Glimpses of Strangeness

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any related characters in any way, shape or form.

Author's Notes: I decided that this oneshot has the sheer "randomness" factor to make it a good start for this new anthology. As I mentioned in "The Unwritten Tales", I've come to the conclusion that "Random Tales" really deserved to be broken in half; one for the serial seeds, one for all the other stuff. So, here it is. For the curious, all of the cocktails and mixes mentioned in this oneshot are real. Yes, people actually do drink tequila and Tabasco, or grain alcohol and pepper spray.

Gargle Blasters

The Tendo household was particularly noisy today, but unlike most such times, it wasn't due to combat. The sounds echoing out of the antique, surprisingly large homestead were of a pleasant, friendly nature, as opposed to the more usual battle cries, death threats, angry screams, and the sounds of destruction. Today was Ranma Saotome's 17th birthday, and he was celebrating with all of his friends and acquaintances. Naturally, all of the girls who considered themselves engaged to him had shown up to congratulate him, but fortunately for Ranma, Akane had decided to be magnanimous on his special day and tolerated them, though she couldn't help but fume at the way Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo would eagerly press themselves against Ranma if they got the chance, and their subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hints that they would be willing to give him much more then mere gifts in celebration...

Ranma was actually rather surprised by all of this fuss, not used to making such a big deal out of his birthday, but took it as gracefully as he could. Admittedly, he avoided coming off as smug or gloating more due to being overwhelmed then anything. One thing that particularly surprised him was the fact that not just all of the girls had shown up, but all of the boys, as well. Kuno... well, all right, Kuno was obviously here simply to hang around Akane and keep his lecherous eye out for the Pigtailed Girl, for all his pretty talk of graciousness towards rivals. Mousse had tagged along to make sure that "Ranma didn't try anything with Shampoo", and had been allowed to stay only with the solemn understanding that if he caused this to get out of hand, not just Shampoo but Kodachi and Ukyo as well would all make him pay for it. The idea of receiving a three-fold beating, and from one girl infamous throughout the district for being of unstable mind, had made Mousse nervously give his solemn vow that he would behave himself. Perhaps the greatest surprise to Ranma had been Ryoga, who had gruffly thrust him a battered-looking gift and then insisted that he wouldn't challenge Ranma for another week. It was almost as though the Eternally Lost Boy was actually trying, in his own way, to genuinely celebrate Ranma's birthday... nah; couldn't be.

Everything was going well until Genma brought out the sake. After taking one sip, Ranma started coughing and patted his chest, "Geez pop, did you have to bring out the cheap stuff?"

Genma looked faintly offended. "We can't always be connoisseurs of alcohol like you and those cocktails of yours son."

Intrigued by the comment, Nabiki spoke up from where she was sipping on the sake brought out for the celebration. "Cocktails? I didn't know you mixed drinks Ranma." She wasn't disappointed in Ranma's natural reaction as he nodded with a smug look.

"Yep, I can mix just about any cocktail that was ever made, and not just the ones you can buy in a bar either, I know how to make some stuff that can floor a normal person in one shot." Almost immediately he was met with skepticism, mostly from Ryoga who couldn't hold back a scoff, earning a glare as Ranma straightened with a smile, "Don't believe me huh? All right, wait here and I'll be right back."

Without another word he got to his feet and was out the door, leaving a confused group and Genma shaking his head. "Now you've done it."

A second later he poked his head back into the living room, "Um, any chance you could...? I'll toss in the good stuff in return"

Genma nodded and as he was searching for his wallet, a familiar wizened voice piped up.

"Any chance of me getting the good stuff too?"

Everyone groaned as Happosai made his appearance.

"Well, what's the big occasion?" He ignored the kowtowing Genma in favor of staring at Ranma, who shrugged.

"It's my birthday, and I'm going to get some stuff to make some cocktails for these guys."

Happosai blinked. "You can mix drinks?" The incredulity was obvious as Ranma nodded.

"Pops would get bored with beer and sake and straight liquor, so he made learn how to mix drinks on the road. First drink I made for him was a Backdraft."

Happosai looked slightly impressed, "That's not too bad, but do you know anything harder?"

Ranma shrugged. "Made a Green Bird once, but Pops made me promise never to make that again."

Now Happosai was impressed; he immediately fished out a huge wad of yen notes and tossed them and Genma's wallet to the teen.

"Here, and make sure that you get the stuff needed for the really hard mixes, the ones that can knock a man out for days, you know what I mean."

Ranma smiled and vanished out the door as Happosai rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

Meanwhile, Genma looked concerned. "Uh Master, are you sure about this? The boy does know some very powerful mixes and you gave him a lot of money..."

Happosai waved it off. "If you're going to have a party with drinks, then it pays to go all out."

It was a half hour before Ranma came back, and the various teens goggled at the sight of the boxes and small crates he had with him while Happosai and Genma both smiled in appreciation as the old pervert looked over some of the items, whistling in appreciation at a small group of sake bottles. "Habu Sake? Damn boy, your father wasn't kidding about knowing your brews. I'll take a serving of this if you don't mind."

Ranma shrugged and started setting up everything into an orderly arrangement before grabbing a few bottles and several shot glasses, set them on a tray and began filling them. "Might as well start strong, eh pops?"

Genma nodded upon recognizing the order the drinks had been poured and carefully took the tray as Ranma turned to Soun nearby, "I know just the thing to start you off Tendo-san." He pulled out a bottle of rum, two bottles of different whiskey and a bottle of expensive looking tequila and started pouring. Seconds later, Soun was running upstairs and Ranma shrugged. "Huh, didn't think that would happen so quickly."

Nabiki finally gathered enough of her wits to give in to her curiosity, especially after seeing Happosai and Genma starting to sing. "Okay Ranma, what the hell was so special about those drinks?"

"Those? Nothing special, I'm just getting warmed up."

"Oh, really?" Nabiki asked leisurely, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yeah, really. Some of the things I can make are pretty potent." Ranma replied levelly. "What, you want me to mix you up something?"

"Why not, birthday boy?" Nabiki shrugged, and grinned wickedly, the various fiancées bristling at Ranma's "flirting".

Ranma stared at her hard for a moment, then turned to his ingredients and gathered them up before heading to the kitchen. It had to be said that Ranma didn't particularly like Nabiki, so that was probably why he took the steps he subsequently took. When Ranma came out, looking surprisingly deadpan for him, and gently placed a glass of what looked pretty much like cloudy water on the table in front of Nabiki and smirked at her, none of the other teens had any idea what he was thinking.

"Here you are, one glass of Strawberry Surprise. Don't gulp it - I said don't gulp it!" He shouted, but too late, as Nabiki took a good swallow and then stared at him smugly... for all of two seconds, tops, before her eyes bugged out and she started screaming like a banshee, clutching desperately at her throat as the others stumbled over themselves in confused surprise. Ranma, the only one not taken aback by this, promptly shot forward and practically threw her out into the garden, instants before Nabiki stopped screaming... because it's not physically possible to scream and vomit at the same time. He shook his head sadly. "I warned you." Was all he would say.

"That was a rotten thing to do, Ranma." Akane reprimanded him, though she honestly didn't sound too upset. Truth be told, seeing her gadfly of an elder sister come off with the short handle for once was actually kind of amusing.

"How is that my fault?" The confused heir to the Saotome School asked.

"She's right, you know. Even if Nabiki can be a little naughty to you sometimes, there's no call to spike her drink." Kasumi chided.

At that, Ranma looked offended. "I did no such thing! You can't just throw these drinks back like soda, y'know!" At that, he grabbed the still half-full, more or less, glass and raised it to his lips. As they watched, he drained it in a long, steady draught; once the glass was empty, he blinked a few times, tears glittering as they rolled down his face, and coughed twice, but spoke to them with a voice that sounded more or less normal. "Y' see?" He asked.

"...So what the hell was in that?" Nabiki half-croaked, half-squeaked, tears running down her face and wiping her lips off.

