Only an Accident

Note: This story contains 3 different point of views from Perry, Doofenscmirz, and Major Monogram. It's based on the episode "Hail Doofania." of Perry's misfortune at the Sand Paper Factory. I'll tell you who's speaking. Enjoy!

Perry

My watch vibrated. I knew what to do immediately. I lifted my body off from the shady spot where my owners were, and went to my HQ entrance behind the house.

I went on the elevator down to my secret base. Since I did this mostly everyday, I always know the main gist of what my assignments will be; "stop Doofenshmirtz before he tries to take over the Tri State Area." Right before I sit on my chair, and before I turn on the monitor, I know what my boss wants me to do.

I could almost skip my HQ intro, and just head on over to D.E.I., but I don't. I don't because, I want to hear what the background of Doof's plans are going to be, but I mainly do it because I want to tell (or show) Major Monogram that I was safe, all right, and ready to go. I think MM would worry if I don't show up, so I save him from having a possible panic attack, and show my face to him before I foil my nemesis's evil schemes.

I sat in my chair, and hit the button. The monitor came on, showing me my boss.

"Hello Agent P." Greeted Major Monogram. "How are you today?" I shrugged. All right I guess.

"That's good; now for your assignment." I sat up and scooted in farther, waiting for my boss to tell me what his piece of paper said.

"Doofenshmirtz has bought an umbrella." He read. He looked at me again and shrugged. "Now the weatherman said it was supposed to be a nice day, so we don't know why he wasted his money on it. So we need you to figure out why. Can you do that Agent P?" I got out of my chair, and stood up straight as I began my salute. Can do MM!

"Alright." He said. "Good luck Agent P." I saluted and dashed to my hovercraft. I got into it, started the engine, and flew out to my nemesis's apartment building.

As I was driving, I thought of the possible ways my sworn enemy could use an umbrella without it raining. For the bright sun, a fight with me, twirling it around for fun, cutting paper animals with it because he foolishly didn't want to buy paper, for his latest inator, or a reenactment of The Penguin vs. the Batman. Ah who am I kidding? He probably wanted to battle me with it no doubt.

I parked my Hovercraft, and hopped out. I went to the center, waiting for the springing traps to work and trap me inside of them. To my surprise, there weren't any traps.

I looked around. Where were all the traps at, but more importantly, where is Dr. D? He should be here by now telling me of his plans.

I shrugged, gave up, and was about to go home when TWACK!! An orange umbrella came out of nowhere and hit me on my left cheek.

I, looking annoyed, rubbed my cheek, knowing the owner of the umbrella. Dr. D then approached me from the shadows.

"Hello Perry the Platypus." He greeted, swinging the umbrella. "I just thought instead of our regular routine, why don't we just get it over with and battle right away; How about it?" I agreed with a nod.

"Excellent!" He said. "Let the best man or platypus, mostly man win!" He swung, I dodged it.

"Hold still Perry the Platypus." He told me. "Don't move. I'll get you!" I ran to a corner. I was trapped!

"Now you will pay Perry the Platypus." I looked behind me and down below. A large drop. Good thing I got my parachute. I turned around, and got ready to turn my parachute on.

"AHA!" He shouted, and pushed me towards the ledge. I tried to maintain my balance when all of a sudden; Doof poked me with the umbrella. I fell off. He came to the side, looked at where I just was, and gasped.

I was about to turn on my parachute when all of a sudden I fell into a Sandpaper Factory!

Now I'm not going to tell you what the machines did to me, but I can tell you one thing, it wasn't pretty. It was all so painful! I thought I was never going to get out of those harmful machines. I thought I was a goner for sure.

I finally hit the ground, wounded and drowsy. I passed out.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

"Perry the Platypus!" I screamed after my platypus nemesis as he disappeared in the Sandpaper Factory. I hope Perry the Platypus was hurt. Fearing he wasn't, I ran out of my apartment building. The elevator was out of order, so I had to use the stairs. I didn't care I had to go down 45 flights, but I was deturmined even if it made me tired. I had to make it down. I couldn't move on knowing that my enemy was okay. As I reached the lobby, I rushed outside of the building.

Outside, I saw some medics lift a passed out Perry on a stretcher into an ambience. Then they went away. I went over, and then Perry opened his eyes as he looked up at me.

