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Disclaimer:

The TMNT and TMNT universe are property of Nickelodeon/Viacom, based on characters created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. This story is non-profit and for the fans.

Warnings:

Violence, Language, Adult Themes

Awards:

Winner best Romance in the Stealthy Stories Competition 2010, second place best Action/Adventure, HMs for best villain and OC.

First Place in the contest, "Donatello tells his brothers a story," for fangroup #DonatellosPlace on deviantArt.

A/N:

03/29/12 - Gave this one another pass and fixed some things, grammar issues mostly. I did make a few aesthetic changes as well, but the plot is 100% unchanged. For a full run-down on what I did, you can visit my page over at Stealthy Stories if you like.

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Never Alone

by demonsweat

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-Prologue-

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"You know what I'll miss the most?"

"What's that?"

"This."

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-Chapter 01-

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The night was cold and Donatello shivered inside his clothes. He dug his hands deeper into the pockets of his hooded sweatshirt, his favorite, embroidered with a small symbol on the breast in the form of a caffeine molecule. He rarely saw other humans in the junkyard when scavenging for parts these days but if years of living in shadow had taught them anything, it was that you could never be too careful.

Tonight's chill in the air meant he would've bundled up regardless. Winter was fast approaching and though they hadn't seen snow yet, it was sure to come any day now. Don had checked and re-checked their generators and heating system in preparation and was satisfied that they would be fine in the coming months. He did however, mean to have a substantial cache of replacement parts just in case. Winter in New York City was harsh enough above ground; trying to brave it in the cold of the sewer tunnels below was almost absurd.

He thought back to how happy Master Splinter had been when he'd first started piecing together their current system. The first pass had been a hack job but it was enough to keep their old lair (which was much smaller than the current one) warm enough. He smiled a little at the memory. His master had showered him with so much praise it had made his brothers a little jealous even. He took in a lot of teasing for it back then but after a while, as he built more and more comforts into their home, they began to come around. The teasing never exactly stopped, mind you – but his siblings also showed their gratitude fairly often as well. Though he found himself often annoyed at their constant requests, he did have to admit it was satisfying to see how happy Michelangelo was with a new game system, or how Raphael's eyes would light up when his bike was back in working order. His oldest brother, on the other hand, wasn't impressed so much by the entertaining gadgets; instead looking more to the ones that aided them in battle. But Leo was perhaps the most vocal of them in his praise and it made Don feel good when his big brother was proud of him.

Donatello breathed deep, letting the cold air sting his sinuses. The memories of old times were good, but tainted by another. Being here, at this time of year – it always brought back that same image. He'd kept the secret for five long years now. He thought by now he would've felt better, that time would've made it easier. But if anything it was just the opposite. He shivered again. If it hadn't been a necessity, he never would've returned here to the junkyard at all. Taking another deep breath, he closed his eyes and let it out, pushing the memories away and setting to work.

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Leo was in the dojo meditating when he heard Michelangelo and Raphael enter the lair. He took a few breaths and gradually came up, careful not to rush. He stood slowly and stretched, heading towards the entrance to greet them.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"Alright I guess," Raph replied. "Got two tanks full, but it took forever." There were two heavy-looking gas tanks sitting on the floor at their feet, full of freshly-siphoned gasoline for the generators.

Michelangelo stretched, taking off his sweatshirt. "Man, feels good to be back in the nudist colony."

"It ain't exactly hot in here, ya know." Raphael frowned at him. True, the lair was heated but the generators used a lot of fuel and they had to be careful with the rationing. Raph and Leo were both clothed head to toe, as they often were in the colder season.

"I know, but I can never get used to wearing clothes. It just feels weird, like, claustrophobic. I need to be free, baby – free and naked." With that, he whipped off his pants and boots in a grand gesture and stood there flexing. "Ahhh… much better."

"Yer gonna freeze to death." Raphael grunted, adding, "Might as well do us the favor."

