Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto; I make no money.
A.N.: finished version of the old snippet.
An Elaborate Attempt
Naruto writes letters to Iruka and Sakura.
The few times he runs into her after a mission, Sakura hurries past Kakashi, her pink hair glowing unnaturally bright in the cold, unmerciful glare of the hospital´s fluorescent lights.
He is content now, things are the way they are supposed to be again –the way they have always been.
After the short periods in his life, when he had more than just scratches on the cold surface of a stone, he is now back to normal. The memories of having a Genin-team are fading already, he doesn´t cherish them, doesn´t make the effort to analyze them, he will let them evaporate.
In Kakashi´s long list of regrets Team seven ranks somewhere in the middle.
Kakashi is "Sharingan-Kakashi" again and soon people will have forgotten about the ridiculously brief period of time when three hopeful kids called him "Kakashi-Sensei" (mostly in extremely whiny voices, not that he can blame them. He didn´t fail to let them down after all.)
He doesn`t have students anymore, all three of them have moved on to teachers who are not only stronger than Kakashi, but who also actually want to teach them, even if one of them has ulterior motives.
He doesn´t need to worry about Sakura and Naruto anymore, and surely the two of them worry enough about Sasuke to make up for his total lack of anxiety in this area.
Tonight Kakashi can walk through the dark streets of Konoha without a care. He could easily walk the whole way from the Hokage tower to his apartment with his eye closed, so familiar are these streets to him. Somehow it feels like the village hasn´t changed at all, as if these really are the same streets his father led him through by his hand, the same storefronts he ran past with Obito, Rin and his Sensei on their way to a mission, and the same ground that shook under the claws of the nine-tailed fox.
Kakashi doesn´t close his eye, however – he doesn´t want to pretend, doesn´t need it— instead, he stares up into the black night sky. He remembers one night his father explained the star constellations to him and how he could never see them as formations, how, no matter how much he tried to picture them as a small pieces of something bigger, something whole, he never managed to think of them as anything else than lost, tiny dots; each of them separated from the others by the unimaginably huge amount of sheer pitch black emptiness between them.
His train of thought screeches to an abrupt halt as he reaches his apartment complex and finds himself bathed in a soft glow of light coming from his own window. Kakashi sighs. He knows for a fact that the lights were off when he left, since it had been before sundown, and, sadly, very few enemy ninja were considerate enough to announce their presence this boldly. That leaves only one option: a "friendly" visitor. At the top of his head Kakashi can only think of a handful of people who are skilled enough to disable his traps without the loss of a limb or two, and only of one who would consider it a good idea to try breaking into his apartment and would then decide to hang around to boast about his success to Kakashi in person.
Kakashi isn´t in the mood for any of this tonight, but he knows that Gai won´t leave. No matter how long Kakashi delays his return, Gai will still be there at the other side of his door waiting for him. And even if he decided to leave the village altogether to try his luck as a rogue ninja, he suspects that Gai would chase him down, that one day he would round a corner and Gai would simply be there.
Kakashi doesn´t jutsu himself in, he walks all the way to his door instead. This close, he can actually feel Gai´s presence inside the apartment. It is a strange, almost fragile moment; each of them can sense the other over the short distance and through the thin, battered door, but neither of them moves. Kakashi is summoning his energies to face his unwelcome visitor. When he has unlocked the door and his hand finally closes around the doorknob, he can feel Gai´s chakra flicker expectantly.
Kakashi pushes the door open to reveal his uninvited guest standing just beyond the open door to his bedroom on the other side of the hallway. "Yo." He is surprised how tired his simple greeting comes out, as if he had run miles with a pair of Gai´s training weights strapped to his ankles, and not just come back from a twenty minute stroll to the Hokage tower to fill out some paperwork.
Gai doesn´t answer immediately, he hasn´t even welcomed his 'rival' with one of his trademark shiny grins; it makes the suspicion Kakashi has harbored since he first noticed the light emanating from his bedroom window evolve into a heavy lump of certainty.
He doesn´t want to have this discussion right now, or ever, for that matter.
"I expected you sooner," Gai offers finally, his expression unreadable.
"Yeah, I had a few forms to sign," Kakashi says, planting his right hand on the wall to support himself while bending over to take off his sandals, an action which, incidentally, also allows him to break eye contact and focus on his footwear. "If I had known you´d break in, I would have come home earlier, though, maybe made some tea."
