This story hasn't seen the light of day for a while, has it? Thanks for your reviews for the last chappie, and hello to my fellow Indiana Jones fans! Fun fact about me: my friends don't call me by my real name, they call me by my dog's name, just like Indiana Jones (I have no idea why, though, because it's not like my name is unique/weird [quite the opposite, actually] or hard to say or anything.) Anyway, it's just one more thing Indiana Jones and I have in common, besides our mutual awesomeness ;)

The following story is, in my humble opinion, straight up crack. I may or may not have been completely sober when I wrote it, but they're basically ShizNat fairytale vignettes—I'm sure you can guess what the originals were. Enjoy…?

I.

Shizuru hummed to herself as she brushed her long, luxurious locks—her really long, luxurious locks.

"Shizuru, Shizuru, let down your hair!" A familiar voice called out from down below.

Shizuru placed her brush down and walked to the window of the tower that had been her home and jail cell for, well, a really long time. She poked her head out the window to see Natsuki smiling up at her from the ground.

"Are you going to let me up?" Natsuki shouted.

"After I finish brushing my hair," Shizuru responded playfully.

Natsuki rolled her eyes. "Let me rephrase: are you going to let me up sometime this century?"

Shizuru lowered her hair out the window and patiently waited for Natsuki to climb the makeshift ladder. A minute later, Natsuki came through the window and collapsed at Shizuru's feet, panting in exhaustion. "Your hair smells nice."

"Thank you." Shizuru dragged Natsuki in for a kiss. After several minutes into a rather—ahem—enthusiastic greeting, they had to separate for air.

"Shizuru, when are you going to tell your evil stepmother about us?" Natsuki asked, suddenly serious.

"You know I can't yet. I'm not supposed to have suitors in my tower."

"Suitor? Is that all I am?" Natsuki grumbled.

"And love of my life," Shizuru corrected herself.

"Much better. So when will I be allowed to steal you away from here?"

Shizuru shrugged. "You have to pass some test, apparently. I don't know what it is, though."

Natsuki sat down in a huff. "I don't want some moron who passed a test to marry you—I want to marry you."

"I'd want to marry me, too," Shizuru said.

Natsuki scowled. "What if I just kidnapped you?"

"Ooh, so forceful." Shizuru fluttered her eyelashes and laughed at Natsuki's annoyed expression before erasing it with a kiss.

They broke apart when there was a loud clink at the window. Natsuki raised an eyebrow at the grappling hook that was now attached to the windowsill. "What the hell is that?"

Natsuki and Shizuru watched in bewilderment as grunt of exertion became audible, growing louder as the mysterious climber grew closer. Finally, a teal-haired woman came into view and struck a pose on the windowsill. "Shizuru! My love, I have come to rescue you!"

"Who the hell are you?" Natsuki demanded incredulously.

"I am Lady Tomoe, the knight who has won the fair Shizuru's hand," the woman loudly proclaimed.

"I think you have the wrong tower," Shizuru said slowly. "Perhaps you should try the next one, Lady Tomoe."

Tomoe pompously shook her head. "Your adoring mother has proclaimed that the first person to brave through the perilous path to reach the peak of your tower is entitled to your hand in marriage."

"My evil stepmother said what?" Shizuru asked in disbelief.

Natsuki peered out the window and saw the dangerously sharp thorns encircling the tower for the first time. "Huh, never noticed those before."

"And you are?" Tomoe snapped at Natsuki.

Natsuki ignored her question. "So let me get this straight. The first person to reach this tower, the one you and I are both standing in, gets to marry Shizuru because her evil stepmother said so?"

"Yes."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure." Natsuki stepped forward and unceremoniously shoved a shocked Tomoe off the windowsill before turning to Shizuru. "I guess you have to marry me now, huh?"

Shizuru sighed loudly. "Oh, well, I guess I could do worse."

"Is that any way to treat your rescuer?" Natsuki scolded Shizuru before dipping her backwards for a kiss.

II.

Princess Shizuru hacked her way through the forest of thorns, her sword a blur in air. Playing the role of a glorified gardener was not what she had in mind when she decided to visit an old ally—surely the Kruger Kingdom, reclusive as they were, could afford a few landscapers.

Shizuru brought up a shield just in time to block the ball of fire that had been launched at her. Of course there couldn't be a normal garden pest, like a rabbit or a hedgehog—noooo, there had to be a motherfreakin' dragon.

