"Hi Derrik," I said with a smile, "It's Ebony." Rye rolled his eyes, and I stabbed him in the side with my pencil. He screamed, fell backwards out of his chair, and writhed in agony trying to stop the bleeding. Had Derrik not been in the room, I might have cared.

"So Ebony," Derrik said, "You're planning going on your own Pokemon journey?"

"Y-Yeah! Well, I heard you were going on your own journey."

"My parents said I was," Derrik said, "They're kicking me out and renting my room out to a crack whore."

"...Okay."

"Anyways, it doesn't matter. I've got all I need for the journey, a great face, a nice hat, a bunch of rambling pseudo-philosophy about having heart."

"Don't you need Pokemon to win?" I asked.

"Oh please, all you need is to look nice and be able to monologue well, and the story gods will let you win. Watch." Derrik looked off in the distance.

It's another day in school, another day among the wretched masses. They have no idea of the danger that awaits them in the real world. Danger I will face day and night, with only me and my Pokemon. Also, two companions I'll pick up at some time. I need a quirky comic relief character. What kind of story would this be if I didn't have a comic relief character?

"What's he doing?" Rye asked.

"Having a monologue. Give him a moment" I replied.

"Oh, I will," Rye turned and shoved me out of my chair.

"Hey!" I shouted, jumping up. "What was that for?"

"You stabbed me!" He shoved me again, and I stumbled back into the window. "Why did you think it was okay to stab me!"

"Because you being stabbed wasn't a plot point, it was a throw away gag. You're not hurt!" I protested.

"I don't care." Rye shoved me a third time. "You don't get to do that." He tried to shove me again, but for some reason I grabbed onto his arm, pulling him into me. We both toppled backwards, through the glass.

"Gah! We're going to fall!" Rye cried.

"Derrik, help us!"

I also need a theme song. I mean, all good heroes have a theme song. Spider-Man had a theme song, the Power Rangers had a theme song.

"Damn your narration!" I shouted as we fell.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaa-THUD

We slammed into the bushes, both of us left upside down. I looked at Rye slowly, dazed and confused.

"How on earth are we alive?" I asked. "Was it a miracle that saved us?"

"Probably the fact that our classroom is on the first floor," Rye said, gesturing at the shattered window above us.

"Oh yeah." I stood up, brushing glass off of me. Rye stood up, and I kicked him down. "That's for knocking us out of that window." It was about this time that Mew chose to appear.

Mew just kind of rose out of the ground a smile on his face. His body looked as stupid as you would expect, with a head 3 times the side of his body.

"Greetings recently deceased human!" Mew chirped happily, "I'm Mew!" Rye looked at me, and chose to speak up.

"Uh, we're still alive."

"Now I know you're scared but," Mew paused, "You're still alive."

"That's what I said," Rye cried, "We're not dead. Why are you acting like we both died?" Mew sighed.

"Giratina swore to me you had both died. I mean, this just doesn't make sense. I mean," Mew paused and snapped his digits. "Wait, I know how to fix this!" Mew placed his paws on me and Rye's heads. He then slammed our heads so hard together, our skulls cracked, killing us. Suddenly we both appeared, floating above our dead bodies.

"God damn it!" Mew vaporized both of our bodies, and fixed the glass. Surprisingly, no one had come to notice that we had fallen out of the window and died. Derrik in fact was still monologuing.

"Now as I was saying, I've come to offer you a wonderful opportunity. Your human lives are over."

"Because of you!" I snapped.

"Your human lives are over, and it's time to move on. No one is to blame for this."

"Uh, yeah they are. You're to blame" Rye said.

"This is no one's fault."

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" We shouted.

"Look, you want to shut the fuck up and let me finish the fucking speech before I shove my pink fist up your undead ass!" Mew shouted, left eye twitching. "Thank you. Now, I can't give you your human bodies back, but I can give you something more. New life, as Pokemon."

"If we refuse?" Rye asked.

"Then you can take your chances with what's on the other side" Mew said, "What do you say?" I turned to Rye.

"Well, it would bring us back to life."

"Are you kidding me! He smashed our heads into pulp! I wouldn't trust this doofus to give me a blow job!" I paused.

"You want Mew to give you a blow job?"

"That's not the point! The point is, he's a dick. Do you really trust him?" I thought about it for a moment, and then turned to Mew.

"We agree."

"Excellent!" Mew chirped.

"Uh, no we don't!" Rye protested, "I most definitely don't agree. I will not be ignored!" We both ignored him, as Mew continued on.

"You're going to enjoy this, at least I think you will. Ah what do I know, I agreed to be in Sliders, I have no judgment." He held out his paws, and everything went hazy, glowing white...

...I could feel the ground under my feet. My four toes, no talons. I was running, I could feel the wind going across me. I cracked an eye open.

I was in a field. All around me I could see Doduo, running around, mulling about, jabbering. I could also see a beak at the end of my field of vision. A quick look down confirmed what I feared, a mass of rust colored feathers.

"Son of a bitch!" I cawed, "That fucking Mew, he brought me back as a Doduo. Jeez, can you imagine anything"

"Could you shut up, I'm trying to sleep." I pulled myself to a stop. Slowly, I spun my head to my right, to see another head. With Rye's voice.

"Gah! Ah! AhAhAh!" Rye head sighed.

"Well if you won't" He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Fuuuuuuck!"

"We're a Doduo!" I screamed, "Mew turned us into a Doduo"

"Thanks Captain Obvious. Why not tell me that water is wet next," Rye head began waving back and forth. "Alright, this means...Oh no"

"What? We're going to be cut up and served as Kentucky Fried Doduo?"

"Worse," Rye gulped, "We've been brought back in one body because the plot has decided we have to bond and become friends." I shrieked.

"No! Oh good God no!"

"This is the one I've picked out for you." We both turned to see a fat man with a clipboard, being followed by someone familiar. "He-she is a beaute."

"He-she?"

"Well, it has both sets of equipment, and the heads are different genders. It happens more often then you think, going to make breeding it a bitch though"

"Derrik!" I cried. Derrik stood in front of us, holding a heavy bag, looking us up and down. He nodded.

"Alright, I'll accept it."

"Excellent," the fat man said, "We'll head back to my office and discuss payment." He turned and walked off, but Derrik stayed with us. He slowly stroked Rye's head.

"If you're going to carry my stuff…" He pulled the bag off, and dumped it on our back. The weight almost made us collapse. "You might as well start now. Come on, follow me bird."

"Isn't he wonderful?" I said dreamily.

"This is going to be a long journey," Rye mumbled.