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Title: Refuse to die? Then wear a bra!

Summary: Sasuke knew he was dying. Near death Sasuke makes a deal with a quirky Shinigami. What price is he willing to pay to stay alive? How about his manhood! A FemmSasu fic.

Genre: Adventure/Romance, some humor.

Main pairing: Naruto/Sasuke

Rating: Teen.

Warnings: spoilers may come as the story progresses.

CHAPTER 3: Pedophiles in the forest of death!

As team 7 made their way to room 302, they spotted their silver haired sensei leaning against the door while reading his perverted little book.

"Hey, whatcha doing here, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, surprised.

Glancing up, Kakashi sent his three students an eye smile. "Good. You all came…" he snapped his book shut. "I'm glad to see that"

Sakura raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"Well, this exam is optional—"

"What?" Sakura exclaimed furiously. "You didn't mention earlier that the exam was optional!" she roared with fire in her eyes.

Kakashi backed away a little. His little kunoichi-in-training was turning into a real spit-fire lately. "Now, now, let me finish. It's true that it was optional but it must be taken as a team of three. If one of you chose not to come the others would be prevented from entering," Kakashi explained. "I wanted each of you to make that decision on your own"

'Then we almost struck out' Sasuke thought to herself. She remembered how disheartened and worried Sakura was about taking the exam but came anyway because she didn't want to disappoint her teammates.

"Anyway, good luck," said Kakashi as he pushed them into the next room. "Inside here are a lot of Shinobi from several different countries…make Konoha proud!"

As they were shoved into a room filled with hostile genin, team 7 instantly knew how 3 year olds felt when they were left to languish in a daycare center. The chuunin wannabes in there looked down right mean and on the verge of cracking at any moment. Some even looked intimidating like the guy that was wrapped up like a mummy with a fur pelt on his back.

"I'm starting to think Sasuke-teme was right..." Naruto remarked suddenly. "…there are a lot of freaks here—"

"You better watch who are calling freaks, Naruto!" a voiced yelled. It was furious looking Ino along with her two teammates, Shikamaru Nara and Choji Akimichi, coming toward them.

"In my defense…" Naruto pointed to Sasuke. "She said it first"

Sasuke rolled her eyes.

"Hey it's that Uchiha girl again…" Kankuro muttered, noticing the commotion near the front of the classroom. Temari noticed how Kankuro's eyes lit up at the sight of her. Holding in a snort, Temari rolled her eyes. "Keep dreaming little bro, she's so not into you" she said.

Kankuro puffed out his chest. "She just doesn't know it yet"

"Ha!" Temari laughed. "You're in denial"

"No I'm not!"

"You are, you woman-repellant!" Temari snapped finally.

"Woman-repellant?…Hey! I'm not!" Kankuro said indignantly. "At least I can get a girl—you never dated a guy in your life!" he shot back.

"Th-That's not true!" Temari shouted a little flustered.

"Yes it is!"

"No it's n—"

"Both of you shut up" a low pissed monotone voice commanded them quietly. The two turned to glance at their younger psychotic brother fearfully.

"Sorry Gaara" both Temari and Kankuro apologized immediately before zipping it. They made sure to scoot their chairs an extra foot away from the redhead just in case.

'Come to think of it, I almost got some dates until they found out Gaara was my brother…' Temari thought sourly.

"What? You have a date with Uchiha-san?" Neji asked disbelievingly.

Lee beamed triumphantly. "Yes! As soon as the Chuunin Exams are over, I will date Sasuke Uchiha!"

"…Hn"

Tenten didn't like the scheming smirk that suddenly appeared on Neji's lips.

"Lee, I challenge you" he declared. "If I get paired off against you in these exams and win, I take your place for the date" Neji bargained.

"What?" Tenten asked disbelievingly at Neji's request.

"Indeed Neji. Why should I wager my date with the radiant beauty, Sasuke-san?" Lee asked with a frown.

"Are you backing down from my challenge, Lee? How unyouthful as you always put it or better yet are you just afraid you may lose to me as always?" Neji taunted him. He knew Lee could never turn down a challenge.

Hook…

…Line…

…and sinker.

In order to defend his pride Lee was about to accept when Tenten offered an idea, "Neji could wear Lee's spandex for a month if he loses" she said.

Neji looked horrified. "What?" he cried. "I wouldn't be caught dead in that monstrosity—"

"Agreed!" Lee said quickly before Neji could disagree. "Be warned my rival, this time I will not lose!"

"Tenten…" Neji growled under his breath.

The weapon mistress shrugged. "What are you worried about? You're a genius. I can't even beat you, much less Lee" Tenten reasoned.

Overhearing his teammate, Lee declared passionately. "Well, I will triumph this time! I even have a new jutsu specially preserved for Neji!"

"Huh?" Neji and Tenten looked up surprised.

"A new jutsu, you say…what is it?" Neji asked, not really expecting an answer. Unsurprisingly Lee didn't answer but gave him his signature grin with a big thumb up.

"It's a surprise. You must wait and see!" Lee said.

Neji narrowed his eyes slightly. He never really liked surprises.

"Sa-Sasuke-kun…" Ino sniffled. She held the ends of Sasuke's shirt as she cried. "Why? Why after all these years you have deceived me? I loved you…I reeeeeally loved you!"

Sasuke frowned. Great, another ex-fangirl, that's all she needed. As Sasuke peeled off Ino's clammy hands she answered uncaringly, "I didn't trick you; you just assumed I was a boy. That's not my problem"

Shikamaru scratched his head. "Well that would make sense why you were never interested in the girls in class…" then he shrugged. "Not that I blame you, most of them were pretty annoying. Especially Ino—"

"Shut up, Shikamaru!" Ino screeched. She would have backhanded the boy if he was any closer.

"Hey! It looks like the gang's all here!" Another group came up. It was Team 8 under Kurenai Yuuhi. They were Kiba Inuzuka, Shino Aburame and Hinata Hyuuga. When Sasuke saw Hinata, she absently wondered if the girl was related to Neji…

Kiba surprised Sasuke when he suddenly invaded the raven head's intimate space. He sniffed her inquisitively. Now completely annoyed, Sasuke came close to socking the dog boy in the nose. Luckily for Kiba, Naruto had wisely intervened. "Heel boy, Sasuke's in a bitchy mood. I wouldn't be sniffing her right now if I was you" Naruto warned.

"Don't treat me like a dog, dobe" Kiba snapped.

"Then don't act like one, mutt" Naruto replied just as easily.

Kiba moved back and sent Sasuke a suspicious look. "How were you able to hide your scent away from me all those years at the academy? Girls and guys smell different due to hormones. You smelled like a guy back then but now…"

"Oh I'm sorry you must have gotten confused" Sasuke said sympathetically. "And believe me that's pretty easy for a bonehead like you"

"Watch it Uchiha" Kiba growled. "I don't like fighting girls but I may make an exception for a cross-dresser like you"

"Well, at least your mannerisms are the same…" Shino told Sasuke quietly.

"That's true to the T!" Kiba grumbled. "Hmph! Still a jerk!"

"H-Hi Na-Naruto-kun…" Hinata greeted her secret crush.

"Hiya Hinata!" Naruto greeted her happily. "At last, a friendly face!"

Hinata beamed. Her cheeks turning from pale to scarlet in a matter of seconds.

"You know, you guys should quiet down, it's isn't some academy reunion you know" A young man with silver hair pulled back into a short stocky ponytail and wearing dorky bug-eyed spectacles, strolled forward.

Ino already in a bad mood snapped. "Oh buzz, off! Who do you think you are?"

"The names Kabuto and I'm doing you newbies a favor" he pointed to the participants sitting behind the desk. "You see them? They are going to blow a gasket if you guys keep it on. This isn't preschool, just settle down already" he then shrugged. "Not like I blame you, I used to be a lot like you guys" he glanced at the group. His eyes widen a bit when his sight landed on Sasuke.

"I see you bear the Uchiha symbol and have the trademark black coal eyes and hair… I thought Sasuke Uchiha was the only survivor in Konoha" Kabuto remarked.

"I am Sasuke Uchiha" the brunette replied.

Sliver eyebrows shot up. "…you're Sasuke Uchiha?" Kabuto asked in disbelief.

Sasuke narrowed her eyes a bit. "Yeah, what of it?" Sasuke answered with a question.

Kabuto scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Well nothing… it's just that I thought the Uchiha survivor was a boy…"

"Not that it's any of your business but that was lie was projected as a way to protect myself" Sasuke said simply. "But I couldn't hide it any longer. Blame puberty"

"Well yes… may I say that you are pretty?" Kabuto said blushingly.

"So I've been told"

"Do you have a boyfriend—"

"Not interested" Sasuke shut him down quickly.

"Of course" Kabuto replied humbly.

Naruto nudged Kabuto in the side. "Trust me, you don't want to date Sasuke" he said. "She can be a real pain just as a teammate. Dude, can you imagine being her boyfriend? Between suitors, ex-fangirls and perverts, not to mention her bitchy attitude… you'll be dead by the end of the week"

Sasuke's eye twitched. "Shut up dobe!" unfortunately she couldn't disagree with the blonde. So she had an attitude, so what? She was in no hurry to settle down anyway. She had a contract to keep with the Death Kami. Once she killed that Madara guy, there will be plenty of men lined up to marry her. Regardless of how unpleasant she could be. As far as she counted it 'part of the charm.'

A smoke bomb went off near the front. "SETTLE DOWN YOU WROTHLESS BRATS!"

"What the—"

When the smoke cleared, there stood a team of examiners. The head of group, spoke up. "Thanks for waiting… I am Ibiki Morino, the examiner for the first test of the Chunin Exams…" a sadistic smirk sliced across his face. "Let us begin"

A little over 3 hours later, Team 7 found themselves traveling through the Forest of Death for the second part of the exam. They had some pretty rotten luck so far. Naruto started things off on the wrong foot when he managed to piss off the second exam Proctor, Anko. The crazy bitch had silted his cheek and had the nerve to lick his blood—sick! Once they got into the forest (after signing death warrants of course) they got ambushed by a group from the hidden Mist village. They managed to defeat them but unfortunately the scroll was the wrong one. To add a cherry on top, the bastards got away!

"If I see those bastards again . . ." Naruto threatened no one in particular. He was not having an enjoyable afternoon at all. "This sucks! Just sucks!" complained Naruto loudly for the 50th time that day.

"We know it does so shut up already, idiot!" Sasuke hissed. "We don't want the other teams to ambush us in our sleep!"

Sasuke landed on a lower branch.

Naruto dropped down next to her. "Yeah, yeah!" he said waving her off.

Sakura landed next to Naruto. "We need to get food and collect some fire wood," she suggested logically.

Sasuke nodded. "Let's keep going until we find a dense area to rest—ACK!"

The branched beneath them suddenly cracked under their combined weight and gave out.

Sasuke managed to land on another branch only for that one to give out also due to its thinness. Sasuke let out a cry of surprised pain when her butt collided with the hard ground six feet below. Naruto jumped down with Sakura in his arms. "Thanks, Naruto but maybe you should have caught Sasuke instead…I mean it would have been a longer fall…"

Naruto tossed a glance at Sasuke before scoffing. "Oh please! Sasuke-teme can take care of herself. Besides she's not really a normal girl..." he grinned at Sakura. "Unlike you, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura glared at Naruto. "Are you implying I'm weak?"

"Nope, just womanlike"

Sasuke huffed as she stood up and dusted off her clothes. She rubbed her sore behind with a scowl on her face. One would have thought she was angry but if they looked closely they could tell she was hurt more than angry… stupid hormones… She couldn't understand why she felt the way she did…

"Sasuke!" Naruto suddenly cried out.

"Leave me alone Naruto" Sasuke grumbled irritably.

"SASUKE!"

"I said leave me alone, dobe—"

"MOVE SASUKE!" Naruto yelled. "MOVE!"

