A/n I know, I know I abandoned this fic (in fact, all of my fic) for months and I really am so sorry about that, but hey, I'm back and I hope that you will still like this one *fingers crossed*. Anyways, for those who have read the preview from the last chapter, that may not come out until the next chapter because I have to seriously reconsider the plotline and I "found" this abandoned chapter in the farthest corners of my laptop and decided to salvage it and put it up. I just really have to put some Grigsby in this story. Well, enough talking, please enjoy! BTW sorry for all the errors!

Disclaimer: Then and now, it's still a no.

...iioWoii...

Chapter 4: Love's fools

Don't...

Don't give up...

Don't be scared...

Don't lose hope...

Don't be afraid...

...iioWoii...

Van Pelt's POV

This just feels so wrong. As we sped through the road, I could just feel how wrong this situation is. I'm not supposed to be sitting in this car. I'm not supposed to be loading my gun and preparing to wear my vest. We're not supposed to be running a hundred miles per hour.

Oh no. This is one of those instances when I would be very happy to just sit in my desk and do mundane job such as tracking suspects or check their backgrounds – and to think that I am so eager to be in the middle of the action.

No. With finality, I have decided that I would trade all chances of being in the field, if it means that I am just dreaming this up.

This is it. This is the day that we have all been waiting for - the day that we could finally catch Red John. I have always imagined this day, I have always conjured scenarios where I would happily lock the cuffs around Red John or perhaps, help him get inside the police car or read him his rights or sometimes, help load his body in the stretcher. Those are the ways that I have imagined, no, hoped, things would turn out.

Sometimes, though, reality has a knack of smacking you right in the face.

Cho and Risgby were supposed to keep watch while I monitor their locations through tracking devices attached on each member of the team. But out of nowhere, Jane's tracker suddenly went offline, and in less than ten minutes after that, so did Lisbon's. Now they had been missing for hours already.

"Shit"

I looked at Rigsby as he slammed his fist against the steering wheel. Weird as it may seem, this current situation somehow breached the gap that grew between us. We still tried to avoid each other and made sure that our contact was as minimal as possible, but we somehow reached an unspoken agreement. The fear that crept through us on that day that Red John murdered a woman that unnaturally looked so much like Lisbon made it possible for the two of us to reach out for each other. The idea that Red John is out there again, and targeting one of us, had me always checking on him, and him on me. I need to be constantly assured that he is safe and that he is alright. I know that Red John would stop at nothing to get Lisbon and Jane and I know that Rigsby would also stop at nothing to jump in the murderer's way just to protect them. I too would gladly jump in the way, because I know that Lisbon will do that for me, but if that time comes, I want to jump with Rigsby and for the worse, fall with him.

Because without saying it, I know, I still love him and I know that he still loves me.

I love him so much that I had to give him up.

I love him so much that, despite the painful tug in my heart, I had to keep away from him.

He loves me so much that he decided not to press matters when I had to break our relationship.

He loves me so much that despite all the longing looks that he always throws on my direction, he still stays away from me.

But a week ago, things changed.

After emptying my stomach contents on a nearby trash can, I felt two strong arms support me. For a moment, all I could see is red – red sheets, red walls, red smiley faces.

Of course, he tried to make me stay in the background, but I heard nothing of it because this is not about us – it's about Jane and Lisbon and we need to focus very hard. I know that he feels the same way too because I was only met with slight protests as he too became so absorbed with the case. He was determined as never before, and his overprotective brotherly side showed its full force. He had always been so careful around Lisbon, but this week, he acted around her like that big brother that cares so much that you want to either hug him or choke him. On her part, Lisbon was so shaken that she didn't mind Rigsby's ways. Being the jerky brother was his way of releasing all his stress, and it pacified him all this week, except tonight.

"Can't he just wait for one damned second?" he shouted as he continued to accelerate. He is very pissed off with Jane and the man's recklessness but I could also see that he is angrier with himself – he is blaming himself for not being able to protect Lisbon and stop Jane.