"Strawberry Surprise. Grain alcohol cut with pepper spray." Ranma replied casually.

"Pepper spray!" Was the unanimous uproar.

"Yep, I don't serve it often, just when someone acts too full of themselves." Ranma sent a glance to Nabiki, who responded with a growl, while Ukyo recovered her wits enough to realize something.

"Hey wait a minute! Why the heck is it called Strawberry Surprise if its made from grain alcohol and pepper spray?"

Ranma simply smiled slightly. "Way I always heard it, the surprise is that it tastes nothing like strawberries and everything like pain." He sat down and started pouring refills for Genma, "It's not the most potent thing I can mix, but it is a good way to introduce people to them, like the fact that the old lech is drinking sake with a dead Sakishima Habu in it, and pops is drinking a combination of shots that has killed about forty people or so who didn't know when to stop drinking. Still, I can guarantee that if you're brave enough to try these, you won't regret it." He started spinning a bottle of tequila in his hand, "So, anyone up for a real drink?"

The others fell silent; none of them were what you would call drinkers, maybe a glass of cheap sake on very special occasions, but Ranma's challenge had struck the most vulnerable spot of his associates: their ego. Perhaps not surprisingly, it was Tatewaki Kuno who spoke first.

"Very well, if it is to test our mettle you're aiming, then I, the Blue Thunder, the resident paragon of masculinity (this declaration was met with scornful looks by all and sundry, not that Kuno paid any attention), shall step up to the challenge and defeat you soundly! Bring forth your potions; I fear not what you may brew up in your witching cauldron!"

"But we don't have a cauldron." Kasumi softly pointed out.

"Ignore him, sis, spare your braincells." Akane muttered.

"One Prairie Fire, coming up." Ranma said with a darkly enthusiastic grin, disappearing back into the kitchen. Moments later, he returned with three glasses and a big jar of milk.

"What's that for?" Ryoga asked.

"You three will probably need this. Prairie Fire's got a nasty sting." Ranma replied, leaving Ryoga and Mousse wondering why he was acting as though they were stupid enough to drink his concoction. Placing the jar and the other two glasses on the table, he slid the third over to Kuno, who still looked confident as ever. "Enjoy your drink." Ranma grinned.

Boldly, seeming to revel in the way everyone, even the still-wincing, pained looking Nabiki, was watching him closely, Kuno raised the glass to his lips. He didn't gulp it the way Nabiki had, he had more sense then that, but he unhesitatingly took a deep draught and then placed the glass back on the table, giving Ranma a triumphant grin. Said grin faltered maybe a heartbeat later, Kuno's eyes growing wide as the nerves on his tongue/throat began making their sensory deliveries, the alcohol going from mouth to bloodstream with practically no time in the stomach. Beads of sweat broke out all over his face, which in turn began to redden, Kuno's mouth dropping open - not to scream, as one might have thought, or even to speak, simply panting for a few moments. He wavered visibly from side to side, and then keeled over dramatically, hitting the floor with all of his back at once.

"Well, that's no surprise. He always was all talk." Nabiki croaked, throat still not recovered from her Strawberry Surprise.

"And Prairie Fire is...?" Akane asked.

"Tequila and a shot of tabasco. That's Western hot sauce." Ranma added in explanation.

"We know what tabasco is." Everyone promptly chorused. "I never thought I'd say this, but I actually feel kind of sorry for Kuno." Akane added in afterthought.

"Eh, knowing him, he'll be just fine in a minute. So, what about you two? You gonna drink up?" Ranma asked.

"Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?" Ryoga asked incredulously.

"Yeah, why on earth would we drink that toxic waste?" Mousse added for emphasis.

Ranma shrugged. "So, you're okay with the idea of Kuno boasting that he's the manliest of you, as he was the only one with the balls to actually try it?"

The reaction was almost instantaneous as the girls, even Kasumi strangely, giggled at the comment as the two teens blanched at the thoughts running through their heads.

