Receiving a Summons

"Why is it always when I'm in the shower?" Xander asked, glad he had already rinsed the shampoo from his hair.

"It's an illusion!" Buffy called out. "Dawn, cover your eyes!"

"Screw you!" Dawn snapped back.

"Hah! You're all too late!" Ethan Rayne crowed. "Janus has been summoned!"

"This is bad," Willow said, before turning to Giles. "This is bad, right?"

"No one has succeeded in summoning a physical incarnation of a deity to the mortal realm in centuries," Giles said in awe.

Everyone waited, but Giles just stared in shock until finally Ethan spoke up, "Yes, that's bad… for you."

Xander looked around. He was in a summoning circle in the middle of a warehouse. "Couldn't you have come up with a less cliché location?"

"My apologies, my lord," Ethan said. "I worked with what I had."

"Fair enough," Xander agreed. "While a little more pizazz would be nice, sometimes you have to be practical. When is everyone else scheduled to arrive?"

"Everyone else?" Ethan asked, confused.

**CRASH**

Faith, Xander and Cordelia raced in and stopped to stare.

"Blessed are the brunettes for they shall inherit the Earth," Xander intoned from inside the circle.

"Yo, X," Faith said. "You become a nudist when we weren't looking?"

"Not that I'm aware of," X replied. "I don't suppose you can put on some pants?" he requested.

"I was in the shower," Xander replied. "You know how it goes."

"Okay, I'm lost," Cordelia said. "Explain, now!" she ordered 'Janus', much to Giles horror.

"Please, Lord Janus, she didn't mean to give offense," Giles apologized, quickly.

"Cordy!" X growled.

"She did and it's adorable," Xander said amused. "The one and only Ethan Rayne, devotee of Chaos, managed to pull off something no one thought possible… He sought to summon his patron, the clever, the mighty, the handsome… Janus!" Xander said as he did a little spin with Jazz hands.

"And now what?" X asked, as Dawn dodged Buffy who was trying to block her view.

"A very good question," Xander agreed. "Ethan Rayne, what is your requested boon?"

"I was hoping for a little ironic revenge," Ethan replied cheerfully.

Xander grinned. "Ironic you say?"

"Yes, My Lord," Ethan agreed.

"How do we stop him?!" Buffy demanded.

"Unless you have some hind's blood on hand, I'm afraid we're out of luck," Giles admitted.

Xander snapped his fingers…

**FLASH**

The entire warehouse transformed into the set of a gameshow with a still naked Xander, dripping water behind the podium, as the host. All the Scoobs found themselves sitting in an audience composed of multiple copies of themselves in various costumes and unable to leave their seats. Ethan was on stage, off to one side behind a sound mixer board. He looked it over eagerly while the Scoobs talked to one another trying to figure out what to do.

Xander gestured to a wheel filled with multicolor wedges with everyone's names on them. "I spin this wheel and whoever it lands on gets called up here to play our game… Karma!"

The sound of ducks quacking filled the air and everyone turned to Ethan.

"Sorry!" Ethan apologized. "It's a new board and I haven't gotten used to all the settings yet."

"Not a problem," Xander assured him. "Just remember, if it's not appropriate, try and make it funny, 'cause right now Mojo is killing it in our timeslot."

"Will do, Milord," Ethan promised, wondering who or what Mojo was.

"Good," Xander said and turned back to the audience. "Now, before we begin, are there any questions?"

"Why do you look like Xander?" Cordelia asked.

"What happened to your eye?" Dawn called out.

"How can we defeat you?" Buffy demanded.

"In order of questions asked," Xander said, as a drum roll sounded and everyone looked towards a grinning Ethan who was holding down a button on his board. "I look like Xander because I am Xander, I lost my eye saving a potential Slayer, and you can't."

Ethan hit the button for a rim shot followed by canned laughter, covering up the confused noises of the audience.

"And now that the Question and Answer portion of our show is completed, let's jump right into the game!"

The audience applauded against their will as Ethan hit the applause button with a grin.

"Buffy Summers, come on down!" Xander called out, waving her towards the wheel.

Buffy leapt to her feet and ran down the aisle, the other Buffy's in the audience looking confused for a moment.

"Being multiple mes is really confusing, or at least it should be," Buffy in multiple places in the audience confided.

"Same here," came the responses form the various Scoobs sitting next to the Buffys.

Buffy leapt onto the stage, strangely graceful despite the bright yellow chicken outfit she was wearing.

"If you'd care to spin the wheel Miss Summers, we'll find out who our first Contestant is," Xander said cheerfully.

"Okay," Buffy said slowly, having no weapons on her and hesitant about attacking a naked Xander.

"Just give it a tug," Xander said cheerfully, with Buffy following his instruction and sending the wheel spinning.

As the wheel began to slow Ethan hit the button for a drum roll.

"And out first contestant is… Buffy Summers!" Xander announced as it landed on her name.

Buffy turned and glared at Xander. "Why bother with all this if you're just going to cheat?"

Ethan hit a button and a mournful trumpet played the traditional game show sound that everyone knew, 'Whaa Whaa!'

"Let me toss the six categories up on the board," Xander said, ignoring Buffy and gesturing to a bank of monitors behind him, the top monitor on each column blank with the lower ones reading $200 to $1000 in two hundred dollar increments.

The audience quickly whispered to each other, many of them encouraging the Buffy next to them to try and keep her temper.

"The Categories are as follows:- 'Why is Janus known as a two-faced god?' 'History' 'Who's smiting now?' 'Memorable Scenes' 'Are you a god?' and finally, 'Just Deserts'," Xander said, gesturing to the Bank of monitors and making the titles appear.