Then I saw his face. There were smidges of his red flesh where his fur originally was.

I tried to keep from laughing.

"Oh Perry the Platypus!" I snickered to myself. "Look at yourself. Your face is the ugliest thing I ever saw!" I couldn't hold it in; I burst out laughing.

The platypus gave me a confused funny look, cocking his head to his side in puzzlement like a dog would. "What's so funny?" He seemed to be saying. Still snickering, I held up a mirror. He looked at his reflection; He quickly backed up with a frightened chatter. I through the mirror to the side, and I dropped onto the ground laughing.

Perry

I couldn't believe it; Dr D was right, I was ugly! I was missing some fur, my red flesh was showing. I still couldn't believe it when a medic showed up. Dr. D stopped laughing, and both of us looked up at him. Dr.D stood up and dusted his pants.

"Did you do this to this poor creature?" He asked.

"Uh…" The Doctor looked at me.

"Because if you did." The man continued. "I have to report you to jail. Beating up an animal is against the law here. So, did you hurt this platypus?"

"No!" Dr. D quickly lied; hands crossed his chest. "Why would I do that? No. He, just for some strange reason, jumped from a 45 story building, and fell in a Sandpaper Factory. I had nothing to do with it, I swear!"

I glared madly at my nemesis. What a downright, backstabbing, rotten liar! He was the cause of this whole thing. He's the reason of my accident! Of course he should go to jail; he deserved it after what he did to me. Although he caused me pain everyday, this was the worst! I had to go to the animal hospital thanks to him! He shouldn't even go to court, and have a fair trial. He should just go straight to jail, and spend his entire life there for this! I sighed; since he was an American now, I guess he deserved to have a fair trial like everyone else. Still, I couldn't forgive him for what happened.

"Okay, we have to take him in now." The man told Dr. D as he hopped in beside me in the track. Two other men came and closed the door, locking us in. I tried to break out but it was no use, the doors were jammed shut. This was worst then being locked up in a cage! I didn't want this, I just want to go back and fight with my nemesis.

I kept ramming my head against the doors until the man stopped me.

"You shouldn't do that." He said to me. "You don't want to have a concussion, do you?" I looked at him, and agreed, He's right. I do not want to have a concussion, I was already in pain as it is, but I wanted to be out of here too.

Suddenly, I felt an itch! I tried not to scratch it, knowing the consequences if I did. But I just had to, it hurts like crazy! I lifted my foot and scratched away at a sour spot.

"No!" The medic stopped me. I stopped scratching. "Don't do that. Don't you see? It'll only make it worst." With agreement, I laid beside him. He sat down and petted me.

Suddenly, I scratched again. He stopped me.

"Quit doing that!" He scolded. I stopped again. "Pretty soon, we'll get a pet cone on you, and then you'll have to stop scratching at your wounds."

I gulped. A pet cone? I didn't know what that was because I never worn one before, but it must be good if it'll stop me from scathing like crazy, so I'm all for it!

The whole trip, I kept scratching myself at my wounds, and the medic sat by me the whole way telling me to knock it off. I tried to listen to orders for my own good, but the urge to scratch couldn't pull me away. I just couldn't help it.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

I just stared at the ambulance as it drove away with my nemesis inside. I held my head in shame.

"What have I done?" I asked myself. "I mean it's good that Perry's in pain, but… not like this. I never thought that I would lose my enemy this way. I just wanted to fight him like we do all the time, not see him sent away to an animal hospital." I sighed to myself. "I feel…" I tried to sound out the word. "Gu…guit…guilty. It's my fault that Perry's going to the hospital. I guess I should call Major Monogram and tell him, oh boy, I wonder what his reaction will be." I strolled along sadly to my apartment to my room.

"Okay, come on Doof, you can do this." I told myself as I picked up my phone and dialed Major Monogram's number. "Just tell him the truth. He won't mind." I placed the phone to my ear and stated talking when Major Monogram picked up.

Major Monogram

"You did WHAT?" I asked, stunned at the news Dr. D was telling me.

"I-I purposely hit Perry the Platypus with my umbrella." He exclaimed on his end of the line. "And he fell into a Sandpaper Factory."