"Gah?" If Sasuke didn't have her sharingan, a giant snake would have swallowed her. Sasuke managed to elude it by doing a back flip and sticking to a higher tree. Mentally she gave points to Kakashi for barely teaching her how to walk up trees with chakra. Naruto and Sakura followed her lead by getting off the ground.

"Wh-Where did that come from?" Sakura screamed.

The snake opened it mouth and out of the saliva arose a disturbing figure almost feminine in appearance but something not quite human. "Saaasuke-kun…" the woman hummed.

"Ewww! What the hell is that?" Naruto asked, somewhat disgusted but definitely freaked out. "Freddy Cougar's hillbilly cousin?"

Sasuke winced. Everything about this woman was unpleasant. Her eyes, her fingers, the way she cocked her head. That long greasy black hair along with that unnaturally wide smirk. It was all totally repulsive and downright evil. Sasuke first instinct was to run. Sensing what Sasuke was about to do, the woman chided, "Now, now, boy…You cannot go anywhere" she pulsed out killer vibrations.

The blast of killing intent froze Sasuke to the core. 'She's…she's too strong…W-We're going to die here!' the brunette thought franticly.

"SASUKE! GET OUT THERE!" Naruto screamed to no avail. It was as if Sasuke could not even hear him. Naruto growled in frustration. Sasuke was frozen like a deer in headlights. He had to do something for the teme, he reasoned, she was wide open!

"Sakura!" Naruto yelled to his teammate.

Sakura meanwhile was shaking in her sandals. She managed snapped out of her stupor when she heard Naruto call her name. "W-What?"

"Back me up!" Naruto demanded as he charged forward.

Sakura still looked terrified but shakily got into position. She swallowed. "Right!" she agreed in a voice that sounded far stronger than she was. She pulled out her kunai and deflected most of the ones the creepy snake women threw at Naruto as he charged forward. Unfortunately some of them slipped through and punctured Naruto on the shoulders but that did not seem to slow Naruto down.

"I see… you are protective of Sasuke-kun" the grass-nin said in amusement. "Tell me, Naruto. How much is Sasuke-kun worth to you?" she asked.

"Enough to not let a pedophile like you have your way with her!" Naruto shouted.

The woman seemed pleased with Naruto's answer. "Fascinating…very fascinating…very well, follow her wherever I may take him!" The grass nin shot pass Naruto and went straight for Sasuke.

"I WON'T LET YOU HURT HER!" Naruto screamed furiously. "Shadow clone jutsu!"

The strange woman sent Naruto a questioning look. This was the second time the boy had shouted 'her' instead of 'him'. Out loud she questioned it, "Her…why do you keep referring Sasuke-kun as a girl?" Naruto didn't seem to hear grass-nin as she continued to pummel her. Preventing her with all his might from reaching Sasuke. The snake woman was beginning to lose her patience. "You are becoming a nuisance!" the woman growled.

"Ah, well thank you!" Naruto said cheekily.

The snake woman narrowed her eyes dangerously. "It's not a compliment!" Her cheeks bulged and she spat out a yellow sticky mucus. Naruto had no time to evade it and was caught in in a web of stickiness, pinned against a tree. The woman opened her mouth again and this time a giant sword appeared. "So long, nine tails—"

"STOP! LET HIM GO!" a voice screamed out.

Sasuke held out her scroll. "Put my teammate down and in return you get our scroll" she bargained.

"No Sasuke-chan!" Sakura screamed suddenly. "Don't do it!"

"The dobe couldn't even laid a hit! Why should we even try?" Sasuke reasoned, hoping Sakura would understand.

Sakura looked incredulously at Sasuke for a moment before bellowing, "Well at least Naruto tried Sasuke-chan! Do you even realize Naruto got hurt because he was trying to protect a coward like you?"

Her response startled Sasuke. "H-He what…?" she asked.

