Hello! I hope you enjoy my little one shot that I wrote in about two hours today.
And even though I want to own the rights to iCarly someday, I dont now. Booo!

It's unavoidable.

No matter what way I look at what's in front of me, of what cards have dealt, I cannot fix what I want to, cannot build from what I have been holding back for three solid years.

Connection

We all were bound by nearly the same reason. No, not the web show. A bitter, less appealing factor. Each one of us lacked parental figures.

Okay, Carly gets to see her dad all the time, and Spencer acts like her father more and more. Family always stops by their house; she's not alone. She makes up the whole show, the reason that the ratings are top of the charts. Carly knows what she wants and doesn't take no for an answer. She treats me like I shouldn't be treated, but in the good way. Most people throw me out, obsess over my flaws.

Freddie is different. He's more like me than Carly. Yeah, he stays being a momma's boy, but we have our similarities. We lightened up on each other the more we knew. Freddie used to talk to me all day long, from 'good morning' to 'sweet dreams' texts I looked forward to every day. He never talked about his dad to anyone but me. Sure, Carly knows the outline of it, but I know every detail.

Freddie's dad had affair after affair, until finally his mom caught him. The worst part? Freddie had caught him, time and time over, and his naïve mind told him it was okay.

It's probably because of what I've been through with my dad that he shares his painful experiences with me. I never have shared mine though. How my dad fled with Melanie, how he left my life in shambles. Freddie doesn't know everything.

He and I have been best friends for a while now, and I don't know what I'd do without his help.

Carly's my friend too, the girl kind. She paints my nails and dresses me up like a doll, scolds my angry behavior and asks for my advice about boys. I love her to death, don't get me wrong, but I've grown to need my best guy friend more.

I suppose that's where it goes wrong in combining the two. My best guy friend and best girl friend. I gave up on trying to fix his sick obsession with her, he already kissed her a lot, he wasn't going to fall away that easy. I told him to do what makes him happy. Forget first kisses and sweet texts with little smiley faces, if Carly's what he wants, why stop him?

Only that's not it. Was I so naïve to believe that Carly wouldn't fall for him after the casts came off? Is it possible that I told Freddie that Carly was bacon, because I was going to tell Carly the truth before casts came off, trying to buy time to explain everything to her?

I never got to tell.

The bruises healed, the cuts mended, the bones realigned.

And she still had feelings for him.

What would that make me if I told her no? Not a good firend, indeed.

I stupidly believed that it would wear off. A few months, I gave it. It creates anger within to know that this is nowhere near the case.

(Try a few years)

I kept waiting for those texts.

Sometimes too short, sometimes negative, they're hardly the same. Late nights are the only times when I can get a hold of him when he's not with Carly.

That's where our deep conversations come back.

Talks about life, fears and futures. Once so often, conversation would dip into him and her, and through several different ways, he'd avoid it. The elephant hardly leaves the room.

I can no longer hang out just him and me at the Groovy Smoothie. That is claimed territory. It's just him and her, dancing in the middle of the room, close as all get out. That image replays every time I attempt to enter the shop. T-Bo probably assumes I hate him or his smoothies; I see his sad sympathetic looks he sends my way when I glance in the window.

It's been three years since they've began dating, and I want Freddie back. I want the person who understood me when my defenses were down, the walls broken. I want the one who showed me his self inflicted scars from staring down his past. I want the person who would help me clean up myself and the house after my mother had her biweekly alcoholic rages. I want the person who would buy girly cow bandaids for me every week when I went through box after box from the incidents.

He still talks to me.

I'm grateful for that. I've gone to him when Melanie was in the hospital, when my mom was on the brink of suicide.

I know he knows that I like him.

He flirts. Subtle, small moments. He's used excuses for each one, regretting words always, but sometimes claiming he's always had thoughts, words for what he saw in me from the start.

Once, to describe things between us, he used the word, 'someday'.

The word made my mind go wild, until that exact same week, he decided to accept to the same college as Carly. The word 'someday' quickly transferred to 'never'.

Home wrecker.

My mind has gone through it all time and time again. If I tell him, chaos will ensue. I will lose the small part of my best friend I have clutched onto for survival. If Carly would ever find out: rage, defenselessness, friendless.

It's lose-lose no matter how you look at it.

He would never choose me over her. Their relationship is flawless; he wouldn't trade it in for something too complex, high maintenance.

They love each other, and I do not have the capability to change that, no matter how strong or how long I've been in love with Fredward Benson for.

So it will remain avoided.

As long as he's happy.

I hope you enjoyed this, lemme know your feedback by clicking the review button!

- iHearYou(: