AN: This is the product of reading one to many Lily and James love/hate fic. And then reading some Draco/Harry fics after that. That and I was trying to reconcile some of the things in the book with my view of Sirius and Remus' relationship. (Oh, I forgot! This story is most definitely slash!) Like the fact that, according to Rosmarta, you always saw Sirius and James together with Peter running around behind them, but she never mentions Remus. And also, I will warn you now, the more I like a character the more likely I am to make them angsty, abused and/or psychotic. And Sirius and Remus are my favorite HP characters. (well… after Harry, but that boy has enough problems without me giving him any) Anyway! On to the fic…
"Every way I turn the same disease
But I like it
Brace myself and hit the wall with ease
I'm colliding
I'm not minding the pain
I've been down here before
All my bones and joints are sore
Find my way out of the wreck again
I've been down here before
Lost myself and so much more
Find my way out of the game again"
~ Bones & Joints, Finger Eleven
"Damn it!" Remus Lupin threw his slime-covered bookbag, with a great deal of his enhanced strength, at the foot of his bed. He winced slightly as it fell to the floor and his keen ears heard the spine of at least two books cracking.
"Damn them…" he muttered to himself. He fell backwards onto his bed, not caring is some of slime on his robs got on the sheets, and absently pulling the curtains closed around him. Why did they have to torment him? They, and everyone else, always thought that their jokes were so funny. Wonder how funny they thought it was to pour jellied newt's eyes on him as he left potions class? They were probably still laughing at him.
They never realized how deeply their taunts cut, or how close he was from lashing out and wiping those identical grins off of Potter and Black's faces. It was stupid! So what if he was quiet, he was a Gryffandor like them! And they picked on him even more than the Slytherins!
He lay there, staring up at the canopy of his bed, trying to quiet his anger and to hold in the angry tears that were threatening to fall.
"I hate it here," he muttered to himself. And it was true. It may have been bigger and he had a lot more freedom than at home, but it always felt like just as much of a cage as the iron, silver and spell contraption in the basement back home. Even more so with all the eyes that watched him here. All the teachers knew what he was, and every time another student looked at him he was frightened that they would somehow read his affliction from his face alone.
It's why he spent more time with his books and his homework than with the other students. Ink didn't look at him with suspicion. His quills and parchment never asked where he disappeared to once a month. It was just better for everyone if he stayed away from his classmates.
But Black and his little band of friends weren't as easy to ignore. They went out of their way to mock him.
He sometimes wondered if they knew, and all the jokes they played on him were some sort of retribution for having to be roommates with a monster. But no, if they knew, they'd probably write it above the school in bright neon lights or something. Like the time, during quiditch practice, that Sirius had written 'Remus Lupin is a queer' above the pitch in bright pink letters last year.
And if these first two weeks were any indication, his third year looked to be even worse.
"You could always leave if you hate it here that much, Loony." Bloody hell, why hadn't he heard Sirius come in? And did he have to call him that? The 'loony, loopy, Lupin' thing was getting old.
"Sod off, Black." He didn't bother to so much as twitch, hoping that like some types of wraiths and ghouls, Sirius Black would go away if he didn't pay any attention to him.
It didn't work. The curtains of his four poster were rudely pulled aside and the sneering face of Sirius Black impeded on his vision.
"Aww, poor icklle Loopy, were you crying in here?" Remus didn't dignify that question with a response.
"Leave me alone. I'm busy." He said, turning away from Sirius.
"Doing what? Daydreaming about your boyfriend? I bet Malfoy gets upset that you keep Snape to yourself so much." It was a barb to the Slytherins as much to him, but they weren't in the room to hear it. He was.
"Fuck you!" He wasn't in the mood to deal with this, he never was. But tomorrow was the full moon and he was already stressed to his limit. The bastard just laughed at him.
"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Remus sat up and reached at Sirius. The other boy took a quick step back, looking as if he expected a blow. But all the smaller boy did was snap his curtains closed.
"I'm going to bed. Goodnight!" He was so sick of this. He bit his lip hard to keep from crying.
He waited until he thought that Sirius had left before he hauled both his robe and his shirt up over his head and threw them onto the trunk at the end of his bed.
"Gods, you are such a prick. Always sneaking around and hiding," he was startled to hear Black's voice, why hadn't he left. Hadn't he tortured him enough for one day? He was even more surprised when the dark haired boy pulled back the curtains around his bed for a second time. "What, you so malformed under those baggy robes you afraid to change in front of anyone?
Remus was so stunned he could only sit there and blink at him dumbly. Sirius blinked back, the rest of his taunts dying on his lips as his eyes locked onto Remus' left shoulder. Or more accurately, the mass of scar-tissue that ran up and over his left shoulder and half way down his chest.
"Shit," he said quietly. "What the hell happened to you?" Remus shook his head as if to clear it, and then quickly hugged a pillow protectively to his chest trying to cover old wounds, both visible and not.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" It came out as more of a plea than a question. And Remus knew it had been a mistake to speak the instant he had opened his mouth. The look on Sirius' face, that, had it been someone else, he thought could have been concern, vanished. And was quickly replaced by another mocking grin.
"What'd you do? Try and fuck the family dog and it didn't like it?" Remus clenched his hands so quickly, his fingers punched holes in the pillow he was holding. How dare he…A nightmare flash of teeth and claws and then blackness, then waking to too sharp senses and the reek of his own drying blood in the air. How dare he. The pity and disappointment in his parents eyes. A doctor's words said when they thought he was asleep, 'It would have been better if you had let him die.' How dare he! Without making a conscious decision to do so, Remus found himself lunging off of his bed, snarling.
He caught Sirius in the chest, sending them both to the floor. Sirius landed on the floor with an 'Oomph!' Remus on top of him. Neither boy stopped to think about what they were doing as they hit at each other. If it hadn't been for his strength, Remus would have been losing badly. He'd never been in a fight in his life and had no idea how to punch other than you swung your fist at the opponent and hoped it hits them. Sirius, on the other hand, got into fights almost daily. He knew how to punch and how to take advantage of his opponents weaknesses. The only problem was that it was rather difficult to do that when he was pinned to the floor. The taller boy suddenly shoved both of his fists into Remus' stomach. The other boy let out a sound that was eerily reminiscent to the whine of a kicked dog before grabbing the wrists of both offending hands and shoving Black's arms above his head.
He leaned over the dark haired boy, teeth bared in and angry snarl. His hazel eyes glowed gold with anger as he stared down into other boy's dark blue gaze. And at that moments he had the strong urge to lean down and bit him. Give him a mark like his, so he couldn't make fun of him any more. But the moment passed, and he was horrified when it had left. He let go of the other boy and backed away from the him so fast that he smacked, hard, into the trunk at the end of his bed. He saw his school rob lying next to him on the floor and grabbed it before running for the door before Black could ask any questions. Or taunt him into doing something that would get him expelled.
He was pretty sure that if he ripped Sirius' throat out with his teeth, they wouldn't let him attend Hogwart's any more.