Michelangelo ignored the comment. "Hey, you guys think that's weird? That we don't wear clothes usually? I mean, it's kinda good when we're fighting and stuff, I guess they'd just get in the way." He looked up, thinking. "April and Casey probably think it's weird."

Raphael shoved the younger turtle. "It ain't weird, dummy – we're not humans. We ain't got human parts that need coverin'."

"Yeah, but Master Splinter always wears his robe."

"Yeah? You tryin' to tell us you don't know the difference between a rat an' a turtle?"

"I guess. But he's got fur, right?" Michelangelo grinned wide. "I mean, it sorta covers up his -"

"Mike!" Leonardo cut him off. "I know Don has already explained our anatomy to you so let's just move on, okay?" He sighed tiredly, rubbing his temple. "C'mon, let's get these into the lab." He bent and picked up one of the tanks.

Michelangelo laughed, picking up the other tank. "Aw, what's the matter Leo? Are you imagining Master Splinter in the nude? Hmmm? Maybe just out of the shower, all dripping wet?"

"Raph," Leo said, walking away, "help me out here."

"My pleasure."

"Ow!" Mike stumbled forward, tripping over himself. "Aw, c'mon Leo! You don't gotta sick Raph on me… sheesh." Pouting, he followed his oldest brother into the lab, rubbing the sore spot on the back of his head in the process. Raphael let out an evil laugh. Since he was in front of them, Leo didn't have to try and hide the smile on his own face.

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"Donnie?" Leonardo set down one of the tanks and looked around. "You here?" There was no answer. "Guess he's not back yet." He frowned. "I didn't hear him come in, but I was pretty deep in meditation. Thought maybe I just missed him."

Raphael knew that Leo liked to keep tabs on them (did he ever) and could hear the concern in his older brother's voice. "C'mon fearless, it ain't been that long. I'm sure he's on his way."

"He left before you guys did." Leo frowned, and the gears were turning. It hadn't been long enough to go looking for the absent turtle yet but he still couldn't help but worry.

"Yeah, but he always takes forever in that place," Raph responded, "s'like geek heaven for him."

"I know, but that doesn't excuse his tardiness. He should call, at least." Leo was about to pull his phone when they heard the door. "There he is," he grumbled.

They all walked out to meet him. Michelangelo ran up excitedly, his eyes lighting up with anticipation. "Donnie! How's my favorite brother? You find any good junk?" He began poking around in the box at Don's feet. "Like maybe a busted-but-fixable game cartridge or two?"

Don looked up at them, speaking softly. "Sorry Mikey, not this time."

Ordinarily, this response would've prompted an over-animated series of disappointed groans and wails from the youngest but Don's tone was so strange, his demeanor so odd that Mike found himself shocked into a rare moment of speechlessness. The two eldest turtles exchanged a look.

Leo spoke first. "Don? Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"Hmm?" Don looked up from untying his boots. "Oh, uh… I'm fine. Just cold, I guess."

"You were supposed to be back hours ago." Leo had to reprimand him, but he was careful not to sound too harsh. Something about Don didn't seem right and his senses were telling him to tread easy right now. Donatello didn't respond to the question, instead going back to removing his boots. Only he wasn't exactly looking at the boots; instead he was looking off into space, his hands moving the laces robotically. Leonardo tried again. "Don?"

"Hmm?" Donatello repeated. "Sorry Leo, did you say something?"

Leo frowned. "I said you're late. Are you sure you're okay?"

Don stood back up. He looked tired, haggard even. "I just lost track of time. I should've called." He sighed, long and deep. Without looking at them, he apologized again. "Um, I'm sorry, I think I might be coming down with something. I'm going to go lay down for a while." With that, he walked towards his room.

"Oh well, it's okay. Just – just get some rest, then." Leo said weakly.

When Donatello was gone, Mike spoke up. "Man, what's with him?"

"You heard him, he ain't feeling well. Prob'ly picked up a cold." But Raphael didn't sound too sure himself. Addressing the youngest again, he barked, "So don't go botherin' him."

