5 times the newlyweds almost got into an argument on their honeymoon, but then they didn't

AN: AU with established relationship, where Cas is nearly-human. Written for comment_fic on lj.

1. "But it's a human tradition, Dean."

Dean just stared at the painted "Just married," the streamers, and the cans hanging from his baby's bumper. His jaw twitched.

"Those little bitches are going to pay," Dean gritted, knowing full well that Sam probably had help. Evil help. Because surely this was an act of evil.

"They can pay when we get back," Cas said impatiently, "We have more important things to do."

Dean was about to snap that no, they didn't, but he looked at Cas and realized that vengeance, sometimes, could wait.

2. "Is this like the time you told me that humans like to shake up their beers before opening them?" Cas asked, eyes narrowed.

Dean explained once more that, no, it was not a prank. He wanted to carry Cas over the threshold.

"I really do not see the point, Dean."

"It's a gesture. It means we're going into this together, not one person before the other."

"Then I should carry you, Dean. I am much weaker than I used to be, but still much stronger than you. Also, I believe in this situation, you are the bride."

"How am I the bride?" Dean asked, offended, but trying not to have to explain all the stupid reasons he was offended.

"I saw a television program about people who are very stubborn and insist that everything is done their way. It was called... Bridezillas."

"Dude. Did you just call me a bridezilla on our wedding day?"

Cas' mouth just traced an almost-smile.

Dean grinned. "Yeah, yeah, I'm not the only smartass in this couple, I know," he said as he leaned in for a kiss.

Cas kissed him back, gave a little sound at the pleasure. Then he looked at Dean, with exasperation, saying "Do what you must."

Dean smiled, picked up Cas - who was MUCH heavier than he looked - and grunting in exertion, he stumbled across the threshold of the cabin in the woods they had rented.

3.

"Well, it's not really a consummation, Dean, if we've already -"

"But it's the first time since the wedding and so it IS a consummation. And if we try something new, that's definitely a consummation."

"I do not believe that is correct."

"Fine, you know what, I'll call Sam, he'll look it up online!"

A minute later Sam was yelling at Dean over the phone. Something about never being able to wipe that image out of his brain, and thanks for pornifying the memory of what should be a wonderful family day.

Dean hung up in the middle of Sam's rant. Cas said, "I think maybe it doesn't matter what we call it, Dean," and got a smile in agreement.

4. "That was the best, Cas. Best. Sex. Ever."

"For you, perhaps. That was only the fifth best for me."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Why would I joke about how I rank sexual congresses?"

"At least LIE about it!"

"Oh. It's one of those things we're supposed to lie about. There are too many of those."

Dean was silent for a moment, anger swelling, until he burst out, "HOW exactly did you find the time to sleep with 4 other people since being human?"

Cas looked perplexed and said, "Not four other people. Four other times we've had sex when it was better. Back of your Impala, the walk-in shower in that hotel in Arizona, on the beach with that ice cream thing you did, and then again in the Impala."

"Oh," Dean said.

"Shall I lie? Would you like me to say it was third best?"

"No, that's okay. But it does make me think tomorrow we should go buy some ice cream."

5. "Seriously, this is what you put in your luggage?"

"I have never packed luggage before. Though I notice that you have packed luggage your entire life and still manage to frequently be without what you need."

"Thanks. Seriously, how many guns did you think we needed on our honeymoon?" Dean said, then noticed the pained look of a man who didn't use to be a man, who didn't use to need guns at all.

Dean amended, "What I mean is, why didn't you pack any clothes or, you know, personal items?"

"I didn't plan on needing many clothes."

A grin. "Well, I certainly can't argue with that logic."