Inside Ryoga's head he could see Kuno sitting on a magnificent throne surrounded by girls with him groveling at his feet, the samurai-wannabe taunting him for his lack of courage... and there was Akane, and she was serving Kuno a glass of that stuff and Kuno was downing it confidentially, making all the girls swoon. And there was Ranma in a fancy bartender's uniform standing behind a nearby bar and saying, with a bad faux-British accent, "I think you'd be better off with water, Ryoga old pal; you can't handle the hard stuff like Kuno can." Internally Ryoga was screaming with disbelief, but externally he was gritting his teeth.

Mousse's mind wasn't any calmer; he was a proud warrior and here he was shying away from a concoction that Kuno, of all people, had not only drunk but done so without a moment of hesitation. He was humiliating himself in front of his beloved Shampoo! The wannabe samurai of all people was more of a man than him? Never!

Ranma wondered why he was seeing smoke coming out of Mousse's ears, then decided he didn't care.

As one, their hands shot out and seized the waiting glasses, the two teens draining them and then slamming them down in synchronicity. Their heads were down, their eyes squeezed shut, as Ranma wordlessly began filling three fresh glasses with milk from the jug. As one their heads shot up, eyes widening and the corners of their mouths trembling as the burning began. Muscles visibly tightened at the pain, each looking longingly at the glasses of milk and the relief from the searing of their tongues and throats and lips, but neither moved; they would not be deemed unmanly in the eyes of the girl they respectively admired, they would not! ...Oh, to hell with pride, this hurt! Gimme! The girls all burst out laughing as Ryoga and Mousse both sucked and slobbered frantically as they gulped down the cooling fluid, sighing audibly in relief as the dairy product quenched the fire within.

"A little too hot for you?" Ranma joked.

"Just... just shut up." Mousse panted.

"No... it's actually pretty mild..." Ryoga lied as best he could with his tongue feeling numb and his brain feeling clouded.

"Oh? If that's the case, I'll fix you up with a Wildfire Roulette then." Ranma replied, disappearing back into the kitchen with the tequila glasses before Ryoga could say anything.

"Don't expect me to pull your ass out of the fire this time, dimwit." Mousse promptly told him, just as Ranma came back with three newly filled glasses and put them down in front of Ryoga, who stared at them as though they were three venomous snakes.

"Two of these glasses contain Prairie Fires." Ranma stated.

"And the third glass?" Ryoga asked, unable to see any difference in the dark liquids.

"Also contains a Prairie Fire... with a triple dose of tabasco." Ranma grinned.

"Shampoo want in as well! No fun just watching, too-too boring!"

Ranma smiled as the Chinese girl moved forward, before snapping his fingers. "Got just the thing for you, be right back." He walked into the kitchen and after a few moments came back with a glass of clear liquid that had a slight oily tinge to it as he set it down, "Here you go, one Chuck Norris."

Shampoo glanced at it suspiciously.

Ranma chuckled at the glance, "You'll find out once you drink. But lets see who wins the contest first eh?" Everyone turned their attention to Ryoga and Mousse, who were still staring at the three dark cocktails in front of them with some trepidation, before Ryoga grabbed a glass and Mousse followed suit. The room went silent as everyone watched, even Happosai and Genma were focused on the pair as they took a breath, and drank.

The silence was broken by a scream as Mousse dove for the milk and started chugging, the room bursting out in laughter as Ranma checked the glass, "And you want to know the funny thing, this wasn't the one with triple tabasco in it, it was Ryoga's."

Even as the Lost Boy held up his arms in victory, he was burning from the mix as he too started chugging, managing to smile as everyone patted him on the back in congratulations, before Ranma turned back to Shampoo, "Well, time to face Chuck Norris, drink up Shampoo."

Shampoo nodded and with a determined look, drank the clear liquid down in one go, before squeezing her eyes shut and coughing hard, but to the surprise of everyone, remained upright and relatively sober, earning a pleased whistle from Ranma, "Damn, that was impressive."