"What Sandpaper Factory? You didn't tell me about a Sand Paper Factory was by your apartment." He kind of chucked as he said his next line.

"Yeah, I didn't know ether. So, since Perry probably going to die, what do you say? Do you want to join me in the forces of evil?"

"NO!!!" I shouted madly into the phone. "I never will join forces with you Dr. D, never! Now good day!" I slammed the phone back on the receiver. I was steaming mad! Carl looked at me.

"Uh sir?" He asked. "Are you okay?" I then broke out crying.

"He's killed Agent P Carl." I told him through my tears.

"Who?" Carl questioned.

"Dr. D." I answered. "He's killed poor Agent P." My intern gasped.

"Killed? Are you sure?" I nodded as I blew on a Kleenex.

"Yeah. He said that they were fighting, and Agent P fell into a Sandpaper Factory. Now he's going to the Animal Hospital, and he's probably going to die." I blew on the Kleenex again. "We'll never see our little agent ever again." I blew again. Carl looked confused.

"Ah sir." He said. "When people or animals go to the hospital, they don't always die. True, Agent P must be badly injured, but he's not going to die. I say let's go to the hospital, and support Agent P in his time of need. What do you say?"

Immediately, I cheered up. I bolted out of my seat, and threw my Kleenex in the garbage can like it was a basketball.

"Carl that's the best thing that was ever said."

"Thank you sir."

"I'm so glad I thought of it."

"Anytime sir, wait, what?"

"Come on. We're visiting Agent P at the animal hospital."

"Okay."

So off we went, to the Animal Hospital of Dansville.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz

"Well that was rude." I said as I hung up the phone. "Not joining the forces of evil. I mean, who doesn't? It's a cool force if you ask me."

"I joined!" Norm informed me as he was playing cards with his stuff animals. "You got me. I'll always be there for you."

"Well, you joined because I built you." I reminded him. "So, it doesn't count. You automatically joined."

I looked at the umbrella on the chair.

"You!" I pointed madly at it. "This is all your fault. If I didn't buy you, you wouldn't have torn me away from Perry the Platypus. I never want to see you again. Go away!" I picked it up and threw it behind the couch. I was steaming mad!

"Does someone need a hug?" Norm asked me. "I think someone had a hard day." He got up, and went towards me. I calmed down.

"No." I told him. "I don't need a hug." I walked towards the door and opened it. "I'm going to go visit Perry the Platypus at the hospital."

"Okay! Tell him I wish him well."

"Don't worry Norm. I'll tell him you wish he was dead."

"That's not what I…" I closed the door.

The truth is… (And don't tell this to the other forces of evil), I don't want my nemesis to die. I kind of like him in a way. My life's not complete without him. He's my best frenemy. I can't live knowing I put him in the hospital. I need Perry the Platypus. Without him…I'm nothing (And if you tell this to your friends and paste this dialogue on the Word Wide Web that Perry is my frenemy, I'll tell your mother on you. You hear me? Your mother! That's right; I have power over you now. Well I will once Perry's gone. Am I rambling again? I'm rambling aren't I? I'm probably boring you to death with my consent rambling. Okay, I'll stop now! Anytime now, NOW!) I walked all the way from my apartment to the hospital.

Perry

I followed the men into the hospital building. I looked around. There were pets everywhere (I was the only platypus through)! Hmmm, this place looks familiar. Oh now I remember, this is the same hospital that I went to after the bus incident, and where I was first offered the job as a secret agent. I followed the doctors to a hospital bed.

The men lifted me up, and sat me on the bed. I looked up at them, and then the vet came. It was the same vet who checked my tail. She leaned down to my face. I looked at her.

"Hello little guy." She spoke. She looked at my red spots on my body and face, and flinched.

"Ouch!" She said. "What happened to you? That must have hurt a lot!" She rubbed my head. "Poor little guy." Then she released her hand on my head, and called to a doctor.

"I need a pet cone over here stat!" She called, and then she looked back at me.

"You'll feel better soon little guy." She prominsed. "Don't you worry. We'll take care of everything." A doctor then came with a plastic cone. She took it when he offered it to her. She looked back at me.

