It's Only Gay if the Balls Touch

Left 4 Dead

Hunter (Frisk) x Smoker (Desmond)

WARNING: OCs (mild) cursing and straight gayness.

If you want to know the past of these two its in another fic which can you can find in my profile called "Two is just as bad as one"

fanfiction. net /s/5887258/1/Two_is_Just_as_Bad_as_One (no spaces)

Which I ironically am procrastinating on with this fic when I began the other to procrastinate on this…. but I tried to make this relatively anti-OC friendly in case you just want to enjoy hunter on smoker.

"Fuck… Fuck… Fuck…"

The constant click and screech of clawed feet on pacing hardwood floors echoed off the wall. Back and forth. Back and forth. They wanted, no demanded to be heard over the repetitive jingles coming from the televisions.

"Fuck… Fuck… Fuck… DAMNIT!"

A lamp crashed to the floor.

"Chill Frisk, I can't concentrate."

The hunter shot a glare with his one good eye at the smoker across the room. Desmond hadn't even glanced from the seizure inducing lights. It was difficult, trying to play two games at once, hands on one controller, tentacles on another. The smaller zombie's less then passive attempts to get his attention were causing his scores to suffer.

"Take… me… out!" each word was emphasized with a highly pitched growl. "I wanna find some survivors!"

All his yelling got him was a shrug of the smoker's shoulder towards the kitchen. "We have food here, stick something in the microwave and shut up."

"It's not about the food!" he screeched, "I'm dying here! There's nothing to DO! I got all this damn ENERGY! I gotta KILL SOMETHING!"

"Chill..." the smoker repeated, pressing pause so that he could find a rare clearing in his overflowing ash tray to put out a cigarette. "We got a good thing here. A nice abandoned house house, electricity, video games, no one trying to shoot us, just sit down and enjoy it."

"I can't stay here half stoned all day like you. Besides, GOOD IS BORING!"

"I could drop you back down town where I found you."

The Hunter shivered.

They had met there, in the chaos of what used to be a city. The smoker, Desmond, had found him sniveling in a corner, raving and trying desperately to keep his eye from falling out by wrapping duct tape around his head. Of course if Desmond ever mentioned such a thing Frisk would deny it up, down and sideways, but he did owe him something for taking him in.

That didn't mean he was going to play nice though.

"I'll gnaw your tongue off before we got half way there asshole, you hear me? Now lets DO something!" he chucked a spare game controller at the smoker, barely missing his head.

"Hey! Hey! Diva! What the hell?" that at least finally got him to turn around, if to do nothing else but glare holes in the huffing hunter. "You got blue balls or something?"

There was a small calm in his personal tornado, the statement throwing him so that he could no longer decide what to break.

"Fuck you!"

Desmond raised an eyebrow and laid down his controller, standing and stretching like he'd been sitting there for days, and let out a few wet coughs before scratching the back of his neck with his tongue. Somehow even with the tongue distracted he still managed to smirk.

"So that's it."

"Nothing's it, shut up."

"When WAS the last time you got laid?"

"Shut up!" blushes showed quite well against pail, half dead skin. "You don't even know man! I had girls lining up! I was the shit on campus! I couldn't keep the coeds out of my ro-"

"There's no such thing as coeds anymore, Frisk, not in a zombie apocalypse. Duh."

"That's not the point! I-"

"I think it is the point, how's the infection been treatin' all you're apparent pent up sexual frustration?"

"I DON'T HAVE ANY-"

Desmond plugged his ears. "Keep that up and all the wild dogs around the neighborhood are going to be howling with you."

The little hunter growled and clawed the air at his side in frustration. He was a rich government brat before the infection, he wasn't used to being treated with such little respect.

"Well?" the smoker was still smirking, Frisk wanted to rip his tongue out with his bare hands… but he was kind of responsible for the fact that he was alive….

" You-I… well… of course not. Any girls out there either want to shoot you or eat you and I wouldn't fuck half of them if they didn't."

"Ha, true, true. I figured as much anyway…"

"You're not doing any better then me! Have you looked in a mirror? You're like some weird Japanese porno."

"I think I had a game like that once."

"Ugh, SCREW IT! you're so FUCKING WEIRD! I'll go out and find something to kill my self-Gah!"

His escape was cut short when a quick tongue got him by the spiked collar on his neck. The hunter gagged as he was yanked back, hanging him in the air like a caught fish. Damn he was close to the door too; he always hated those slimy things.