"Heegh...Shampoo...no lightweight...Shampoo can take it." Another hard cough, "What...?"

Ranma nodded. "A Chuck Norris is jalapenos steeped in vodka until it kicks like its namesake. Think you can handle another?"

The other girls winced at the description, but to their shock Shampoo nodded and Ranma obliged, returning with the refilled glass as he turned to the other girls, "Want to join in Ucchan? Akane?"

Ukyo nodded and decided to order the same drink, but Akane was hesitant, "Do you have anything that won't make me start screaming like Nabiki?" Her sister sent her a venomous glare but Ranma shrugged.

"I've got something, it'll be strong but it won't kill you. Well, so long as you don't go overboard." He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of the 'Chuck Norris' but also a small shot glass of a clear green liquor.

He set the drinks down in front of the girls, gently warning, "Try to breath out when you swallow, it'll expel any evaporated alcohol. Other then that… enjoy."

Ukyo carefully downed the Chuck Norris, coughing hard from the jalapeno oil that was in it, while Akane gingerly downed the green liquid, obviously expecting to start screaming at any moment. When that failed to happen, she blinked in surprise.

"That wasn't so bad." Her vision started blurring, "Woah, what is this stuff?"

Ranma smiled, "Dubovka; grain alcohol fermented with splinters of oakwood. Tastes smooth, goes down fine, but you'll fall down after the third shot."

Hours came and went, the sun sinking into the horizon as the drinks flowed like water. Fortunately for... well, pretty much the whole town, none of the so-called "Nerima Wrecking Crew" were mean drunks - and drunk they were. After a few more contests and challenges, the teens had pretty much forgotten about it to just get drunk. Not the most responsible thing to do, but they weren't very responsible to begin with, and as Soun and Genma had decided to call it a night, too cautious to try and take the drinks away, while Happosai had gotten drunk and been sent into LEO as a result of trying to molest all of the girls, there was nobody stopping them. In fact, the only person not drunk was Nabiki, who hadn't dared touch another drop since that Strawberry Surprise, and she was mostly content with just watching them drink themselves into a stupor. Mostly.

From her position, hopefully well out of harm's way should someone turn mean and start slinging attacks around, she swept her gaze over all of the most powerful and feared individuals in town. Kuno had been dragged into a corner where he was still lying; after he had recovered from his Praire Fire, he had only managed a few more drinks before falling unconscious again, seemingly overwhelmed by the alcohol in his system. His sister had fared only marginally better, and seemed to keep drifting in and out of consciousness, murmuring and babbling in her more lucid moments and making it clear she was seeing only the inside of her own dreams - fragmentary rants against her "enemies", chuckles and endearments to her "Ranma darling", those were the sort of things that fell from her lips.

Akane looked... peaceful, a state of mellowness that Nabiki could only barely remember her approaching when she was sober. Ranma looked fairly okay, at first glance, but there was a glaze to his eyes that suggested he was a lot better at making drinks then holding them. Mousse was currently winding down from his latest drunken melody - it was in Chinese, so Nabiki had no idea what it meant, but the way Shampoo was singing the same thing and staring meaningfully at Ranma was a pretty big hint that it wasn't something that ought to be sung in mixed company. Ukyo was evidently totally plastered - the fact she had slung her arm over Shampoo's shoulders and was trying to sing along as best she could was proof of that. It would have been amusing if they had actually been able to keep it on-key and weren't slurring or stumbling over the words.

Far more of concern to Nabiki was the fact that Ryoga was staring at her big sister -she still couldn't believe Kasumi would actually try drinking, even if it was only to be sociable- with a goofy expression and a dopey smile plastered all over his face. Worse still was the fact that Kasumi seemed to have gone from giggling at nothing to staring back into his eyes, a shy smile on her lips and her cheeks flushed red with, perhaps, more then just alcohol.

Suddenly, Kodachi straightened and started looking around, although the haze in her eyes meant that she was probably sleepwalking, and then her eyes fixed themselves on Nabiki and with a cry of "Ranma darling!" the gymnast latched onto the middle Tendo daughter like a strangling vine.

