Disclaimer: All Animorphs characters and in-universe names, locations, weapons, and history belong to Ms K A Applegate. Story title taken from the song 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem.

A/N: This story is set between books #49 and #50. Megamorphs and alternate realities appear to be overused cliches, but I hope to focus more on characterisation, nuances that lurk in the corners of canon.

PROLOGUE

::Jake::

"As long as we keep fighting, Visser One will keep them alive."

Them.

My parents. Tom.

I watched as Tobias got up and headed towards his mother's cabin. Maybe he'd eventually tell her about Elfangor. Maybe he wouldn't. But it wasn't my concern. I wish I could say the war was my concern, just as it had always been, but truthfully, all I wanted to do was just roll over and die at that very moment. My heart had caved in. I was being swallowed into a deep, black hole. It didn't hurt anymore, not least because it was beyond pain.

I had lost everything. Everything that had kept me going through the war.

The motive. Tom.

The motivators. My parents.

Cassie?

I saw her ahead, walking across to Toby to talk to her.

Cassie hated the war. She had called our fighting a 'necessary evil', but deep down, she must have been torn apart being a part of this. I watched as she turned and saw me. But she didn't smile. She stared at me for a long while, before she turned and walked away.

I love Cassie. But right now, not even Cassie could heal me. If only... if only the two of us could just escape from everything. I wouldn't have to deal with this. She wouldn't have to deal with this either.

Jake, you selfish little prick! What about the rest? Rachel! Marco! Tobias! Ax! What happened to being the leader? Where's your sense of responsibility? Are you going to let Visser One consume Earth? Are you going to let millions and billions of human beings fall prey to this invasion? How can you do that?

How had Tobias survived this? How had he lived without a family to love him? But Tobias had grown up not knowing parental love, brotherly love. I had. I had it all. And to have it all, only to have it all taken away from you, was a greater pain than not having it all in the first place.

The rest? They wouldn't understand either. Rachel was relishing the war, every minute, every second of it. Marco was in seventh heaven with his family as one again. And Ax? Ax would have berated me for being a coward. He would never look up to me as Prince Jake again. No, I don't care for that, but having Ax's respect had given me strength as a leader. He had looked up to me when he was cast into a world so foreign to me. He had given me his trust. How could I fail him?

Something was at the back of my mind. A sense of deja vu. Had I been this weak before? Had I been so weak as to wish none of this had ever happened?

But that was foolish. Things had already happened.

It was just that... just that if only... only...