I am Syed

A Syed/Chryed story. Syed is living alone outside Walford after Christian's rejection.

Syed's POV but occasionally told from other character's POV's.

*waves to the WFCTGIO thread*

Disclaimer: Owned by the BBC. I am simply renting them ;-)

Chapter 1

"Christian..." I whisper through the stillness. Silence answers me. I am sat here, on this bed. Alone. The bedsit I rent portrays my state of mind and my life, my life without my family, my wife, my community...without him.

Dark.

Empty.

Stained.

I see nothing ahead but this cheap imitation of a life. Full of sin and disgrace. I am Syed Masood, the Muslim that goes to bars, clinging to my last vestige of self respect, as I scan the room for a willing male body to comfort me. Afterwards, when I am alone, I weep.

I am Syed Masood. A son, a brother, a Muslim and a man. A man in love with another. Him.

I sit up, holding my weary head in my hands. It's early afternoon. I shiver involuntary. Its so cold. I stand and make my way over to the window, pushing the curtains back. I stand in awe as I watch the hustle and bustle of the local street market, movement everywhere, noises, families shopping together, fathers with their daughters, mothers with their sons...mothers. I turn my back on the scene, the memories are too much to bear.

I look over and notice a flashing light. My mobile. Could it be? My foolish heart betrays me. He doesn't have my number anymore.

'Syed. Last night. Wow. You are something else, you know that? Why'd you run out so fast? Not good for the ego, you know! Call me! Paul xxxx"

The words burned through me like hot ashes. I felt disgusting.

I am not Syed Masood. I am an imposter.

I throw the mobile at the wall. It smashes and lies shattered on the floor. Broken and useless, its reflection reveals my truth.

I recoil onto the bed.

Silence again.

I am alone and he is gone.

xxxxxx

The banging noise at my door startles me awake.

"Syed" the voice speaks.

I don't recognise this voice, it is alien to me.

"Syed" the voice repeats, louder this time.

I grab my old tatty blue dressing down and walk over to the door.

"Yes? Who's there?" I say tentatively, tying the robe tightly around my slender frame. I no longer eat much. I have neither the money nor the inclination to bother with such trivialities. If I die, who will see me fall?

"It's Paul. From last night"

"Oh" I reply, disheartened.

"You gonna let me in?"

"Yeah. Sure"

My voice has a mind of its own as I open the door slowly, revealing the body I lay down with last night.

"Its late. Why are you here?" I ask, knowing the answer. I sit on the unmade bed, gesturing him to the sofa. Distance.

"Why do you think, Syed?" He smiles, ignoring my request and sititng next to me on the bed. I shiver and pull my dressing gown tightly around me, like it shields me.

He leans towards me, his fingers brushing my arm.

"I don't even know you"

"So?"

He starts to kiss me. My emotions betray me as my body responds.

This is all I deserve.

xxxxxx

I awake alone. My dressing gown on the floor where he had left it after removing it from my body.

I spot a piece of paper, next to the table lamp.

'Sorry. Had to go. I had a great time xxxx'

The ink runs as the tears stream down my face.

Picking up my dressing gown, I bundle it into a discarded plastic bag, throwing it away from me as though it might infect me.

I collapse on the dirty floor, sobbing.