She blew a strand of hair out of her face in annoyance. There'd better be a damn banquet thrown in her honor for killing this dragon.

-000-000-

Sweaty, dirty, and slightly singed, Shizuru grumpily stomped into the entrance hall and sheathed her sword. Her footsteps echoed in the corridors she had been traversing for several minutes. Where were the castle's inhabitants? She threw open the doors of what seemed to be the throne room and strode in. Empty, empty, all empty! Except for the two people who just happened to be wearing crowns, snoozing in their thrones—

Hold up. Shizuru backtracked. King and Queen Kruger were snoring away, oblivious to the foreign princess standing before them. Shizuru's face twisted in confusion—what the hell was going on in this castle?

She made her way up a spiraling staircase, curious to see what lay in the highest tower. She failed to hear a small "pop!" as two tiny winged figures suddenly appeared out of thin air and began to stealthily follow her.

Shizuru ended up at an ornate wooden door. She briefly considered knocking before shaking her head; anyone inside would probably be asleep. Instead, Shizuru pushed open the door and strolled in.

One of the fairies disapprovingly shook her mane of blonde hair. "She acts like she owns the place! Yukino, why aren't we teaching this delinquent a lesson?"

The brunette fairy shushed her. "Keep your voice down, Haruka, or she'll hear us!"

Shizuru, however, was far too preoccupied with the sight in front of her: a beautiful woman was in peaceful slumber on a comfy-looking bed. Dark hair, pale skin—had to be Princess Natsuki. Shizuru's eyebrows rose appreciatively—for the love of all that was holy, the girl got hot.

Shizuru leaned forward and lightly shook the sleeping princess. "Natsuki, wake up! It's Shizuru! Remember me?" She paused. Natsuki softly grumbled something before turning over and letting out a light snore.

Shizuru furrowed her brow. A faint memory of being told some old folktale floated to the forefront of her mind…it had to do with a cursed sleep, never to be broken until—"True love's kiss," Shizuru remembered aloud. She looked at the dark-haired princess dubiously before shrugging. She slowly bent down towards Natsuki's face, getting closer and closer to pink lips—

"PERVERT!" Someone bellowed behind her.

Shizuru jumped a foot in the air. She watched bemusedly as a small, blonde, angry fairy zoomed up in her face and began to rant heatedly, shimmery wings vibrating in agitation.

Yukino sighed. This was not how it was supposed to go.

III.

Shizuru was riding though the forest on her majestic white horse when she was suddenly stopped short. Literally. An extremely small redhead was blocking her way.

"Princess, we need your help!" The tiny woman exclaimed.

Shizuru chivalrously dismounted. "What can I do for you, my good midget?"

The redhead's face contorted in rage. "The name's Nao, and I prefer the term 'dwarf,' you idiot." She paused. "I mean, your Highness."

"I supposed anyone would be high compared to you," Shizuru mused.

Nao gritted her teeth. "Follow me, your Majesty."

Shizuru shrugged and followed the midg—the dwarf. What harm could it do? It wasn't like Nao was going to ask her to do something impossible, like bring someone back to life or anything. She probably just needed help reaching something from the top of her cupboard.

They walked into a small clearing, where 6 other dwarves were kneeling around…a glass coffin holding a pale, dark-haired woman?

"We need you to bring out friend back to life," Nao explained. Shizuru wanted to smack herself.

"Did you call the doctor?" she asked.

Nao snorted. "Are you kidding? We'd have to pay an arm and a leg to get a doctor this far out in the woods." One of the dwarves, another redhead, stood up and approached them. Nao introduced her as Mai.

"Are you all related?" Shizuru wondered out loud.

"Jeez, just because we're all dwarves doesn't mean we're related," Nao grumbled.

"But in this case, we are. Dwarfism is hereditary," Mai politely supplied.

Shizuru nodded. "It's a small world after all."

Nao rolled her eyes. "Can you save her?" She asked, referring to Natsuki.

Shizuru frowned. "That's a tall order."

"Will you quit it with the height jokes?" Nao snapped.

"I made no such jests. There's really no need to get short with me."

Mai stepped between them. "Can you save Natsuki, your Majesty?"

Shizuru relented. "What can I do to help?"

"You have to kiss her."

Shizuru blinked. "You want me to…kiss her?" Necrophiliac dwarves, her mind screamed.

"What, are you deaf or something?" Nao snapped.

"Speak up, I can't hear you from down there," Shizuru replied mildly.

"You're the princess. There's something about royalty that a kiss from a royal supposedly wakes any person up from a coma."

"Must be all that inbreeding among themselves," Nao snarked.

Mai sighed. "Can you guys stop butting heads for two seconds?"

"We are not butting heads, madam. I would have to stoop to Nao's level to resort to such a thing, and that would hurt my back."

"Wow, Mai, our future ruler is also a comedian. We should all be so lucky."

Shizuru sighed. "So how did your friend come to that state?"

"She ate a poisoned apple," Mai explained.

Shizuru frowned. "Did you try the Heimlich maneuver?"

"She wasn't choking, doofus," Nao muttered. Mai smacked her.

Shizuru sighed again. She might as well give this a shot. She strode toward the coffin and looked at the reclining figure dubiously. She hesitantly leaned down. As her lips grew closer and closer to the other woman's, she had the strangest sense of déjà vu—

"PERVERT!" Haruka jumped out from behind the bushes and pointed at her accusingly.

Next to her, Yukino facepalmed.

IV.

Natsuki smiled at the gorgeous woman sitting across from her in the rowboat. She didn't speak, yeah, but so what? She had the most beautiful crimson eyes Natsuki had ever seen—though Natsuki swore she had seen them somewhere before. Maybe in a dream?

They smiled shyly at each other as Natsuki rowed them into a secluded lagoon encircled by mangrove trees. Twilight had fallen and brought with it a nighttime coolness that chased away the humidity of the day. The other woman seemed content to look around and trail her fingers in the water, but Natsuki fidgeted in her seat. Should she make a move? She didn't want to scare her off, though, and Natsuki was intensely curious about this enigmatic young woman who showed up out of nowhere at the castle a few days ago.

Natsuki cleared her throat and leaned forward. "So, um—" She was startled when the gorgeous brunette shushed her and made a gesture for Natsuki to listen.

Natsuki frowned and fell silent. She could hear nothing except for the high-pitched croaking of the frogs, swishing reeds, and...faint singing?

"Sha-la-la-la-la-la my oh my, look at the girl too shy, she ain't gonna kiss the girl!"

Natsuki groaned and hid her face to avoid looking at crimson eyes sparkling in amusement and delight.

"Sha-la-la-la-la-la ain't that sad? Ain't it a shame, too bad, you gonna miss the girl—"

Natsuki reached over the side of the boat and plunged her arm into the water to pull up a startled Nao by the snorkel. "Stop. Following. Us."

V.

Mai clutched her wand and chewed her lip in dismay. The pumpkin carriage had been stopped on the side of the road for a while now—evidently the newly married couple was lost on their way to their honeymoon cottage. She could hear raised voices coming from the carriage—trouble in paradise already?—as Natsuki and Shizuru argued over their next course of action. Of course, as Shizuru's fairy godmother, she could and should offer her assistance, but Shizuru had asked her for absolute privacy during the honeymoon. Mai had agreed, but now she was wondering if she should intervene before one of them demanded a divorce.

She brightened when the heated shouting suddenly cut off. Did they come to an agreement? She hoped so; the last sap she had fairy godmothered didn't turn out so well—

Mai spluttered when something smacked her in the face. What the—she ripped it off her face and held it up. She gaped at for 0.2 seconds before squealing and flinging it away from her like it was radioactive.

Now lying innocently on the ground, where Mai had flung it, was a lacy black bra.

Mai looked up just in time to avoid another object hurtling toward her. "Hey!" She scowled and picked up a glass slipper. Its counterpart soon followed, uncaringly tossed out the window of the pumpkin carriage.

Mai frowned. These had taken a fortune to make! She had half a mind to march up to that carriage and demand that they show more respect for her craft—

Light laughter floated in the air before turning into a moan. Mai faltered. She blushed violently when a second bra came flying out the window. When it was followed by a pair of panties, Mai abruptly turned around and flew away as fast as her wings could take her. Forget the slippers, she was done here—when the pumpkin carriage is a rockin', don't come a knockin.'

...And they lived happily ever after. Or did they? –Dun-dun-dun!- (Cue ominous music and cynical author)