**Spoilers for Gravedigger and all the other ones.
Oh, and I don't own anything except my fucking crushed heart.
Kthnx.
A/N: This makes me feel better. I hate fucking angst right now. I know, I KNOW. "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole," was meant to be the catalyst for all the damn angsty change, but my GOD. Do they absolutely have to make me cry so damn much? I apologize for all the cursing, but I find it helps with the stress. I swear, if Hart and Stephen make me feel all dark and twisty all damn summer, I'm not going to be happy. The finale can be angsty if its abso-freaking-lutely necessary, but it better end with at least a small amount of hope. Please.
Writing smutty fanfic is to McKaylaBug as Sweets is to Booth and Brennan. Therapy. Not always easy, usually frustrating, but you leave with a sense of satisfaction and maybe even a slight amount of hope. Even if it is the false kind.
And hey, thanks for stopping by. Sorry I'm not all bright and shiny like usual, I blame Squart. Don't get me wrong, I have faith in the two of 'em, but they're pushing in just the right spot to tick me off right now. That last scene where she freaking got in the cab (like in tPitSotW but more epic) I was screaming, STOP THE DAMN CAB, BOOTH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? GO AFTER HER! Shit.
I'm going to try really hard to put a plot with this, but I'm not going to lie and say it'll be more than a oneshot. I suck at multichaps. Just ask everyone who's waiting on me to update "Ten Little Things" I really want to finish that…. In the meantime, enjoy this. We'll see what happens. Oh, and hey, *insert shameless plug* If you *LIKE* plot-less smut, which I'm trying to not make this, then please see my oneshot (with possible potential) "Twisted Steps to Happiness" and the oneshot (with no potential) "And They Danced." Okay, previews are over, and time for the feature presentation.
*This actually didn't turn out at all like plotless smut. There actually, for whatever reason, is no smut. Mainly because it is now 5:25 a.m, and I need sleep. This will turn into a twoshot. (That's not a multichap! So I didn't lie.)*
I give you, She's Tired.
Brennan was tired. She was tired of work. She was tired of the smell of rotting flesh. She was tired of Cam and Sweets and less-than-competent interns. She was tired. She wanted something that would shake her out of whatever funky mood she was in. The Gravedigger trial was over, Angela and Hodgins got married, and Sweets and Cam were happy. Damn them all! She was still unhappy. No, she wasn't actually mad at her friends for being happy, she was a little jealous, though. Glass of wine in hand, she walked towards her bedroom with not much hope for sleep. Her not-hope was confirmed when she heard an annoying knock at her door. Without bothering to see who it was, she jerked the door open.
"Booth. Wha- it's four a.m. I thought you said you'd see me tomorrow?"
"I know, I'm sorry, Bones. Technically it is tomorrow, though, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I'm fine, Booth, go home and go to bed."
"You sound angry."
"Yes, because I am trying to sleep."
"You weren't in bed."
"I was on my way!" It bothered Brennan that that was the third time she'd lost control and raised her voice that day.
"Bones, just let me in for a minute. I want to talk to you."
With a sigh filled with complete exhaustion, hopelessness, and a couple emotions she feared, she stepped aside and closed the door after Booth had walked through.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"You. You kind of scared me back there at the bar… are you rethinking our partnership, Bones, because I gotta know. I can't… I can't sleep with this on my mind, and the thought of losing… this… this partnership, our friendship, and our… the thought of losing you kills me, Bones. I need you to reassure me that we're okay."
Brennan was tired, and, truth be told, she had been thinking of her life before crime-solving became such a big part of it, but the desperate look on Booth's face tore at her heart. She didn't want to lose their partnership, friendship, whatever either. She didn't want to lose him.
"I… I don't know, Booth… Like I said, this wasn't my plan… I never wanted to be a crime-solver. I'm not a cop." But Brennan valued honesty… at any cost.
"So you're just going to throw away five years? Huh? Bones. Even you can see the… the value in this. We've… I've invested too much into this to lose it!"
"I'm not saying--" but he cut her off.
"Yes you are! You don't want this life anymore. You want to go explore Africa or whatever and identify thousand-year-old bones. You don't see what this means. You won't let yourself.
"I do see the value, Booth! I don't want to lose it! I'm just tired, Booth. But I don't want to lose you. I can't."
In a fit of barely controlled anger, anger that made him shake, anger directed at himself for letting her even think about running, Booth grabbed her like he should have when she got in that taxi…both times, and he held her in place in front of him.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you not want to lose me? Bones. Why can't you lose me?"
"I… I…"
"Say, goddamn it, say it!"
Tears burned at the surface of her eyes. They threatened to trickle down her face. She couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. She couldn't do anything but stutter and stare at his intense, brown eyes.
"Booth, I… I…"
He let out his breath in a sigh of despair. She couldn't understand. She could, but she wouldn't let herself. She wouldn't let herself love him.
He dropped his arms to his sides and looked at the floor.
He'd gotten the answer he came for.