"Ack! Get off me Kodachi! I'm not Ranma!" It was no use, the girl was firmly in the hold of whatever alcohol-induced dream had arisen to replace her previous ones and she wasn't hearing any of her protests.

"Oh Ranma darling, we have to escape from here! Those nasty girls will never be able to truly satisfy you!" Nabiki went pale. She wasn't saying what she thought she was saying was she? Kodachi lifted Nabiki into a bridal carry and the middle Tendo started to struggle harder before she was suddenly wrapped up in Kodachi's ribbon as the girl giggled, "So frisky Ranma darling. Don't worry, I'll put that energy to good use."

Well fuck. Nabiki could only try one last thing to get out of this… "Somebody help me!"

Kasumi managed to smile at her, "Oh, leaving with Kodachi, Nabiki? Have fun." The others raised their glasses in a farewell as Nabiki started swearing up a storm, Kodachi ignoring her and carrying her out the door.

Once Kodachi and her screaming, swearing cargo vanished into the evening (or was it night? None of them could really tell), everyone fell back into silence, allowing Ryoga's comment to be quite audible to Kasumi.

"You have pretty eyes..." He slurred, not having taken his gaze from them even when Kodachi woke up.

Kasumi giggled appreciatively. "Oh, you don't mean it..." She said, stumbling over the words in her drunken state.

"S' true!" Ryoga insisted. "You verra pretty girl... why no boyfriend?" He asked, the small part of his mind that was still sober torn between recoiling at how he was babbling and being horrified at what he was saying - to Kasumi, of all people! Akane would kill him! ...Well, if she were sober, she would. Right now, she was evidently so drunk that she found Kasumi's embarrassed blushing to be hilarious.

"Nobody thinks I'm pretty, that's why." Kasumi sniffed, eyes starting to go wet with tears.

"I do!" Ryoga insisted, horror at the fact Kasumi was crying piercing even his alcohol-fuddled mind.

"You're lying!" By now Kasumi was looking about ready to start bawling and Ryoga couldn't help but react.

"No I'm not! I think you're pretty, I really do!"

Kasumi glared at him. "Then prove it!"

There was a moment of hesitation and just as Kasumi was about to say that she was proved right, Ryoga kissed her on the lips, to the delighted whistles and hoots of the remaining drunken teens as Kasumi looked poleaxed, before she grabbed Ryoga's hand and started all but dragging him towards the stairs while the others cheered for the pair as they left.

An hour or so passed. Now, it was just Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo sitting at the table, Akane and Mousse having decided they were tired and had drunk enough, the Chinese boy having helped Akane up the stairs to her room. None of the three were drinking now, having recognized they were just on the right side of too much to stay conscious. Ranma blinked blearily at his two fiancees, who had sense enough to cuddle up to either side of him now that they had the chance.

"This... this was a good day. I liked today. Thank you, girls." He told them.

"Why today so good, airen?" Shampoo asked sleepily.

"Yeah?" Ukyo added, belching softly across his chest, grinning stupidly as her rival grimaced and shook her head.

"Cuz there wasn't any fighting. I don't like it when you girls fight... even if you don't get mixed up and start fighting me." Ranma explained, then sighed loudly. "I just wish we could stop fighting, forever, y'know?" He told them.

"Shampoo (she hiccuped) think she know way we can do that..." The bluenette slowly said, trying to both stand up and not let go of Ranma, finally succeeding when Ranma took pity on her and lurched to his own feet, dragging Ukyo with him. Shampoo promptly staggered out the porch and towards the wall, dragging her companions with her, narrowly missing falling in the koi pond. Even drunk, she had strength enough to punch a hole they could walk through in the Tendo wall, and continued leading them out into the streets.

"Where're we going?" Ukyo slurred.

"To see great-grandmother. She help us stop fighting." Shampoo replied, all three of them grinning widely at that, too out of it to realize what they were doing. And once they had vanished into the night, the Tendo household was still and silent as the grave.