Summary: Everyone gets a list about Jason! Sequel to the "Things You Don't Know About Eric Northman, "Pam Ravenscroft" "Sookie Stackhouse" and "Sam Merlotte"
Rating: T for language and suggestion
Author: wicked18writer
Spoilers: There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it.
A/N: Also next up Lafayette's list! And then I think I'm done with these Lists for a while.
To Whom It May Concern,
Revenge, part 2, Jason Stackhouse.
Sincerely,
Sookie Stackhouse
Begin each sentence on the list with 'Jason':
1 Stuffed his package until he was 16 years old
2 Still has the biggest crush on Hope Williams Brady from 'Days of our Lives'…
3 …As a result he has an unnatural hatred for anyone named Stefano
4 Doesn't know that plain and plane are two different word
5 Believes God put snails on Earth so we could put salt on them and watch them die in an entertaining way
6 Loves to play 'I'm Too Sexy' while in the shower
7 Had sex with his guidance counselor…
8 …And his guidance counselor's lesbian girlfriend
9 Has pretended to be a vegan to get a girl to sleep with him…
10 …He also pretended to be a priest…
11 …And he pretended to be a lion tamer…
12 …And ¾ th's Native American
13 Does not like things that boggle his tiny little mind
14 Had sex with a one legged girl, but didn't know she only had one leg till she took it off so she could go to sleep…
15 …Left said one legged girl in the middle of the night and never called her again…
16 …Because he feared she was a robot
17 Cannot spell…a lot of things correctly
18 Feels it's racist to snap your fingers at a woman and say "Oh no you didn't"
19 Feels it's confusing to use online/texting abbreviations in real life…OMG JK LOL!
20 Feels it's unnecessary for doctors to greet each other by shaking hands, nodding, and saying "Doctor, Doctor"
21 Thinks that Tracey Morgan is hi-larious, especially as Tracey Morgan on '30 Rock', but not as hi-larious as he was on SNL as Brian Fellows…
22 …Thinks that Lafayette could be the next Tracey Morgan if he toned down his gay swishy-ness and cross-dressing
23 Had a crush on Mary-Ann but not Ginger from 'Gilligan's Island'…
24 Had a crush on Whitney Houston in her pre-Bobby years …
25 Has a crush Sarah Palin, because she's the sexiest politician and Alaskan he's ever seen on TV…although he doesn't know that he actually likes Tina Fey impersonating Sara Palin 'cause he didn't know he was watching a fake debate between her and not Hilary Clinton aka Amy Poehler
26 Does not know what exsanguiated means, but does know he does not want to be drained of all his blood during…especially during sex
27 Starts crying when he hears the song 'My Heart Will Go On' from Titanic because he loves it so much…
28 …As a result he has a unhealthy obsession with Celine Dion and all of Canada
29 Always preferred 'Saved By the Bell's' Kelly Kapowski to that of Jessie Spano, mostly because she wore shorter skirts
30 Prefers Michael J. Fox in 'Teen Wolf' to the leads in 'The Vampire Diaries' and 'Twilight'
31 Stopped eating banana's for a month when Lafayette told him it was phallic…you know, after he looked up phallic in the dictionary
32 Was nick named C.O. by the football team...
33 …They told him it stood for Commanding Officer…
34 …But it really stood for Captain Oblivious
35 Seriously considered becoming a male model, but was stopped by his inability to differentiate his right from his left
36 Loved watching 'Ren and Stimpy' so much that when it got canceled he actually got Hoyt to help him to write an angry letter to the network telling them how much they suck for taking it off the air…
37 …And that's how Jason got to be on the black list for all major motion picture studio's, thus ending his dreams of parlaying his good looks into a film career
38 Was scarred for life after seeing a natural birth film in health class
39 Wrote 3 poorly illustrated children's books entitled, "The Big Book O' Words, Also Known As The Dictionary", "Bullies Are Bad, But If You Make Them Your Friends They'll Leave Your Creepy Sister Alone", and "How Not To React When Someone Questions Your Sexuality"
40 Has been asked if he is related to Lennie from 'Of Mice and Men'…
41 …And JT from 'Survivor'…
42…And David Beckam
43 Thinks Betty Boop is hotter than Barbie
44 Has never finished an entire book beyond those written by a fake doctor named Seuss
45 Thinks that he and Sookie would make more awesome superheroes than the lame ass Wonder Twins…
46 …Thinks Aquaman is the gayest superheo…
47 …Thinks Batman is the most badass hero…
48 …And he thinks that Wonder Woman is the hottest superhero
49 Has been on 'Cops'…twice…
50…Once for getting shot at by the husband of someone he was sleeping with, and once for getting shot at by the girlfriend of someone he was sleeping with
51 Can always count on Sookie because she is much better at math than him
A/N: REVIEW! Tell me which lines are you favorite please? Cause you know if you don't I'm gonna start doing heroine because it's the only thing that's more addictive than reviews!