Twilight Summarized

Edward Cullen walked into Biology class one day. He had orange hair that had likely been cut with a weed whacker, yellow or black eyes depending on whether or not he was grouchy that day, and his whole body... sparkled. A plain looking girl (emphasis on PLAIN) ran and threw her arms around him. "I LOVE YOU!"

"I KNOW! I LOVE YOU TOO, BELLA! YOU SMELL GOOD!"

"THANKS! YOUR SPARKLES ARE HAWT!"

For some reason, even though she was plain looking, all of the guys in the class looked at Bella wistfully and tried to ask her to prom, which made Edward fall over laughing.

Later that day:

Edward and Bella meet in a clearing in the forest. Edward impresses her by running around in circles in the clearing. Then he listens to her heart. "Your heart sounds nice."

"OMG THANKS!"

Then he looks deep into her eyes and says, "Nooo! I can't be with you! I might eat you by accident!"

"Oh, that's okay! You're so CUTE when you eat stuff!"

Then he kisses her for two hours. Suddenly, it starts raining. So she gets on his back and Edward runs to Forks and drops her off at her house.

Then they get on the porch and Edward kisses her again. Then she gets sparkles all over her and when she goes to school the next day, Jacob sees, so he gets jealous and roars, "I'M GOING TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF AGAIN!" So he rips his shirt off and Bella is impressed, even though he's 15 and she's nearly 18.

That night, Edward takes Bella to play baseball. She sits and watches in awe as they break bats. "OMG YOU'RE SO STRONG! SQUEEEEE!"

Then evil vampires arrive and try to eat Bella because she smells good. So Edward leaves because it's not safe and the evil vampire almost kills Bella in a ballet studio but he doesn't . Then Edward arrives just in time to dramatically save her. What a shame.

Please review. And read my other story. I'll post a chapter about the prom when I finish writing it. (EDIT