"You know I can't let you do that, bud. Last time you went off on your own you took a spill off a four story building just trying to cross the alley. You're the worst hunter I've seen yet."

He growled, voice breaking like a kid going through puberty, and in a way he was, still newly infected he was able to glare with his left over eye, the red pupil in a sea of angry black. "I have to do something or I'm going to explode!"

The hunter flailed uselessly in the air for a while until finally going limp in defeat. The room was oddly quiet without all the yelling.

"…Why don't we do it?"

Frisk was fuming too much to catch what the smoker had said.

"Do what now, ass hole?"

"We have sex."

The hunter's body went rigid and the air was suddenly fiercely tense.

Then there was laughter, high pitched, uncomfortable laughter.

"Don't joke man, you're terrible at it, those things hanging off your face make you look serious all the time."

………

"Come on man… you're joking right"

………

……………

Desmond shrugged.

"DUDE! Th-that's SICK! I'm not- and You're not a faggot!"

"Course not." He sneered in annoyance.

"Then what the HELL? Why would you even ask that kind of thing?

"Cause you need to, obviously, or you're never going to shut up." He slung the boy back to his feet, releasing his hold on his collar, it didn't matter anymore, he was too in shock to run. Desmond didn't seemed all too concerned with the situation, which was burning the hunter whether he knew it or not.

"So you just thought you'd be the one to bang me?

"I'm willing to make sacrifices for some damn piece and quiet. I got games to play."

"It's not a sacrifice, it's GAY!"

The smoker took a step towards his smaller roommate, who in turn took a cautious step back and growled.

"Its only gay if the balls touch."

"T-that's retarded."

"Its true man."

No it wasn't, Desmond was joking, but Frisk had a lot of faults and being gullible was one of them. There was already a flash of question passing over his black eye. "So… what? Two straight guys just… get each other off?"

"You're such a romantic."

"Shut up! This is serious!"

"Alright, man, I'm sorry. I'll stop screwing with you…" the hunter shot a glare when he heard a snicker, Desmond covered his mouth to quiet it but let loose a small puff of smoke none the less. "Sorry, I didn't mean that as a pun."

"Jack ass."

"Hey, if you don't want to, I don't care, find some derange zombie out there, maybe a one of those crying bitches will help you out-"

"N-no, wait!" he snagged the smoker by the rolled up cuff of his jacket, it was the same sick green as the smoke that hung around him. Desmond looked back at him expectantly, it seemed he already know the answer to the questions that the hunter was struggling with. Damn that pissed him off, he probably did know what he was going to say too, bastard.

But that bastard was all he had, and it had been a painfully long time. If he didn't do this or kill something he was going to explode. And the joy of killing things only lasted as long as the blood stayed warm.

"Alright."

"Hm?"

"I'll do it alright!" why did he have to make him say it again? Asshole probably got some kind of sick thrill out of all this.

But he didn't look happy, or smug, he just shifted, itching at some of that mess on the back of his head with a loose tongue.

"You sure dude?"

"Now you're shy?" the hunter barked, this was all too confusing for him to start acting weird.

"I'm not shy!" he shouted back, "I just don't want to be blamed for rape or anything like that!"

"Like I'd let you rape me!"

"Whatever man."

The hunter snarled, crossing his arms over his chest, mostly because he wasn't sure what to do with them all of a sudden. What were they supposed anyway? Strip? Put on a show? Spread them? None of those ideas seemed to compute when put to the equation of him and Desmond.

"Let's just get this over with before I change my mind." Frisk tried not to let his voice shake by speaking as harshly and loudly as he possibly could. "First ground rules, you don't put you hands anywhere I don't say you can. You keep those faggity tongues to yourself. And none of that ass pl-"

His words were cut off by a weak bark he let out as his surrounding suddenly went sailing past him. Somehow he was in the air, the only thing guiding him was a pair of surprisingly strong hands until his butt bounced on the complaining springs of the couch. When the world was stable able he whined like a confused pup for a moment before realizing the smoker was literally towering over him, eyes locked with his. He looked… he looked…

He looked annoyed as hell.

"God, even when you get what you want you never shut up."

"W-what the hell man?"

Well at least he didn't have to wonder what he was supposed to do anymore, as there was currently a stray tentacle pulling down the fly of his pants.

How did he get himself into these messes?

This is the foreplay, the sex is gonna be next chapter. At max there's only going to be 3