He'd asked too much again.
He turned to leave.
The slamming door broke the dam of her heart. She let it overflow when she sank to the floor. The tears streamed down her face and splattered on the floor. She felt something inside her that broke her. It felt like her heart split in two. Logical Brennan knew that was impossible. "The heart is a muscle. It cannot be broken. It can only be crushed." Well her heart was crushing. She'd crushed it herself. She had felt Booth's crushing when he walked out the door. She'd done it. She'd hurt him like she swore she never would. She had to fix it…just had to.
She stood up with a fury-filled fear and launched herself at the door. She ran to the elevator and punched the button. The light said it was stopped at the first floor.
"Booth…" she gasped.
She ran for the stairs with her bare feet and pajamas. She burst through from the staircase just as he'd walked out the front door.
"Booth!"
She ran for the door and pulled it open. He was walking to his car.
"Booth! Stop! Please, stop!"
He whirled around at the sound of her voice and saw her running to him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Booth. I hurt you and I promised you I wouldn't… That's why I wouldn't let us have a shot at this… that's why, and you knew, but you let me… Booth, I'm sorry I hurt you."
She was sobbing and fisting the sleeves of his jacket to make him understand how sorry she was.
"I'm so sorry, Booth. I know what you want me to say, and you know how I feel… I just… I'm so scared, Booth. I'm scared I'll hurt you again… scared I'll crush your heart like I already have."
"Hey… hey. Hold on a second," he was trying to hold her face so she'd look at him, but the tears in her eyes made that impossible.
He wiped her tears and tilted her face so she was looking at him.
"You are not going to hurt me. I'm not breakable."
"Yes you are. You are, Booth, and I'm a mallet. I will hurt you."
"Mallets only work on breakable things. My heart won't break, remember? If you're a mallet, that's not bad enough to hurt me. You're gonna have to be a bit stronger than that."
"A mallet would surely harm a heart, Booth. The heart would never work correctly again!"
"So I'll get a pace-maker, for god's sake!"
"Bones, you came all the way down here… barefoot and in your pajamas."
"I know." She wiped her eyes, and stared down the road.
"What's stopping you?"
Brennan turned her attention back to Booth. Those eyes of his were pleading with her. He knew how she felt. He knew it before she even did, but he needed to hear her say it. That would fix his heart, she thought, it's his pace-maker.
She glanced at their entangled hands. She squeezed as hard as she could, she held on and let her grip tell him that he couldn't leave her, that she was sorry if she ever hurt him again, that she would do her best to stand by his side forever, if there is a such thing, and that he meant enough to her to break a wall that hadn't been cracked since her childhood, and then she let her mouth heal his heart.
With a tear-stained face, a wounded heart, and tired, fear-filled eyes, she let the whisper escape her lips.
"I love you more love than I ever thought my body could hold." She didn't wait to see his reaction. She dropped her eyes to the ground and let healing tears roll freely. Booth pulled her into his chest and held her while she cried on his jacket. He held her so tightly that she thought the grip from her hands had sent the message she'd wanted it too, and then he pulled away and smiled the biggest smile she'd ever seen.
He kissed her and held her head with tenderness and care between his hands.
"God, Bones. I love you… I love you so much. Don't worry about hurting me, okay? Because you're the only one who can heal me anyway."
Brennan could only smile back at him. She was still crying, but she felt better… somehow, letting her heart free and letting Booth in had helped. She didn't know why, she didn't understand, and she may never be able to, but in that moment of time she felt better. She felt loved. She hadn't felt that in so long.
"C'mon. We gotta get you some sleep, huh? I'll keep you warm."
"That sounds nice."
"Alright. Good. C'mon."
Booth grabbed her hand and squeezed a single tight squeeze that told her it would be okay, and pulled her into the building.
When the elevator doors opened and they stepped inside, Booth could help himself.
"I love you." He said with a shoulder bump.
"I love you, too." She smiled weakly, happily, and leaned into him.
She felt better and not as scared, but all the emotions from that day had drained her. Sleeping beside Booth would hopefully revive her, and let her feel the fullness of this newfound happiness in the morning.
They crawled into bed with the curtains pulled to expose the starry, clear night, and settled into each other's arms for the first time.
The sex could wait. Tonight was about healing, care, and promises.
Booth kissed her on the cheek and nuzzled the back of her neck, "I love you, Bones. I will never tire of saying it."
"I love you, Booth, and I will never tire of hearing it."
They slept with smiles on their faces, and pace-makers on their healing hearts.
It was a long road, but it would be a great ride.
Sooo… that wasn't smutty like I'd planned. But it was hopeful, and I feel better now.
I hope you do.
I do want a chapter two full of "getting to know each other," and maybe even telling the team, but tell me what you think. I value opinions like I value Cap'n Crunch.
And I really, really, value Cap'n Crunch. The berry kind.
Thank you again for stopping by!
-KaylaBug
*And, hey, sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors. I read it over, but I probably missed something. Sorry!*