"Hiya Kitty! Hey, wait a minute…" Harley adopted an exaggerated pout. "You're always nagging me 'bout the computer stuffs-what are you doing on facebook then Miss Prissy Pants?"

"Hi Harley." Selina all but ignored the bubbly blond, eyes on the computer screen.

"Hmph!" Harley dumped her latest ill conceived purchases onto an armchair and took up a post behind Selina so she could read over her shoulder.

"Facebook and similar websites are useful tools in moderation." Selina said listlessly. "Frankly, your judgment is questionable even seeing people in person, let alone over the internet, and you have no sense of moderation. That's why I object."

"Yeah, I guess that's fair." Harley admitted. "So who are ya chatting up?"

"At the moment?" She quickly exed out of a chat with Grayson (who was trying to bleed her for information again, but to be fair she was doing the same with him) and clicked on her newest message. "Um, Hartley Rathaway. You probably don't know him. Hm, been awhile since he's been on facebook."

"Who is he? Is he cute?" Harley asked.

Selina smirked. "You're not his type."

"Hey! I resent that."

Selina went back to ignoring her, engrossed by the message. After reading it back again she abruptly shut down the laptop and got up. "Tell Ivy I'm going to be gone for a few days."

"Huh? Why? What'd whatsisname say?" Harley followed after her, over to the bedroom where Selina threw a suitcase onto her bed and started chucking clothes into it. "Kitty?"

"It's not a big deal Harley. Rathaway was just letting me know one of our mutual friends was res'd*."

"Oh. Well is the friend cute?" Harley asked, noticing an unusual amount of lingerie being chucked into the suitcase. She held up a lacy black bra and squeezed the padding.

Selina snatched the bra away and returned it to the pile. "Very."

"Then I wanna come! Come on Kitty, you've met all my friends-I wanna meet yours!"

"I've met your friend because he's tried to kill me."

"So?"

Selina made an exasperated noise. "Harley…"

"Think of it this way. With Ivy at her job all day and you with your friends, I'll be alone here unsupervised."

Selina narrowed her eyes.

"Wow! Your friend's city is kinda a dump."

"Keystone was economically depressed before the downward shift in the economy." Selina explained. Again. If she wasn't so invested in having a home to return to she'd have ditched Harley in the Gotham train station.

"So why do your buddies live here? There's nothing ta rob!"

"Harley, keep it down." Selina hissed. "Look, Central is across the river and their economy is solid. Besides, Hartley went legit ages ago-"

"Pft! Everyone 'goes legit'."

"Yeah, but he stayed that way."

"Oh." Harley frowned. "Well that's boring. Why limit yourself to only one set of friends?"

"Come on." Selina tugged Harley towards a taxi. Once they'd settled in and given the cabbie Piper's address she turned to Harley with a severe expression.

"I want you to behave."

"You're treating me like a mental patient or someth-okay, bad choice of words, but c'mon Kitty-whaddya think I'm gonna do?"

Selina rubbed at her temple. "I've had nightmares about what you and Trickster could do together."

"Trickster? That shmuck who imitates Mr. J? That's who we came all this way to visit?"

"Harley!" Selina eyed the cabbie warily.

"Don't worry miss, I've drove for criminals before." He laughed. "This is Keystone y'know."

"Oh. They take cabs while they're in costume?" Selina asked, startled by the mental image.

"Yep, when they're desperate. Makes most of 'em tip well. Well, cept Boomerang but he's a cheap son of a gun anyway."

"He's got bad breath too!" Harley chimed in, bouncing up and down in her seat excitedly.

"Now when you say Trickster, you mean the real one, right?" The cabbie asked.

"Real one?" Selina repeated, confused.

"Yeah, there's some punk kid using Jesse's gimmicks now. Damn brat needs to learn how to drive or get off the road."

"Here here!"

"Shut up Harley. Yes, we were talking about the real one."

"I'll be damned. Heard he kicked the bucket. Well you tell him Murphy said hi, okay?"

"Sure."

Selina did end up tipping Murphy well, and the grateful cabbie hauled their overstuffed suitcases to the front of the condo for them and tipped his hat before driving off. "He was sweet." Harley said.