"When you were too terrified to even move Naruto defended us and our scroll!" Sakura yelled. "And now you are just going to give it up?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Right…" Sasuke inhaled deeply. She knew there wasn't much she could do but she had to try. Maybe if she could use her fire jutsu, they MAY just stand a chance but the grass ninja was too quick and too crafty… like a snake… She would evade her attacks easily every time unless there was a way of restraining her… Sasuke thought about that invisible wire she had in her bag—perfect. It was a fool's chance but for Naruto's sake and for the sake of getting through the exam alive Sasuke charged forward. As she ran, Sasuke aligned the area with trap wire.

"My turn…" The lady chuckled ominously.

Sasuke snorted. "What are you? In preschool?"

The slivery glare of a sharp blade caught the attention of Sasuke's sharingan eye. She leaped back just as the hit came. It slashed through her shirt but luckily it had missed piercing her flesh by an centimeter. The cut had even severed the strap of her black bra, which pissed Sasuke off. She did not want to go bra shopping again. She had to go to nearly five stores to find the perfect one and with one swish of a sword it was destroyed?

"Such insolence" the woman said.

Sasuke chest was nearly exposed. Sasuke turned toward the grass-nin, not bother to trying to cover herself. The creepy-nin took notice of the raven's bulbous breast in surprise. Naruto blushed horribly as he noticed the glory of Sasuke's pale, perky breast. He finally just closed his eyes to stop goggling at his teammate. Sakura's jaw dropped. "No way... Her boobs are even bigger and a mine! Gyaaa... it's not fair!" She lamented. She patted her flat chest. "When will my time come?" she cried out to no one in particular.

"Hm?" the woman raised her thin eyebrows high. "You are female…"

"Thanks for telling me something I already know!" Sasuke said shortly. "Take this: Dragon line, fire jutsu!"

The grass-nin's eyes widen when she noticed the cord attached to her person but it was too late when she burst into a combustion. Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were expecting a scream of agony but no such thing. The sickening smell of burning flesh hung in the air as the smoke cleared…and… and the woman was still standing! Sasuke stumbled back in fear. There was no way! How did the woman survive much less have the strength to stand!

"Ha, ha, ha, ha! You are his… sister… indeed!" the woman said happily. She peeled off her burnt skin to reveal a man's face not much different in appearance. His thin pasty face held the same hungering look at made Sasuke want to turn and vomit. "I am very pleased with our encounter… we will meet again, Sasuke-chan, in a more…private engagement heh, heh!"

Sasuke shuddered, not wanting to know the hidden meaning behind that statement. Sakura and Naruto made a face. 'Pedophile...' they thought simultaneously. "But before I go…" the man turned an unpleasant eye on the entangled Naruto. "I will leave him with a gift…" before anyone could even move. Orochimaru had stretched his neck a thousand times its natural length and bit Naruto on the left shoulder with his snake like fangs.

"Naruto!" Sasuke and Sakura screamed in horror.

Naruto cried out in pain at the unexpected piercing. After a moment Orochimaru let go. "Heh, heh…I doubt you will survive Naruto-kun. Then again you may. There is a 1 in 10 chance. I am looking forward to the results" Orochimaru began to sink into the ground. "Farewell children" he said and he was gone.

Naruto meanwhile was screaming bloody murder as he thrashed about futilely. "Hold on, Naruto!" Sakura said as she and Sasuke hurriedly cut him down from the mucus snake goo and laid him out on the ground. "Oh my Kami, what did that freak did to him!" Sakura cried in alarm as she looked at the angry red bite mark. Above it was some sort of black seal. Sasuke didn't know what it was but she knew one thing, it vibrated sinister energies.

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Sasuke was currently wondering if she had crossed paths with a black cat recently. Sasuke tried to mend her Uchiha shirt to no avail. Finally she just gathered the loose ends of the shirt and tied them together across her breast. It looked like a skimpy beach top but it was the only modesty she could get for now.

Sakura watched Sasuke out of the corner of her eye. Sasuke reminded Sakura of an exotic Amazon warrior princess. Beautiful, powerful and deadly… all the things she was not… Sasuke and Naruto had fought Orochimaru, she didn't… She was useless and now…no...No! No more self-pity rants! Sakura took out the scroll Kakashi gave her. She had learned sevral D-ranked water jutsus yesterday as instructed. Maybe she could master the rest before they reached the tower. Sakura was determined as she read through the steps for the water glasier jutsu. It happened to be the only B-ranked jutsu on the scroll and potentially offensive to help defend her teammates.

