Title: The Problems with DelusionsPairing: Tiva (romance), McGee/Tony (bromance), Tony/Gibbs (father/son)Rating: KSummary: Poor Tony is always getting hurt, this time, he wakes up, thinking he has a wife…

Tony opened his eyes cautiously, already fully aware of the throbbing headache pounding away behind his eyes. Even the soft lights of the hospital room hurt his eyes. He tried to lift his head and look around but that only made him nauseous. He groaned softly.

"Hey," he heard a familiar voice, granted softer than he was used to, "DiNozzo, look at me."

"Boss?" The first thing he noticed was silver hair and bright blue eyes, worry slowly fading from them. "What happened?"

"What else?" Gibbs granted him a rare chuckle, "you landed yourself in the hospital again."

"Again?" He shut his eyes, frustrated. "Now what?" Before Gibbs could reply the doctor walked in with a large grin.

"Welcome back, Agent DiNozzo!"

"Hey hey, Dr. Pitt, you again?"

"We've been through the plague and back together, Tony!" He extended his hand and Tony slowly rose his own to shake it. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," was Tony's automatic reply.

"DiNozzo," his boss scolded, knowing Tony had to be honest with the doctor, for once, to be properly taken care of.

"Ok, so my head hurts a bit. How long was I out?"

"About nineteen hours, give or take. You had a bad concussion, I'm surprised the medication alone didn't keep you out longer." Dr. Pitt looked down at Tony's chart and laughed softly. "We're going to have to get you a new file, this one reads like a Agent To-Don't guide." Tony managed a feeble laugh. "Can I get you anything? You must be thirsty, you were nearly dehydrated, we've had you on an IV for a few hours already."

"That sounds great," he generously took a cup of water from Gibbs, always one step ahead. "I guess I'm not going to be getting out of here anytime soon, am I doc?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Well because the past three times I've been here it's been at least three days, I'm not going to kid myself, you guys must love me here if you always want to keep me here that much." And there it was, a few minutes out of an assumed coma and the DiNozzo 1,000-watt smile was back.

I'd like to keep you here for some observation, make sure the swelling in that thick skull of yours has gone down-" Gibbs smiled at the doctor's words, "but other than that, you should be out of here by noon."

Tony smiled, relieved for good news.

"I'll call the others and let them know you're okay." Gibbs was about to step out of the room before Tony stopped him.

"Hey, Boss, if I can't get out of here sooner, can you do me a favor?" Gibbs just stared and waited for a second. "Could you call my wife? I don't want her to worry."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, nearly dropping his phone.

Waiting in the common area Gibbs stood straight as a beam as his team filtered in. Hospital staff was familiar with his team and gave them no trouble as they breezed by, outside of visiting hours.

"Oh my god, Gibbs, is Tony ok??" Abby ran up to the older man and through his arms around his neck. "I mean, clearly he's okay since he's awake and all, luckily he wasn't out for too long, but there's still so much that could go wrong with his brain, and his memory and-"

"He's fine Abs." Gibbs cut her off curtly, biting the inside of his cheek as she mentioned memory.

"Can we go in and see him? Does he know what happened?" McGee was the next to take half a step forward.

Ziva stood quietly in the back of the group, staring at the floor. "Yes, did you tell him what happened? What… what I did?"

Gibbs stepped forward, standing right in front of her, the amusement he was holding in seconds before completely vanished. "No, I didn't. Look at me, Ziva." She complied. "It wasn't your fault. The room was cleared by Tony himself when you first entered, there was no way to know someone else was with you in that house." She nodded shortly and regained her composure. "But," he said a little louder, "we do have a new problem to deal with."

"What's the matter Jethro, I thought the doctor had said he was okay?" Ducky had worry in his eyes, glancing back and forth from Tony's closed door to his old friend's face.

"Tony…" Gibbs was trying to find a way to phrase what Tony had just explained to him while waiting for the team to arrive. "Tony thinks he's married."

The group stared at their boss, looking back and forth at each other. All of a sudden they all erupted into laughter.

"Tony? Tony DiNozzo thinks he's married? Since when!" McGee almost doubled over laughing, Abby leaning on him for support.

"Oh, Jethro, this should definitely be interesting," even Ducky couldn't hold back chuckles.

"Well," Palmer spoke up, in between laughs, "couldn't get any weirder than that!"

"Oh, it definitely will." Gibbs cleared his throat, slightly uncomfortable as Dr. Pitt approached.

"Nice to see you all again," he nodded to the group, noting their subsiding laughs, "I can see Agent Gibbs has told you all of DiNozzo's…"

"Loss of reality?" McGee offered, the bunch giggled but were silent as Gibbs glared.

"Well. Yes. It seems that there was some slight brain damage from swelling and small amounts of bleeding in the base of his skull. Basically, he really believes that he is married. He has you all worked into his version of reality. Hell, he was just telling me about what it felt like to stand at the altar, watching his bride walk towards him."

"But wait," Abby slightly interrupted, "who does he think he's married to? Surely he remembers everything Jeanne, right?" She received odd stares, "What?? She's the only one we've seen him fall for… ever!" They nodded slightly in agreement.

"You didn't tell them?" Dr. Pitt shook his head and took a step back. "I'll give you all a second, but I've already told Agent Gibbs how to handle all of this, so hopefully you all can heed my warning." They looked at him patiently, giggles finally gone. "Tony's mind is a fragile thing right now. This fantasy he's created, it is his reality. I would suggest you all just kind of go with it until his memory comes back. We've seen no permanent damage, so I do expect him to make a full recovery, but until he gets his memory back, I would recommend not ruining what he knows to be real right now. Can everyone do that?" They looked at each other with raised eyebrows and half cocked smiles. Nodding his approval Dr. Pitt smiled brightly and walked back to the nurses' station.

"So, Boss, who is it??" McGee was anxious to see who of the slew of scantily clad 20-somethings they would have to pull into the office to play Tony's wife. "Anyone we know or can remember without a playbook?

Gibbs eyes settled softly, amused. "Oh, yeah." Slowly Ziva met his eyes. "It's you."

A/N: After reading probably about 50-60ish chapters worth of Tony in pain stories, this came to me. I actually read a Star Trek fanfic with this light premise YEARS ago (I'm talkin' 1998 here, people! …and I'm only 21, jeez that's so long ago) so I changed it up a bit and ran with it. Please let me know what you think, there were SO many plot bunnies for this story, but this one beat the other ones to death with a stick so I went in this direction. J