Selina grabbed her arm and yanked her so that they were making eye contact. "You will not refer to James as any kind of Joker-light, you got that? The sadism, the psychotic pranks and the murder were never James' thing and both he and Hartley will take offense. Clear?"

"Yeah, yeah." Harley pulled away, rubbing at her arm. "I'll be nice to your friend. He just came back ta life after all."

"Alright." Selina rang the bell and the two waited to be buzzed in.

Piper woke up sometime around noon with his computer on his stomach and a bag of organic white cheddar puffs crushed under his arm. His doorbell was ringing, so he stumbled blearily through the condo to buzz his guests in, then trudged back to his bedroom to get dressed.

When he next emerged Harley Quinn was bouncing on the loveseat cooing at some startled looking rats. Piper blinked a few times. "You're not Catwoman."

"Well aren't we the quick little muffin? The name's Harley Qui-"

"I know who you are. Are James and Selina…?"

"Getting reacquainted in the kitchen. Stripes is making lunch and they looked like they wanted to be alone, so I made myself scarce."

Piper frowned. "And they left you unsupervised?"

"Why does everyone keep saying it like that?"

"I haven't the faintest idea." Piper yawned and walked towards the kitchen. Harley followed after and tugged on his t-shirt.

"I mean it, they really did look like they wanted to be left alone."

Somewhat annoyed by the uninvited guest telling him what to do in his home, Piper walked into the kitchen anyway, where he found James and Selina entwined around each other, his hand down her pants kneading her ass (how the hand fit in the tight material was a matter for later speculation-along with how she'd gotten the skintight pants on to begin with). They looked to be getting intimate with each others' tonsils.

Piper could feel his fingernails biting into his palms. Harley tugged him back into the living room, the other sometimes-criminals never noticing them.

"See, when I said they wanted to be alone-"

"I figured. I just didn't think they'd go that far in the kitchen." Piper snapped. He took his glasses off and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Sorry, I don't mean to be cross with you. I really should have expected this when I invited Selina for a visit."

"It's okay! Kinda sucks though. I know I hate it when friends hook up with my crushes."

"Huh? No, it's not like-"

Harley laughed. "Ya looked like you were contemplatin' murder, and believe me hon, I know that look. Sorry miss Kitty picked Stripes. You seem pretty okay." She patted his shoulder consolingly. "There are plenty of other cat burglars in the jewelry district."

"That's not…" Piper snorted. "You think I'm…I'm not jealous."

"Yeah, sweetie, you totally are. It's okay though! I know Kitty looks like she's all that, but she's kinda grumpy. You can do better."

"Harley, I'm not interested in Catwoman." But apparently there was a good chance he was interested in James…

'Not a good revelation.' Piper thought. He retrieved his laptop from his bedroom and set up in the living room to wait for Selina and James to finish their greet-and-grope while Harley went back to cooing at the rats.

The fourth night of Harley and Selina's (apparently extended) stay, Piper found himself once again entertaining Harley in the living room with James' video game collection. He'd lost most of his games during the course of his death, but five months of life had proven enough time to get a sizable chunk of them back.

Piper was bored, and cranky, and seriously considering seeking Wally out for the long overdue awkward talk that would patch up their friendship, if only to extend his social circle a bit. Plus he was kind of wondering how his Goddaughter was doing. It would be much more enjoyable to play video games with a small girl than a grown woman.

"You're not even trying anymore!" Harley pouted, tossing her controller aside after blowing Piper up effortlessly for the twelfth time in a row.

"You caught me." He answered in a dull tone.

"Y'wanna play something else?"

"No." He stared morosely at James' bedroom door. He was so wrapped up in his brooding that Harley had actually dropped into his lap and straddled him before he noticed her move.

"Y'know Red, we could make like Kitty and Stripes ourselves…" She'd dropped the register of her squeak in an attempt at seduction. Piper closed his eyes, feeling a migraine coming on.

"Harley, I'm gay."

"Huh? Really? Then whaddya so upset about?" She scooted off his lap. Piper rolled his eyes, and understanding dawned on the peppy criminal. "Oh! You like Stripes!"