Ethan hit a button and the sound of ducks filled the studio once more. Xander glanced over, but Ethan just grinned, making Xander laugh.

"Pick a category, an amount and let's begin," Xander suggested.

"I'll take –" Buffy began, but Xander stopped her.

"I'm afraid that choice is up to our judge," Xander said. "Ethan, if you please."

"Thank you, Milord," Ethan said with an evil grin. "How about… Why is Janus known as a two-faced god for $200?"

"Good choice, Ethan," Xander told him. "Well Buffy, would you care to answer?"

"I know this one!" Buffy exclaimed. "Giles explained it after that one Halloween. Janus has two faces because he can see both the future and the past!"

"That's correct!" Xander announced as everyone applauded without being forced this time. "And for a chance at a bonus prize... Answer me this, did I cheat by having you spin the wheel?"

Buffy frowned and bit her lip in thought for a moment before answering, "No, you had me spin because you knew it would land on me and it would save time and be funny."

"That's right," Xander agreed as Ethan made the audience applaud once more. "Now for our bonus prize." Xander pulled a large gift box out from behind him and set on top of the podium.

"I get a prize?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"You get a chance at the bonus prize," Xander corrected her. "All you have to do is guess correctly… What's in the box?" Xander said with a flourish.

Buffy opened and closed her mouth several times while she tried to figure out what to guess and the audience murmured among themselves.

Ethan hit a button and the sound of a ticking clock grew louder and faded away, ending in a quack several seconds later. "I like ducks," Ethan said with a grin, when everyone turned to look at him.

"Fair enough," Xander agreed. "Buffy, your time is up. What is your guess?"

Buffy sighed before something occurred to her and she got a sly grin on her face. "There is air in the box," she said with a smirk.

Xander's jaw dropped and he turned to an equally stunned Ethan, who reached up and hit a key on his board that caused a siren to go off and confetti to fall from the ceiling.

"Well, Buffy Summers," Xander said, holding out the box, "take off the top and pull out your prize!"

Buffy reached into the box and pulled out a weapon much too big to fit inside it, which she stroked and cooed at.

"You've won the Slayer's Scythe," Xander announced. "The Ultimate Slayer Accessory, a weapon designed specifically for the Slayer line that… Well, that's spoilers territory folks, but trust me, you'll love it!"

Ethan grinned, always happy to see someone getting away with a fast one.

"And out next category is?" Xander asked.

"Memorable scenes for $400," Ethan decided.

Suddenly everyone was watching Angel and Buffy arguing in a graveyard.

"You're 16 years old, I'm 241," he points out, his eyes darting away from her, clearly uncomfortable.

"I've done the math," Buffy snaps back.

Angel shakes his head. "You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you want."

"Oh, no, I-I think I do. I want out of this conversation!" She turns to leave.

"Listen," Angel snaps out and grabs her arm, "if we date, you and I both know one thing's gonna lead to another."

"One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label?" she says sarcastically.

"I'm just trying to protect you. This could get out of control," he warns her.

"Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?" she says hesitantly.

Angel grabs her and pulls her close. "This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you... you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after."

"No... when you kiss me, I wanna die," she says, gazing into his eyes.

The scene fades away…

Buffy looked confused as everyone stared at her in either horror or disgust.

"I didn't mean it that way," Several of the Buffys in the audience groaned, as Buffy hopped off the stage and retook her seat, clutching the scythe like a teddy bear.

Glances were exchanged by members of the audience that held entire conversations, none of them favoring Buffy's dating choices or saying nice things about her sanity.

Ethan set off another round of ducks quacking. "How about Just desserts for $600?" Ethan asked, wanting to wash the taste of teenage angst from his brain.

"An oldie, but a goodie," Xander agreed cheerfully. "Now let me tell you how this is played. I'll call someone down from the audience and they'll spin the wheel and whoever it lands on will get… their just desserts."

"That doesn't sound good," Faith said with a frown.

"Buffy… come on down and spin the wheel!" Xander called out.

All they Buffys groaned as a Buffy in a Playboy Bunny outfit leapt onto the stage.

"I was wearing an Easter Bunny outfit a moment ago," she complained.

"If I gotta be eye candy, so do you," Xander replied. "Now… Spin!... That!... Wheel!"

The audience was forced to applaud as Buffy spun the wheel.

"And the winner is…" A drum roll played. "Buffy!" Xander answered as sirens went off and confetti fell from the ceiling.

"And what's my 'just dessert'?" Buffy asked.

"I'll have to consult with our judge," Xander announced, moving from behind the podium to consult with Ethan.

As the two talked, the audience was shown scenes of Buffy fighting a variety of vampires and demons.

Xander returned to the podium as Ethan gave him a big thumbs up.

"Buffy Summers," Xander said. "In return for your service as a slayer, no matter how begrudging, we award you…" a drum roll played, "a blessed aura!"

Sirens went off and confetti fell from the ceiling.

"Yes, Buffy Summers, you receive a blessed aura! What does that mean you ask? I'll tell you what it means! You can create holy water, consecrate grounds and your kiss will heal minor Booboos! You need never fear being turned, because you are a walking talking symbol of good! Let's give a big round of applause for her, for being such a good contestant!"

The audience applauded as Buffy retook her seat.

"Cor-Ander, come on down and spin the wheel!" Xander called out, confusing the audience. Xander chuckled. "Cor-Ander is the name for the power couple of Cordelia Chase and Xander Harris!" he announced grandly.

The couple used the stairs to come up on stage revealing that this pair was dressed as an overly sexy version of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.

"Just grab the wheel together and pull," Xander suggested, as X brushed his blood-red hood back.

Typing by – Sitheus Maximus

AN: More to come!