Kakashi places his sandals next to Gai´s slightly bigger ones on the floor and straightens. While he was occupied, his visitor has stepped out of the bedroom and is now standing in front of the frame of the bedroom door. With the lights on in the room behind him but off in the hall, Gai is completely enveloped in darkness, his shadow stretching towards Kakashi, as if to trap him in a kage mane no jutsu.
Slowly, Kakashi raises his eye from the pool of darkness at his feet to Gai´s black silhouette, outlined in sharp contrast to the warm, welcoming glow of light from the bedroom.
As he straightens, he catches a glimpse of his ANBU uniform lying on the bed like the shell of a man, a shed skin. He sighs and decides to deal with Gai's intrusion the same way he deals with almost everything Gai does – by ignoring him.
Kakashi turns and walks into the small kitchen. He gets as far as opening the door of one kitchen cabinet, before Gai comes storming after him – not much room to storm in the short corridor, but Gai manages to pull it off through sheer force of will.
"What are you doing?" Gai demands. Kakashi can imagine the put upon look on his face; he has no doubt that Gai had this whole thing planned - a Meaningful Conversation in the dramatically lit hallway – Kakashi in the shadows, Gai surrounded by light.
He rolls his eye at teapot and -bowls. "I'm making tea," he informs Gai, leaning past the cabinet door for a second to flash his guest a mostly obscured smile. Gai has planted himself in yet another doorway; acting on every ninja's ingrained instinct to secure possible escape routes, maybe.
To prove his point, Kakashi takes what he needs out of the cabinet and puts water on the stove. Behind him Gai hollers, "I did not come here for tea!" Kakashi turns around, completely exasperated now. There is still a significant amount of space between them, for which he is grateful. His kitchen is fairly small, but Gai is on the other end of it, blocking the door. He hasn't invaded Kakashi's personal space to shout in his ear just yet.
Gai is red-faced and boggle-eyed. Kakashi ignores him, lets his gaze drift over his rickety table and chairs and the two plates in the spotty sink. He can't remember when he last did the dishes; then again he doesn't eat in much, so it all balances out.
He leans back, relaxes, folds his arms and cocks his head at Gai. "You haven't actually told me why you're here."
"You know why I'm here," Gai accuses, complete with dramatic pointing.
"I'm not playing the guessing-game," he answers, unimpressed. Of course he knows; he had a feeling this would happen, when he put his signature on the papers. He just hadn't thought it would be this soon. Clearly he underestimated Gai's sources.
"Fine," Gai nods with grim determination, as if he was accepting a challenge. There's a "Have it your way" in the air but it remains unspoken. "You promised you wouldn't go back to ANBU," he says, folding his arms defensively.
Kakashi sighs. "I did no such thing." Conveniently, there's sizzling behind him, so he turns around. To the sound of Gai's passionate protestations, Kakashi prepares green tea.
He serves it in two non-matching tea bowls - Gai isn't the only one with a feeling for symbolism – and points to a chair. "Sit."
Gai glowers, but strides to his chair – with poise and purpose like a general marching to battle. When they are both sitting, Kakashi calmly interrupts Gai's still ongoing tirade – something about honesty and trust between eternal rivals that must never be broken – and tries to get a word in edgewise. Technically, he thinks, he is in no way obligated to explain himself to Gai, but he also knows that Gai won't leave him alone until he does. Getting it out of the way seems like a good idea.
He has dreaded this conversation, although he isn't exactly sure why. The logic behind his decision is flawless. Why should Gai's opinion matter? "You know we need new ANBU members, and I've got experience," he says with a casual shrug. Like it's no big deal. Which it isn't.
"You are a teacher!" Gai's response is both immediate and loud. He sets his tea bowl down with such force that some of its contents spill on the table. Kakashi keeps his eyes trained on the fluid; slowly it spreads around the porcelain. He can hear Gai's agitated breathing, feel the vibration of that annoying nervous habit of his – constantly thumping his foot – through the table. "Whose teacher am I exactly?" He asks. The two ends of the tiny lake of tea around Gai's bowl meet, forming a little sea.
"Argh," Gai is gnashing his teeth in frustration. "You know that!"