"How's Naruto?" Sasuke asked, calling Sakura out of her studies.

"Um, still out I'm afraid…and running a fever" Sakura answered worriedly. She gently touched the strange mark that creepy woman left behind on Naruto's neck.

Sasuke felt exceedingly sorry. It was all her fault that Naruto got hurt. Freezing up like a coward back there…Sasuke inwardly growled. For Kami's sake she was the last of the Uchiha clan! She had to be stronger than this or else she would never kill Itach and Madara or resurrect the clan!

In the middle of her self-pity rant Sasuke noticed the seal on Naruto's neck starting to glow red. "What…?"

Sakura lurched back a little. "What…what is happening?"

"Get up you lazy buffoon! I said get up!" an urgent gruff voice commanded.

Naruto moaned. His whole body ached.

"GET UP ALREADY, DAMN IT!" the voice roared.

Naruto sat up in alarm. "Huh? What?" he then noticed he was in a sewer; a dark, dank, moldy, wet sewer. "Eww!" Naruto shrieked like a girl as he jumped up from the damp ground immediately.

"Hurry up and give me temporary control of your Chakra network"

Naruto then noticed were the voice was coming from. A giant cage was set before him.

"Who-who are you?" Naruto asked. He could see the outline of a great beast sitting imprisoned behind those bars.

"The great Kyuubi no Kitsune! Now get over here you little worm! Hurry!"

Cautiously Naruto eased forward.

"You see that…" the fox pointed his muzzle in the direction of the walls. Naruto was horrified. Disgusting fat purplish veins covered the walls, gripping and pulsing. What was even scarier was that they were multiplying rapidly! "What the hell is that…that thing!" Naruto said aghast.

"That monstrosity is like a virus trying to bond with our chakras" the fox answered. "Quickly! We must work together in order to get rid of it. If we wait, their residence will become a permanent part of our chakra networks!"

"H-how do we get rid of it?"

"We'll force our chakra out through its core; the chakra point in your shoulder where it first was planted by that... that drag looking freak" Kyuubi said. "In essence, we burn it off"

"How do I know this is not a scheme to get out of jail for free?" Naruto asked.

The fox growled in exasperation. "Look kid, it's either you team up with me or you make room for that!"

"Let's get started, Mr. Fox"

"Naruto…Naruto please wake up! We don't know what's happening!" Sakura shook the boy desperately.

"Sakura, get back!" Sasuke ran forward and jerked her pink haired teammate away. Not a second sooner and Sakura would have been scorched by the red chakra that suddenly cloaked Naruto's body. Sakura and Sasuke let out a yelp. As the chakra flared out, going completely haywire. After a moment, the chakra died down and receded back into Naruto's chakra network.

Hesitantly Sakura asked, "Is… is he safe?"

Sasuke activated her sharingan. "I think so…" her eyes widen. "Hey…!"

"What is it?" Sakura asked urgently.

"The mark… that purple chakra…I don't see it anymore," Sasuke explained. "Whatever that other chakra was… it burned off the other—"

There was a moan. Naruto opened his eyes weakly.

"Naruto…"

"Is…is the…m-mark gone…?" Naruto asked faintly.

Sakura edged forward and looked at back of his neck. Her eyes widen in surprise. "Yeah, it's gone…whatever you did, it got rid of the mark! That's amazing, Naruto!" she answered happily.

"Great... Hey, Sa…Sakura-chan…is Sasuke okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" Sasuke answered for herself. She leaned over so Naruto could see her.

Naruto's face relaxed. "Great…that's great" he whispered relieved. He then passed out cold.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke and Sakura shouted.

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TBC…

CM: I found this chapter very hard to write for some reason. I suppose the reason is because I suck at action scenes. Practice makes perfect I suppose…