"Ssh! He doesn't know that, he's heterosexual, and he's homophobic."

"So he's in denial?"

"No, he's a homophobic hetero. I was shackled to him for months, ample time for it to come up again and again and again-"

"Sweetie, if you're straight and you believe it, you don't make a fuss about it. Take Kitty for example, me and Ivy invited her to the boudoir once to play with us and she declined. She doesn't nag us about it though. It only came up the one time it needed to."

Piper frowned, contemplating the valid point Harley had made (not to mention the fact that she'd made a valid point). "Wait, Ivy's…?"

"She likes to play with pretty boys but I never seen her keep one. So yeah, to sum up I'm surprised you're gay, but Stripes…." She scrunched up her face. "He's gonna be the last one to notice."

"Sometimes people really are homophobic without being secretly gay." Piper said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, but they don't usually become biffles with a gay guy. Stripes only made a stink about it when he was cuffed to ya, right?"

"I suppose…"

"Sides, with the way he cooks, and cleans, and grooms himself, and decorates…" She let out a dreamy little squeak. "He'd be married to an equally unreal dream girl with amazing legs by now if he were straight."

"He seems to be doing well with Selina."

"Yeah, but she likes unattainable men and Stripes is in denial. I know what I'm talking about, I used ta be a shrink, remember?"

"Actually, I've never heard that one before." Piper said with a little shudder.

"Oh. Well I was. So you should totally make a move on Stripes." She went back to the video game, satisfied she'd made her point.

Meanwhile, after four days of fooling around and flirtatious exchanges that led to no real conversation but more fooling around, Selina had reached her breaking point. She replaced her panties and threw on James' shirt, then sat down at the end of the bed, eyeing him expectantly.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Something up Pussycat?"

"I think it's about time we had that talk I tried to start a few afternoons ago."

"To be fair, you were the one who stopped talking and jumped me. I can't be held responsible for my reaction."

"I gave you a friendly kiss hello."

"Which is a lot more than you were willing to give me before I died." He slid his boxers back on and scooted to her end of the bed. "What changed?"

"You died." She answered heavily. "And so did he…I realized I can't keep holding myself aloof, that's all."

"Oh…so you do like me?"

"Despite my reputation, I don't actually go this far with casual friends."

He held up his hands. "I noticed three years ago that you weren't easy. At least, charming you was beyond my very capable capability anyway. So…does that mean we're dating?" He looked adorably hopeful. Selina smoothed back an errant strand of blond hair, a sad smile on her face.

"That would be wonderful James, but I've got a concern-"

"What? D'ya want me to move to Gotham, cuz that's fine." He paled. "I'm sure I'll get the hang of networking with actual psychopaths eventually."

Selina laughed. "That's not it."

"Okay, so what's bothering you?"

She chewed her lip. "You and Hartley…"

James' demeanor instantly changed. "Hey, don't think for a second you're going to talk me out of hanging with my best friend. Me and Hart went through too much shit for me to even think of ditching him for any reason-"

"That's my point. According to your story you died for him."

"Yeah, so? We're close."

Selina snorted. "That's beyond close. Don't you see any kind of issue with caring about Hartley like that?"

"I'm not gay. You might have a point if Piper were a girl, but since he's not-"

"James, stop." She touched his arm. "Think about it for a bit first. I'm taking Harley back to Gotham tomorrow. Come and see me in a week. If you've thought it through and you and Hartley really are just friends, then great. I've got plenty of room in the house. If not, then…all the best to the two of you."

"Selina, I would hope you've noticed I'm not gay."

"That' the thing JJ…" She kissed his cheek. "You didn't convince me."

"Bye Red! You're gonna come up and visit us in Gotham sometime, right?"

"…maybe." Piper wondered exactly how Harley had grown so fond of him. She beamed, interpreting his hesitant remark as a yes.

"Bye girls." James set their suitcases next to the cab. Selina hugged him goodbye, smacking his hands away when he tried to make it more-than-friendly.

"Think about what I said." She whispered.

"Sure thing Pussycat."

Piper and James waved until the cab was out of sight.

"We need to talk." Both men said through gritted teeth.

