Loneliness, that's all what I was feeling right now.

I never had anyone who cared about me, not even my parents. They just ignored me and gave a damn shit about me.
For them I was nothing more than a monster because I got red eyes and that scared them. Here in Wammys' it's the
same, nobody gives a damn about me, they're all just scared. Some people might think that this is good, but I can't
agree. You may be on your own and nobody is bothering you, but you're alone, always...

Sometimes I just want to scream 'I'm here too!' but that wouldn't help much. Nobody is paying me attention, only when
I get in trouble. And if I would want some attention, then just from one person: L.

He's a mystery to me. The way he acts, the way he moves and his way of thinking, He seems to be perfect but I know
that he isn't, he's just as unperfect as me. I know he will be loved just like me. But I doubt that he wants my love, not
the love from a monster.

I sigh and lay back down on my bed again. There are moments I want to walk to him and tell him that he is my world,
that he is everything to me. Sometimes I want to break him and make him feel my pain. Sometimes I want to cry and
want him to hold me. But I doubt that this will ever happen. He'd rather die then talk to me, of that I'm sure.

Would he or anybody care if I just run away or kill myself?

Would they remember me?

Or would they just think that I'm another kid that killed himself because of the pressure we're under?

"Damn it!" I yell and jump out from my bed quickly standing on my feet again. This whole place is making me so sick I
can't describe it! Everyone here acts the same way every fucking day! Like they haven't got better things to do than
trying to be Ls next successor. In the end they'll just be another letter, another one without a real name. I don't want
this, I want to live my own life and as soon as I can I will run away from here.

Maybe I should go out for a walk, I need to come to other thoughts. Slowly I walk over to my wooden door and open
it, a peek in the hallway tells me that no one is outside at this time of the day. Well, it's already 11pm so I doubt that
anyone would be awake by now. It's better for them, I'm not in a good mood now. The next person who pisses me
off will get a hard punch in the face. Without making a noise I walk along the empty hallway heading for the entrance
of this building. Sometimes I heard voice from behind the doors which tells me that some kids are still awake. But I
don't bother about this, all I want is to get outside without being noticed.

Maybe today will be the day that I'll leave this orphanage? Nobody would care at all...

But when I'll run away, then there will be one thing I want to do. I just want to feel his lips for once, for the first and
the last time in my life. I want to feel how he tastes and how it feels to kiss him.