Chapter 2

To Fight or Die… sooner or later

Everywhere you went there was only one name you heard on the street. KICK-ASS. The news spread like wild fire of the now first famed costumed vigilante.

It was talks of "Did you see KICK-ASS on the news last night!", "Have you seen KICK-ASS!" and my personal favorite "Dude, I was just watching when –" and so on and so forth.

The guy became the newest pop culture icon. He was "that Guy" who finally did what nobody else dared to do.

Of course there was also that wishful thinking that we would wake up some day suddenly flying across the city with flashy costumes taking out bad guys, save the freakin' day, one civilian at a time and that day could be now. It just goes to show that Kick-Ass represents that what we hoped and dreamed for, albeit fucking crazy, is impossible and he got himself as what any superhero would, a grand clamor in his name that shall never be forgotten. Our parents had Michael Jackson, we have Kick-Ass.

For now, I have other things to think about aside from Kick-Ass. Today I'm going to stand up to Didriche Donnahan the man behind most of my beatings, knock-outs, and unlimited visits to the nurses' clinic in my life.

One these days people will start asking themselves "what would Kick-Ass do?", then they would get the shit kicked out of them AND still land on top. But hey, were all insane in the inside one way or another, right?

First of all, Diedrich isn't just you average muscle bound idiot. He is a muscle bound, war hungry, FUCKTARD.

Oh yeah he's not gay.

We were joking about him being a fag of course, Its just that one time he beat up this kid and ended up getting sent to the guidance counselor cause the kid said when he was pushed against the wall he FELT something.

The best way to eradicate scandals like these is either to forget it ever happened or cover it up. Diedrich picked the latter. I have to say the first few weeks was hell because of the constant announcements of him being the biggest alpha-bitch in the whole school – in our guilt free mind, biggest jerk-off. In the end, he convinced us he has eyes and his dick for a girl, Beatrice "Trix" Cortez.

Trix isn't someone you'd call the hottest piece you can find at school but in a word… pretty.

A nice round face, a swimmer's figure, and a peaceful demeanor, you might even call her the perfect mother figure since she has that aura to make you want to lie down in her lap. Because of her help the needy attitude, it cost her tied-and-chain – to the town's asshooligan.

Getting Closer to Trix equals pissing off Diedrich

Piss off Diedrich equals Fight Diedrich

Easy as that… I hope.

The best way to strike conversation is to observe the little things. Like the book she was reading.

"No way in hell man," said Carmela as she sat beside me during lunch break, "Not even in heaven will you get a shot. FORGET ABOUT IT."

"Who?"

"Trixie, you've been eyeing her for twenty minutes, including breaks."

"It's not what you think" I said, but she didn't seem to be listen anymore, "I know what it means Michael!" she fake sniffed "You're leaving me for another woman! To think we would end like this. What happen to the tears we've shed-"

"-The first time we met you punched me in the eye and told teacher I killed your pet antelope –"

"The laughs we shared –"

"You shared your laughs to the rest of the 6th grade when you 'accidentally' threw your orange juice, swiss turkey sandwich, coleslaw, a mobile of Jupiter and it's moons, and your ginger cat Fidles at me" don't ask how in the fuck that happened.

"It's a hit or miss, if she says yes then go for it" said Timothy sitting at my other side out of nowhere.

"Oh yeah, all of the following options only lead you getting handed by Died-rich." She finished.

"Excellent" I mumbled to myself.

"No, not excellent dumb-ass. I just said you're gonna get killed if you do shit like this. Plus everyone knows that's Died-Rich's girl." Carmela reasoned.

"If a guy has the balls to do it then he should do it, like Kick-Ass." I can't believe I just referenced him. I should do that more often or maybe buy a KICK-ASS t-shirt.

"Kick-Ass… Really? You're going with Kick-Ass." said Carmela, raising an eyebrow at me, "First of all, although what he did was completely awesome and heroic, he still got his ass beat. He should be lucky that they didn't have a gun with them…"

"Well, that's the point isn't it? He did what others didn't dare do, he did whatever the hell he wanted to and nothing ever stopped him. Besides, I'm just gonna talk to her. It'll be enough to get Didriche pissed-off to kick my ass, and I think I know how."

"Wait-Mike!" Carmela said, stunned," What do you mean by-"

Getting up from my chair to get everyone at the table giving me their best what-the-fucking-hell –are-you-about-to-do-look at me wasn't really that hard. On the way to the bench where Trix was sitting I mentally hoped that my plan would work cause if it doesn't… I'd be in a lot of deep shit.