"What? I'm not gonna. Besides, I've got you on my annoyance schedule today." He grinned at Raphael stupidly from the floor, where he was still sitting.

Crossing his arms, Raphael frowned at him. "Lucky me." He looked over at Leo then, who was still staring off in the direction that Donatello had gone. Leo didn't say anything but it was obvious from the look on his face that he wasn't satisfied with Donatello's excuse. "Relax Leo, he's fine. No need to get yer panties all bunched up."

"I don't know Raph, I wonder. Call me crazy, but I seem to remember him getting like this last year around this time. And the year before. Maybe even before that."

"Like what?" Mike cocked his head, looking up from the box he was still rifling through.

"I don't know… distracted I guess. Distant. More than usual, that is." Don was often daydreaming, drowning out the world around him while formulas and theories played in his head. But this was different and Leo knew it. "He seems… upset. Unhappy, maybe."

"Ah, s'probably just the weather. Whattaya call it – 'seasonal depression' or somethin'. Some people just really hate the cold, y'know? I can relate." To emphasize, Raphael dug his hands further into the pockets of his hooded jacket.

"I don't think so. And besides, that has more to do with the sun, I think. That doesn't exactly apply to us. And the lair is comfortable enough. Surely you remember the good old days before we had heating."

"Oh man," Mike groaned, "no thanks. Sleeping all in the same bed to stay warm… ugh. I still have nightmares of Raph farting on me in his sleep."

"Heh, heh," Raph chuckled. "With yer mouth runnin' all night long, it's a wonder any of us got to sleep at all."

"Hey! That's not true! I was always the first asleep."

"Hmph." Raphael had that look, like he was amused but maintaining his solidity. "I didn't say you were awake when you were talkin'."

Mike's eyes went wide. "What! Are you saying I used to talk in my sleep!?"

Raphael exchanged a quick look with their leader before responding. "Used to? Ya still do, dummy. You mean ya didn't know?" Raph's face was beginning to twist into a devilish grin.

"No waaay…" Mike looked at Leo for support. Leonardo was still troubled over Donatello but he had to smile. He just nodded his head at the youngest. "I can't believe you guys never told me!"

"We just thought you knew. That's actually pretty funny." But Leonardo's brow was still furrowed in seriousness. Raphael, on the other hand, broke into hearty laughter.

"Oh man. So uh, what do I say, anyways?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Raph teased. "I guess we could always record ya. Maybe I already have."

"No you didn't." But Mike looked worried. Again, he looked to his oldest brother for assurance. "Did he!?"

"Don't worry, Mike, you don't say anything differently in your sleep than you say when you're awake." Leo turned, frowning again in thought.

"Well that's a relief. But I guess it makes sense. It's not like I really keep a lot of secrets... guess I am kind of an open book, right? I mean, I have some great dreams though. There's this one where I'm like, this secret government agent, and everyone in the world knows I'm awesome, and there's this really hot chick giving me missions..." Mike went on, but at that point he was talking to himself. Both brothers tuned him out as he continued to ramble in the background, oblivious.

With their maniacal brother forgotten, Raphael turned his attention to their leader. Instead of chastising Leo for worrying again, Raph was now beginning to share in his concern. The previous moment's laughter forgotten, his tone became suddenly serious. "You really think somethin's wrong with Donnie?"

"...and then the zombies are everywhere! I'm blowing heads off left and right..."

Leo didn't look at him, keeping his eyes locked towards Don's room. "Yeah. I do. Before, I just thought he was stressed out about the weather. You know, it's a lot of work for him to keep this place warm through the winter. People die every year. And you know we're more susceptible. I thought if we helped him out a little more this time it might ease the strain." He suddenly looked back at Raphael. "But that's not it. I don't know what's going on with him but I think it's something big."

"...but I'm all like, 'sorry babe, I gotta go save the world' - that's when the genetically engineered monsters burst out of their containment units and..."

