DISCLAIMER: All characters and the world of "Twilight" belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing—nothing! Not even a car.

A/N This was written for the May Drabble Challenge over at The Air The Sun – Clueless meets Twilight and, yes, some dialogue from Clueless has been adapted. I'm not that clever.

Enjoy!

"God, Jake, don't you have your own fridge to raid? Charlie and Billy got divorced like five years ago."

Jacob calmly continued to pile lunch meat on his plate. "Charlie said I was welcome anytime. Besides, you know he's helping me with law school."

"Whatever," said Bella, attempting to shove him aside. "I need water, Edward will be here any second and I want my skin to look dewy."

Jacob stifled a laugh as he handed her the dish covered in plastic wrap. "Edward? Isn't he the one with the—" he mimed the elaborate application of hair gel with his free hand.

"Yes, he takes pride in his appearance, unlike some people I know."

"Well, I have more important things to worry about—like keeping Victoria from killing us."

"There's always time for good personal hygiene, Jacob."

Charlie's voice cut through the argument. "Bella, your…date's here."

Edward, dressed impeccably in a white button down shirt and slacks, was standing by the door.

Jacob shut the refridgerator door and put down his snack. "So, where are you two going tonight?"

"A little shindig my family is throwing for Bella." Edward smirked as Bella ran over and grabbed his arm.

"What kind of shindig?"

"Hey, man, protective vibe, I dig."

"Dig? Vibe? How old are you anyways?"

Bella rolled her eyes and lead Edward out of the kitchen.

"Bye, Jake." Bella pointed yelled over her shoulder. "Don't wait up."

[Half an hour later]

"Don't you think Edward is too old for her? And did you hear that car peel out of the driveway? How fast do you think he was going?"

Charlie looked up from his legal brief. "Jake, if you're that worried, just go after her."

[Half an hour after that]

"Isn't the band the coolest?" Edward snapped his fingers to the beat. "I remember when this first came out in 1933—I used to go to the picture show just to hear Fred Astaire sing this song."

"It's nice." She looked up to smile at Edward but had turned away was off dancing the jitterbug with Jasper.

Suddenly she felt something warm behind her.

"Where's loverboy?" said a low voice in her ear.

"Dancing—" Bella pouted. "With Jasper."

Jacob laughed. "Your man Edward is a cake boy!"

"A what?"

"He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?"

"Uh-uh, no way, not even! He took me to a special meadow and we touched faces."

"Mmmhmmm…" Jacob gave her a meaningful look. "Faces. Do you know what a real man would have done?" He leaned in close. "And I don't need a meadow."

"Oh, god," Bella said widening her eyes in understanding. "And he does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?"

"Exactly." Jacob stood back awkwardly. "So you don't want to make a night of it with the Ring a Ding Kid?"

"I think what I need has been right in front of me the whole time."