"Why would anyone consider a girl specifically called 'Crash and the boys'?" I said as I sat beside Trix as casually as I could

She looked up,

"You read Scott pilgrim?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm waiting for the last volume coming out in July. It's really nice, the action scenes only start in the end of what you're holding, but the rest is still plain laugh fest."

She replied "Well for your information…" she paused awkwardly, of course I never really advertise my name cause I'm the type of guy who says "Hi… guy" when someone I really don't know walks by.

But fucking score! Now, to cue my intro…

"Michael" I smiled, offering her a handshake, "Michael Zillar."

"Beatrix Cortez, but all of my friends call me Trix–"

"LIKE THE CEREAL-!" I said saying the first thing that popped into my mind. I only had milk and a strip of burnt bacon courtesy of Grandpa Ralph this morning, so cereal sounds fucking great right about now.

"Yes, Mike, like the cereal." She said giggling. I think Timmy's thing is starting to rub off on me.

Ok, that sounded completely dirty perhaps even contagious coming from him.

Great, Now I feel Naughty.

"You're not the only whose read all 5 Volumes" she said smugly, "and yeah Wallace has a point in taking consideration that one of the boys is a girl, but would you rather hear 'Crash and one of the boys'?"

"hmmm… Crash and the rest of the boys?"

"or perhaps Crash to the rest?"

"Hey! Stay away from MY girl" shouted the disgruntled Diedrich. "Well that was Fast I thought, "I finally got myself into a conversation with her and already Died-rich in a foul mood. It's in my nature that' everything that is me he considers it to exploit and dissect in every single way."

"We were just talking Didi." Explained Trix calmly. Ha! Didi, what a faggoty name.

We practically did nothing but stare at each other, while Trix did the talking. We couldn't start throwing punches in front of her, but believe me it would do good for the girl to finally dump his sorry ass. There was only one thing that showed in the eyes of Diedrich: pure HATE. I, on the other hand, was just calm and collected, and a bit anxious if you ask me. I pulled out a little smile as I was behind Trix which just made him even more furious.

"Well, I better get to class." Said Trix while she was getting up, "beats being out here in the sun."

"You're in room 305 right, I can walk you there if you want" I offered.

"Oh, thank you, but I think Didi will be getting me to class, so I'll see you around?"

"Unless I see you first" she glanced back at me with a smile. This is really pissing Died-rich off, "Ok"

She was pulling him to get her to class until he said. "Go ahead", sweet naïve Trix, doesn't know what kind of shit about going to go down.

He snapped back at me pointing a finger to my face. His face contorted with rage. I just looked at him confused as a penguin that got lost in the dessert.

"What?" I asked, the next one is with a bit of innocence, "Did I do something?"

Knowing what he would say sealed the deal. "Back lot"

He would probably be suspicious if he wonders why the hell I'm not protesting against this. "We were just talking honest I got interested in the book she was reading and-"

"You. Me. Back Lot." He poked at me with emphasis on his words. He looked away as he entered school. But who am I kidding? I'm having way too much fun not to miss this opportunity.

"Whatever you say," I smirked, "Didi."

He tried to make a hit at me in the last second. Thankfully the bell rang as his fist is now a centimeter away from my face. He mouthed the words over to me again so as not to forget. I sighed and breathe in the morning air, this is going to be a long day before this is over.

Carmela looked at me with suspicion. Trying to figure out what I was doing. She passed along the message to Tim and Joey afterwards, probably going to tell them to look out for me.

School was the same. I didn't slouch, sleep, and paid any attention to my teachers that day. I wasn't fidgeting but anxious to be in a fight. This will be my first of many. Immediately after word got out about the fight and they already started a betting pool on who will get out alive. No surprises that nobody wanted to bet on me. But it doesn't hurt to give away 20 bucks that I'll probably get back.

"So what are we going to do later?" Joey asked.

"Umm, I have a fight with Died-rich later so I can't do anything about it."

"Seriously man, let's watch a movie or something" Timothy said worried if I have gone crazy.

Carmela suddenly grabbed my face going, "HE-WILL-KICK-YOUR-ASS! Get that through your head." If I were to let her hold my head any tighter, it would pop out.

"No he won't. I have a plan." Taking her hands off my face, "and the plan is?" asked Joey.

I smiled, "A punch in the face. As simple as that, Joey."

I went on a march while my friends drag themselves behind me.

Was it me or nearly half the school was here? There's last minute betting along the corner and Died-rich was getting in the action as well. All of them are either praising him or hiding from him out of sheer terror. Even some of the nerds here want to see my ass kicked. Almost everyone is already pulling out their cellphones and camcords just as soon as they saw me.