"They're not here, though. Are they?" Kakashi has all the patience in the world; he can do baby steps if Gai needs to.
"Sakura is here," Gai triumphs.
"She has a new master. So has Naruto." So has Sasuke, he pointedly doesn't say. "Temporarily," Gai counters, still spirited, always spirited. Kakashi sighs. He looks down at his tea; he hasn't taken a sip yet, but the steam is rising up, and the smell is filling the kitchen, telling him that the taste will be bitter.
"It doesn't matter," he says with a small shake of his head. "The situation is what it is. I'm needed in ANBU, and I'm good at it." Kakashi's lips quirk into a smile. "Everything I touch dies."
Gai is surprisingly silent after that, sipping his tea, and studying Kakashi with an unnerving amount of intensity. The cards are on the table, Kakashi thinks. And it is painfully clear what has to happen next. They're moving in different directions now. Where he is going, Gai can't follow. The chase is over.
Gai's rivalry has been like a scar on Kakashi's body. It was foisted on him with no way to get rid of it, no matter how hard he tried, and he hated it because it reminded him of his past failures. Then he tried to ignore it, hoping it would fade away if he just left it alone long enough.
Now, though… It's a strange sensation he feels. He has gotten used to it; he was always susceptible to routine. It's comfortable and familiar. A stretch of skin where he feels no pain. He picks up his tea, sips it through his mask. It's lukewarm already.
"I had a talk with Lee a few days ago," Gai says. In theory, sudden changes of topic aren't unusual for Gai, but this is one topic Kakashi had expected him to stick with for a while. He doubts that what follows is going to be the average "my students are the best"-anecdote.
"About Sakura."
"Ah." Kakashi stays carefully neutral. He has a vague notion about where this might be going. It makes him feel like the few sips of tea he drank are lapping at the inside of his stomach.
"He came to me for advice," Gai explains with no small amount of pride. "Lee is in love with Sakura, you see."
"You don't say," Kakashi answers drily. Despite everything, he can't help teasing Gai a little. Not that he notices; he is too busy nodding vigorously. "Yes! Anyway, she seems quite oblivious and preoccupied with… well, other things." Other people, Kakashi substitutes in his mind, but stays silent.
Gai falters a little, clearly struck by the sadness of the situation. Lee's worries are his worries, Kakashi wonders if this will ever change. "He asked me what to do. He doesn't want to pester her, but he does want her to notice him." Gai giving love advice, there's a scary thought. He is interested despite himself, though.
"So? What'd you tell him?"
"To keep loving her with all his heart, of course! To be there for her whenever she needs him!" Kakashi stares. Gai is completely sure of himself, naturally, but even for him this just seems too reckless. "You're setting him up for heartbreak," Kakahsi says, shaking his head in disbelief. It really shouldn't surprise him anymore. "You actually think Sakura will return his feelings just because Lee is persistent? Love doesn't work like that."
"That's not the point!" Agitated, Gai jumps up, sending his chair sliding back. Kakashi calmly sips his tea. Gai leans over the table, planting one hand on the table and balling the other into a fist to wave around for emphasis. "Love is not a coin you put into a vending machine to get an energy drink! If you truly love somebody, you love them unconditionally! It doesn't matter if they love you back!"
Kakashi shrugs. "It doesn't, huh?" Gai is close now, beginning to invade his personal space. "He'll get hurt. Besides, while he is busy wasting his love on someone who doesn't appreciate it, he's missing the opportunity to find someone who would."
Gai is shaking his head sadly even before Kakashi has finished his sentence. When he answers his voice is deep and steady with conviction – far from his prior shrill exclamation. "Love is never wasted. It's the fire that burns inside us. It keeps us alive."
The words seem to reverberate through Kakashi. He averts his eye. ʻYou're being obvious,ʼ he wants to say, but Gai wouldn't care.
"We won't be seeing much of each other in the future."
The brush of Gai's fingertips against the side of his face almost startles him into flinching away. It's on his blindside, where the scar is concealed by fabric. Kakashi doesn't move away.
Gai smiles. "Temporarily," he says.
The queasy feeling inside Kakashi's stomach has settled.
He meets Gai's serene gaze.
"Temporarily."
The End
A.N.: This might get a dark sequel at some point. I have the urge to do something horrible to Gai... Tell me what you think?