Raphael thought for a minute before responding. Leo's constant concern for his younger siblings was a thorn in Raph's side more often than not but he had to admit that their leader did possess somewhat of a sixth sense when something was wrong with one of them. Plus, he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling he was having himself. "Yeah, alright. Maybe yer right. So what do ya wanna do about it?"

"...so then I gotta get to the station before the space cowboys show up again... hey, are you guys even listening? Hey, guys?"

Leo chewed his bottom lip in thought. "Mmm. I'm not sure. I've tried breaching the subject before but he doesn't really seem willing to talk about it. I think I should speak with Master Splinter first."

"Hey!"

Suddenly, both Raph and Leo looked down at the youngest. Raph snapped, "What!?"

"You guys aren't listening to me!"

"Mikey," Leo said, exasperated, "not now. This is important. Try to show a little concern for once."

"Pff. Whatever." Mike pouted. "You guys are sooo serious. This is dumb, let's just go ask Donnie what's wrong, if it's that important." He stood up.

Raphael threw his arm out, blocking him. "Hold it, numbskull. It ain't that simple."

"Aw, c'mon… why do you guys gotta be so dramatic about everything?" Mike whined. He was still a little sore at being ignored. "I'm sure you're reading into this way too much."

"Raph's right, Mikey. Don can be a little… complex sometimes. We need to approach this with some tact. And," he went on, "forgive me, but that's not exactly your strongest suit."

Mike shrugged. "Whatever. Me and Donnie are pretty tight, he wouldn't keep a secret from me."

"That's probably true," Leo said patiently. "But I'd like to see what Sensei thinks first. Just promise me you won't say anything quite yet. Don't worry, I'll keep you in the loop." He smiled warmly at the youngest turtle.

"Well alright." And that was the end of that. But although Michelangelo agreed not to interfere, the curiosity was just too great for him to keep his word.

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"Yeah well, if the cops were doing their jobs, then it wouldn't fall to us to save everyone," he said bitterly. "How much can the four of us do anyways."

"Easy, Don. You know it's not always that simple. There's been a lot of cutbacks lately, it was just on the news." Leo spoke with caution, observing their genius, a little surprised at Donatello's tone. The brothers were gathered around the television, the evening news blaring away in front of them. Just a night like any other. Watching the six-o-clock news was somewhat of a family thing they did together, checking out the latest on what was going on above ground. Not required or suggested even, they always congregated here at this time; each with his own reason, yet together in this.

"Fine, great. So a bunch of bureaucrats sit around their fat cat offices making these decisions, and for what? So they can renovate another stadium or put more statues in the park? Or maybe line their own pockets some more?" He was really heating up. It didn't make sense and his behavior was now causing an increasing look of worry on the faces of his three siblings.

"Donnie, relax. This kind of stuff happens all the time -"

"Well I'm sick of it! Who pays the price for this? Not the people making these decisions, oh no. No, it's the people living in crime-infested areas. They're allowing murderers to roam the streets, preying on the innocent!"

"Donnie -"

"You know what? Just forget it." And with that, Donatello stormed out. They heard his bedroom door slam shut a few moments later.

All three brothers looked at each other in shock. Finally, Raphael said, "Now what the hell was that all about?"

"You see," Leo said, "that's what I'm talking about. Something's wrong, Raph."

"Yeah well - no kiddin'. So, uh, what do we do about it? Do we… uh, go an' talk to him?" Raphael looked very uncomfortable all of the sudden.

Leo sighed. "I've already tried. He just keeps making excuses."

"Well, did ya ever talk to Sensei about it?"

"No, not yet." Leo looked a little ashamed. "I… wanted to try and talk to Don myself first, see if I could maybe fix this without involving Sensei after all." He shifted in his seat. "He worries, you know?"

Suddenly, Michelangelo piped up. "Um, if I tell you guys something, will you promise not to get mad at me?"

Each of his older brothers turned and shot him a look. "What is it?" Raph said.