James quirked an eyebrow. "Something's bothering you too?"

"Yeah, uh…" Piper ran a hand through his hair. "Something Harley said-"

"Hey, I wouldn't let anything that kook said get under your skin. I mean, she's a nice kid and all…"

"James, what's bothering you?"

"Uh…something Selina said."

"Right. Shall we?" Piper started back upstairs, James following after. "So what'd Selina say?"

James flopped onto the living room couch, a disgruntled look on his face. "You go first. I don't wanna talk about it, I just have to."

"Alright." Piper sat down across from him. "Well…Harley, um, made me aware that…despite what I've said, er…I do actually have some…somefeelingsforyou, uh, beyond friendship. And-and I do respect your preferences, I…you know I'd never do, um…anything. But she also thought maybe you were a little, argh, I just figured it'd be best to talk about it instead of pretending I don't feel this way."

James looked at him for a long moment in silence and then suddenly burst out laughing.

"James!" Piper yelled, horrified. "You-you suck! Stay the hell away from me!"

"Piper-hey, wait!" James rolled off of the couch and was just in time to have Piper's bedroom door slammed in his face. He started banging on the locked door. "Piper I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed-"

"You're damn right you shouldn't have you fucking asshole!" Piper unlocked the door and whipped it open, a look of pissed off raw hurt on his face. James took an unconscious step back. It was a rare thing to see Piper quite this emotional.

"I have put up with ten years of a one-sided friendship where you show up out of the blue for favors that you don't return, where you manipulate and blackmail me, and then those miserable months on the run where you mercilessly ripped on my sexuality, knowing that despite the gay pride it's still a sensitive subject for me, you fucking knew-"

"Piper, I-"

"Not finished!" Piper jabbed a finger at his chest. "Then you went and god damn died for me, which we still haven't talked about because you won't let me, and when you came back I took you in so you could 'get your shit together', which does not take a competent con artist five months by the way, and then I get to listen to you fuck Catwoman for five days and you have the nerve to laugh at my feelings? Get out and don't come back!" He slammed the door again while James stared at it, stunned.

"Shit. Totally forgot about the super hearing." James finally muttered. He tapped on the door. "Piper, I'm sorry. I was laughing because Selina thinks I'm in love with you, and she won't get serious with me because of it. See? It's kinda funny…well, not now, but it would have been without the angst…Piper?" He dragged his fingernails down the wood. "Did you put your headphones on? Or are you that pissed off?"

As the door continued to be locked, James retreated to his own room to get his air walkers and a set of handcuffs.

Ten minutes later he climbed into Piper's bedroom through the window, tackled the (still too) skinny ex-Rogue (who was wearing the headphones) and handcuffed him to his bed.

"Hi." James was on top of Piper, having just clicked the handcuffs in place. He leaned down and kissed his nose. "Can we talk now?" Piper tried to bite him. "I can see I've upset you, so we probably should have talked sooner-are you getting hard?" He couldn't help but ask, startled to feel Piper's reaction.

"Pin me to a bed, handcuff me to the headboard and then lay crotch to crotch on me…honestly James, what do you think is going to happen?" Piper snapped. "Where did you even get the fuzzy handcuffs?"

"Selina left them-um, I mean…you're going to kill me in my sleep, aren't you?"

"Get off of me!" Piper started twisting and bucking, trying to knock James off of him, but James' knee-jerk reaction was to squeeze his legs against Piper for better balance. Then he started to get excited too.

"Huh. Maybe she had a point."

Piper stopped moving, focusing instead on the strength of his glare. James thought about saying something, but decided against it and instead started slowly grinding his crotch against Piper's. Piper let out a little gasp and turned his face into his arm, going red. "I hate you…rngh…"

"That feels pretty good…" James ground down a little harder, noticing that Piper's hips were starting to move again. He skimmed his hands under Piper's sweater and felt along the smooth skin of his abdomen and hips, urging along the movements. "C'mon Piper, faster-"

"Burn in hell."

"They kicked me out. Piper, look at me-"

"No!" His voice broke as he said it, their movements now forceful enough to make the bed squeak. James leaned down and kissed Piper's neck, since he obviously wasn't going to get at his lips, nipping a spot that made Piper gasp and then swiping at it with his tongue. "James! What the-nn-the hell…are you doing? T-trying..nn, to make me…in-insane?"

