A/N: Sup, pups?

Anyway, random, but it popped into my head. Just read.

Disclaimer: I do not own "Hey Arnold!" Now get off my back ya bunch of walruses!

One-Shot

You know, I often wonder about that boy. He's been acting kinda weird lately... And I watch him like a hawk, trust me, I don't let him get out of my vision for more than a few hours. I always have to know where he is, what he's doing, even if he doesn't know I know. So when I don't know what the heck is going on... well... I get a little weird. I mean, some of the things he's put me through, like Eugene's horrible birthday party, getting me kitchen duty because I just HAD to 'do the right thing', interrogating me on that roof top like it's the French Inquisition, and then throwing me into the Jungle where he just knew I wouldn't be able to resist helping him find his parents, to name a few, but... I don't think I've ever see him acting like this.

First of all, he's always smelling funny. I mean, just yesterday he put on some rank cologne and for SOME reason, he kept walking by me. Egh, what? Does he hate me so he's trying to suffocate me with that vile, and horrid stench? Is that his game? Because that's not even the beginning!

Second of all, he keeps staring at me. It's creeping me out! Don't get me wrong. I love the little freak to death, but come on... What is with him?! Just today actually, at lunch, I looked up and was just trying to get a loving glance in or two before recess, but as soon as I looked up, there he was. He got all wide-eyed too, like I'd just caught him trying to murder the queen of England or something. But it only lasted a second before he quickly looked away. Little dork...

Third of all, he's always standing next to me. Not that I'm complaining, I love getting the chance to sniff him without his knowledge, but that's not... what happened. No, instead I glance over to see if he's too wrapped up in whatever we're looking at to notice me sniffing up his intoxicating, beautiful scent... sorry, give me a moment...

Okay, I'm good. Anyway, as I was saying, I looked over at him, but what I caught was him a bit too close for my taste... well, in public at least. I mean, he was like... I don't know, just really close, and just when I looked over, he was leaning his head over towards me. What? I showered. So why the heck is he smelling me? Ugh, I asked him, and he just snapped away, apologized, and that was it. I didn't even get to smell him, all because he wanted to smell the scent of 'smoothie' (My mom made me help make one that morning before I came to school), pine cones (It was part of my new Arnold shrine construction... didn't quite go as planned), and then just vanilla. I use vanilla body baths and stuff... What? I can't like vanilla? Please, your opinion never stopped me before.

So anyway, I guess I smelled bad and he was just too nice to say anything. Ugh, he needs to get a back bone. I can't keep saving his puny little keister for long. I saved it at least once back in that Jungle, and what did I get? A hug. Geez, you'd think with all my help he'd of at least given me a peck on the cheek! He knows I adore him! But no, a hug... a wondrous, spine tingling hug. Oh, to have his arms around me is far better than the most-... Sorry, this is not poetry time. Heh, heh...

Okay, FOURTH of all, yesterday he showed up at my house with some monkey suit on, and flowers. Now, this was one of my long-living fantasies. That he'd just show up on my doorstep in fine in a perfectly tailored suit, and propose to me right there, then whisk me away to some place of happily ever after.

For a realist, I have a pretty ridiculous sized imagination, don't I?

Well, a girl can dream, but that was not the time. So I insulted him (Stab), I laughed cruelly at him (Stab), and I told him that I'd pound him if he didn't get off my doorstep (Stab). He looked kinda devastated, then he just gave me the flowers, and told me he was sorry for my loss. I asked him what he was talking about, but he was gone before the words even left my lips. That was a weird experience. He's used to me being dreadful to him, so what was different? Oh, my poor beloved! I will take care of you till the end of time! I will nurse your wounds, even if it must be from afar and in secret! I will forever love my beautiful little love god! Ohhhhh...

Okay, I'm back. Sorry about that. Anyway, the whole thing didn't last that long. He did look at me the next day with a really hurt expression, and you know what, I couldn't take it. So I pulled him aside behind a dumpster after school, and apologized, in my own 'special' way. I don't know how or why I do that. But I really do have hardly any moral conscience. I just have problems with that when it's hurting someone I care about. And I care about Arnold more than anyone else. But my apology tanked. Ugh, what is wrong with me?!

Well, he took it well, I guess, because right in the middle of my rambling apology from heck, he interrupted me, and said that he forgave me and not to worry about it. Then he smiled, thanked me for apologizing and... Ohhhhhh! He kissed my hand! He knows I love him! He has to! He was rewarding my efforts in trying to have a heart! Not that I don't... but I don't know. It seems like I'm the only one who thinks I'm a sweet, caring, nurturing human being. I wonder why that is...

But anyway, I'd just made a show of wiping my hand off on my jumper, and then telling him never to do that again. He'd looked a little sad about that. I don't get him anymore! It's the end of mankind! I don't understand my beloved anymore! He's gone insane!

And there's only room for one insane person here, thank you very much.

Well, finally, fifth of all, he keeps trying to talk to me. In PUBLIC, no less. He's always walking up to me, with one of those adorable smiles of his and a half-lidded gaze... you know, the one that makes my knees go weak and my insides turn to jelly? Yeah, that's the one. He keeps looking at me like that, and trying to talk to me. I always yell him away, because I can't be seen talking to goody-goodys in broad daylight, so there we are.

And that's not it, I mean... every time I walk into a room he's in, he just seems to light up, in a way. If you know what I mean. How do I know this? Well, he never used to straighten up his posture almost involuntarily and get this lively look in his eyes when I walked in before. In fact, he always got this dreading look. Either that, or he'd just ignore me. That hasn't been happening lately, and it's just... so weird.

Next, every time he looks at me, he just has this strange glow in his eyes. What is that about? Is he on 'sparkle' medication, because it's gonna give ME a heart attack. He's just too beautiful for his own good.

He also seems to be talking to Geraldo a lot about... ugh, girls. Weirdo. Why the heck is he so interested in our species all of a sudden? He told me his crush on Lila was over back in San Lor-sen-do... uh... whatever that horrid place we went to is called. So what's with all the girl chat? It's been worrying me a little. Did he get yet another crush on some brainless bobble-head? Because if he has, I need to make a little house call... Mwahahahahaha!

So anyway, he's been acting real weird lately. I love him, so I worry. Is he sick? He's always complaining about butterflies, sweaty palms, and feeling exceptionally warm. Or at least, he was. That stopped a little while ago, and that was when he suddenly became so interested in freaking me out. Ugh, I need to do something.

Oh, well here's my chance. He's walking up to my house. I can see him from my window. He's not in any monkey suit this time, but he does look real nervous. Ugh, I'd better go down there and try and set him straight.

This should be interesting.

A/N: Well, it just occurred to me that Helga is really bad when it coms to understanding when someone of the male species has some kind of thing for her. I mean, look at Brainy. She has no clue why he's always following her around. Not to say she couldn't be a super slouth in figuring out when other kids like other kids, but she can't really identify when it's being directed at her. So I thought this would be funny.

There will be a sequel to this, so I'm gonna go get started on that now.

In the meantime, you can go ahead and review! :D

Review!