AN:

Why is it you always come up with the best lines after the fact? Lucida Lownes expressed some disappointment that there wasn't any Cannonboom (Sam/Tabitha). So of course, two minutes after I replied I came up with the idea of having Sam as Baby Bear and in the commentary following finding Tabitha in his bed saying something like "hey any time you want to come to my bed..."

Sigh.

Which brings us to:

The Audition Tapes

Toad, auditioning for Baby Bear:

"Hey yo, I'm Baby Bear," said Toad, jumping onto the chair. "Aww man! Someone's been eating my oatmeal, yo."

Porridge. And the line is "Someone's been eating my porridge and they gobbled it all up!"

"Oh, huh, right. Lemme start over. Ahem," Toad said. "Hey yo! Someone's been eating my oat-umm, porridge, and they gobbled it all up!"

Sigh.

Pietro, auditioning for Baby Bear;
Amara, auditioning for Goldilocks:

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and they're still in it!" Pietro said.

Amara sat up, yawned, stretched and then looked at Pietro. She let loose an ear piercing scream and bolted. Pietro ran after her.

"Caught ya, slowpoke," Pietro said smugly.

"Hey, that's not how the story goes!" Amara objected.

Lance, auditioning for Papa Bear;
Kitty, auditioning for Mama Bear;
Kurt, auditioning for Baby Bear:

"Someone's been eating my porridge!" Lance exclaimed.

The room began to shake.

"Lance! Stop that!" Kitty objected. "See what you've done? You've broken the chair. Now we have to start over."

Umm, the chair is supposed to be broken.

"Oh, right... I knew that. Ahem," Kitty said quickly while Lance pulled a face at her. "Someone's been eating my porridge!"

"Aww, man," said Kurt, looking into the empty bowl on the table. "Someone's been eating my porridge and they gobbled it all up."

Wanda, auditioning for Goldilocks:

After she finished trying the chairs, Wanda picked up the first bowl and began eating that quite happily in Baby Bear's chair.

Umm, Wanda, that's Papa Bear's bowl. You're supposed to be eating from Baby Bear's bowl.

"Eww, no thanks," said Wanda. "I hate lukewarm porridge."

Gambit, auditioning for Mama Bear;
Rogue, auditioning for Papa Bear:

Hang on, that can't be right...

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," said Rogue, glaring at the bed.

"How can you tell? That mattress of yours is so hard," Gambit replied.

"I like things hard," Rogue said coyly.

"Oh yeah? 'Cause I like things soft," Gambit responded with a glint in his eyes

Rogue chuckled and tugged Gambit towards the bed.

You two are deliberately messing up this audition so that I don't cast you again, aren't you?

Bobby, auditioning for Papa Bear;
Jubilee, auditioning for Mama Bear;
Sam, auditioning for Baby Bear;
Tabitha, auditioning for Goldilocks:

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," said Sam as he looked down at Tabitha pretending to be asleep. "And they're still in it!"

Bobby and Jubilee rushed to the bedroom door as Sam sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hmm," said Bobby. "Let's leave these two alone, shall we?"

"Hey what?" Sam asked in surprise.

Jubilee giggled and closed the door. Tabitha continued to pretend to be asleep and Sam looked at her helplessly.

"You know, Tabby," Sam said after a moment, "if you wanted to sleep in my bed, you could have joined me any time."

Tabitha opened her eyes, screamed, shot out of bed, ran for the door and started banging on it with her fists.

"Help, help!" she cried. "I'm locked in with a little bear who thinks he's a southern gentleman – and a really bad one at that. Help!"

Well, I suppose I should give her points for staying in character...

Logan, auditioning for Papa Bear;
Storm, auditioning for Mama Bear;
X-23, auditioning for Baby Bear:

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed," Logan growled.

"Someone has been sleeping in my bed," Storm sighed.

"Someone is sleeping in my bed right now," X-23 said.

Deadpool, auditioning for Goldilocks:

"That's right, punks," Deadpool declared, throwing off the bed clothes. "This is my house now!"

He pulled out his guns, shot X-23 (who promptly healed), then Logan who had stepped in front of Storm and –

Wade, I don't recall inviting you to these auditions.