"This is an Elizabethan collar." She educated me. "Or Comfy Cone, if you don't want your wounds to get any worst, you'll suppose to wear it all day." I looked at the plastic cone in horror. I was supposed to wear that?! No thanks! I'll stop itching, I swear. Just please, don't make me wear that awful thing. I looked at her with a pleading expression on my face that read "Do I have to?"

"Oh come on." She said. "It won't hurt. Just for a day, I promise." I backed up. I rather take my chances on something else, thank you very mush. I must have backed up too far, because the next thing I knew, I landed on the floor.

I looked at them, and noticed their hands coming for me. I knew what I must do. I had to get out of there if I wanted to remain alive, and fast! I quickly ran to the entrance.

"Get him!" The vet shouted. The medics all chased after me as I ran and ran. "Don't let him get away!" The medics blocked the doors. I skidded to a stop. I looked both ways. I gulped with fear, I was trapped!

"Come on." The vet walked towards me, horrid cone in hands. "This won't hurt one bit I swear. Just relax."

I looked up at the ceiling. There were little walkways at the top. I thought about turning into Agent P, and pulling me up there with my grappling hook. Now I wasn't supposed to expose my true self to humans (Besides Carl, MM, Dr. D, and other agents), but this was an emergency. I was sure if it! I was about to go into agent form and get out my grappling hook, when Dr. D, Carl, and MM showed up. I ran to them. I hid behind MM like he was my bodyguard or something. I looked up at him. Please don't make them do this MM, please! I'll do anything; just don't let them make me wear that horrendous cone, please!

"What's going on here?" Major Monogram wanted to know. The vet approached him. I backed up.

"Sir, that platypus had a major accident. We'll trying to get this on his head so he won't make it worst. Can you help us?" I looked up at my boss. No MM, don't do it! It's a trap, I tell you, don't do it!

"Yeah, I'll help." He volunteered. I glared madly at him. Traitor! How could you do this to me?! Why?! Monogram swat down next to me.

"Agent P." He said to me after he made sure no one but me, Carl, and Dr. D were listening. "I know you don't want to, but come on, you got to wear this. It's the only way that'll make your wounds go away. Other agents in our agency had to wear these before, and their wounds gone away before they even knew they were gone. So please, for the sake of the agency, won't you please wear it? It'll only be a little while, and then it can come off. I swear Agent P; nothing's going to hurt you. So, please put it on for me?"

I looked at him and sighed. Fine, I'll do it. But only because other agents have done it. If I die, you, Carl, and Dr. D aren't invited to my funeral. I went back to the hospital bed.

"That's the sprit Agent P!" MM cheered as he stood up. "Just you wait and see, it'll be gone before you know it." They all followed me.

I hopped up and the bed, and stood straight. Okay, let's get this over with. I stayed in my position as the doctors (not Dr. D) work on me.

Between you and me, I think the pet cone was the dumbest thing ever invented. I could hardly see out of it, it must of looked ridiculous on me. I looked at the vet. You can't be serious can you? I look silly with this on. Can I please take it off? The vet smiled at me.

"You look great." She said. "I'll call your owner to come by and pick you up in the morning." She left the room with the other doctors. Great?! I look like I belong in the circus with this thing on! Good thing I wasn't wearing that coconut bra/hula skit.

Downright stupid is how I'll put it. I looked at my boss, Carl, and my nemesis. Carl was trying so hard to keep from laughing. Dr. D and Carl both broke out laughing.

"Oh Perry the Platypus!" Dr. D laughed. "Look at yourself. You look funny!"

"Yeah!" Carl added laughing. "You're the funniest thing I ever saw!"

"Yeah, poor you!" I eyed the laughing fools. My boss eyed them too. They stopped.

"I mean." Carl said to me. "Sorry you have to wear the Cone of Shame Agent P." Monogram tried to stop him but it was too late, I heard everything. I was shocked.

Cone of Shame!? I looked down sadly. Now I really hated this cone! Did I let down the agency? I can't believe it. I've succeeded with my many missions with Dr. D. before, and then this major slipup have to happen! Let this cone be on me, I feel just as ashamed at me as you all are. I don't deserve to be a secret agent anymore. I'm a disgrace. I don't think I deserve to live anymore. I laid down, tears falling from my eyes, dripping on the inside of my cone. I let everyone down. Why did that stupid accident have to happen, why? MM squatted next to me. I looked at him, not really in the mood as I sniffed away my tears. I have blew it major time.

