Epilogue

Principal Guinea looked up as Artemis knocked and entered his office.

"Ah yes, Artemis, have a seat,"

Artemis sat down and looked at him inquiringly.

"It is really unfortunate it had to come to this, Artemis but this has gone on far enough." He glared. "This will not do!"

Artemis smirked. "Did I do something wrong?"

Principal Guinea frowned. "You know very well what you did, Artemis. You scared away all those counselors!"

Artemis didn't seem at all sorry. "Yes, it was quite interesting."

The Principal could not believe the nerve of this boy. "You're admitting it?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Why yes. I did not do anything illegal. I believe there are no rules against frightening one's school counselor."

Principal Guinea drew back. Well. That was true…but only because no one had thought to do anything of the sort before. Hell, no one could do something like that. Artemis Fowl delighted in breaking rules that weren't even made yet.

"Even so, Artemis, you must stop."

Artemis looked at him curiously. "Why?"

Principal Guinea glared. "Because it's not a nice thing to do! Don't you have any respect for your elders?"

Artemis looked amused. "Not really."

Principal Guinea was furious.

"Don't be cheeky, young man! I'm warning you! I won't have you talking this way to me!"

Artemis looked unconcerned. "Whatever you say, principal."

"I'm serious, Artemis. Several complaints about your misbehavior have reached me. You will stop being rude to your teachers and counselors!"

Artemis raised a challenging eyebrow. "Or what?"

"Or you're out of this school!" shouted Principal Guinea. He had an impressive voice; one that had students shivering in their seats.

Artemis laughed.

"You won't expel me, principal."

Principal Guinea glanced at him haughtily. "And why not? St. Bartleby's is a very prestigious educational institution. We hold our students to the highest standards and a failure to meet them will result in…consequences."

Artemis smiled indulgently. "The board of trustees would not be very happy with your decision, Principal. Mr. Lawrence, Mr. Jeremy and Mr. Dustin in particular, will be quite displeased. They made that fact very clear in your previous meeting."

Principal Guinea scowled. "That's not the-"

Then he stopped and looked at Artemis beadily.

"How do you know what happened in the last board meeting?"

Artemis smirked. "I have ways."

Principal Guinea gritted his teeth. "I will inform your mother."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "That your counselors are too incompetent to deal with my 'issues' and therefore choose to blame me for their abysmal ineptness?"

Principal Guinea sat back in his chair.

"Alright, tell me the truth. Why are you doing this? They are just trying to help you."

"No they are not," Artemis stated flatly.

"How can you say that?" principal Guinea asked.

"I don't like their methods."

"You think you can make a better psychologist?" challenged the principal.

"Oh please," Artemis replied disdainfully, "The term psychologist is disgraced by those so called counselors."

Principal Guinea's eyebrows shot up. "How can you be so arrogant?" he wondered.

Artemis looked at him steadily. "It is not arrogance; I am merely stating a fact. It is not my fault your counselors are so inadequate that facts are uncomplimentary to them."

Principal Guinea glared. "They have their own methods of doing things, Artemis. It is not their fault that you are a unique case who does not fit into any category."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Fit into a category? If those so called psychologists try to fit their clients into categories, then that is proof enough of their foolishness. Psychology is an art as well as a science. Those who are unable to work with both should do everyone a favor and not attempt to be 'counselors'.

Principal Guinea sighed. "Look as your mother insists on you attending these sessions, can't you at least try and co-operate?"

Artemis shrugged. "Why should I?"

Principal Guinea glowered. "So they can get to the bottom of what exactly is causing you to act up the way you do? Make things easier on everyone?"

"Hmm," Artemis looked thoughtful. "Tempting, but no. This is much more fun."

Principal Guinea wanted to hit him. "Artemis, I cannot allow you to behave this way with school counselors! Dr. Po will be joining us soon and you are not to scare him away!"

Artemis felt like laughing. "But I cannot help it, principal. They insist that I be honest."

Principal Guinea squinted. "So?"

Artemis smiled his vampire smile. "So, as far as counselors are concerned, honesty is apparently not the best policy."

Principal Guinea did not want to know what he had told them.

"I somehow doubt you would be entirely honest with your counselor," he accused.

Artemis smirked. "More or less…"

Principal Guinea sighed.

"Dr. Po is a very distinguished man, Artemis. He is an astute psychologist. You are not to play your mind games with him."

Artemis looked amused. "If he was that astute, do you not think my 'mind games' would not work with him?"

Principal Guinea gave him a superior look.

"Maybe they won't."

And he almost believed it too.

Artemis smirked. "Then you have nothing to worry about."

Principal Guinea realized it was quite pointless.

He gestured for him to leave. Artemis got up and headed for the door. Principal Guinea stared after him.

"Artemis, you may be smarter than everyone but really, you are just a spoilt child. You have never done anything for anyone but yourself. Once you venture into the real world, you will realize that it is not prudent to antagonize everyone."

Artemis turned to look at him and although he was smiling slightly, his eyes were cold and steely. "If I were you, Principal Guinea, I would not presume to talk of matters about which I know nothing."

Principal Guinea swallowed nervously. Through out the conversation, Artemis had been mocking and sarcastic but right now, he looked genuinely angry. He stared at Artemis anxiously.

Artemis's eyes bore steadily into his. "If you insist on hiring incompetent, pretentious good-for-nothing counselors to try and analyze me, do not expect me to make their task easier. If Dr. Po wants to try-"

Artemis smiled derisively and Principal Guinea suddenly felt sorry for Dr. Po.

"-tell him to be prepared."

A/N: And that's all, folks! ^_^