"I'm testing a theory."

Piper turned to look at him again, a different sort of intensity set in his features. "Take the handcuffs off."

"Hu-huh?"

"If you're experimenting with your sexuality, fine, you can use me. But let me touch you."

At the moment, being touched sounded like a really, really good idea, so James hurried to comply.

He really should have seen it coming when Piper slapped the cuffs around James' wrists and threw him onto the floor. "Oof!"

"Still mad at you." Piper said, sitting back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. "Horny as hell right now, but equally pissed off."

"I landed on my boner!" James whined in a higher register than normal. Piper didn't say anything for a second, and then started laughing. "Hey, not funny!"

"Neither was what I said to you!"

James pulled himself up onto his knees, almost over balanced, and leaned on the bed. "The situation was funny. Harley made you realize you had feelings for me, and Selina said she doesn't wanna date me because she thinks I'm gay for you. It is kinda funny, y'know, the timing…"

"Wait, Selina said what?"

"Selina thinks I'm in love with you." James nudged himself up a little higher on his knees, looking Piper in the eye. "And I told you before, all the jokes I made while we were on the run, that was just banter. I've never cared that you were gay. Just didn't think I was too…but my sprained boner says otherwise. Kiss it and make it better?"

"I really am going to kill you in your sleep."

"No you aren't…you wuv-a me!"

"God, I must be as brain damaged as you are." Piper regarded James with an unreadable expression for a seemingly-endless moment while he tried his best to look innocent and hopeful. Piper tapped his fingers on his arm. "You really think you're bisexual?"

"Dunno. That's the part I needed to check on. I mean, Selina was definitely right as far as the emotional shit goes. This is way more than a bromance. I took a bullet for you once and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Just need to make sure little Tricks agrees with me." James glanced down at his crotch. "So far we're on the same page."

Piper laughed. He helped James back onto the bed and removed the handcuffs. James took Piper's hand in his and traced his thumb over the spot on his wrist where he'd been cuffed. Piper leaned in for a kiss, which was very much a warm and tender display of emotion until James deepened it, then tackled Piper and draped himself over him again.

He kissed Piper's nose. "Hi."

Piper quirked his eyebrow. "If that's how we're playing it, then lose the pants."

"Sure thing."

At the end of the week, Selina found herself lingering by the front door of the animal shelter, waiting to see if James was going to show up or not. She tried to tell herself that she wasn't all that invested, that she'd just been happy the infuriating-but-sweet man had been resurrected and that really she was only using him to get over Bruce (who, to be fair, had rejected her even before his death). Really, she wasn't going to be disappointed at all if he didn't walk through that door.

"Is something wrong?" Harley dropped down in front of Selina, sitting cross legged and staring at her with a wide eyed puppy look.

"No, just waiting."

"Oh, what for? We having company?"

"Maybe…James might be coming by."

"You mean Stripes? Oh goody! Maybe he'll bring the rat guy with him! I liked playing video games with him, he sucked worse than me." Harley clapped excitedly. "So you and Stripes are the item then, huh?"

Selina shook her head. "We still need to talk about it…what makes you say that?"

"Oh, well I was on facebook and Stripes changed his status to 'in a relationship' but he didn't say who with and I was confused, that's all. It's not you?"

"No." Selina frowned. She looked up at the door. "I guess he's not coming then."

"Probably not." Harley stretched and stood up. "If it's not you, then I think he's probably having too much fun with rat guy right now, if you catch my drift."

"As usual Harley, you're as subtle as a brick to the face." Selina stood up, already mostly convinced she wasn't actually disappointed.

She went upstairs to retrieve her laptop and sent Hartley and James messages on facebook, wishing them well and congratulating them on finally hooking up. Then she noticed that she had a new message from Grayson:

had another res'. thought you'd want to know ;)

She clicked the laptop shut, a little smile on her face. "Well. Today wasn't a total waste of pretty panties."

*Resurrected-it happens often enough that I find characters using slang terminology for it appropriate