I DIDN'T MEAN TO. IT JUST HAPPENED, I SWEAR! I'LL WRITE YOURS SOON, SIS, I JUST NEED TO GET WHAT I STARTED OFF OF MY DEAD LAPTOP'S HARDDRIVE. I'LL DO IT. REALLY.

"It's not faaaiiiir~!"

Azusa Yumi sighed, taking a drink of ot green tea as her friend wailed.

"How on earth can even YOU get a boyfriend, but I'm still alone!" Marie sobbed, pounding her fist on the lunchroom table.

Azusa picked up her chopsticks, blowing into her bowl of ramen to cool it down. She didn't bother looking at the other weapon, simply stating, "Maybe it's because you're trying too hard. You're much easier to get along with when you're being yourself, you know."

"I AM myself! I'm myself all the time! And myself is lonely and desperate and still rooming with Franken Stein of all people and yet you're here for two weeks and you manage to get a boyfriend!"

Yumi took a bite of her miso-flavored lunch. "You know those two statements had nothing to do with each other, right? They shouldn't have even been in the same paragraph, much less sentence."

Marie pouted. "You're really not helping, you know."

The gun thought carefully for a moment. "Actually, the sentence might have made sense if it wasn't for the part where you mentioned your roommate. That was a little irrelevant, I think."

"You suck. And it wasn't irrelevant- living with that guy just makes my loneliness more pronounced. At my age, I should be living with a man because we're married- or at least going out- and not because he's mentally unstable and incapable of emotional attachment to a human being. If I'm gonna be keeping a guy sane, I should at least me getting laid for it."

Azusa took another bite of her ramen, frowning at her glasses fogging from the steam. "He's not incapable of love- he just thinks he is because he's an idiot." A sip of tea. "And crazy."

Marie looked at her friend, finally going back to her own lunch. "What do you mean? If someone's incapable of love, I think they'd be the person to know..."

"He's just emotionally constipated. Or maybe retarted is a better word. He's an idiot, either way."

Marie frowned, taking a bite of her own chicken soup. "Yumi, you're going to need to explain. You know I'm not as smart as you."

"Well, think about it. He claims to not understand human emotions, but if that was the case he wouldn't be so driven by curiosity, or happy when he learns something new, or angry when something goes wrong. And if he was really incapable of love as he claims, then he wouldn't be capable of affection- and we all know he adores those stupid kids as much as you, Sid, or any of us."

"Huh..." Marie said thoughtfully, sucking on a rapidly-cooling spoonful of noodles. "That makes sense... But then why is he the way he is?"

"Well, I'm not psychologist, but my guess is a psychological barrier he built aound himself when he was younger; most likely unconciously. And possibly repressed homosexuality."

"...What?"

Azusa sighed, placing her chopsticks across the top of her now empty bowl. "Well, you remember what he was like when he was younger- 'mentally unstable' was an understatement; the boy was downright psychotic. But when he got a partner and started spending time around people- ones he didn't regard as being scum, idiots, or mere test subjects, anyway- he began to stabilize and calm down. And all these significant changes happened just as he was beginning to hit puberty- an inarguably important time in human development. Right?"

"Yeah, I follow. Go on."

"Well. At the time, I wouldn't be surprised if he had never formed an emotional attachment to any human being before in his life- no friends, family- nothing. And, as he began to actually care about the people around him; I imagine one in particular; he had no idea how to deal with the emotions he was feeling, so he repressed them. Along with his budding sexuality- which, for a scientist of his caliber shouldn't of bothered him unless there was a reason he would not want to be attracted to whom he found himself attracted to. Such as it being someone he was particularly close to, especially if they were male. Hence my assumption of repressed homosexuality."

"I see... But what makes you say he's repressing his sexuality too, anyway?"

"Have you ever seen him express any interest in anything sexual whatsoever?"

"...To be fair, I never saw you express interest, either..."

"I've had a boyfriend before this one, Maire."

"Really? Why didn't you tell me!"

"This is a little off subject. We were in the middle of a conversation, and I'm rather curoius to know if you agree with my theory or not."

Marie frowned. "I'm still not even sure I understand your theory, Yumi."

Azusa rolled her eyes. "In summary? I think he got a crush on Spirit, freaked out and blocked it all off."

Marie thought for a moment. She frowned. "Actually... that makes sense. Like. A LOT of sense. I mean, he was allways kind of weird about Spirit-sempai..." She thought a little more, and her browns furrowed together. "Unless you're just fucking with me because I'm gullible and you know I'll believe pretty much anything. You're not just messing with me, are you?" She turned to look at her friend, only to realize she had allready stood up and was walking away. "Wait! Azusa! You know I'll never figure out if you're joking if you don't tell me! Azusa!"

"Excuse me, I've actually got a date to get ready for. See you around, Marie."

"Yumi~!!!"