"Well, umm… look, I know you said not to bug Donnie about this, but I just couldn't help myself…"

Leo buried his face in his hands. "Here it comes."

"It's not that bad, I swear!" Mike put his hands up in defense. "I just sorta maybe saw something I wasn't supposed to, I think."

"Alright, spill it." Leo sighed.

"Okay, so I sorta busted in on Donnie the other day. He was in his room, right? And I know I'm supposed to knock but I just saw a commercial for that new God of War game and oh man, it was so sweet… there was blood and guts everywhere! And seriously, you guys – the chicks in that game are topless, no lie -"

"Mike, that's fascinating, really - but could you get to the point?" Leo was losing his patience quickly.

"Oh, right. So, I sorta forgot to knock and when I opened the door, well… I think maybe Donnie was... uh, I think he was crying."

"C'mon." Raph looked skeptical.

"No really! His eyes were red and he turned away really fast. Then he got super mad that I was there and yelled at me to get out, which he never does. I mean, he gets kinda peeved at me usually when I do that but this time was different, like I'd caught him in the act of something. Sounded like he was kind of embarrassed to me."

"S'why I got a lock on mine." Raph rolled his eyes.

"Believe me dude, I don't wanna know what you do in there. But Donnie wasn't doing anything embarrassing, he was just looking at some book."

"What book?" Leo raised one eye ridge.

"Some science book. He snapped it shut when I came in. But um…" Mike paused for a second, looking guilty. "So here's the part where you can't get mad, okay?"

Both brothers again gave him the same exasperated look. "Go on." Leo said.

"Okay well… later Donnie went to take a shower, right? So I kinda… sneaked into his room to get a look inside that book."

"Mikey!" Leo sounded disappointed. "I can't believe you'd do such a thing!"

"C'mon Leo! It's not like I do it all the time! I just wanted to know what was going on with him, same as you."

"Yeah, well, I'm not resorting to snooping around his room. Major breach of trust there, little brother."

"Alright, I know, I know. Well, look – do you guys wanna know what I found, or what?" Mike grumbled.

Leo looked at Raph, then back again to Mike. "You might as well tell us now, I suppose."

"Alright. Well, at first I didn't see anything. I thought, hey, maybe Donnie just gets really into science, ya know? I mean, I cried once over a video game. But that was some seriously sad stuff – there was this beautiful girl who like, goes with you on your whole quest, you even play as her, and she's with you for so long – then the bad guy just kills her off right in front of you, right in the middle of the game! Totally unexpected! I mean, he was seriously a bad dude. Guy even sets your home town on fire, kills everyone you know – it's rough."

"Mikey, focus." Leo rubbed his forehead.

"Oh, right. So I'm getting ready to put the book back when this piece of paper falls out of it. It was a news article, like the ones that tell you when somebody dies."

"An obituary?" Leo's frustration suddenly turned to a look of worry. This wasn't a good sign.

"Yeah, that's it. It was some girl, just a kid. It said she was found dead in the junkyard. Our junkyard – the one Donnie goes to all the time."

"What else did it say?" Raph said.

"I didn't really have time to read it. He was coming out of the shower and I had to hurry. I think it was old though, like from a few years ago."

Leo frowned. "This isn't good. If Don saw something bad or was involved in something… I don't know, it could be trouble for him. Or for all of us."

"I doubt Donnie would put us in danger, Leo. I wouldn't go too far with it. He's probably just feelin' down about all the murders and bad shit and happen around here. Like he said tonight, it's tough watchin' innocent people get taken down an' feelin' helpless to stop it." Raphael looked at his feet. "I uh, know where he's comin' from."

"We all feel that weight at one time or another," Leo said, "but this is different. He's been carrying something for a while, something he doesn't want us to know about. And that's what really concerns me more than anything, that he's hiding whatever it is from us."

"So what are we gonna do?" Mike looked a little worried himself, now.

"No more screwing around," Leo said more to himself, "I'll talk to Sensei tonight."

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