"You know if we get into an accident, we won't be of any help for Jane and Lisbon." I pointed out as I finished loading my gun. "Besides, its Jane, you know how he acts towards Red John." After making sure that my gun is good, I set my stare on Cho who is currently talking on his phone. Just a few moments ago, we were discussing Jane's weird insistence on visiting the park, when Cho suddenly announced that he might know where Red John, Lisbon and Jane are. When I heard the location, my first reaction is to doubt it, but as we get nearer and nearer to the place and as Cho started explaining his reasons for believing that the place fits Red John's plans, everything started to click in position. Now I could only hope that Cho is right, or else we would just be wasting our time, and time, right now, is a luxury we can't afford.

"I'm sorry, it's just that -" Rigsby let out a frustrated sigh "- aaarrgh this whole thing is frustrating me!" I watched as he balled his hand into a fist. Yes, it really is frustrating, because up until the last second, we tried to avert the situation and we tried to find ways to convince Jane to let his plan slip through and just follow with our way. At first I thought that he was finally letting his need for revenge go, but I was only set-up for disappointment.

We were fools to hope that Jane will let the murderer of his family go.

We were fools to think that our presence would be enough for him.

We were fools to believe that we meant something to him.

I wonder how Lisbon felt about all of these.

"NO! You do not understand! I know that we only have one shot at this! One shot at saving their lives." My reverie was cut off by Cho who was still on the phone and sounding very irritated and I was surprised with the intensity of his voice. "And I don't care how stupid my idea may sound but this is infinitely better than running around in circles and with all due respect ma'am, we're going in whether you send us back-up or not."

Red John had really mastered the ability to tick everyone off because if Rigsby is the annoying brother, Cho became the unbearable uncle. I have never seen that side of him before. He still kept silent but his domineering side hunted us. His golden phrase of the week: I'm only going to say this once, and if you still don't get it, you can go to hell. Accompany that with his steel gaze and all those who were questioned just crumbled like bread.

I watched as he shut the phone and coldly stared at the dashboard before turning to us with an even more determined expression.

"Hightower is not convinced with the idea and she's hesitant in sending back-up, so we are in this all alone." He looked solemnly at us. "If you have any objections, this is the right time to voice it out."

Silence ensued for a few moments before Rigsby stepped harder on the accelerator, and with that, all talks about backing out dissipated into thin air.

After a few moments, I simply had to break-up the silence, for the tension is starting to become unbearable."It's gonna be alright" I tried to level my voice as I glanced at the window. It has to be alright!

As I let a heavy sigh escape from my lungs, I realized that our car had already halted. I can't help but look outside the window and towards the building that is hiding our friends and a menace. The mere fact that Red John is inside the place, sends chills to the core of my bones. It's simply impossible and absurd! But then again, this is Red John that we are talking about! After all, he considers himself as the master entertainer, and what better way to spice up his show, than to do impossible and absurd acts.

As we prepared to get out, I reached for Rigsby's hand and gave it a light squeeze. He brought my hand to his lips and for a moment time stopped. There was just the two of us.

Us.

Will there still be an "us" after this?

"Come on, they are waiting" He tugged at my hands and although I wanted to stay at that moment, I also want to rescue Jane and Lisbon.

We stepped out of the car and were immediately welcomed by the cold breeze of twilight. I moved closer to Rigsby and looked at the dark building that right now, contains Lisbon, Jane and Red John. As I mentally prepared myself for what could be happening next, I felt Cho stood beside me, and my head whipped when I heard him mumble.

"It's time"

...iioWoii...

Present...

"Hey Grace"

A coarse voice cut me from my train of thought and I turned around, only to find myself staring at a hollow man that we used to call Jane.

"Hey Jane." I watched as he slowly entered the room and heavily lower himself on another chair situated on the other side of Lisbon's bed.

I watched as he gingerly picked and enclosed Lisbon's tiny hand in between his.