"Look there's still time" Joey said, as I have gave him my jacket and my bag pack, "let's go see a movie, maybe get some coffee with cream and maybe it'll be my treat all you have to do is-"

"Well lookie here! The asshole came after all!" as the real asshole finally looked around.

I rolled my eyes, and made Joey to stand aside, "We were just making a nice honest conversation fuck-tard," as said as I walked towards him, "something where you can't even form the first two words to it."

"You hear this asshole?"

He looks back at his cronies in the back, bad fucking move asshole. I already know that stance. He stops pretending to be in a good mood and goes for the right hook. I stepped to my right block the oncoming arm with my left hand, and landing him a right hook of my own.

I haven't got to know how much damage I can really do with my fist since I have been practicing on a punching bag, but the effect was unbelievable.

The punch recoiled him sideways. I could'nt believe that could can give a punch as hard as what I did just now. Funny, that was just one of my normal punches.

He lunges at me again, bringing a left punch. A second later it proved to be a feint which later he brings his right fist to my face, I noticed and jumped backwards to counter him with a spinning kick. My foot just missed his head by millimeters and he's beginning to feel a twinge of fear. He puts on an angry face again, and we continue to dance.

It went on for another two minutes. Eventually he has to consider doing kicks as well. I was just busy bringing different combinations to bring him down. I think I landed a dozen of hits already. Think of a monkey who got a hold of a cup of sugar being handled by a zoo keeper. I'm the fucking primate throwing all kinds of shit to the readily dimwitted man handler. Left swing, right, spin, evade, axe kick, elbow smash, and I even threw in a headbutt for kicks, which I gotta tell you it really hurts.

I was getting all cocky, which ended Died-rich finally giving me a punch in the face. I saw stars after that, and acted fast enough to step backwards to avoid another punch from him. I heard a crunching sound on my nose while blood dripped down to my chin. Compared to me, Died-rich was covered in bruises, one sporting a black eye. The punch he gave me was a good idea, now I really want to kick his fucking ass.

I ran toward him, making him think that I was going to jump him. The floor was damp enough to make my legs go for a mid jump, only to slip and make an upward kick towards his mid section. I swung my legs again in a clockwise rotation that got me momentum to put back myself up. I bobbed my fighting stance and turn to give a finishing flying kick to his chest.

He was finally knocked unconscious , giving an instant silence to the crowd around us. Feeling maniacal with my kung-fu gimmicks and coursing adrenaline from beating this motherfucker, I should respond to my opponent to be humble, like bowing and shit. So I must not-

"Woooooooah"

Oops.

I stood around looking at the stunned faces of the people around me. My friends were in awestruck as I headed back to them grabbing my bag and jacket from Joey. I pulled out a Kleenex, from my bag pack, to wipe of the blood that has now stopped dripping. Thank you mom for always-have-everything packed.

"Come on!" I exclaimed,"Mr. Frost has a special today! Free unlimited Oreos for every scoop of vanilla, peanut butter and, and strawberry banana. I've been saving all week for this."

It was weird that some of them were still staring at me fifteen minutes after the fight. Even as I handed the ice cream that Carmela order, she wasn't even blinking but it was good that she is slowly smiling at me.

It was quiet as we sat down to eat so I finally broke the silence.

"What?"

"In the six grade, when I was –" Really, Timothy is pulling that shit out at me?

"It's me Timmy. Save that UFO-conspiracy-shit for a later date." I said then remembered "or the twin/advance clone who took over me to conquer the world jerk". But that didn't stop him. "How do I know it's you with all that Jet Lee, honky-dori, brawl shit back then."

"Because, I know for a fact that you got stuck in the ladies restroom for the whole afternoon, and when we met up three hours later you said that the excavation was a geyser of an epiphany, and you took a peek at Sasha Keen's developed boobs. Even took her bra for good measure."

It was close to legendary what he pulled that.

"If you were you, you would have answered the question I was about to ask and know. You could be stalling me to make a worldwide search about who I am. And I know for a fact that it can be searched because Sasha's Cup size and information about yours truly is available in Wikipe-"

"Really that's enough Tim." At least Carmela has the most sensible person around him.

"But shit man. That was awesome!" Joey looked at me appraisingly while pointing me with a four scooped ice cream. He looked kinda funny.

"Thank you Joey."

Hopefully the events of today won't leak to the parents. Knowing, Died-rich he's too much of an asshole to be crying back to mommy and daddy. It'll be as good as surrendering. Starting tomorrow he won't even bother us one bit for a month, then maybe get back to regular routine modified enough not to cross me.

I almost forgot why I haven't done this befo–

Oh, shit. I just remembered now I have to become a superhero maybe an ice cream on the way home for an extended celebration.

Edited by: WikflameX