"Agent P." My boss told me. "Forget about what Carl said. It's not true."

"Sorry Agent P!" Carl apoligized. "I didn't mean it. I meant the Cone of Pride." I disagree, I knew what he meant. I'm a total failure, and should be shot.

"Agent P." Monogram said. "You're a wonderful agent. Don't let a silly cone like this make you think over wise. Everybody gets hurt once in a while Agent P, even human agents like the CIA and the FBI." I looked up at him.

"The point is Agent P, nobody's perfect. "Not even the president of the United States. Accidents are going to happen Agent P, and you just have to learn to accept them. You can't let them slow you down; if you learn from them, you can overcome them. Therefore, try to prevent them in the near future." He stood up. "We got to go Agent P, think long and hard of what I said. Remember, you can't let fear take over your life. See you in the morning agent." He and the others walked away. I heard Dr. D laugh one last time, and then they departed.

I thought long and hard about what my boss told me that night. I had a vision in my head that all of my agent friends will laugh at me because of my stupid cone. But then I remembered what MM told me, and I shook it off, and fell asleep.

Major Monogram

That night, I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning at the nightmare that went through my mind.

Carl and I just came home from the hospital. We saw people in black suits and policemen surrounding the area. In front of the agency was the 'do not cross' tape. We came up to them.

"Can I help you?" I asked them. "Yes." The man said, showing me his FBI badge. "We'll here on the President's order to shut you down."

"What?!" I asked, dumbfound. Carl gasped too. "What for? What did we do?"

"An animal got hurt on one of his agent missions, didn't he?"

"Agent P? Yes, but that was just an accident. I'm sure the president can…"

"Sir, accident or not, you still put an animal in danger. I'm going to have to escort you to jail for this offence."

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!" I shouted. But it was too late. I was handcuffed, and escorted away from my intern into a police car. It drove away.

I looked out the window at the agency one last time. I will not see Carl, the agency, the other agents, or Agent P ever again. I cried all the way to the police station.

Somebody poked me in the ribs. I looked up and screamed. It was Carl. I stopped.

"Did you have a bad dream sir?" Carl asked me, candlestick in hand. I sat up.

"Yeah." I answered him. "A bad dream."

"Want me to tell me about it. Sometimes, telling make you feel better." I looked at him and gave in.

"Alright." So, I told him about my nightmare. He listened with content. After I was done, he comforted me and told me everything will be fine. I believed him, and then we went to bad.

I didn't have that nightmare any more.

Dr. Doofenshmirz

I kept worrying about my nemesis that night. That silly pet cone on him was pretty ridiculous on him, but still, is this my fault? Will Perry the Platypus be all right? I kept wondering.

Norm came by my side and comforted me. He gave me cookies, milk, and told me everything will turn out right. I thanked him, and he left.

I didn't worry about Perry the Platypus anymore. In fact, I felt great! I blew out my candle, laid on my pillow, and went to sleep. I can not wait to fight him tomorrow!

Perry

In the morning, I saw the vet come in with Linda. They walked to my bed.

"What happened?" My owner's mom asked. She picked me up, and stroked my fur. "You poor thing. Well, I know what'll cheer you up. Let's go home, and take you to see Phineas and Ferb. Come on." She left with me.

"Remember!" The vet called after us. "Don't take that off of him until the end of the day!"

"I'll remember to tell the boys that!" Linda called back. "I'm sure they won't mind." She put me in the car. The vet waved to me as we drove away.

When we arrived, Linda carried me inside. Then from the corner of my eye I saw Candace freaking out about her clothes. Wait a minute, weren't those Vanessa's? Why was she wearing Vanessa's clothes? Has she gone Goth now? Oh well, this pet cone must be making me see things. It must have been some kind of a side affect, if there were any, I don't know. All I cared about now was to see Phineas and Ferb.

But, wait a minute! What if they laugh at me? What if… I shook it off. Nonsense! Get a grip on yourself Perry! No one will laugh at you. Phineas and Ferb loves me. They won't do that to me. Looks don't matter. I sighed, and turned to face my owners. Phineas looked at us.

"Hi mom." Phineas said after his mom entered with me, she sat me down. "What's with the satellite dish?"