I watched as another fracture wrecked his already damaged heart.

"How are you Jane?" I asked, not out of curiosity, but because of habit, for honestly, I don't really have to ask. All I have to do is look at his eyes and try to comprehend the pain that he's going through.

"I really can't say I'm fine. I'll only be fine when she wakes up." He answered, without taking his eyes off of Lisbon's face. "And until she starts threatening me with her gun, that's the only time that I could safely say out loud that I am fine."

The team had never been the same after the incident. Something inside each of us changed, and although I hate to admit it, Red John has left his mark on our lives. He had left us with the heavy weight of guilt upon our shoulders. But I know, that it won't even compare to the guilt that Jane has to carry every day. The weight that he has to carry was not just caused by Red John; it was also caused by Jane himself.

"You can't keep on blaming yourself Jane!" We have been through this conversation a lot of times already and it always starts and ends on the same way.

"Yes I can Grace! Because it really IS my fault. With all my abilities, I should have seen his trick. I should have anticipated his twist." Self loathing was oozing out of his every word. "I broke my promise to her. I wasn't able to save her, when she needed me the most."

...iioWoii...

Jane's POV

3 months ago...

It was like reliving the worst day of his life.

After leaving a dumbstruck Lisbon in the kitchenette, and successfully escaping from Cho and Rigsby's watch, he found himself, driving towards his old house – the same house where first found a white paper stuck in the doorway; the same place where he found his wife and daughter, both brutally murdered; the same room where a bloody smile continues to taunt him.

And now, here he is, going up the same staircase, walking through the same silent hall, looking at the same door with another white paper stuck in it. As his left hand reached for the paper, his right hand tightly gripped the small gun hidden under his vest – the same gun given to him by a man who was able to exact revenge from his wife's killer and tell him that it was worth it.

Now, it is his turn to avenge his family but aside from that, now is also the time for him to end the sufferings of the people he had come to cherish.

Now is the time for him to end the sufferings that she had injured for him.

All of that is behind this door.

And the only obstruction in his way is the crispy white paper that he is currently unfolding with his shaky hands.

Dear Mr Jane,

Happy tenth anniversary!

Now, it is only fitting that I remind you of how we came to this day. It started when you arrogantly slandered me and made me look incompetent in front of the media. Well, I think that it is only right that I return the favour you bestowed me, ten years ago.

Why don't you open the door and see for yourself how it feels.

Red John

He froze as his gaze fell onto the last words left to him by Red John.

How it feels.

Feels like what?

His head started reeling as he realized that Red John is still leaving him a puzzle to answer despite the fact that they both know that this ends tonight.

Why does he have to do that?

This game ends tonight. Here! In the very place where Red John first painted that bloody smile into his life. But why does he have to leave another puzzle? What is he planning?

As whys and whats started to fill his head, he took comfort from the fact that no matter what Red John has in store for the night, Lisbon is far away from him, and thus, is far away from Red John and his horrendous plans.

With a heavy sigh, he crumpled the white paper and took his gun from its hiding place.

And with a heavy heart, he pushed open the door, expecting to be greeted again by the bloody smile and the bloody man who started it all.

As he opened the door, he was rooted to spot because he found himself inside an empty room and staring at a white-washed wall that contains a bloody word, instead of a bloody smile.

BOO!

...iioWoii...

A/n Oh My Gosh! Where did the bloody smile went! And what's with the creepy word!

Please don't kill me for leaving another cliffy! Because I promise I will be able to update this story this week because the other chapter is almost done and I already know where this story is headed. So please tell me what you think! It might still be a little hazy but the next chapters will slowly clear everything up! Swear!

Now I know you already know this preview, but I'll post it anyway. (And this will really come out on the next chapter!)

...tomorrow, I'll still find you sleeping here, Jane will still have that haunted look, Grace will continue to silently cry in the ladies bathroom and Rigsby will continue to remain stoic.

Reviews pleeeeeaaaase!